‘Are you sick?’ Bob peered at me when I walked into the office.
‘Tired,’ I said. ‘Didn’t get much sleep.’
Mark let out a chuckle and I half expected him to pull the sheet of paper out from the bottom drawer, but Bob had told me they’d gotten rid of it. Apparently it was no fun once I started playing.
‘I don’t know,’ Nathan said as I pushed open the door to the change room. ‘She doesn’t have that glow about her.’
I missed the rest of the debate. Not that I cared. I was too tired and despondent. I had woken in a panic that Billy was dead, and Nick had not responded well to being woken up and asked, yet again, if he was sure Billy would be all right.
It was going to be a long shift today before I got to go home and sleep.
I put my bag in my locker and pulled out my vest. My phone burbled announcing a text. It was Mum.
Don’t forget about the award ceremony next Friday.
I typed – How could I possibly forget when you keep reminding me? – thought better of it and replaced it with – Of course not. I’m very excited.
Her – No need to be sarcastic– came back in record time.
I sighed and sat down on the bench. Not being sarcastic. Genuinely excited. My mother is a hero.
Will Billy be there?
I sighed again. Probably not. Can I bring Nick?
Little Nicky?????
Yes
Of course. Bring him over for dinner on Thursday.
Can’t. Night shift.
‘Chanel.’ Bob banged on the door. ‘You all right?’
‘Huh?’ I started up from where I had fallen asleep against the wall. My phone had fallen from my listless fingers to the floor and I hadn’t even heard it.
I picked it up and stared at the screen. I’d been in there for twenty minutes.
‘Coming,’ I yelled.
‘We got cinnamon scrolls,’ he said. ‘They’re warm.’
I justified my need for sugar to stay awake as my excuse to have a second cinnamon scroll. And I did feel better once the caffeine and sugar hit my blood stream.
‘Chanel.’ Trent stuck his head into the back office.
‘Yes.’ I sat up straighter and wiped the cinnamon sugar off my face with the back of my hand.
‘May I please see you in the office?’
Uh Oh. That wasn’t good. I’d been sure Carlos would want my little visit last night kept a secret.
I sweated bullets on the ten metre walk to Trent’s door. What would he do? I mean he couldn’t prove it was me. But what about Nick’s illegal use of the elephant tranquilliser? If he found out about that we were both in deep poo poo.
I would deny everything. It was the only safe thing to do. If I let anything slip he would be through the cracks in my story like water through a hole in a dam.
He had his back to me as I crept into his office. I wondered if I should take a seat or not. If I did it might make him angrier. But if I didn’t it would be a huge admission of guilt.
‘Which do you prefer?’ he asked.
‘Pardon?’
He turned to face me. ‘Which one do you prefer?’ He held up two ties.
‘Ummmm.’ I scuttled over closer to him so I could see the fabric better. ‘What is it for?’
‘I’m taking Gloria out to dinner tomorrow night.’
I peered at the navy-blue, pin striped suit hanging on the hat stand. ‘That one.’ I pointed at the red tie with small navy polka dots.
‘You sure?’
‘Absolutely. The other,’ I waved my hand at the black and green one, ‘is all wrong.’
‘Thanks.’ He broke out into a broad smile.
‘Ummmm. Was that it?’ I took a step backwards.
‘Do you think it’s too soon for flowers?’
‘What sort?’
‘Roses?’
‘Perhaps. I mean I haven’t seen the two of you together. Is this a special occasion?’
‘It’s her birthday.’
‘Well, it depends what you want to say with the flowers. If it’s just Happy Birthday, get a mixed floral bunch. If it’s I Love You, get roses.’
His eyes took on a slightly wild look when I said I love you, so I was guessing Gloria would be getting the mixed floral bunch. It had only been a couple of weeks so I wasn’t that surprised.
‘Are you getting her a present as well?’
‘Do you think I should?’
I took a seat and drummed my fingers on his desk while I thought about it. ‘Maybe something small.’
‘Like jewellery?’ He took his seat on the other side of the table.
I laughed. ‘I don’t mean size. I mean more like a token. You’re splashing out on dinner, getting her flowers. Perhaps a bottle of champagne or some chocolates. Oh, and a nice card. Cards mean a lot to women. Make sure you write something personal on it.’
He scratched frantically at his diary with his pen.
‘Was that it?’ I pushed back from the table.
‘Yes? Why? Is there something I should know?’ He put his pen down and stared at me.
‘No.’ I shook my head a little too fast and his eyes narrowed.
‘You do remember that conversation we had, don’t you?’
‘The one about you getting Gloria chocolates?’ I smiled at him as I stood up.
He sighed and leaned back in his chair. ‘Just stay safe,’ he said. ‘I would hate to see you get hurt.’
This time my smile was genuine. ‘Of course.’ I walked back to his door. ‘Trent?’
‘Yes?’ He looked up from his list.
‘Do you enjoy this?’ I waved my arm around the office. ‘Or would you prefer to still be working as a detective?’
He paused for a moment, thinking carefully about his answer. ‘It’s not really an either or,’ he finally said. ‘I loved what I did, but I always knew it wouldn’t be forever. I’m a career cop. That means I need to climb the ladder, which means this.’ He tapped his desk.
I nodded. Someone else with a life plan.
Bob was waiting in the doorway to the back office, another cinnamon scroll in his hand. He looked at me with his eyebrows raised and I gave him a distracted nod.
I had family. I had friends. I had love. That should have been enough. But something had changed inside of me, and now, I found the life I’d had that had been enough, seemed small in comparison.
I felt like a blind person, able to see for the very first time, and what I saw was a big, wide world with unlimited possibilities. I didn’t want to just drift through it and realise at the end that I hadn’t made the most of it. I wanted to plan it and execute it and live the most fulfilling life I could.
The only problem was, I just didn’t know what I wanted to do.
***
‘Dental nurse?’
‘Nope.’
‘Vet?’
‘Nope.’
‘Racing car driver.’
I threw a piece of popcorn at Nick. ‘Be serious.’
‘I am being serious and don’t call me Shirley.’
I laughed. ‘What does that even mean?’
He reached into his own popcorn bowl and returned fire. ‘Surely you can’t be serious?’ he said in a high-pitched voice. ‘I am serious,’ his voice moved an octave lower, ‘and don’t call me Shirley.’
The popcorn bounced off my face and landed on the floor where Cocoa waited like a shark near a fishing trawler. He snarfed down the popcorn and then sat back up, his eyes glued to my popcorn bowl.
‘Well, I’m all out of ideas,’ Nick said. ‘You sure you don’t just want to be a cop for the rest of your life?’
I closed my eyes and thought about it. Spending the rest of my life doing what I was doing now? Climbing the political ladder?
It was the first time I had ever imagined doing any one thing for the rest of my life. I opened my eyes and looked at Nick. ‘Absolutely not,’ I said with total certainty.
‘So why did you become one?’
‘It just kind of happened.’
He snorted as he picked up a handful of popcorn. Half of it made it into his mouth, some back into the bowl, and the rest rolled onto his chest. ‘How does that sort of thing just kind of happen?’ More of the popcorn escaped his mouth.
‘Ummm, well, my boss’s husband was hitting on me and I told him I was joining the police force. It was a small town. Word got around and before I knew it I had joined.’
He shook his head and threw another piece of popcorn at me. ‘That’s so Chanel.’
I caught that one and handed it down to Cocoa. I couldn’t be sure it hadn’t been on school excursion inside Nick’s mouth. ‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s your style. Things happen to you.’
I paused in the act of picking up some popcorn. ‘I think that’s exactly the problem. Just for once I’d like some major choice in my life to be a conscious decision.’
‘What about your previous job?’
‘Hairdressing?’ I laughed. ‘As I said, it was a small town, there weren’t many jobs around and my boyfriend’s Mum ran the salon.’ I shrugged. ‘It was a step up from checkout chick.’
‘What about Billy?’
I shivered. There had been absolutely no choice in that. I had been smitten from the moment he’d ridden in on his bike, my heart tied to his with unbreakable threads.
‘You know,’ Nick sat up and dusted the popcorn off his chest, ‘this probably isn’t something you can expect to work out in one night. I mean we are talking about a life decision. Stop trying to rush it.’
Cocoa hoovered the carpet at Nick’s feet and then looked up for more.
‘It’s just now that I know,’ I said. ‘I just want to….’
‘You’re shooting from the hip trying to stop the pain.’
‘Huh?’ I sat up as well.
He sighed. ‘Look Toots, you’ve identified a major issue in your life and you’re uncomfortable with it. Your response, to try and fill the void, is totally normal. But don’t you think that coming up with something that is going to change the direction of your life requires a little more time than what one crappy chick movie is going to give you?’
‘It wasn’t crappy.’ I frowned down at the carpet.
‘Yes, it was. The only redeeming feature was that I got to stare at Jennifer Garner for ninety minutes.’ He stood up and stretched. ‘Right, I’m off to bed.’
I looked at the clock. It was only nine but I was totally beat. The adventure of the night before had taken everything out of me.
‘Do you think….’ I began.
He gave me a look that stopped me from finishing the sentence.
‘Night,’ I mumbled instead. I couldn’t help it. I was doing a good job of hiding it but I was still terrified Billy may have been permanently hurt.
I cleaned my teeth and pulled on my nightie, then crawled back onto the couch. I wondered briefly if it made me a bad person for not caring about what had happened to the others, but then gave that up. I was too tired to start second-guessing myself. I only had enough energy to be worried about Billy.
***
It was the most delicious dream. Billy’s hands stroked my face and his lips brushed across my forehead. Then he lifted me in his arms and carried me up the stairs to our bedroom. I nestled in against his chest, enjoying the feel of him cradling me.
He deposited me on the bed and the cool air rushing in where his body had been, brought me fully awake.
‘Billy?’
‘Shhhh.’
I felt the bed move and then he was sitting beside me.
‘Ohhhh.’ I couldn’t help it, I started to cry. ‘You’re okay.’ I sat up and ran frantic hands over him, needing to know for sure that he was safe.
‘I’m okay? Chanel, I came because I couldn’t stand not knowing if you were okay.’
‘I’m fine.’ The tremors in my voice betrayed me.
He ran his hands over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. ‘Oh, Baby.’
‘No, I am,’ I said. ‘I was just so worried. Nick said that you would be okay. But the last thing I saw was you collapsing,’ I hiccupped around a sob, ‘and I wanted to go back, but Nick wouldn’t let me.’
‘Yes, well, Nick was right.’ His voice told me he wasn’t very happy with Nick.
‘Where is he?’ I looked around.
‘Where he should have been all along. On the couch.’
I let out a giggle. ‘I’m sure he was happy about that.’
‘I can hear you,’ Nick called from downstairs.
I lowered my voice to a whisper. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’
‘When I realised that was you in the club last night.’ He shook his head. ‘I thought my heart was going to stop.’ He groaned and put his hands on either side of his head. ‘It was like some sort of exquisite torture. Being there with you, but not. And when Carlos,’ his voice shook with venom, ‘was touching you like that?’
He shook his head as he reached out and picked up my hands. ‘It took all my willpower not to take him out then and there.’
‘It’s okay,’ I soothed.
‘No,’ his voice was anguished, ‘it’s not. More than anything I want to keep you safe. And I put you in danger.’
‘Ummmm.’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘I’m pretty sure that was me putting me in danger.’
‘I shouldn’t have taken the job.’ His hands moved to my collar bones.
‘Billy?’ I shivered as his fingertips grazed over my skin.
‘Mmmmm?’ He bent and trailed kisses in the wake of his fingers.
‘About the job?’
He broke away from my neck and looked up at me. ‘Not going to talk about it Chanel.’
‘But.’ I gasped as his teeth grazed my neck.
‘No buts.’ He shook his head. ‘I will keep you safe.’ His hands gripped my arms as he pulled me to him. ‘I need to know that you are safe.’
‘But, I can help.’
‘You don’t get it, do you?’ He pulled back again. ‘Before, me walking away from this would have kept you safe. Now, I need to see this through. I need to get Carlos off the streets.’
I shivered. ‘He’s angry?’
‘Worse. He’s intrigued.’ He spat the next words out. ‘He wants you for himself.’
My mouth formed a silent ‘O’. I so did not see that one coming.
Billy let out a groan as he put his hands on either side of my head. Then he pulled me in and kissed me with a desperation borne of fear.
All thought, all reason left me. He’d kissed me before in passion, but he had never kissed me like this. It sucked out my soul and melded it to his.
We collapsed back onto the bed. Two people with an untamed fury, desperately seeking something they could only find in each other.
***
‘Good morning,’ I sang as I bounced into the kitchen.
Nick lifted the pillow off of his face and squinted at me through one open eye. ‘What’s good about it?’
‘The sky is blue. The birds are singing.’ I knew for sure about the first one but had no idea about the birds. I surmised though, that if it were a blue sky, the birds would be singing.
He put the pillow back over his head. ‘Your dog snores.’
‘Did he keep you awake?’
‘Keep me awake?’ He lifted the pillow back off his face and sat up. ‘Who could sleep?’ He hopped up and stalked towards the bathroom. ‘Oh Billy. Ooooh, Billy,’ he shrilled. ‘Yes, right there. That’s it. Oh faster, harder. Don’t stop.’ He slammed the door behind him.
‘That’s not my voice,’ I yelled after him.
I put the kettle on to boil and snapped on Cocoa’s lead. I had time for a quick walk around the block before I got ready for work.
Nick was out of the bathroom when I returned. He sat on the couch with a coffee cradled in his hands. A grunt was all I got as I hung up Cocoa’s lead.
Cocoa sat in the kitchen while he ate his morning treat. When he had finished, he jumped onto the couch next to Nick, turned around a few times and lay down with his nose hanging off the edge.
Nick looked down at where Cocoa’s body wedged up against his and moved further along the couch. I shook my head as I poured water into my mug.
‘Toast?’ I looked over at Nick.
‘Nah. I’m thinking about going back to bed.’ He looked up at the bedroom.
‘Be my guest,’ I said. ‘I’ll just grab my uniform.’
He followed me up, muttering about how he would be staying on top of the sheets. I ignored him. My mood was too good to be destroyed by one cranky dwarf.
My good mood stayed with me all the way to work, through the blow-by-blow debrief of Bob’s latest date, and right up to when we returned to write up the pickpocket we had caught at the train station.
‘That arrived for you.’ Daniel pointed at my desk.
A single red rose, surrounded by clear cellophane and decorated with a red ribbon lay on my desk.
‘Did you and Billy have a fight?’ he asked.
‘What?’ I looked over my shoulder at him. ‘Of course not.’ I would have thought my dreamy smile would have been enough to dissuade that idea.
I picked up the rose and pulled the envelope off it. I ran my nail under the flap and lifted it up. The little card slid out easily.
My mood drained away leaving me lifeless. I stared at the card, fear gurgling in to replace my lost emotions.
Bob plucked the card out of my fingers. ‘A rose for a rose, C.’ He looked at me. ‘Who’s C?’
I shook my head. ‘I have no idea. Perhaps they sent it to the wrong person?’
Daniel picked up the envelope. ‘Probationary Constable Chanel Abigail Smith. I doubt there are two of them around.’ He laughed at his joke as he put the envelope back down.
I think I managed to get one side of my mouth to go up in my attempt to paste on a smile. Carlos had done his homework, and he wanted me to know.
I reached under my table and dropped the rose into the bin. I was going to have to be careful. To look over my shoulder at all times.
My movements were mechanical as I made myself a coffee, possible only because I had done it a thousand times and didn’t need to think about it.
What about Nick? Was he in danger too? And Martine?
I mulled that over while I sipped my coffee. No, no-one could have taken the make, model and registration on her car. They had all been unconscious at the time.
So it was only Nick and me we had to worry about.
Billy hadn’t mentioned anything about Nick, but I couldn’t risk that. He had been pretty preoccupied with my safety.
They knew where I worked, but at the moment I was going to assume they didn’t know where I lived. I sighed. It was going to be a long way home.
***
I stopped at the vending machine in the train station, using its reflection to check behind me. A man, dark jeans, navy blue sweater, stopped when I did. He perused the magazines in the little newsagency on the platform.
I was pretty sure it wasn’t the magazines he was interested in. He’d been on my tail since I had left work.
I walked over to the screen with the train times and stared up at it. Then, I pulled out my phone, dialled Nick, and looked at my watch.
‘You’ve called the Helpline for Damsels in Distress,’ he said.
‘Ha ha, very funny. I’ve got a tail.’
‘Excellent.’ I could imagine him rubbing his hands with glee. ‘Let the games begin.’
‘Is everything in place?’
‘Martine is waiting for you in the women’s toilets. Head in there when the next train approaches.’
I hung up and looked up at the train times again then back at my watch. I took up a position near the toilets, slumped against a pole. My tail had finished with the magazines and was deciding which candy bar to buy.
I rolled my head from side to side and shrugged my shoulders up and down. I hoped I looked bored.
The wind from an oncoming train whistled down the tunnel. I looked at my watch again and headed for the ladies’ toilets. I was going to have to be quick.
Martine was waiting for me.
I kicked of my work shoes, wiggled out of my trousers and shoved on the skirt and high heels she held for me. I could hear the train pulling into the station.
A woman coming out of the cubicle gave me a startled look as I ripped my hair out of its bun and tousled it up. I threw the jacket on over my work shirt, hoping I looked different enough from a minute ago to be unrecognisable.
Martine gave me a clutch bag which I tucked under my arm as I hurried back out of the toilet.
I hopped onto the train a few seconds before the doors wheezed shut. The man still stood by the newsagency watching the toilet door.
Martine emerged from the toilets as the train jolted into action. She walked past the man, but he didn’t notice her either.
That was a relief. Even with her day makeup on, Martine was impressive. It was hard not to notice a six-foot woman with large feet and an Adam’s apple.
The train entered the tunnel and I sagged down into a seat. I only had a few minutes before we burst back out into the growing gloom of the evening and the next stop.
I hailed a cab and was back at the apartment within twenty minutes of hopping on the train. Nick and Martine were waiting for me.
‘Welcome home.’ Nick pulled the door open. ‘What took you so long?’
‘Oh look who developed a sense of humour.’ I opened my arms to receive Cocoa’s flying welcome.
Martine looked up from where she was digging through my fridge. ‘Where’s the white wine?’
‘Oh.’ I walked over and peered into the cavernous depths of my fridge. Except for the six pack of beer Nick had bought, it was pretty much empty. I pulled a face. ‘Billy was on supply detail. I kind of forgot about that.’
‘Lucky I ordered pizza on the way here,’ she said. ‘I’ll just pop up and grab a bottle.’
‘What time do you start tonight?’
‘I go on stage at ten.’ She darted out the door and was back a few minutes later with a cold bottle of wine. ‘You going to come down?’
‘I’d love to,’ I said, ‘but I’m buggered. I didn’t get much sleep last night.’
‘Oh yes,’ she screwed off the lid, poured a glass of wine and handed it to me. ‘Nick filled me in on your midnight visitor. How romantic.’
My dreamy smile floated back onto my face as I took the glass of wine from her. ‘It was.’
‘Gag-worthy is what it was,’ Nick called out. ‘Oh Billy, I love you so much,’ he said in the high-pitched voice he reserved for impersonations of me. He picked up a cushion, hugged it to himself and kissed it noisily.
‘Ignore him,’ Martine said.
‘I’m trying to, but he’s a really noisy kisser.’
We took our wines over to the couches to relax. Nick had turned his attention to the television, channel surfing while he drank his beer.
‘You are coming to the club tomorrow night, aren’t you?’
The tone in Martine’s voice indicated that something important was happening tomorrow night. I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it was. ‘Ummmm, yes,’ I said.
‘Oh good.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘You are going to love Sally Sparkles.’
I wasn’t so sure about that. ‘So, how’s the new account going?’
‘Oh.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I’m so sick of hearing Martyn go on about it. Talk about boring. But Christina Wong is a nappy mogul and it’s going to bring in a lot of money over the next few years.’
‘There’s a Mud Run,’ Nick said. ‘I want to go in the Mud Run.’ He bounced up and down on the couch as he pointed at the television.
I looked at the television. ‘You can’t,’ I said. ‘It’s the Miss Muddy. It’s for women only.’
His eyes grew huge as he looked at me. ‘Just women? So women, covered in mud? Women covered in mud with no other men there?’
I nodded at him. ‘That about sums it up.’
‘Oh Chanel.’ He held his hands up in a prayer position. ‘Please say we can go.’
‘I’m not sure which part of ‘Women Only’ you aren’t getting.’
He slumped back onto the couch and stuck out his bottom lip. ‘You never let me have any fun.’
I decided not to remind him that only two nights ago we’d run rampage through a club and knocked out six grown men. I mean the elephant tranquilliser had been his idea.
‘So,’ I turned back to Martine, ‘you were telling me about Martyn’s new account.’
‘It’s all boring snoring, but he did tell me one fascinating thing.’
‘What’s that.’ I took a sip of my wine.
‘Well, apparently Christina has these new nappies. They’re not out on the market yet. But she told Martyn that the humectant beads in the nappy crutch are capable of absorbing one hundred times their weight in liquid.’
‘A humy whaty?’
‘Humectant. It’s a substance that draws moisture in.’
‘Right.’ I nodded while I put it into context. ‘One hundred times?’
‘I know. I wonder if they swell up to one hundred times their size?’
We were silent for a second while we thought about that.
‘Surely that would be uncomfortable for the baby,’ I said. ‘I mean it would get all tight and lumpy. So what’s the advantage of these humectanty things?’
‘They’re saying it will halve the number of nappies needed.’
‘Oh wow. That’s a game changer. I mean from what I hear, the nappy bill really adds up.’
‘Yes, and Christina is going to price them only about twenty percent higher than the other nappies.’
There was a knock on the door.
‘Pizza.’ Nick leapt off the couch and raced to open it. He took the two boxes and brought them back over to the coffee table. ‘Yummy.’
I jumped up to grab the plates and paper towels while Martine refreshed our glasses.
‘What’s with this one?’ Nick bent over one of the pizzas poking at the ingredients with his finger. ‘They forgot to put any meat on it.’
Martine let out a laugh. ‘That’s the Vegetarian one.’
Nick glared at her. ‘You wasted an order on a Vegetarian pizza?’
‘Meat is not the only good pizza topping,’ she said. ‘And anyway, meat causes cellulite.’
‘Newsflash.’ He picked up the other box and moved down to the far end of the couch with it. ‘I’m a man. I don’t care about cellulite.’ He turned so his back was to us and bent over the box.
I looked at the Vegetarian pizza and then over at the Meat Lover’s. It smelt divine.
‘Nick,’ I said. ‘Can I have a piece of that one?’
‘You don’t want to get cellulite,’ he said.
‘Billy thinks my legs are perfect the way they are.’
‘Do you mind?’ he said. ‘I’m trying to enjoy my meal.’
‘Come on. Just give me the smallest piece.’ I reached a hand towards the box and he growled and smacked my fingers.
‘Oh fine.’ I slunk back to my place next to Martine. ‘Guess you and I are sharing this one.’
Martine smiled and moved the box towards me.
‘This is a man’s pizza,’ Nick said to Cocoa. ‘Not a girly one.’
Cocoa’s big brown eyes, which were tracking every move Nick’s hand made between the box and his mouth, said that he agreed. He let out a little ruff of encouragement.
‘Oh, okay,’ Nick said. ‘You can have some of the topping.’ He pulled off what looked like a piece of salami coated in cheese and dropped it onto the floor.
I considered racing Cocoa for it but I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I let out a sigh and picked up a piece of Vegetarian.
‘So,’ I said to Martine, ‘tell me more about these nappies.’
***
‘Does my hair look okay?’ Martine squished at her head with both hands.
‘It looks perfect, as per usual,’ I said.
‘What about my makeup?’
‘Martine you look amazing. Nick, tell her she looks amazing.’
‘She looks amazing,’ Nick said, but his eyes were fixed on Bianca. She bent over the bar table next to us as she rubbed at it with a tea towel.
Bianca did look amazing in her shorty, short shorts and her tight black Dazzle T-shirt. I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe her that she didn’t work out at all. Surely it wasn’t possible to have that bountiful a butt with no sagging or cellulite without spending hours at the gym.
‘Do you think?’ Martine patted her hair again, her movements stiff as her eyes darted towards the entrance.
‘Absabloodylutely. She looks hot.’
Bianca let out a laugh as she stood back up. She turned and winked at Nick before sashaying off to the other end of the bar. Nick’s eyes didn’t leave her as he lifted his beer to take a sip. Beer sloshed down his face and onto his shirt.
‘Oh bugger.’ He jumped off the bar stool and brushed at the front of his shirt. ‘She’s going to think I’m a slob.’
‘She’s going to think you’re a perve.’ I plucked a serviette off the bar and handed it to him.
‘Oh.’ Martine fluttered her hands in front of her. ‘Oh. She’s here.’
I looked towards the stairs leading down into Dazzle.
An entourage had arrived. Somebody, Sally Sparkles I was guessing, floated in the middle; her white, sequinned dress throwing off light like a disco ball.
Martine hurried towards them. I watched as she air-kissed Sally.
The Drag Queen looked like an old version of Pamela Anderson. Long, blonde hair pulled up in a pony-tail and massive lips only outdone by her boobs. She peered down her nose as she surveyed the room.
Martine greeted the others and then led the group towards the back stage area.
Bruce put another beer on the bar for Nick and placed a cocktail in front of me and then leant both elbows on the bar. ‘And so it begins,’ he said.
Nick, totally oblivious to Sally’s arrival or his new beer, sat with his back to us, peering off into the far part of the club.
‘That’s Sally?’ I pointed at the group.
‘Ahuh.’ Bruce wiped at a splash of water with his tea towel. ‘Ain’t she something?’
‘She’s something all right.’ I stared at her retreating back. ‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but that something, is not a man.’
He burst out laughing. ‘Shhhhh.’ He looked over his shoulder as if fearing one of Sally’s minions might magically appear. ‘Do not let her hear you say that.’
‘I’m totally confused.’ I shook my head.
He shrugged. ‘You don’t have to be a man to be in drag.’
‘But…?’
‘It’s the way they are dressed that’s important, not the sex they start as.’
‘Still confused.’
He laughed and flicked the tea towel at me. ‘You should ask Martine to give you a history lesson on Drag Queens. It dates back to the Shakespearean times.’ He winked. ‘It’s fascinating.’
‘She is fascinating.’ Nick turned to me with a dreamy look on his face. ‘So fascinating.’
Bruce shoved the beer in front of Nick. ‘Here you go lover boy,’ he said.
Nick picked it up, took a sip, and then turned back to his lookout position.
‘He’s got it bad.’ Bruce nodded his head at Nick.
‘Yeah.’ I looked at my little sidekick. I’d never seen him acting like this before. Lewd and perverted, yes. Love sick puppy, no.
Bianca walked towards us carrying a tray of empty glasses. Nick’s head moved in time with the sway of her hips. She deposited the glasses, gave Nick a small smile, and then headed off towards the entrance.
We both swivelled to watch her go, me wondering what that smile had meant, Nick no doubt watching her arse.
‘Oh shit.’ I shrunk down in my seat and grabbed Nick’s arm. ‘We’ve got trouble.’
‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘that’s what my Mamma would say. That there girl is trouble.’
‘No.’ I shook his arm till his eyes snapped to mine. ‘We’ve got real trouble.’ I looked back towards the entrance and this time he saw what I had.
Four men stood half way down the staircase. Three of them wore long leather jackets, one made my heart sing with joy.
‘Quick.’ Nick dragged me down and pushed me through the hole under the bit of bar that lifted to let Bruce and his bar staff in and out. ‘Stay down,’ he hissed.
That was all very well, but sooner or later one of those men, probably Luca, was going to order a round of drinks. And what they were going to see was me and Nick squished together by the chilled beverages.
‘What on Earth?’ Bruce said. He paused in front of us and then looked around the club. ‘Ahhhhhh,’ he said.
‘That’s it? Ahhhhhh?’
‘Well,’ he turned away from us while he spoke, ‘I’m not quite sure what you want me to say.’
‘How about, there’s a tunnel under that bin that will take you out the back?’ Nick said.
Bruce shook his head. ‘Only way out is up those stairs and, oh dear.’
‘What?’ I started to rise so I could peek over the bar but Bruce put his hand on my head and shoved me back down.
‘They just set up camp at the bar table next to the stairs.’
‘Shit on a stick,’ Nick swore.
‘Right,’ Bruce said, ‘I think the safest place for the two of you is out the back with the Queens.’
We crawled on our hands and knees down to the far end of the bar. The other bar staff looked down in amusement but didn’t say anything. They were pretty used to weird stuff going on with all the Drag Queens around.
We snuck from table to table to the far entrance into the back stage area. I let out a sigh of relief as we pushed through the door to the change rooms.
‘Absolutely not,’ a shrill voice said. ‘I work alone.’
We rounded the corner to where Sally Sparkles stood, her hands on her hips as she stared up at Martine. I smiled. Even with her gargantuan, knee-high, patent-leather, white boots she was no match for Martine’s height. I’m sure that would have annoyed the hell out of her.
‘But Sally,’ Martine had her soothing voice on but I could tell by the flutter of her hands that she was feeling anything but calm, ‘the girls are so excited. We’ve been practising all week.’
The Dazzle Drag Queens clustered at the far end of the room. They were fully made up and ready to go. Several of them looked like they were about to cry.
Sally looked over at them and sniffed. Then she turned toward Nick and me and looked us up and down.
‘What is this? I specifically said no onlookers.’ She turned toward Martine. ‘Get rid of them now.’
‘Ummmm. Sorry we’re late,’ I said. ‘Got caught in traffic.’ There was no way I was leaving.
‘Really?’ She looked back at Martine. ‘Is this the level of professionalism I can expect to see on stage?’
She stalked over to us, grabbed Nick’s face with both hands and turned his head from side to side. ‘This one has promise. But that one,’ she flapped a hand at me, ‘will never make a convincing woman.’
I felt my cheeks flush red as Nick let out a chuckle. Martine shot me a look, her enormous eyes pleading with me to shut up. I crossed my arms and stuck out my jaw. I wasn’t at all intimidated by Sally Sparkles, especially not when a much greater threat lurked outside.
’Oh very well,’ she shook her head and rolled her eyes as if she couldn’t believe she was doing it, ‘they can dance. But I want this one up the front with me.’ She pointed at Nick. ‘And if one of them gets in my way….’
She left the threat unfinished. I bit down on my tongue to stop myself from laughing. Nick? Up the front? No doubt she was thinking of how tall he would make her look.
Martine hustled us over to a couple of chairs in front of the mirrors. ‘What’s going on?’ she whispered.
‘You know when we were in Vegas, and we dressed up as clowns and performed on stage?’ I asked.
‘Yes. But we are not…Oh.’ She blinked at me. ‘They’re here?’
‘Yep,’ I said. ‘Bruce told us to hide out back.’
She licked her lips and looked at Sally. ‘It’s no use,’ she said. ‘She won’t let you stay if you’re not in the show.’
‘It’s not her club,’ I said.
‘No,’ she agreed, ‘but tonight it’s her stage.’
***
‘Stop fidgeting,’ Martine snapped.
‘It’s so uncomfortable.’ Nick shrugged his shoulders, flexing against the constraint of the bra straps. It was the least whiney thing he’d said since realising we were going to dress him in drag.
‘There.’ Martine finished adjusting the wig she had placed on Nick’s head and stepped back. It was a Marg Simpson sized beehive, and between that and the wedges, he no longer looked like a dwarf.
‘You’re a miracle worker.’ I shook my head and felt my new waist-length hair brush against my back. I looked at myself in the mirror, admiring the artistry of the thick makeup Martine had applied.
Just as it was impossible to recognise Martine as Martyn, it would be unfathomable to connect me to the Hero Constable in the paper, or to Candy from The Nasty Crow.
‘Here you go.’ Bianca deposited a tray of shots onto the dressing room table.
‘What do you think, Bianca?’ Nick batted his eyelashes at her.
‘Kinky.’ She nodded her head. ‘I like it. Now drink up. You’re on in ten.’
I reached out to pick up a shot glass and Martine slapped my hand away.
‘They’re not for you,’ she said. ‘They’re for Rocket Man. He’s got to get his groove on if he’s going to be dancing up the front.’
Nick turned wide eyes on me. ‘I thought she was joking about that. You know I don’t dance.’
‘Here.’ I handed him a glass.
He took it and downed the contents. The next four followed in quick succession.
‘So you,’ Martine pointed at me, ‘stay in the shadows at the back. No one will be able to see you with the bright lights that will be on Sally. And you,’ she pointed at Nick and then crossed herself, looking up at the ceiling as she said, ‘so help me Lord, you need to channel the Dancing Queen.’
The other Drag Queens started lining up. A couple of them smiled and waved and I waved back. It wasn’t the first time I’d hidden at the back of the stage pretending to be a Drag Queen. At least tonight I wasn’t going to make a spectacle of myself trying to pole dance.
Ronnie pulled open the door and music wafted in. Nick started to tap a foot in time to the music. I looked at the tray. The last three glasses were empty as well.
Martine hustled us over to the queue. ‘At the end of this song we do a bomb burst off the stage into the crowd.’
‘We know, we know.’ Nick jiggled on the spot. ‘That’s when we make our big escape. Hey Martine, how well stuck on is this wig?’
‘I taped it and pinned it. It would survive a nuclear holocaust. Why?’
‘Oh nothing.’ He put his hands out and bumped his hips from side to side. ‘Would hate to lose it during one of my moves.’
‘They stay on even when they’re hanging upside down on poles,’ I said.
‘Excellento.’ He placed one arm across his body and pulled his elbow into his chest.
‘You’re stretching?’
‘Don’t want to pull a muscle, Toots.’
I watched while he stretched his quads, hamstrings and calves in quick succession. His hips moved in time with the music while he worked. He stopped and looked at his shoes. ‘These aren’t going to cut it.’
He rushed back to where we had changed, took off the wedges and put his sneakers back on. Then he jumped up and down and twirled on the spot. ‘That’s what I’m talking about. Now we can mooooovvve.’
The queue filed out, rushing out to take up their positions on stage. I pressed myself up against the back wall, while Nick stood off to the side.
‘And now,’ Martine’s voice boomed out over the microphone, ‘please welcome to the stage the dynamic, the magnificent, the radiant, Sally Sparkles.’
The spotlight snapped into position on Sally where she stood with her arms in the air. The musical score to I Will Survive struck up and the curtain lifted. Martine stepped back into position and all the Queens, except me, struck a pose.
‘At first I was afraid, I was petrified,’ Sally sang. ‘Kept thinking, I could never live without you by my side.’
The girls shifted in unison to a second pose.
‘But then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong. And I grew strong and I learned how to get along.’
She could sing, but she didn’t even come close to holding a candle to my Mum.
When she started the next line, the girls broke out into a choreographed dance, involving a lot of feather boa action. But that wasn’t what surprised me.
Nick, who had been bopping off to the side, exploded into action. Like a floor gymnast performing the hardest part of their tumbling act, he flipped across the stage. He finished the run with a half twisted somersault that saw him land facing Sally Sparkles in time for him to go to his knees and pretend to beg her as she sang, ‘I just walked into find you here with that sad look upon your face.’
Miraculously, the wig was still in place. I doubted very much that Martine and the girls had tested the G Force of the tape and clips up to quite what Nick was taking it though.
I couldn’t see the look on Sally’s face, but I bet it was priceless as Nick went from his knees, into a back handstand, and then over onto his feet.
The crowd let out a roar as he started to dance.
I’d been worried he might pull the same moves from the night in The Nasty Crow. It’s possible they might have recognised him if he had. But he didn’t.
Instead, he dropped to the ground and started to twirl, supporting his whole body weight on one palm. He bounced up and down, changing from hand-to-hand, then flipping over around onto his back and back round to the front.
He pushed up into a single-armed hand stand and continued to twirl, performing a competition-worthy display of breakdancing.
‘And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.’
The crowd screamed as the Drag Queens raced to the edge of the stage and jumped off. I ran forwards and grabbed Nick’s hand, and together we leapt off the stage, racing through the tables towards the exit.
The four men were seated on stools around the bar table. Luca had his normally unimpressed disposition, but it looked like Carlos and Stefano were enjoying the show.
Those two clapped as we raced towards them. Martine jumped in front of us, high-fiving people as we ran, but I could see Billy, his eyes wide as he stared through the crowd at Nick and me. I winked at him as we drew even.
Martine paused in front of their table batting her eyelids as she bopped up and down on the spot. And then Nick and I were taking the stairs two at a time. Bianca waited at the top. She pulled the door open for us and said, ‘Hey, Rocket Man.’
Nick looked back over his shoulder at her. ‘Yeah?’
‘Call me.’
I don’t know who was more astonished as she handed him a piece of paper.
‘I’m free tomorrow night. You can take me out to dinner.’
‘Yes Ma’am.’ He threw her a salute.
I grabbed his hand and started dragging him up the street. ‘Come on Romeo,’ I said. ‘Let’s go turn you back into a man.’
‘Oh,’ he said, looking over his shoulder at Bianca. ‘I’m the man, Baby Doll. I am the man.’