‘How were your night shifts?’ Martine perched next to me on a bar stool at Dazzle.
‘You wouldn’t believe it even if I told you,’ I said.
‘She and Bob got vomited on.’ Nick took a peanut from the packet Bruce had handed us, tossed it into the air and caught it in his mouth.
‘A lot more happened than just that,’ I said. On the second night we had found some more of the strange blue drugs.
‘Yeah, but that was the funny part.’ Nick tossed another peanut into the air and snapped at it with his teeth. ‘And then Bob threw up in front of his new girlfriend.’ He said the word girlfriend in a sing-song voice like a first grader might.
‘He did not.’ Martine leaned in closer with a smile on her face.
‘And then Chanel had to threaten to shoot him to get him to go back out and face his girlfriend.’
‘I did not.’ I paused. ‘Okay, so maybe I did.’ He’d deserved it. While he’d showered, I’d entered the evidence, grabbed the spare patrol car keys and retrieved the car, cleaned up the vomit, made Sasha a coffee, and then spent ten minutes listening to him moaning about how Sasha wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him again.
‘And did she?’ Martine asked.
‘Yeah. Of course. She’s as smitten as he is. She even offered to help clean up his vomit.’
Nick made a gagging noise.
‘Oh, it’s so nice that Bob has someone to look out for him now.’ Martine had met Bob a couple of times.
‘Enough about me,’ I said. ‘What’s been going on in your life? Anything new?’
‘Well,’ she clapped her hands together. ‘Now that you ask me, there is.’
‘Oh, is Albie coming to visit?’
Nick mimed putting his finger down his throat and then hanging himself behind Martine’s back.
‘No.’ She pouted. ‘Not yet. We’re thinking about meeting up in Melbourne next month.’
‘Oh that’s great.’ Martine and Albie hadn’t actually seen each other since Hamilton Island. It had all been long distance phone calls and Skypes.
‘That’s not my news though,’ she said. ‘Well, I have two pieces actually.’
Bruce slid to a stop next to us on the other side of the bar. ‘More cocktails?’
I pointed to my empty glass.
‘Did you want to try one,’ Bruce said to Nick.
‘Nah. I’ll stick to the beer if that’s all right with you. Spirits are like rocket fuel to me.’
Bruce picked up a shaker and poured a mix of spirits in with some coconut milk. ‘Has Martine told you that she’s convinced Sally Sparkles to perform here next weekend?’ he said as he shook it.
‘Oh, Bruce.’ Martine slapped her hand down on the bar. ‘I was just getting to it.’
‘Oops.’ He picked up my empty glass and poured the contents into it. Then he winked and trotted off to the other end of the bar.
‘So…Sally?’ I said. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet this woman or not.
‘Yes, she’s going to do her Whitney Houston repertoire,’ she gushed. ‘You have to be here, she’s amazing.’
‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Would we?’ I smiled sweetly at Nick.
‘Yeah, whatever.’ He flicked another peanut into the air.
He’d been less than keen to visit a Drag Bar, only coming in the end because we were going looking for Billy later.
‘But that’s not the big news.’ Martine clapped her hands together. ‘Sally got Martyn a new account.’
‘But, he owns the biggest accounting firm in Sydney,’ I said. ‘Why does he need new accounts?’
‘It’s an international account. And she wants him to handle all of the accounts in each country. It’s a massive international deal.’
‘When you say she? You mean, Sally?’
‘No, it’s Christina Wong.’ She said it like it should mean something to me. ‘You know, the Nappy Queen.’
‘Nappy Queen.’ Nick let out a bark of laughter. ‘There’s a Nappy Queen?’ He threw another peanut up while he continued to laugh.
This peanut came back down into his mouth like the others had, but where his tongue had fielded the others to his teeth, this time it was preoccupied with his laughter. The nut bypassed his mouth entirely and lodged deep in his throat.
The teasing amused expression vanished, leaving only shock in its place. He let out a gurgle while he clutched at his throat.
‘Cough it up,’ I ordered.
His eyes bulged and his fingers scrabbled at his mouth.
‘Nick. Cough. Come on. You need to cough.’
He made a sick wheezing noise as his face turned red.
‘Help.’ Martine jumped up, knocking over her bar stool. ‘Help,’ she screamed.
‘Come on buddy.’ I grabbed Nick and turned him sideways to me, forcing him to lean over. Then I administered the three firm back blows I’d been taught during my first-aid course.
Nick’s arms snaked out, knocking the peanuts and my cocktail glass off the counter. Martine screamed again. I decided three back blows obviously wasn’t enough and started pounding on him.
He collapsed to the ground and rolled over. His face was starting to turn blue.
My Plan A had failed so I adopted Martine’s Plan A. I stood up, looking around wildly as I screamed for help.
’You have to do something.’ Martine grabbed my shoulders and shook me. ‘He’s dying.’
She let go on the last shake and I tripped on her bar stool. I let out a yelp as I fell forwards, throwing my arms out at the last second to break my fall. My right hand came down on the centre of Nick’s sternum.
He let out an, ‘Oooooph,’ as the peanut shot out of him like a bullet. It fired high into the air and disappeared towards the other side of the bar. I really hoped it wasn’t going to take somebody’s eye out.
He gasped in a lungful of air.
‘Oh, Nick.’ I climbed off him and knelt down beside him. ‘Oh, Nick.’ I let out a sob as I hugged him. ‘I thought you were dead.’
He placed an arm around me and patted me on the back while he continued to suck in air. ‘Thanks, Toots,’ he finally wheezed. ‘You did good.’
‘You,’ I shoved his arm. ‘Are not allowed to eat peanuts ever again.’
He struggled into an upright position. ‘Don’t be silly.’ He coughed a couple of times. ‘That hardly ever happens.’
‘Nick.’ Martine sank onto my bar stool and fanned herself with her hands. ‘I think I just lost about ten years off my life.’
Bruce appeared beside me. ‘They said someone was choking. I called an ambulance.’
‘It was Nick,’ I said. ‘He choked on a peanut.’
‘Speaking of peanuts.’ Nick pushed himself upright. ‘Do you have any more?’
‘No,’ Martine and I said in unison.
The crowds parted as a couple of ambulance officers pushed their way towards us.
‘Hey Steve.’ I waved a hand at him.
‘Chanel. We have to stop meeting like this. That’s two nights this week.’
I smiled and stood up. ‘Here’s your patient.’
‘I don’t need a paramedic.’ Nick struggled to his feet. ‘There’s nothing wrong with me.’
‘He was choking,’ I said.
Steve nodded. ‘Well, we’re here now. How about we go outside and you let us perform a routine exam on you.’
‘But I’m fine.’
‘Nick,’ I said, ‘these nice men came all the way down here to save your life. The least you can do is humour them.’
‘Oh, fine.’ He kicked at the bar stool and then pushed through the watching crowd behind Steve.
‘He’s like a ten year old sometimes,’ Martine said.
I shrugged. ‘Come on.’
‘Martine,’ Bruce called out, ‘Don’t go too far. Show starts in fifteen.’
She waved a hand above her head as she trooped after Nick. I followed her, climbing the stairs two at a time to keep up with her.
I could see Nick standing next to the ambulance. A group of people hovered to the left of the door looking at the show times as if deciding whether or not to go in.
I glanced past them at a car driving down the street. A black Porsche. The man in the front passenger seat was turned, perhaps talking to the person in the seat behind.
It was the rear passenger that caught my gaze and held it like a tracking laser beam.
Billy. It was Billy. I would know his silhouette anywhere. I had spent many hours staring at it while he slept. His perfect lips, his strong nose, his high cheekbones, his dirty-blonde hair.
I clutched at Martine as the car disappeared behind the ambulance.
‘What?’ She looked at me and then followed my gaze.
All I could see was the back corner of his head by the time the car re-emerged from the ambulance.
‘It’s Billy,’ I hissed. ‘In that car.’
Nick had one foot in the ambulance door when I grabbed his shoulder. ‘He’s fine Steve,’ I said as I wrenched him backwards.
‘Huh?’ Nick’s mouth opened like a goldfish.
‘I just saw Billy,’ I whispered.
‘Who are you calling silly?’ He crossed his arms across his chest.
I pulled a face at him. The car was driving slowly, but any second now it would be out of sight.
‘Billy.’ I hissed.
‘Oh.’ He uncrossed his arms. ‘Where?’
‘Black Porsche.’ I nodded in the direction of the departing car.
Martine hopped up and down on the spot. She looked towards Dazzle, then at the Porsche.
‘Thanks Steve. Got to go.’ I grabbed Nick’s arm and started jogging down the street after the car. I could just see the tail lights in the distance.
‘Chanel.’ Martine’s voice floated after us but I ignored it. There was no time for a discussion on why she couldn’t come. Bruce would kill both of us, and then he’d kill me again if she missed the show.
The lights stopped, caught at a stop sign or a zebra crossing. I saw the left indicator flick on and then the sleek black car disappeared from my line of vision.
I could hear Nick’s gasping coming from further behind as I turned the corner. The car was stopped at a set of lights.
I really hoped its destination was somewhere close. Nick was doing pretty well considering he had been nearly dead a few minutes ago, but I didn’t think the little man had much gas left in the tank.
It turned right without any indicator and I swore as I darted across the road. I had a feeling I knew where it was going. Sure enough, when I rounded the corner I saw it further down the street with its hazard lights on.
I put my arm out to stop Nick as he came pounding around the corner. ‘They’ve stopped,’ I whispered.
He nodded and bent over, his hands on his knees as he gasped for air.
The front passenger door opened and the man in the front stepped out. He was tall and wore a long, black leather coat. I sucked in a hiss of air as I recognised him.
The back doors opened and Billy and the short, stout man emerged. Billy glanced back up the street and I dragged Nick back so that we were pressed into the shrub behind us. He looked away and stepped from the car to the kerb.
‘Ouch,’ Nick hissed.
‘Shut up.’ I flapped my hands at him.
‘There’s a spike in my back. Let’s see if you can shut up with a spike in your back.’
‘He’ll hear us.’ I shoved him.
‘What, he’s got bionic hearing has he? No way he can hear us over that music.’ He shoved me back.
He was probably right. The music coming out of the club that the three men were entering was booming.
‘Well,’ Nick moved away from the shrub. ‘Are we going in?’
‘There’s a problem,’ I said.
‘We’ve found Billy. What’s the problem?’
‘It’s not really a what, it’s a where that’s the problem.’
‘Spit it out Toots. I’ve been choked, run a marathon, and stabbed by a rose bush. If you hadn’t worked it out, I’m not in a very good mood.’
I resisted the obvious, that he was never in a very good mood, and pointed at the club. ‘That’s The Nasty Crow. If we go in there now, I’m dead for sure.’
***
‘Hoo hoo.’ Nick slapped his knee.
I ignored him as I poured water into our coffee mugs.
‘Like a beautiful ninja she flew through the air,’ he choked out through his laughter. ‘She was an avenging angel sent from God.’ He put the paper down to wipe at his tears.
‘Stop it, Nick.’ I put his coffee down in front of him. It had been bad enough getting it from the guys at work.
‘This is too good.’
‘I’ll have you know that my Mum cut it out and put it in a scrap book.’
‘Yeah. So she can have a good laugh whenever she’s feeling a bit down.’
I sighed and took a sip from my cup. ‘Stupid petrol-station attendant.’
‘You have to admit the photo is good. I mean you look kind of pretty.’ Coming from Nick that was high praise.
I snatched the paper back off him. ‘That’s the problem. It’s a great photo of me. They got it off my Facebook page. Anyone who read that article, and had a good laugh about it, is going to recognise me. And they don’t let cops into The Nasty Crow.’
‘Maybe I could go in alone.’
‘No way. If something happened to you I’d never forgive myself.’
‘Awww, Toots.’ He patted my knee. ‘When you say sweet things like that it just melts my heart.’
There was a pounding on the door that could only be one person.
‘Big Bird’s here.’
‘Don’t call her that.’ It was an automatic reply. I was more concerned about how I was going to get into The Nasty Crow without being recognised than Nick calling Martine names.
Martine burst into the apartment. ‘What happened?’ Tell me everything.’
Cocoa lifted his head and gave a little bark. His tail thumped against his bed a few times and then he yawned and lay back down.
‘We followed the car,’ I said.
‘And? Was it him?’
‘It was him all right.’
She sat down on the couch and grabbed my hands. ‘Did you get to talk to him? What did he say?’
‘Didn’t get to talk to him.’ I shrugged. ‘They went into The Nasty Crow.’
‘Oh.’ Her face looked thoughtful for a few moments. ‘And you didn’t go in because…?’
‘They might recognise me.’ I pointed at the stupid newspaper article.
‘Like this they would for sure.’ She waved a hand at me. ‘You’ve even got your hair up in the same bun. But with a little bit of Martine Magic…’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I pretty much do hair and makeup for a living. You’re a blank canvas. I can make you look like anything you want.’
It was my turn to clutch her hands. ‘Can you do it now?’ I needed to see Billy. To know that he was okay. To make him see that he needed my help. It was an aching, burning hole in my chest that wouldn’t go away.
She shook her head. ‘That sort of transformation, the sort that would pass an intense scrutiny, would take me a couple of hours.’
‘Tomorrow. Can we do it tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow’s Monday babe. The Nasty Crow’d be shut on a Monday for sure.’
‘Shit.’ I grabbed my phone and googled The Nasty Crow. A Facebook page popped up telling me they were closed Mondays and Tuesdays.
I snorted.
‘What?’ Nick grabbed the phone off me.
‘They have a Facebook page.’
‘Every serious business has a Facebook page,’ Martine said.
‘I know. But it’s just so cute and fluffy for a joint that has a reputation for housing cop killers.’
‘Wednesday,’ Nick said. ‘We’re going in on Wednesday. That gives us two days to prepare.’
‘What do we have to prepare?’
‘You leave that to me Toots. It’ll give me something to do while you’re at work.’
‘Can you do it Wednesday?’ I looked at Martine.
Her huge eyes were solemn. ‘You’re sure about this?’
Butterflies started a synchronised dance in my stomach. ‘Yes.’ My voice was braver than I felt.
‘Okay then. Yes, I can do it on Wednesday.’
***
Getting through Monday and Tuesday was like wading through thigh-high mud. The days seemed to go on and on, and then in the evenings I had to put up with a smug Nick who wouldn’t tell me what he’d been up to during the days.
Add that to the fact that I had a constant pain in my chest which intensified if I thought about Billy, and that my back wasn’t holding up so well from nearly a week on the couch, and by Wednesday evening, when Martine was ready to perform her magic, I was ready to take on every single drug dealer in that bar and beat the shit out of them. It probably wasn’t a good frame of mind to be going in with.
‘Don’t touch that.’ Martine reached out and slapped Nick’s fingers away from one of her wigs.
‘I’m bored.’ He inched forwards in the office chair till his toes touched the floor and then he swung himself from side to side.
‘We’re nearly finished.’ Martine picked up another bottle of brown makeup and a thin brush and started working around the sides of my nose.
‘What are you doing?’ Nick scooted closer and stared at me.
‘I’m making her nose look thinner.’
‘Can you do anything for me?’
‘Sorry Squirt, even I’m not good enough to make you look taller. Unless you want to go dressed as a woman? With a beehive wig and some heels we could get you up to at least 5 foot 6.’
‘Really?’ Nick looked as if he might actually be thinking about it.
‘Stop it.’ She smacked my hand which was inching towards my face.
‘My nose is itchy.’
‘It’s just the brush. Get over it.’
She reached into her makeup trolley and pulled out a set of fake eyelashes. Then, she took to them with a pair of scissors.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked.
‘I just want to add a bit of volume to the lashes at the corners of your eyes. With the eyeliner, it will totally change the shape of them.’
I closed my eyes while she applied my eyelashes and eye makeup.
‘Huh.’ Nick said when I opened them again.
‘Huh, what?’ I sat still while Martine picked up a wig. We had gone with the red bob as the least likely to look anything like my current hairdo.
‘It’s just well, it’s you, but it’s not you at the same time.’
Martine placed the wig onto my head and fussed around with fastenings for a few minutes. Then she stepped back and peered at me, scrutinising the effect of her ministrations.
Finally, she nodded her head, a pleased smile on her lips as she said, ‘That ought to do it.’
‘I reckon.’ Nick jumped down off his chair and stood in front of me. ‘If I didn’t know it was Chanel, I wouldn’t pick it.’
‘Can I please look now?’ Martine had forbidden me to look till the end, even going so far as to cover the mirror. She obviously didn’t trust me.
Martine grabbed the towel draped over the full-length mirror in her bedroom and flicked it off. ‘Voila.’
I hopped up and tottered towards the mirror in my thigh-high black boots and red halter dress. I stared at my reflection for a few moments, trying to see my face in the mirror. ‘Wow.’ I turned to the left and the right.
Using shadow and accentuation, she had changed my face just enough that it no longer resembled me. With the red hair and the body-fitting halter dress I looked like a sexy siren rather than a klutzy cop.
I could feel my bad mood lift. No one was going to recognise me like this. Not even Billy.
This was going to be so much fun.
***
‘Where are they?’ Nick whined. ‘I need to go to the toilet.’
‘Well, go.’ I twirled the stem of my cocktail glass as I casually pursued the room. We’d been there for an hour and there was still no sign of Billy.
‘I don’t need to go like that,’ he said. ‘I need to go like….’ He raised his eyebrows at me.
I stared at him, trying to work out what he was talking about.
‘You know. Picture a turtle. With its little head stuck out of its shell.’
‘Oh yewwwww.’ I flicked my hands at him. ‘I’m a visual person. That had far too much vision for me. Just go.’
‘I can’t.’ He squirmed on his bar stool. ‘I just can’t do that sort of shit in public.’
I snorted, the effects of my second margarita making that funnier than it probably was.
‘What?’
‘You said shit,’ I said.
‘You are one crazy cow.’ He shook his head as he took a gulp of his beer.
I tapped my foot in time with the music as I looked over my shoulder at the dance floor. ‘Do you dance, Nick?’
‘Me?’ He laughed. ‘I’m a guy.’
‘Guys dance.’
‘Not real guys.’
‘Oh pulleease….’ I froze.
‘What?’ He started to turn his head.
‘Don’t look,’ I hissed. ‘They’re here.’
‘How many?’
‘All of them. The three thugs and Billy.’
Billy.
My heart sung at the sight of him. He wore my favourite combination, a black t-shirt with black jeans. He had a black leather jacket slung over one shoulder.
He looked H.O.T. and I wasn’t the only one in the room who thought so.
Women’s heads pivoted as he walked past. It was worth the effort. The view from behind was as good as that from the front. Broad shoulders and a butt you could crack nuts on.
‘Oi, Toots.’ Nick picked up a chip from the packet we were sharing and threw it at me. ‘You’ve got a little drool, here.’ He touched the side of his mouth
I poked my tongue out at him. ‘I’m allowed to drool,’ I said. ‘He’s mine.’
‘Not tonight he isn’t,’ he said. ‘Tonight you are Candy. A receptionist visiting from Melbourne. ’
I picked up a chip and stuck it in my mouth. He was right, damn him.
‘I’m going up to the bar to see if I can hear anything.’ He jumped down from his stool and disappeared through the crowd. I could only tell where he was from the bodies that were moving to let him through.
I ate another chip. They took the lounge that had a reserved sign on the coffee table. I’d thought they would, but there had been no tables free near it.
I finished my drink and pushed my empty towards a bar man that was making a pass through the room. He winked at me as he picked it up and I felt myself blush. I might have been pretending to be confident Candy, but the attention this outfit had been getting me was more than I was used to.
Billy sat back in his chair. He crossed one leg over the other at the ankle as he ran an eye around the room. I stiffened as his gaze passed me, but he didn’t pause. Of course, if Nick had been with me that might have been a different story. But still, it was nice to know that Martine’s work was holding up.
The crowd parted again and Nick popped out in front of me. He was holding two cocktail glasses.
‘Damned waitress got my order wrong,’ he said.
‘Why didn’t you correct her?’ I took a glass from him.
He shrugged. ‘She has the cutest smile. Little dimple right here.’ He touched the side of his right cheek.
‘Sucker.’
‘Holy smoke,’ Nick said. He took a sip from his margarita as he stared over my shoulder.
‘What?’
‘Don’t look. You don’t want to know.’ He picked up a chip and popped it in his mouth, his eyes never wavering from what he was watching. ‘Oh, yeah. Now that is one fine filly.’ He took another sip of his drink. ‘I would ride that pony all the way home and back again.’
I looked over my shoulder and froze in horror. A supermodel was talking to Billy. She towered above him in a pair of hot pants and stilettos. There was only enough material in her top to cover a minimal amount of her breasts.
She made me look like I was a dowdy grandma in a pair of flannelette pyjamas.
I clutched the stem of my cocktail glass with both hands.
Billy smiled up at her and said something that made her throw back her head and laugh. Her swan neck looked right for kissing and she knew it as she smiled down at him.
Long fingers reached towards him, and then…I turned bodily to face the madness occurring before me, letting out a squeal of outrage as she slid onto his lap. She snaked an arm around his neck and leaned into him to whisper something in his ear.
That was my ear. That was MY lap. How dare some hussy touch any part of that body. It was MINE.
‘Christ, Chanel.’ Nick reached and grabbed my hands.
I turned ferocious eyes on him. ‘What?’ I growled.
‘Psycho much?’ He took the cocktail glass from my hands. I had snapped the stem clean in half. ‘You’re bleeding.’ He deposited the base of the glass onto the table and held onto the still-full top. ‘You need to pull yourself together or you’re going to blow your cover. And then where will we be?’
For a moment I didn’t care. If blowing my cover meant I got to break that bitch’s nose, well it would be worth every painful moment of my ensuing death.
‘Hey.’ He waved a hand in front of my face. ‘Take a deep breath. You’re on a job.’
‘That,’ he waved a hand toward Billy, ‘is just him being under cover. He’s playing his part, now you need to play yours.’
I took a deep breath, and then another, and the red mist over my eyes started to dissolve. I looked down at my hand. ‘Ugh, I’m bleeding.’
Nick rolled his eyes. ‘That’s what happens when you play with broken glass.’
‘I’m going to the bathroom.’
‘Good idea, Toots. Clean that up and get a grip. We’ve still got to work out a way for you to talk to him.’
I stalked to the toilets, too scared to look over my shoulder in case Billy and the model were making out, and too angry with myself that I could think that of Billy.
But if he was on a job, the annoying, little voice in my head whispered, would it really be cheating?
I managed not to punch the mirror like I wanted to. Instead, I washed the blood off my hand and examined my wound.
‘It’s just a flesh wound,’ I said as I pressed some paper towel against it. That just made me think of Billy. My Monty Python education had started as soon as he had moved in with me.
I sighed. Nick was right. I had to pull myself together. And I had to come up with a way to talk to him.
The door to the toilet opened, letting in a blast of music and a group of girls. The group gathered at the far end of the room, bending over one girl’s handbag as she dug around looking for something. Probably drugs.
I threw back my shoulders and stiffened my spine. Drugs. That was what this was all about. I had to put on my big girl’s pants and stop being such a cry baby.
I examined myself in the mirror. Martine’s makeup held strong. That was the thing about Drag Queens. They always had the best makeup.
Another girl brought another blast of music and a plan started to form in my head. I pulled off the paper towel and examined my hand. The bleeding had stopped.
When I got back to the table Nick was watching the dance floor and bopping his head to the music. ‘Want to dance?’ he yelled at me.
It seemed we had come up with the same plan. Well, the start of it anyway.
‘Sure.’ I looked at the table. The broken top of my cocktail glass lay empty on its side. ‘Where’s my margarita?’
‘I drank it.’ He shrugged. ‘What? You didn’t expect me to hold onto it the entire time you were away?’
‘What about yours?’
‘Drank that too.’ He smacked his lips. ‘Those things are yummy. Come on.’ He jumped off his stool and held his hand out to me. I swung my bag up over my head so that it sat across my body, and let him drag me to the dance floor.
The beat of the music flowed over me as bodies swayed around me. I peered through the crowd to the lounge where Billy and the others sat. Now, if we could make our way over there, I might be able to get his attention.
‘Oh yeah.’ Nick put his hands up on either side of his head and started to dance. And when I say dance, well, I mean, dance.
He didn’t just move from foot-to-foot while he looked awkwardly around the room, praying for an emergency that would require a mass evacuation of the club.
No, he wiggled his hips, and he swayed his head, as his feet seemed to move of their own accord.
I followed after him, the beat of the music and my partner’s enthusiasm sweeping me up into a dance of my own. The crowd parted around us as we grooved our way to the middle of the dance floor.
I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me as I waved my arms in the air. My body moved in a seductive pattern I didn’t know it was capable of. I threw my head back and laughed.
I was Candy. A sexy siren. And my partner and I owned this dance floor.
‘Excuse me miss.’ A tap on my shoulder brought me out of my dance fest. ‘My boss was wondering if you would like to have a drink with him?’
It was the stout one. The one I had come to think of as The Bouncer.
I tilted my head down and looked up at him through my lashes while I pretended to consider his request. This wasn’t the plan I had come up with. This was much better.
‘Sure.’ I batted my eyes. ‘Can my friend come too?’
‘The little man?’
I followed his gaze. Nick seemed oblivious to what was going on around him. He had a sheen of sweat on his forehead as he moved with the music.
‘Yeah. The little one. He’s my cousin.’
The Bouncer shrugged. ‘Sure. Why not.’
‘Nick.’ I tugged on his sleeve. ‘Let’s go.’ I nodded towards The Bouncer and raised my eyebrows. ‘Come get a drink.’
‘But I love this song.’
‘I know you do, Cuz.’ I leaned toward him and hissed in his ear. ‘We’ve got work to do.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ he said. ‘You go. I’ll come after this song.’
It was going to look weird if I forced him to come, so instead, I pasted a smile and turned back to The Bouncer. He held his hand out, indicating I should go ahead of him.
I could feel the nerves jangling in my stomach as he followed me back to the lounge but I pushed them down and told them to behave.
The model was still sprawled on Billy’s lap; her limbs far too long to be comfortable. A vision of a stick insect, all long, thin bent legs, popped into my head allowing me to smile.
The tall, thin man stood as I approached. I stopped in front of him, fighting a desperate urge to turn and look at Billy again.
He took my hand in his, and lifted it to his lips. ‘It is a great pleasure to meet such a beauty as you.’ His voice was deeper than I had expected. I had thought it might be thin and reedy, kind of like him. ‘I am Carlos.’
‘I’m Candy.’ I smiled at him and let him pull me down onto his lap when he sat again. Not quite what I’d had in mind, but I was far closer to Billy than I had been in days so I wasn’t complaining.
‘Who are your friends?’ I asked.
‘This is Stefano.’ Carlos gestured to the third man, who was sitting to the left of him. ‘You’ve already met Luca.’ He pointed at The Bouncer who had taken a seat to his right. ‘And this is Billy and…’ He waved a hand in Billy’s direction.
‘Alana,’ the stick insect said.
Alana. I drew an imaginary bull’s eye on her head. Alana was going to pay for touching my man.
‘So Candy.’ Carlos’s fingers traced a circle on the middle of my upper back, causing me to shiver for all the wrong reasons. It was possible I had bitten off more than I could chew. ‘What brings you to The Nasty Crow?’
‘I’m visiting my cousin,’ I said, ‘and was looking for some fun. He suggested here.’
‘The little man?’
I nodded my head. Weird how they kept calling him the little man and not a dwarf.
‘He hasn’t been here before?’
‘No.’ I batted my eyelashes.
Carlos nodded. ‘I would have remembered him if he had.’
‘So, do you come here often?’ How was I going to get off Carlos’s lap and close enough to Billy to talk to him?
He let out a laugh. ‘You could say that.’
I cocked my head. ‘Do you own it or something?’
‘Would you like it if I did?’ His fingers trailed further down my spine towards my bottom.
The music shifted to a new song.
‘Ummm,’ I said. ‘You don’t need to own a club for me to like you.’
He threw back his head and laughed and his hand slipped even lower.
Where the hell was Nick?
‘Hey Candy. Candy.’
I swung my head to the dance floor.
Nick had worked his way over to our side and was waving at me. ‘Check this out.’ He moon-danced backwards for a few metres, spun on the spot and moon danced back the other way.
‘Your cousin is funny.’ Carlos let out a bark of laughter. ‘Hey Billy. Look at Candy’s cousin. Maybe he can give us lessons.’ He pointed at Nick who was now doing a pretty impressive robot man.
Billy’s mouth formed a small ‘O’ as he stared at Nick. His eyes narrowed and a crease formed between his brows as he glanced back at me. He looked back at Nick, now doing a one-man wave, and then at me again.
I could tell the moment he saw through my disguise. His nostrils flared and his eyes widened as his hands clenched into fists. He looked at Carlos’s hand, which had made its way to my left buttock, and his fists clenched again.
I looked at Alana and raised my eyebrows. I mean really. His body language had him pinned as a total hypocrite.
Carlos clapped his hands together and looked back at Billy. ‘What do you think?’
‘He’s good all right.’ Billy laughed and looked back at Nick. His hands had relaxed out of fists, but they sat rigid on his knees.
Alana pouted and shifted on Billy’s knee, grinding her bottom into his groin. When he didn’t respond, she pushed herself up, stretching like a cat in front of him. I only got the behind view but I was betting he was copping an eyeful of breasts as she leaned down to him and said, ‘Got to go to the little girl’s room.’
He nodded and looked back to the dance floor, a frown between his eyebrows.
She paused for a moment and then threw her hair back behind her shoulders and sashayed off towards the toilets.
It was time to make my move.
‘Shall I go get Nick?’ I moved as if to get up but Carlos snaked his other arm around my waist and pinned me down.
‘Have your drink first.’ He pointed at a waitress who was walking toward us with a tray of drinks.
She deposited a beer in front of Billy, glasses of red wine for the others and a cocktail in front of me.
‘Margarita, right?’ she asked.
‘That’s right. How did you know?’
‘I served your funny friend last round.’ She smiled at me and I saw the dimple Nick had mentioned.
I picked up my glass and took a slug from it. The sooner I drank it the sooner I could get off Carlos’s lap. I didn’t like where his second hand was heading and I could tell by Billy’s nostrils that neither did he.
‘Whoa.’ Carlos grabbed my hand as I went to take another sip. ‘What’s the rush.’
‘I’m just so thirsty,’ I giggled. ‘From all that dancing.’
He raised a hand in the air and clicked his fingers and the barmaid appeared again. ‘Water,’ he said. ‘A jug and some glasses.’
I took another sip of my drink and looked out at the dance floor. Nick was hip thrusting his way towards a group of girls. They laughed and let him into their circle.
‘So Candy.’ Carlos ran a hand up and down my side, inching his way closer and closer to my breast. ‘Got any plans for later on tonight?’
I coughed and bent forwards, dislodging his hand as it was about to latch on to my breast. ‘Excuse me,’ I gasped. ‘I think I inhaled some salt.’
The waitress was back with the jug of water. I slid off Carlos’s lap and poured a large glass. I took a few sips and pretended to cough again. ‘I think I’ll go to the ladies’ room,’ I wheezed, tapping my throat.
I strutted past the coffee table, turning left as if I meant to swing past Billy towards the dance floor.
Instead, I hooked my boot on the corner of the table and fell, face planting into Billy’s lap. ‘We need to talk,’ I hissed in his ear as I pushed myself back up. ‘I want to help.’
His eyes were wide as he put his hands on my shoulders to stabilise me. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
‘Ohhh,’ I let out a laugh as I perched on the end of his knee. ‘I’m sorry. I feel so silly.’ I looked down at my boot. I had scuffed the toe. ‘Oh no.’ I pointed at the damage. ‘I’ve ruined my boot.’
Billy leant forwards and looked down at it. ‘No,’ he said. ‘A bit of polish and it will be just fine.’
‘You slut.’ Alana managed to crack the word ‘slut’ like a whip. ‘I leave for five minutes and you think you can move in on him. I saw him first,’ she growled. ‘He’s mine.’ She picked my glass of water off the table and flung it into my face.
I gasped around the liquid, blinking up at her. Before I could react, she raised a hand and slapped me in the face. It stung like a bitch.
‘Right.’ I rocketed to my feet. ‘That’s quite enough.’
‘Girls like you need to be taught a lesson.’ She raised a hand again and this time I caught it, using her own momentum to swing her around and fling her away.
She staggered to a halt and turned to face me again. I thought she was mad before. Now, she had taken that mad and added a whole new level of crazy to it.
Her eyes were wild as her mouth twisted into a snarl. ‘So you want to play?’ She flexed her neck from side to side.
‘Ahh, Alana,’ Billy called. ‘Candy tripped and fell. It was an accident.’
I wasn’t sure if she heard him or not.
I looked over my shoulder at Carlos. He sat back in his chair with a delighted smile on his face. Fat lot of good he was going to be. He was getting off on the girl-on-girl action.
I wiped my hands across my face and blinked the water out of my eyes. If she wanted a fight, I was going to bring it to her. I already owed her big time for going anywhere near Billy, but calling him hers? Well, that just begged for punishment.
We both let out a scream of rage as we hurled ourselves at each other. Her reach gave her an advantage, but she fought like a girl, slapping and hitting rather than punching.
I balled my fist up and ducked beneath her attack, landing a punch in her gut.
She let out an, ‘Oooph,’ which was followed by a screech of rage as she renewed her slapping attack. She seemed unaware that one of her boobs was threatening to depart the scrap of material she was pretending was a top. Maybe she just didn’t care. I probably wouldn’t have if my boobs looked like hers.
‘Get her Chan, ahh Candy.’ I heard Nick from the sidelines cheering me on.
I put my hands up to stop her blows. They were mostly ineffective, but they stung where they struck bare flesh.
What they were, however, was rhythmical. She struck six times and then paused for a second before she repeated her attack.
As her fourth slap bounced off my head, I bent my knees and swung with an uppercut. I timed it perfectly and it broke through her guard and connected with her chin. Her head flew back and I hooked her ankle towards me with a foot as pushed her backwards.
She flailed her arms in a windmill impersonation as she tried to regain her balance. The fingers of one of her hands latched onto my hair, and, as she fell backwards, ripped my wig clean off my head.
‘Uh oh,’ Nick said.
I put my hands on my head and blinked at Nick.
‘Your makeup’s ruined,’ he murmured as he sidled up next to me. ‘Wardrobe malfunction.’ He waved a hand at the men behind me. ‘We’ll go get this sorted out.’
‘Walk slowly,’ Nick said out of the corner of his mouth as we turned towards the exit.
The cute waitress with the dimple stood in our path. She cocked her head as she peered at me, a smile of recognition breaking out on her face.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘You’re that officer from the newspaper. The one that saved the day.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about?’ I said.
‘Yeah. Yeah. You stopped those armed robbers at the service station.’ She looked around, trying to gain support from those nearest to her as she waved her arms at me. ‘This is that female cop that saved the day.’
‘Oh yeah.’ One of the men nearest put his beer down and took a step closer. ‘Yeah, you’re right Dora. That’s her all right.’
Oh shit.
I smiled at them as Nick and I started walking faster. ‘Excuse me.’ I nodded my head at Dora. ‘Got to get going now.’
‘Wait,’ she said. ‘I’ll get you another drink. On the house.’
She obviously hadn’t got the work memo about cops not being welcome in The Nasty Crow.
‘Dora,’ Carlos called out. ‘Who did you say she was?’
Ahhh. The memo was on its way now.
Nick and I moved to a trot, starting to push through the crowd near the bar.
‘It’s that cop,’ Dora squealed with excitement. ‘The one from the paper.’
A glance over my shoulder showed me all of the men coming to their feet.
Double shit with a cherry on top.
‘I’ll get her,’ Billy yelled, pushing ahead of Luca. The bull man looked like he wanted to wrench Billy out of the way, his eyes bulged and burned with rage as they settled on me.
Triple shit with a cherry, fudge sauce and whipped cream.
‘Out of the way,’ I screamed, waving my arms at the people blocking our exit.
They moved too slowly. Sloths caught in a headlight.
‘Fire,’ Nick shouted.
They moved a little faster, but it wasn’t fast enough. We were going to get caught for sure. Fear lent strength to my limbs as I shoved people out of the way. But all I was doing was blazing a path for the men behind.
‘Nick.’ My voice screeched with panic.
‘On it, Toots.’
I glanced sideways to see him pulling a small wooden pipe out of the inner pocket of his jacket.
‘You’re going to play them music?’ I put my shoulder down and tackled a man too fat or stupid to move.
‘Watch and learn.’ He jumped sideways onto a chair and then up onto a bar table. Like a ninja he leapt into the air, putting the pipe to his lips as he turned a complete somersault.
A slight puff of his cheeks was the only thing that told me something had happened. He landed on another table took two quick steps and vaulted onto a bar stool and up onto the bar.
I looked back to see Luca slap at his neck. He pulled something from his skin, looked at it, and flung it away in disgust.
‘It didn’t work.’ I straightened my arm and palm-thrust a woman out of my way.
Nick had the pipe back to his lips and I saw his cheeks puff again. As he sprinted his way along the bar, his hand slipped into his jacket. This time I saw the slender dart as he fitted it into the end of the pipe.
I could see the exit, but it felt like a thousand people stood between us and it. And if that wasn’t bad enough, two security guards, standing side-by-side with their arms folded, blocked our escape.
I added a split banana and some coconut to our shit sundae. I might have been able to shove these unsuspecting, untrained plebs out of the way, but two massive body guards?
I saw first one and then the second of the guards slap at their necks.
Oh great. Nick was giving them acupuncture without their informed consent. They were going to be even more pissed than ever.
Nick jumped off the bar to a bar table, shot another dart, and then back flipped high into the air. He completed a perfect somersault with a half twist and hit the ground running.
If I hadn’t been so terrified that my voice had morphed into that of a helium-sucking six-year-old’s, I would have applauded.
I could hear my heart thundering in my ears, the roar of a cyclonic sea. My breath came in whimpering pants.
Perhaps we could escape through the guards’ legs. That was the only way I could see us getting past them.
‘Sorry, Baby Doll,’ Nick yelled. ‘Got to take out Billy.’
‘What?’
He had the look on his face I associated with him playing some practical joke that nobody knew about. ‘Can’t have them getting suspicious.’
We were almost through the crowd. The guards a mere ten metres away. Nick looked over his shoulder and puffed out one more dart.
I felt momentarily sad that Billy was going to have to watch while they tortured me. I had mucked things up pretty badly. I hope they hadn’t realised we had a connection. I would die a thousand times to stop that from happening. To make sure he was safe.
We exploded from the crowd, leaving people swearing and cursing in our wake. The security guards were a wall of flesh in front of us.
I could hear Nick muttering something about having underestimated the amount necessary, but I didn’t bother asking him what the hell he was going on about. I didn’t really want my last words to be a discussion on body mass to weight ratios.
We closed on the guards fast. I braced my body ready for impact, this was going to hurt. But the closest guard wobbled on his feet. He stretched an arm out towards his buddy as if looking for support. The second guard stared at the arm as if trying to work out what it was. I heard Nick laugh and then both guards crashed to the ground.
Nick let out a howl of triumph as we jumped over them. I glanced over my shoulder as he wrenched open the door.
The music still played, and people still danced. I felt like the whole club would be staring, but in reality, it was only the people we had charged past that were aware something was going on.
Billy stood at the edge of the crowd. He stared in disbelief at the guards lying in front of us. He shook his head and fell to one knee, his eyes holding mine until they closed. Then he, too, collapsed to the floor.
‘Come on.’ Nick grabbed my arm and dragged me out the door and onto the footpath.
‘But….’ I struggled against him. Billy was hurt.
A horn honked and head lights flashed and a couple of seconds later a car screeched to a halt next to us. ‘Get in,’ Martine shrieked.
Nick dragged me towards the car. I stared back over my shoulder as I let him pull me.
I had been running on adrenaline from my body’s fight-or-flight response, a wild animal escaping danger, but now my heart seized control, screaming at me to go back. I started to struggle against him.
‘You go back in there and you blow his cover.’ Nick shook me. ‘Come on Chanel, you’re smarter than that.’
Damn him to hell in a hand basket. He was right. It was time to let my brain retake control.
I yanked open the back passenger door and dived in headfirst.
‘Go, go, go,’ Nick screamed as he jumped in after me.
Tyres screeched and then we were racing away.
I wriggled around to face Nick. ‘What was that?’ I asked. ‘What did you give him?’
‘Carfentanil.’ He shrugged.
‘Elephant tranquilliser?’ Martine looked over her shoulder. ‘Isn’t that stuff dangerous?’
‘Well, durrr. It can take out an elephant. Of course it’s dangerous.’
I thumped his shoulder. ‘You gave Billy something dangerous?’
‘Relax, Toots. I was very careful. I just dipped the very tip of the dart into it. It takes 20 micrograms for it to be lethal for an adult.’
‘It can be lethal?’ I shrieked. ‘Go back. Martine. Go back. We have to go back.’
‘Oh pulleease.’ Nick crossed his arms over his chest. ‘I used to prepare this stuff all the time in the circus. I know what I’m doing.’
‘What did you use it for in the circus?’ Martine glanced back over her shoulder.
‘The lions. Only way we could get them vet checks.’
I took a deep breath and calmed myself. Nick said he knew what he was doing. There was no doubt about it; he had saved our lives. I was going to have to trust him with this.
I turned to him. ‘You were pretty awesome in there.’
The hard look on his face softened. ‘You think?’
‘I know. You were like some sort of ninja. Martine, you should have seen him. He was incredible.’
‘You were pretty good yourself, Toots.’
‘Pfffft.’ I flapped my hands at him. ‘All I did was knock people out of the way.’
‘You were like a rugby-league forward. Bang. Whack.’ He bent over and pretended to tackle somebody. ‘I nearly fell off the bar laughing when you palmed that guy in the chest.’
‘What happened?’ Martine asked.
‘He flew backwards and then Chanel used him as a springboard.’
‘No, I mean, what happened before that?’
‘Oh.’ Nick shook his head. ‘Chanel got into a cat fight and blew her cover.’
Martine indicated and then turned into the underground parking beneath our apartment building. ‘Oh, Chanel.’ She tutted. ‘What were you thinking?’
‘I was thinking, that bitch touched Billy.’ The words came out as a snarl.
‘Oh,’ Martine said. ‘Sounds like she deserved it.’
I looked over at Nick and nudged him. ‘So,’ I said, ‘where’d you learn to dance like that?’
‘Like what?’ He crossed his arms and looked out his window.
‘Like a Dancing Queen.’ I giggled.
Martine pulled into her car spot and pivoted to look at Nick. ‘You can dance?’
He shrugged. ‘You don’t grow up the way I did without learning some moves.’
I started to laugh as I waved my hands in the air. ‘Look at me, look at me.’ I laughed some more. ‘You weren’t lying when you said spirits are your rocket fuel.’
‘That,’ he pushed his door open and jumped out, ‘was all an act. I was in total control the whole time.’
‘Whatever.’ I climbed out after him.
Martine looked me up and down. ‘I see you lost my wig.’
‘Oh.’ My hands flew to my head. ‘I’m so sorry. I’ll get you a new one.’ Martine was passionate about her wigs.
She shook her head. ‘It’s okay. I would rather lose my wig than you.’ She paused for a second and then pulled a face. ‘To be honest, it’s one I was planning on getting rid of. I thought there was a good chance this might happen. Come on. I’ll make you and Rocket Man a coffee and you can fill me in.’
Nick stuck his middle finger up over his shoulder as he marched towards the staircase.
I smiled and followed Martine. My adrenaline had left me in a whoosh and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to leave Candy behind and just be plain old Chanel.
***
‘I have a few questions,’ Martine said.
‘Fire away.’ Nick had taken her single-seater lounge and had his head on one arm and his legs hooked over the other. It looked really comfortable and for the first time ever I was jealous of his diminutive size. It would have been nice to curl up where I was now and fall asleep.
‘What’s to stop them going to the cops with this? I mean, they know who Chanel is.’
‘They won’t.’ I shook my head. ‘They don’t want anything to do with cops.’
‘Besides,’ Nick added. ‘We made idiots of them. They won’t want anybody knowing about it.’
‘My guess,’ I said, ‘is that they’ll just think I’m a young, bimbo cop going in on a dare.’
‘You hope.’ Martine hopped up and poured herself another coffee.
‘Hey,’ I said. ‘What happened to the green tea?’
‘Have you tried that stuff?’ She shuddered.
‘There’s a reason there was still a whole box of it in my pantry.’ I yawned and stretched my arms above my head. ‘Bed time.’ I pulled myself upright. ‘Got to work tomorrow.’
‘You mean today,’ Nick said. ‘You’ve got to work today.’
I looked at the clock. It was two-thirty.
Martine hopped up and unlocked the door, ‘You be careful. Make sure you deadbolt the door.’
‘Yes, Mum,’ Nick grumbled as he followed me out the door.
I turned to him as we walked down the stairs. ‘You sure that stuff won’t hurt Billy?’
Nick rolled his eyes. ‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. He’ll be asleep for an hour, two tops.’
‘Exactly where did you get that stuff from?’
‘I rang Mum. She couriered me some overnight.’
I could feel my mouth open. I mean I knew that Nick’s mother was a dwarf in the circus, I just didn’t realise she was still in the circus. Or that they still talked.
I mean I didn’t know why they wouldn’t, apart from the fact he had told me she hadn’t thought he should leave. I guess I had assumed they were no longer in communication. It made me realise there was a lot I didn’t know about my little friend.
I unlocked the door and let him in before me. I missed Cocoa’s normal flying welcome, but it had been better for him to spend the night at Bruce’s. I hadn’t been one hundred percent sure we would be home at all, and I knew we wouldn’t be early.
I brushed my teeth and climbed onto the couch, pulling the doona up over me. Scenes from the night flashed through my mind, but already it seemed surreal, like it had happened to somebody else.
I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew it was morning and time to get ready for work.