Chapter Ten

She had kissed him. There, in the woodland, with the smell of pine all around, and the birds calling from the tops of the trees, Lissi had. Relive it as he might, Ole could put no other interpretation upon the occurrence.

And relive it he did. During the following afternoon and, let it be admitted, night time, he experienced those moments over and over and over again, with all their accompanying sensations.

Warmth. Wonder. A surprising amount of passion, though he shouldn’t be surprised, Lissi being a beautiful young woman.

Guilt.

The guilt snuck in the back door of his pleasure, the way a vicious wolf might, there every time he turned around. It nipped at his ankles and drew blood.

What, after all, was a single kiss from a friend? She had been stirred by gifting him with her father’s coat. They had so little to give these days. And he—

He had a wife less than a year in the ground. How could he so betray her, and find pleasure in another woman’s kiss?

He had found pleasure, though, and needed to admit it. Just as, in all honesty, he should admit he longed to kiss Lissi Johansen again.

There lay the danger. A simple kiss on the cheek—or, ja, the lips—was one thing. He found he wanted far more.

Well, he was a man, wasn’t he? Lonely in his bed, and in his life. And the alderman’s daughter was beautiful, if in a far different way than his Dorrit.

It did not seem to matter to the blood pumping through his veins, or the desire in his heart. He had to be careful. A lovely thing had been born here in Gjerhold, a spirit of sharing and giving, and helping one another.

He might spoil that so easily by following impulses he had no right to own.

He arose that next morning, having slept precious little, and crept across the cold plank floor to peer at himself in the water of the wash basin. He remembered Dorrit grooming her hair in front of this basin, combing out the strands like pale butter and braiding them. And him, Ole, watching all the while, aching at how lovely she was. She had no longer looked like that the last time he saw her, when he put her in the ground—skin darkened by the terrible buboes, eyes widened with remembered agony.

His very spirit shied from that image. He should have told her he loved her despite her changed appearance, but he hadn’t. He’d been too shocked and worn with nursing both her and Rikke, losing Rikke and burying her ahead of her mother, praying all the while Hanne would be all right.

“I still love you,” he whispered now. How dared he think about kissing another woman? Kissing her, and caressing her soft skin?

He had promised Dorrit he would take care of Hanne, and that he would do. Going forward, it must all be about his daughter. Not the alderman’s.

He turned away from the basin, and his eyes fell on the coat, laid across the back of a chair. Lissi had wanted him to try it on before she left yesterday. He’d found every excuse not to. Now he ran his calloused palm across the garment. The finest wool it was, thick and warm, better than he deserved. He would only spoil it, while performing his chores.

On impulse, though, he donned the coat over his nightshirt. It sat on his shoulders and eased around him, the perfect fit.

How had Lissi known? Had she measured the breadth of his shoulders, the length of his arms, with her gaze?

Was it possible she wanted him, as much as he wanted her?

He tossed his head, flinging the brown hair out of his eyes. Nay, and nay. She was merely a kind woman. Quite possibly the kindest he’d ever known.

****

“I will not be at home for supper tonight.” Mitte announced it blithely as she and Lissi sorted through the linens. “I will be taking supper with Reverend Pedersen.”

“Oh?” Lissi quirked an eyebrow at her old friend. “How did this come about?”

“He asked me.” A dull flush suffused Mitte’s cheeks, an occurrence so rare it made Lissi stare. “You know I have been advising him about keeping the church open.”

Haranguing him, more likely.

“Well, we are going to discuss that. And share a meal. And, perhaps, something more.”

“Mitte!”

“Do not look so shocked, girl. The reverend is a fine man, if a bit wanting in direction at the moment. He lost his wife, you know. Who could blame him for closing his doors and hiding? But me, I am the woman for giving direction.”

“Indeed.”

“You know, I think there is something in the air of this village, these days since Christmas. People are joining together, helping one another. Not just me and Josef.”

Josef.

“But Arne Karlsen and Solveig Svensen as well.”

“Never!”

“Why not? They are both widowed and lonely. And there is you and the miller.”

“There is no hope for me and the miller.” Even though Lissi could still feel his lips on hers, warm and tender. And even though her heart ached for his company, the gentle comfort of it, the sense of belonging.

All folk wished to belong with someone, that was true.

“Ole—”

“Is still in love with his wife. Ja, you keep telling me that. Dorrit was a fine woman, worthy of his love.”

Lissi’s heart sank.

“But she is gone, and you are here. He needs to get that through his wooden head. Men can be thick, ja—the miller, it seems, especially so.”

Distressed, Lissi said nothing. What if Mitte and the reverend came to an understanding? What if he asked this woman—the last remaining member of Lissi’s family—to marry him?

Lissi would be left all alone in this big house. She didn’t think she could bear it.

“It must have been those cookies,” Mitte decided.

“Oh?”

“All those wishes flying around the village, folk giving theirs away to one another. People are lonely. You should be happy the magic held.”

“I am happy.”

“You do not look it.” Mitte turned to Lissi and gazed at her, suddenly serious. “I tell you, Lissi, if you want something, wish for it, and wish hard. You do not need a cookie to make it happen. What is it you told everyone else on Christmas? You just need to believe.”

“Ja, Mitte.” Lissi leaned forward and hugged her old nurse. Mitte’s arms closed around her with a fierce love she rarely expressed.

Mitte whispered, “If I had a wish, girl, I’d wish for your happiness.”

“Ach?” Lissi drew away. “I thought you’d wish for the good reverend’s favor.”

“I shall have that anyway. Just you wait and see.”