A little competition never hurt anyone
Lucas
They still weren’t back.
Why the hell had Rae taken her out anyway? After I was done recording for an hour, I went to the piano and sat. Sookie was in his room playing a video game. Jay was drawing—something he always did when he was deep in thought or stressed out. Kai was chatting with Solia on the phone since he’d forgotten to ask her about something, so his door was closed.
And Rae was with Grace.
By himself.
With Grace.
Why did it bother me so much?
Was he apologizing? Should I be apologizing to her too? Why was I even asking such a dumb question? I’d seen the hurt in her eyes, the way the light just left them the minute she knew I’d been lying to her. At first, it was more of a let’s irritate the new intern, so she quits thing, and then it turned into wanting to hear her thoughts out loud without her guarding them.
I had taken it too far.
I knew that now.
I just didn’t know how to tell her without making it worse or sounding selfish—what would make it even more detrimental to my sanity was if she felt sorry for me if she pried me open and saw the desolation.
The depression.
Because happy people like Grace had a way of doing that, of making people want to confess everything in hopes that they catch just a little bit of the happy person’s joy.
I sat at the piano and started to play Walk Through Fire by Zayde Wolf and Ruelle.
“Did we throw it all away…” I crooned, and then I was lost in the music again as I continued to play out my emotions, about walking through fire, finding a way out, feeling trapped.
Whenever I played this song, I imagined myself crawling across the ground searching for peace, searching for someone to give me their hand, to pull me to safety where I could breathe, where there was a calm to the storm inside me.
The problem was the only way out was through.
And I was so fucking tired of stumbling through only to feel like it was helpless.
Tears welled in my eyes.
I never let them fall.
I didn’t cry.
I just sucked them back in—one day, I’d probably implode; it couldn’t be good to keep them in, but when had they ever done anything other than make me feel weak?
I knew I wasn’t the only idol who felt this way.
So many celebrities felt like they were trapped, and I was lucky enough to be at a good label, one who didn’t work us to death. So on top of feeling like shit, I felt guilty that I was in this state.
It was a vicious, never-ending cycle.
I pounded on the keys, singing at the top of my lungs like nobody else was in that part of the apartment. Then I hit the last key.
“Are you going to yell at me if I tell you that was wonderful?” came Grace’s voice from the hall.
My first instinct was to do just that, and then I saw that her cheeks were wet with tears.
Was it so wrong to wish that those tears were for me, that even if I couldn’t express myself, I could bring her to them?
Could I count those tears as mine?
Was I that selfish?
“You were out late.” My voice was gravelly to my own ears, strained. “With Rae?”
She sighed and walked farther into the room, her fingertips dancing across the black baby grand. She looked cute in her matching sweats, and thank God the girl was wearing slippers, not sneakers.
I wanted to laugh.
I kept it in, just like the tears.
Wasn’t it just easier that way?
Save the emotion for the stage, for the fans.
Besides, tomorrow the press release was coming out with the apology, the truth, and the announcement that I wouldn’t be taking a hiatus.
I should be happy, but I knew there would still be people who didn’t believe me, and it hurt. It hurt when I gave the fans my soul… that they’d take something so precious and still inflict damage.
“He needed toothpaste.” She stopped walking when she reached the piano bench where I sat.
I scooted over. “Sit.”
“Wow, toothpaste with Rae, and you’re letting me into your bat cave, must be my lucky day.” She wrung her hands in her lap after she sat.
Did I really make her that nervous?
I winced when I thought back on how I’d treated her.
Yeah, I was surprised she wasn’t trying to shove the piano on top of my body just to hear me scream.
“Bat cave,” I repeated with a smirk. “It has a nice ring to it.”
“You could make shirts.” She offered. “With adorable little capes so you feel like a big bad superhero…”
“I already have a cape,” I teased.
“Oh?” She went along with it.
“Yeah, I keep it in my closet, just in case.”
“Good to know.” Her smile was so damn warm and friendly, like she didn’t care that it was almost too big when she laughed. She didn’t worry about her reactions at all; she just… reacted.
I cleared my throat. “Do you play?”
“Piano?” Her fingers rested against one key then another without pressing down. “When I was little, my dad forced me to take lessons for five years, but all I remember is the stupid theme song from Titanic and chopsticks.”
“Titanic? Really?”
“My teacher had a thing for Leonardo Di Caprio.” She bit down on her plump lower lip, sucking it between her teeth. “I played it for my recital.”
“I want to hear it.”
“Absolutely not.” She elbowed me playfully. “You’ll have to earn Celine Dion.”
“I take it”—I pressed down on middle C and toyed around with a melody—“I’m a long way from earning it?”
“He’s not as dumb as he looks,” she said under her breath.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted, pulling my hand back from the keys. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. At first, I was just annoyed at how invasive it was that you were here, and then you just said the craziest things, and I knew if you knew we understood what you said, you’d stop. Need I remind you, you offered to build a castle out of tooth pics.”
She groaned into her hands. “Let’s forget that.”
“And you brought your own colored pencils.”
“Luuuuuuucasssss…” She drew out my name in warning.
“What was the other suggestion—”
She clapped a hand over my mouth.
Both of us froze at the contact.
Blood roared in my ears as my adrenaline spiked at her touch, at the faint smell of lemons and coconut on her skin.
Our faces were inches apart.
Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips.
Before I knew what I was even doing, I leaned in and pressed my mouth to hers; I’d officially lost it.
She had her own gravitational pull, though, and I was lost, so lost, that I just wanted.
I wanted.
I wanted selfishness.
I wanted to touch her.
Our lips broke apart quickly, the kiss lasting maybe two seconds before her eyes darted to my mouth then back up again in question.
I didn’t give her time to ask what I was thinking because I knew I wouldn’t have an answer for her. Our mouths met again, this time her lips parted, her tongue sliding against my lower lip.
My body jerked in surprise; my hands moved, diving into her hair, holding her there. She deepened the kiss before I could.
My brain was completely misfiring at the moment. All I could taste was sunshine.
And all I kept thinking was more.
More warmth.
More of this.
One of her hands snaked around my neck. Chest heaving, I pressed her against the piano, holding her captive, dying with each caress of her tongue against mine.
This wasn’t me.
And yet it was.
Maybe this was the me I’d always kept hidden, the one that wanted to rebel against every rule, the one that wanted… and took.
Her head fell back as my lips slid down her neck on instinct. My shaking hand followed, caressing the goosebumps on her skin.
I leaned in to kiss her again when we both heard footsteps. I jerked back before she could knock her head against mine, and then we were both sitting at the piano bench as if nothing had happened.
Rae poked his head around the corner. “Curfew, guys.”
“Y-yeah.” Grace stood so quick I thought she was going to fall over from getting dizzy. “I’ll go… first.” She looked back at me. “Thanks, Lucas.” I could tell she wanted to say more and that she was embarrassed because her cheeks flared bright pink.
“Any time,” I found myself saying with a smile I felt all the way down to my toes.
She walked out of the room toward Rae, then stopped and turned back around. “My room’s… that way.”
“Are you okay?” Rae laughed. “Did all that ramen we ate mess with your stomach and your head?”
I nearly slammed my hands down on the piano keys in fury.
Toothpaste? He used toothpaste as an excuse to buy her ramen? My eyes narrowed as she laughed and shook her head.
“No, I’m good, thanks again.”
“Any time,” he said, using the same words I had.
What the hell was happening?
The room was silent when she was gone. Could he see my swollen lips? Or taste the thickness in the air.
“You guys make up?” Rae asked, rooted to his spot. I almost yelled no, then realized he’d said make up, not make out.
“Sure.” If you call kissing the girl you used to yell at, lie to, and still felt semi-confused by making up. Then yeah, we’d made up a lot.
“Good.” Rae nodded. “I know you don’t like people in your personal space, but she’s…” He checked the hall then glanced back at me. “She’s different, you know? Special. Kind. She really cares even if she is a hot mess half the time.”
Oh shit.
I knew that look.
It was impossible for Rae to hide his emotions. Did he like her? And if he did, did it really have to be the guy I respected the most in this world?
Fuck.
“I know.” I looked away. I couldn’t take the enamored expression on his face or the guilt that I’d just kissed Grace and wanted to do it again.
Scratch that. I wanted to break down her door and lock myself inside with her. Already my body was rebelling against me. If Rae walked farther into the room, he’d think that intense conversations and piano benches aroused me.
I thought things were complicated before—well, congratulations, from one scandal ending to another starting because if anyone found out—Rae included—it wouldn’t just be the end of the comeback stage.
It would be the end of SWT.