Dead to me, so let’s date!
Grace
The tension was thick back at the apartment, blending into one of those awkward moments where everyone was eating, but nobody was talking, not even casually. The poor chef dropped off some food and fled. I didn’t blame him. It was as if they knew that I was pissed, hurt, and ready to hurl objects in the direction of the first person who spoke.
I was trying to be professional, but my stupid emotions and insecurity kept getting in the way every single time I told myself to calm down.
Once the guys looked like they were close to being done, I walked into the kitchen and read off their schedule.
“You guys have the rest of the night off but remember you need to be in bed by eleven to get ready for your first rehearsal on the comeback stage tomorrow. Sookie, make sure you’re hydrating tonight—you know how you can get. Rae, try not to stay up too late worrying about everyone. Lucas, if I see you on the piano after midnight, I’m tossing a match and starting an indoor bonfire. Kai, your hair kept getting in your face during the interview. Make sure that you pull it back a bit tighter, or tell the stylist to do so for the rehearsal so you can watch everyone and stay in sync. And Jay, well Jay, you did perfect today.”
He grinned widely.
“Which means you’re probably exhausted. You should go to bed a bit earlier and try not to forget the lyrics on stage like you did earlier this morning during practice. Your fans don’t want to see you lip-sync, even if you do have background vocals.”
I had no idea where all of that came from.
I’d never had the balls to order them around.
Maybe it was the exhaustion, but rather than trying to cheer everyone up and make it a super positive environment, I just blandly read my notes to them.
That was it.
There was no, hey wanna put Pringles in Kai’s pants and see how long it takes for Sookie to tackle him and steal one?
Up until this point, I’d been bending over backward, trying to make the environment anything but what it was. Instead, all I’d accomplished was… nothing. The group still wasn’t completely on point, and they didn’t have much time left. I’d set my phone to ping every single time a new article came out about them, and news kept leaking about the pressure they were under.
I had half a mind to confiscate everyone’s phones before the Showcase, but I wasn’t sure what that would accomplish if they still had iPads and their computers.
Their faces were everywhere, along with the articles.
It was time to buckle down.
Even if that meant I had to turn into boring, mean Grace with no feelings. Did it matter anyway? Since they clearly assumed I didn’t even possess them?
“You didn’t eat,” Rae said quickly.
I stared at the little containers of food in the middle of the table and suddenly felt my stomach roll. How could l possibly eat?
Embarrassment had a way of stealing a person’s appetite.
I tried for a kind smile. “I’m fine, thanks.”
I left the room before I started crying tears of frustration.
With a sigh, I shut the door to my room and threw myself against the bedspread with a groan into the nearest pillow.
I lay there feeling sorry for myself for at least fifteen minutes before getting up and changing into a pair of white Cozy Earth sweats.
Honestly, I had six hours before curfew, but I had no idea how to navigate the city, and on top of that, I still had a rapper to babysit.
Pity party officially over, I left my room and shut the door, but when I turned around Rae was literally inches away from me.
“Shit.” I stumbled back. “How do all of you know how to sneak up on people?”
His grin was gorgeous. “It’s a gift.”
“Uh-huh.”
I tried side-stepping him, but he moved into my way each time.
I closed my eyes in frustration and opened them. “Did you need something?”
“Yeah.” He crossed his arms. “Toothpaste.”
“Toothpaste,” I repeated. “You need toothpaste?”
“Fresh out.” He shrugged. “But management rules, I’m not supposed to leave the apartments without staff…”
“That’s only—” My eyes narrowed. “If it’s toothpaste, I can just go grab it for you if you let me know what kind. Just keep an eye on Lucas. I know he looks like he’s doing better, but the news still hasn’t reported what really happened, so he could spiral at any time still.”
“Solia’s here.” He grinned. “One of our producers wanted to do some last-minute tweaks to the song, and it’s Lucas’s part—he’ll be busy.”
“Too busy to think about hurting himself? Are you sure?” Despite my annoyance with him, I still cared. I wasn’t a monster.
“I know him the best,” was Rae’s response. “Trust me, he’s doing a lot better, and Solia will watch him. It’s not like we’re going to be gone for hours. It’s just toothpaste, after all… completely harmless.”
Something about the way he said completely harmless felt like the exact opposite of the meaning I think he was going for.
After a five-second stare-down, I finally relented. “Fine, let me get my shoes.”
“I owe you.” He adjusted his black hat.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m writing it down for the next time I need a favor.” I forced a smile, dodged back into my room to grab a pair of high tops, and actually managed to put on my footwear at the door where I was supposed to.
Yay me!
Once I had my shoes on, I looked around the empty living room, ready to announce that I was taking off really quick, but Rae already had the door opened and was ushering me out. “Solia already knows.”
“So you knew I’d say yes to the toothpaste quest?” My right eyebrow arched as I hit the elevator button and stared him down.
He needed a haircut before the Showcase unless the label was going for a longer, surfer sort of look where his hair stuck out messily from under his hat. Both of his ears were pierced with black hoops, simple compared to his costume the other day, and his face was free of all the makeup they’d worn the day of the vampire shoot.
He smiled wide, revealing straight white teeth and a small dimple at the corner of his mouth. “Well, I hoped.”
I wanted to shout at him to stop smiling at me like that. I imagined it was like being hunted in the wild only to stop running the minute the hunter smiled and offer yourself up as a sacrifice.
Yeah, that was what his smiles felt like.
I cleared my throat and jerked my attention away toward the elevator. I hit the parking garage button. “Oh shoot, I forgot the ke—”
“Got them.” He jingled the keys, shrugging as the doors closed. “I figured I’d drive. You know…”
“I’m not that bad,” I argued.
“You’re right.” He laughed. “I think you’re getting worse.”
I tried not to smile at his teasing. Angry! I was angry with him, I reminded myself when we left the elevator and got into the van.
He made no move to start the engine.
Oh crap, was this just a ruse to get me alone to have a serious talk I really didn’t want to have that would make both of us uncomfortable?
My hair stood on end. Rae stared straight ahead, his hands not even on the steering wheel. “Are you okay?”
I sighed and looked out the window. “We should get going.”
“Grace.”
“Rae.” I turned and stared at him. “I know you’re the leader, and you feel this heavy responsibility, but I’m not part of SWT. I just work for you guys. You don’t need to worry about me. I have tough skin.”
He opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something more but shut it again and instead started the van and pulled out of our parking spot.
I assumed the conversation was over—I assumed wrong.
“We’re not used to girls—women,” Rae said it so quietly I almost asked him to repeat it. “Some might say most of us are terrified we’re going to get jumped at any minute like Lucas did, cause a scandal, gain hate from the fans, and our careers are going to be over. But other than that…” I’d never seen Rae look so uncomfortable. “I remember crushing on this girl back in LA. We held hands at skate night.”
I laughed at that. “How very forward and scandalous of you.”
He pulled into traffic, smiling. “Yeah, at the time, I think I nearly passed out with each circle we did around the rink. A week later, I was in Seoul; two days after that, I was a trainee.”
I tried to read between the lines. “Are you saying girls scare you?”
“No!” he said way too fast. “No, I’m just saying, well, we’re careful. We have no choice, and on top of that, none of us have had time to even see our families, let alone date.”
“Wait!” I held up my hand. “You haven’t seen your families?”
“No.” His face fell. “Last Christmas was the first time in two years. The other two times, we were doing Christmas specials or touring or too exhausted since our schedule started up the very next day.”
My jaw dropped. “That’s horrible!”
“How is that more shocking than not dating?”
“Because it’s so much worse!” I exclaimed. “At least you still have time to date, but you can never get back memories with your family.”
He did a double take, his smile warm and suddenly not so guarded the way it had been when we first got into the van. “You’re not what I expected.”
“I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment as my ego probably can’t take another blow this week.” I winked.
“I mean it,” he said softly. “About before…”
“Let’s not,” I interrupted. “I’ll just want to punch you again.”
“You wanted to punch me?” He laughed, pulling into a spot on the street in front of what looked like a little convenience store or pharmacy. “Seriously?”
“I punch you every night in my dreams. It’s how I fall asleep instead of counting sheep. What? Is that weird?” I teased.
“Nah…” He reached over and unbuckled his seatbelt, then hit mine, his face inches away. “Not if it means you’re still dreaming of me.”
My eyes narrowed. “You would take it that way.”
“Hey, let me take it how I want. My ego’s fragile too.”
I looked up and laughed. A giant billboard ahead had SWT and their last photo shoot in shimmering lights for all to see. “Yeah, suuure.”
He followed the direction of my gaze and lowered his head with a smirk. “That’s not fair.”
“Seems fair to me. Okay, Tooth Fairy, let’s go grab your toothpaste.” I paused. “You do need toothpaste, right? You weren’t just trapping me to have a private conversation?”
“If I needed a private conversation, I’d just shove you into your room and lock the door,” he said, then scrunched up his nose. “That sounded worse out loud than in my head.”
I nodded in agreement. “It really did. Then again, you have the experience of skate night, so I’ll let it slide.”
I quickly got out of the van and waited for him to walk around. He slid on his black face mask and pulled his hat farther over his forehead, then put his hand on my lower back, whispering, “I never said I didn’t have any experience. I just said we haven’t had time to date.”
“Slut,” I teased.
He tripped on the sidewalk then shot me a glare before bursting into a laugh I felt in my soul. “Wow, thanks. I needed that.”
“Any time.” I smiled.
We walked into the store, and I immediately wanted to go on a shopping spree. They had everything from ramen to different sorts of candy and drinks in one spot, then toiletries and other necessities in others.
My feet naturally took me toward the ramen while my stomach grumbled like it had a vote too, and it voted for that.
“Got it,” Rae said from behind me.
I jumped and shoved my hands in my pockets. “Great, let’s go!”
I started to turn around when he grabbed my sweatshirt and tugged me back against him. “Hungry?”
My stomach protested again. “No.”
“Don’t lie.”
“Hey, stop stretching my sweatshirt.” My back was plastered against his front in a very inappropriate stop-thinking-naughty-thoughts way.
Before I could say anything more, he was releasing me, grabbing two packages of ramen, and teaching me exactly how to cook it on the spot in that little store like a pro.
Minutes later, I was attempting to use chopsticks in the seating area in the corner and slurping noodles into my mouth as fast as humanly possible. “Let’s never leave this place.”
“Wow, all it took was ramen.” He blew on his noodles.
I looked away from his red lips.
And stared into my bowl.
“Good?” he asked, sounding pleased with himself as I looked up and locked eyes with him.
“Very.” I beamed. “Thank you for buying me ramen.”
It almost looked like he was blushing when he fidgeted with his chopsticks and shrugged. “Any time you want ramen, I’m your guy.”
Part of me felt like I wasn’t picking up on something, but I Ignored it as we fell into comfortable conversation.
I was suddenly glad he’d forced me to get toothpaste with him because at least we could bury the hatchet.
I asked questions.
And he was open about everything.
For the first time since landing, I felt like I’d finally found a friend. I just wished he wasn’t so famous or so distracting to look at.
“Ready?” he asked after dumping our bowls ten minutes later.
“Let’s go.” I fell into step beside him and didn’t miss the way his fingertips grazed my lower back or the way they burned through my sweatshirt, engraving their presence onto my skin.
Friends. Just. Friends.