Rejection
Grace
I was in over my head.
And that was probably the millionth time I’d repeated that to myself as we all piled into the van—and then, all hell broke loose as Solia ran out to greet us.
“You have a license?” She was pointing her finger at me.
I had a sick feeling I was about to be more chauffeur than intern. I wanted so desperately to shout, “I FAILED, ran into my neighbor’s mailbox and ran over their dog Spike, who now has to use one of those little wheelchair things for his back legs to get around.”
Instead, I nodded glumly.
A day and a half in, and I was already experiencing all the regrets as every single guy went back to ignoring me—some were resting their eyes, others were on their phones.
Nobody looked at me, not even the one guy who had helped me—Rae.
“Here.” Solia tossed me the keys. “You already have their schedule on your calendar; enter the address into your phone. Get them to their shoot as fast as possible. They’re already a few minutes late, and we need this for promo.”
“Okay.” At least I was driving on the right side of the road, not the left. I could do this, follow directions, get them all there safe.
Grace to the rescue!
Solia shut the van door.
It was eerily quiet.
I mean, I could hear myself breathing, and I’m sure they could too. With shaking hands, I typed in the address only to realize I probably could have clicked it from my calendar and listened to the voice give me directions.
We were only a few minutes away from the shoot, so I figured I wouldn’t experience a ton of trauma.
I knew better than to think that in my head as I pulled into traffic and nearly sideswiped a delivery guy on his bike.
“Sorry!” I cringed.
Groans came from behind me and what I assumed were curse words directed at me in Korean.
I took a deep breath and stayed in the right-hand lane like the voice told me to. Oh shit, oh shit! “Is that a freeway!”
“Yes.” Rae’s one-word answer.
I gripped the steering wheel and drove onto the on-ramp, praying that traffic wouldn’t be terrifying. A huge truck honked his horn at me, then someone else followed suit. “Um, what’s the speed limit? Am I doing this wrong?”
Rae cleared his throat. “It’s in kilometers.”
“But, but—” I looked down at my dash, then up at the numbers. I was officially going slower than a turtle compared to everyone else. “Why not miles?”
He didn’t answer.
I was going to assume this lack of answering had to do with his irritation with my inability to understand numbers.
I finally took the right exit, only to have to slam on my brakes when the light turned red.
“Aghhhhh!” Sookie’s yell came from the back.
“Mi-Chin nyeon!” Kai said at the same time.
A few things came sliding forward, including Lucas from right behind me; I could see his glare in the rearview mirror as he shook his head in disgust.
Please, God, help the seatbelt not to have bruised his perfect skin.
“S-sorry,” I mumbled. “I swear I can drive. It’s just not like Seattle.”
They were quiet as I pulled in front of the building and parked in the closest spot I could find. I didn’t see any security or any fans, so that was good. I killed the engine, took the keys with me, and nearly cried when every single member shot me a glare straight from the pits of hell as they slowly got out of the car.
Fighting back tears, I quickly texted Solia and let her know that the guys had arrived unscathed. I left out the part about nearly killing the biggest K-pop group in the world, though.
Mortified, I followed them into the building. People offered small bows as we passed, I awkwardly tried to mimic them, but it felt weird, so I ended up doing this odd semi-bow-super-American-wave that probably looked even more strange, but at least I was trying.
The guys were all shuffled onto a large set. The concept was really cool, almost ethereal with trees, water that looked real, moonlight in the back, and a few dangling branches that didn’t look like props. Moss covered the ground, and a bit of smoke or haze was being pumped on stage.
Even though I was still upset over the drive, I finally was starting to get excited. This was why I was here, why I wanted to intern in the first place. I wanted to see behind the scenes. I wanted to see all the moving parts.
Swallowing my embarrassment, I tried to stay close enough to the group that if they needed something, I could help them, but far enough away that their stares wouldn’t singe me alive.
“You must be Grace,” a friendly, lightly-accented voice said from behind me.
The woman was my height, had gorgeous silky hair pulled back into a tight bun, and was wearing a walkie-talkie. She had a beautiful smile, and her kind demeanor immediately made my defenses fall.
“Yes, hi!” I did a bow curtsy thing and wanted to die only to have her laugh a bit and hold out her hand. I shook it with relief.
“If you want to watch the shoot, you can go over there by makeup and hair. I’ll see if I can find a chair for you. Promo for the concept might take a few hours. This is their last shoot before their comeback, so we want it to be perfect. It will be the first real promo for the MV before it’s released.”
“MV?”
“Music video,” she clarified, then pointed. “See? Right over there where the boys are.”
Yeah, I was afraid of that.
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
She left, and I slowly walked over to makeup and hair and tried not to look like a creepy lingerer as people rushed by me, costumes, makeup artists, hairstylists.
Dude, was Sookie actually sleeping in his chair while they applied makeup?
Kai too?
Man, that was talent.
One of the makeup artists doing Lucas’s eyeliner started talking and then pointed over at me. He sneered and then laughed and said something that had her patting him on the chest in a flirty move that made me want to intervene.
He just went with it while I turned beet red.
Because, of course, he was probably talking about the crazy person that nearly killed him and how she was hopeless.
Rae shoved Lucas in his chair, but Lucas didn’t seem to care he was getting reprimanded.
Jay looked over at me with an almost apologetic look.
I shrugged. What else could I do?
Within a half-hour, the guys were completely transformed into what looked like sexed-up vampires with crazy historical costumes, heavy eye makeup, and a few crazy designs that went from their eyes down their cheeks. They even had different earrings put in, a few dangled really long or connected farther up in their cartilage.
I had to say—although makeup that heavy was rarely seen on bands in the States unless they were grunge bands—it looked good, like really good.
They looked like gods, to be honest. I just wish they acted like it.
Not that it was their fault I was impossible.
“Here you go.” The same woman had a man bring a chair. “Go ahead and sit here.”
My legs were killing me. “Thank you so much!” I sank onto the chair.
“Of course.” She did a little bow again; I nodded my chin and then looked back to the guys.
I literally understood zero words, but it was so fascinating that I was immersed as if I did.
The director, or I assumed it was the director, moved the guys around, and it was like watching them all transform.
The most shocking was Sookie.
He went from “aw how cute” to “holy shit, where’s his mama, quick grab the Bible! He’s too young!” His light brown hair was spiked a bit in the middle, longer on the sides, and they’d added green hair extensions that looked incredible. He came across like a hot sexy mess, and oh geez, he was eighteen, but it still felt weird. He shot a wink in my direction, making me nearly die.
He was seriously the most innocent kid, it felt like, but in front of the camera, he was suddenly part of SWT; he was playing a role and playing it well. The director had him lie back against Kai’s lap.
I refused to make eye contact with Kai since his hair was pulled back into a loose man bun, tendrils were touching his eyes, with his red and black eyeshadow and perfect lips that were parted just enough to make a girl wonder if he was thinking about kissing someone.
Jay was nearly sitting on Rae’s lap in the middle as they leaned back and looked heavenward. Rae’s blond hair stood out against his nearly black eye makeup and blue contacts, while Jay’s dark hair and eyes made me almost think he was going to steal someone’s soul; he was the only one in an all-black leather getup with boots.
Lucas was last.
I almost skipped him, but I was researching, right?
I shouldn’t have looked.
His red hair was falling across his forehead in a wavy motion that nearly begged a girl to touch it and shove it back. His lips were a stained red like he’d just taken a bite out of someone; red blood drips were drawn down his chin. His black shirt was open all the way, exposing his abs and a tattoo that I didn’t know whether it was real or drawn on. He had a different ring on each finger, and his eye makeup was less defined; somehow, he looked the most lethal. Maybe because he looked sexy and pissed.
I’d never seen five guys transform so much in so little time. It was wild, like watching an actor go from this meek, mild person to Magic Mike in seconds.
As the director instructed, the guys moved their heads a bit, their hands, slowly changing positions in fluid-like movements that were impressive, like they knew what each member would do before they even did it.
I wanted to take a picture so bad but knew it would be inappropriate, so I tried to memorize this moment.
Dance practice was cool.
This was cooler.
I was just relaxing against my chair when the guys were given a break. Nobody approached me, which was fine. I was there to help, not be seen.
Lucas waved the director over and whispered something. Rae froze next to him, his jaw clenching, but Lucas just waved him off, then the nice lady who was helping me ran over to the director.
I was officially getting pointed at.
Frowning, I waited for whatever new thing Lucas had demanded. More coffee? Food? For me to walk and chew gum at the same time?
The pretty lady nodded her head, then made her way over to me; her smile was strained. “Grace, is it?”
“Yes.” I smiled. “I’m SWT’s intern for the summer.”
“Wonderful.” The way she spoke, it didn’t sound like it, but I was silent. “So, it seems like the director wants a closed set, just in case anything gets leaked, the members feel like it would be more comfortable for them if they don’t have to worry about any photos.”
I wanted to scream.
From their own intern?
I’d signed a freaking NDA!
Rejected and embarrassed yet again, I quickly stood. “I understand, I’ll just, um…” I glanced at the group. Lucas was staring daggers through me. Of course, he was; it was his fault with whatever he’d said to the director. I’ll give you uncomfortable, dude. “Can you let them know I’ll be waiting in the van?”
“Of course.” She smiled and then held out her hand toward the door.
“I know the way,” I said quietly.
“Oh, it’s no problem,” she said quickly.
I bet it wasn’t.
It felt like every single person on set watched me walk off. I was wearing High tops but still could have sworn I heard my loud footsteps as I left the room, walked down the hall, and made my way to the van.
I sat there and played on my phone for two hours, then another went by. Finally, the doors to the building opened, and the guys were coming out, looking exhausted.
I started the van and unlocked the doors.
I’d already entered the address to the apartment into my phone and had attempted to research traffic in Seoul as much as possible while I waited.
The door to the van opened.
Sookie was first—he gave me a shy smile and went to the back; I returned his smile then stopped when Lucas stepped in next with his glare.
And then I just stared straight ahead, waiting for the sound of the door to shut, waiting for my heart to stop hurting.
“All set?” I called, putting the van in reverse.
The answer was silence.
I assumed that was my yes.
And I safely drove everyone back to the apartments.
“Where do I park?” I asked nobody in general.
“The garage,” Rae said in an exhausted voice. “The pass should be in the console. Just tap it, and you’ll get access. The elevators down there will take you up, just don’t forget the code.”
“Code,” I repeated. “For the elevators.”
He groaned while the rest of the guys jumped out. “You don’t have the code? It’s probably on the iPad you didn’t bring with you.” Was that a dig? “79338, if you forget, just remember it’s the name of our fans, SWEET.”
“Th-thanks,” I muttered.
He nodded, got out of the van, then turned back. “You’re going to have to try harder, Grace. Nobody held our hands. Nobody is going to hold yours.”
“I am,” I said earnestly. “Trying that is.”
He sighed, running a hand through his blond hair. “Then maybe this isn’t for you.”
“I’m not quitting.”
“I didn’t say to quit.” He quickly followed. “Use the training materials you were given and give everyone their space—especially Lucas.”
My stomach dropped. “I didn’t mean to—”
“And stop making excuses,” he added, shutting the door to the van.
A tear slid down my cheek, followed by another.
Why was this so much harder than I’d thought?
And how was I going to win them over when I did everything wrong? When nobody, not even Rae, really gave me a chance?