Silent confessions and heights
Grace
“This is amazing!” The entire theme park was lit up, reminding me of Disneyland or a larger version of the Seattle Center. I did a little twirl in excitement while Dae-Jung stayed back and talked with one of the directors.
“All right.” He jogged toward the group. “They’re shooting on the opposite end of the park, so as long as we stay on this side, we’re fine.”
Solia nervously looked around. “Do they have adequate security to block out the press from—”
“Relax a little,” Kai interrupted. “It’s a closed shoot, which means no cameras and all the fun.”
“But the employees—”
“Have all signed NDA’s and gag orders,” Dae-Jung said triumphantly. “They aren’t even allowed to have their phones on set.”
Solia kept arguing. “But you can’t control—”
“Keep talking and I’m shoving a corn dog into your mouth,” Kai threatened.
Her ears turned bright red.
Kai gave a satisfied nod. “There, silence. That’s better, plus don’t you technically work for us?”
Her eyes narrowed into tiny slits like she was seconds away from doing more than choking him. “I don’t think taking SWT to an amusement park is in my job description.”
“It should be.” He shot her an easy grin.
I appreciated that they were at least arguing in English for my and everyone else’s benefit. In fact, everyone just seemed to slide into it, so I could at least understand what the hell was going on.
How had I ever thought these guys were selfish?
Hard-working? Yes.
Protective? Yes.
Terrified of failure? Every second of every day.
I smiled to myself and then saw a really cool-looking carousel. Without even thinking, I just started walking in that direction. Someone fell into step beside me.
Rae grinned. “A child at heart, huh?”
“Something like that.” A soft giggle slipped out. “Wanna ride?”
He burst out laughing.
I rolled my eyes. “You know what I meant!”
“I did.” There was no line since the park was closed to the public. I chose a white horse and loved that everyone else followed and got on, even grumpy Solia, who somehow settled on one of the short horses that didn’t move up and down. The poor girl even had her black pantsuit on, with heels, so her legs were dangled to the side.
How she managed to still look graceful was amazing. I should really take lessons. As I leaned back and stared up at the pretty mirrors and colors, I understood that I would never be that reserved. Even if I was taught how it wouldn’t be me.
“Your laugh,” Rae said over the fun music. “It’s addicting.”
“Did you just give me another compliment?” I teased.
His eyes flickered to my mouth. “Guess I just can’t help it.”
Something about the way he looked at me was different from before like he saw something in me he hadn’t seen earlier and liked it.
I shrugged the goosebumps away along with the voice in the back of my head that advised me to be careful.
I was reading into things.
Besides, tonight was all about letting loose.
I might have sprinted from ride to ride like a lunatic, but it wasn’t too hot outside. Everyone was laughing, and I just felt something I hadn’t felt ever.
Like I belonged.
Which was crazy, right? Who knew it would take hanging out with a famous K-pop group, an actor, and an uptight assistant to do it for me?
After about an hour of rides, I was just getting ready to ask if anyone wanted to go on the cool-looking sky ride thing when a corn dog appeared in front of my face.
It did, in fact, have sugar on it.
I scrunched up my nose at Dae-Jung. “Really?”
“Yes.” Slowly, everyone gathered around; each person had a sugared corn dog they were dipping in some sort of sauce. “But it’s sugar, bread, and a hot dog.” I reached for it then pulled back. “You promise it’s good?”
“Would your Oppa ever lead you astray?” He actually looked hurt.
“Nice.” I lifted it to my lips. “Make me feel guilty about it.”
He winked.
“Okay.” I took a small bite and chewed.
Everyone waited, even Solia seemed interested.
I swallowed.
Waited for dramatic effect.
Then announced, “Fine, it’s amazing, and I wish they came by the dozens like donuts.”
Everyone started laughing as we moved to the next few rides, which of course, made me want to just do more and more.
I loved the atmosphere, and as our group dispersed and started grabbing more food and exploring, I decided to do the same. This was my adventure after all, right?
I stopped in front of the Ferris wheel and stared up, up, up.
“We should go on,” Lucas said from my right.
I’d had no clue he was even there. “Were you following me?”
He rocked back on his heels. “More like making sure you didn’t end up offending anyone, killing yourself, harming the rides…”
“Yeah, yeah.” I laughed. “Sure, let’s go!”
It was our first ride together, and the first thing I noticed was how different it was from the ride I had gone on with Rae.
Rae had been fun, solid. Everything about him was good and pure. I could read him like a map—most days, at least it felt like that.
But with Lucas?
He looked petrified the minute we got in our chair.
The handlebars came down, and he cursed under his breath.
“Are you okay?”
“Yup,” he said quickly. “Just excited.”
The ride started to move. I clapped my hands, super pumped to be going to the top, and was so distracted I didn’t even realize that Lucas had gone rigid and completely pale until I turned to him.
“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” I reached for his hand then pulled back. It wasn’t my hand to grab, and clearly, that had been a fluke, right?
I mean, he hated me.
Though his kiss had been absolute perfection, something that could ruin a girl for all men if he wasn’t careful. He’d been so attentive, slow, only to turn it into this burn of passion that had me ready to straddle his hips and ride him.
Like the ride.
But soooo much more inappropriately.
I fanned my face.
“Are you hot?” he asked.
“No, no, ha-ha, no.” I gulped. “Just… we’re high.”
He looked down then squeezed his eyes shut as he gripped the bar. “So high.”
“Wait a minute.” I tapped his thigh. “Are you afraid of heights?”
“Maybe.” He didn’t open his eyes. “Yes, sometimes. Hey, why aren’t we moving?”
“Oh my gosh!” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Then why are you here?”
“Because”—he finally opened his eyes and met my gaze—“you’re here. Where else would I be?”
My jaw dropped. “What?”
“Just enjoy the moment, Grace. Don’t fill it with your incessant need to make sure there isn’t any silence between us. Sometimes, silence is better than words. Oftentimes, saying nothing at all helps you find yourself, center yourself, and finally discover who you really are.”
Who I really was.
Who was I, really?
Well, that was a loaded question because who I was with Lucas was completely different from who I was with Rae or anyone else. Lucas made me want to fight. He made me want to make him smile. He just… impacted me in a way that made zero sense, especially since I was pretty sure the only reason he’d kissed me was because he was curious and a guy.
“Should we talk about—”
“Nope,” he interrupted as if he knew exactly what I was going to say. “I know you talk when you get nervous, but for once in your life, enjoy the silence, Grace. Every so often, you discover more with silence than you do with words.”
“And what about things other than words? What do you discover then?” I pried.
He moved toward me until his hand was on my thigh, his face close. “You discover that sometimes you just need, you just want… and that’s okay.”
“Okay.” He’d never been this open with me before, this raw, honest, or helpful, and it somehow felt like he’d just made everything better by just speaking, by allowing me to be silent. I loved it even though my heart wouldn’t stop pounding like crazy as I mentally relived our kiss over and over again.
His smile was devastating. “Okay.” He reached for my hand and held it the entire way down to the bottom, squeezing harder and harder as if he was afraid of how fast we were going or how high up we actually were. I liked it. A lot.
And found it was a huge loss, the minute he let me go when the ride ended, almost as if we’d been holding hands for an eternity, forgotten, only to remember just how important it was for us to not touch.
Rae was waiting with Sookie and Jay when we got off the ride, looking extremely annoyed. His eyes kept going from my hand to Lucas’s as if he knew we’d been touching, which would be impossible.
“Have fun?” Jay looked between us, grin ever-present.
“Well…” I laughed it off. “He didn’t puke, so I think that’s a win.”
Rae snorted. “And also a first.”
“You puke every time?” I asked, feeling horrible that he’d gone on the ride because of me when clearly, he’d been terrified and not having a fun moment with me the entire time.
“No!” Lucas said while the rest of the guys said “yes”—loudly.
“Whatever!” Lucas waved us off, completely ignoring the fact that everyone was making fun of his inability to deal with heights. “Where’s Kai? We need to get going.”
Rae stifled a yawn behind his hand. “I think I saw him going for another corn dog. Jay and I can go look over there. You guys start making your way toward the van; just call if you find him and Solia. Dae-Jung already took off since he has an early schedule tomorrow.”
Sookie stayed with Lucas and me as we walked back toward the parking lot, passing more rides we’d missed and a few carnival games that looked fun.
We rounded the corner right before the exit gates and came to a full stop. Lucas put his arm out, stopping Sookie and me.
Kai was hovering over Solia, his hands pressed against the cement wall above her head, his mouth lowered.
She wasn’t doing anything, and then suddenly, her hands were at his shirt, tugging him against her, their mouths fused.
And then everything happened all at once.
Sookie started choking—most likely on his spit or maybe his tongue from gasping too loud.
I tried to avert my eyes but couldn’t really look away.
Lucas cleared his throat as loud as possible.
And then in one final move of total protectiveness, I put my hands in front of Sookie’s eyes like he was some pre-teen who’d never seen soft porn before—not that this was soft porn.
It was one kiss.
One steamy, forbidden kiss.
Kai jumped back, colliding with the gate. Solia stumbled forward, abnormally unsteady on her heels. And both turned to us with guilty expressions.
“She had something in her eye,” Kai all but yelled.
“Yes!” Solia said louder. “It was… he had to get it out because it’s so dark, you know?”
“Was there something in her mouth too?” Lucas asked under his breath, earning a choked laugh from both Sookie and me.
“So, we should go!” Solia clapped her hands and straightened her blazer. “Thank you, Kai, for your… assistance.”
His grin was far from angry, more amused. “Any time.”
“Yeah, I bet,” I said in a low voice.
Lucas elbowed me.
“What?” I said innocently. “Did I say that out loud?”
“Yes,” Sookie answered with a dopey grin while Solia and Kai speed-walked past us into the parking lot.
Lucas grabbed his phone and most likely sent a text to everyone else.
Sookie was still grinning at the duo long after we got into the van and started making our way back to the apartments.
“What?” Kai shrugged. “Stop looking at me like that.”
Sookie smiled wider, then looked down at his phone like he was so happy for Kai he couldn’t contain his own joy.
I yawned behind my hand, and my head started to bob forward. I’d had so much fun, but I was exhausted and ready to go to sleep.
I don’t remember much of anything other than an arm wrapping around me protectively and pulling me against a warm body. The last thing I saw in the rearview mirror, however, were Rae’s laser-sharp eyes as he took in the whole thing and the way he gripped the steering wheel like he was about to use it as a weapon.
Weird.
So weird.
Besides, I was the last girl he would ever be interested in. Right?
Right.