SCARED?
NATE PULLED POPPY’S CAR IN behind Jacobs’ Ladder and turned off the ignition. She’d fallen asleep, her head resting on his shoulder after giving her statement to Moore. They’d had no more issues with Knox, who’d held his tongue as the Wallflowers described how they’d heard a scream, left the cottage to investigate, then found themselves chasing a kidnapper. Since Nate was in the room, Moore had asked him what he’d seen as well. He’d told him the porch light flipped on, while keeping an eye on the women, so they’d gone to investigate. He gave a description of the man who’d hit Poppy in an attempt to escape with Rachel Scott, then their ensuing pursuit, which ended with the speedboat racing off into the darkness of the Atlantic.
“Why were you watchin’ over Poppy and her friends to begin with?” Moore had asked.
Nate raised a brow. “You even have to ask after the past couple of weeks?”
Moore grunted he understood, but Calla answered for Nate, her derisive tone causing his lips to twitch. “To keep us from endin’ up in the Savannah River.”
Poppy and Sienna had looked at her with sympathy, then added to her claim.
“Or up a tree,” Sienna began just as snippily.
“Or burnin’ down a house,” Poppy added, her eyes darting to Calla.
“Or gettin’ trapped in a mine,” Sienna offered, but she couldn’t hold her grin in check.
“Don’t forget the car chase and the Yeti,” Calla reminded, her anger gone, now replaced with a giggle.
“Or the cattle rustlin’,” Poppy mumbled, reminding Nate he was still pissed they’d escaped his watch.
“Or the other car chase,” Sienna smirked, and he closed his eyes. He’d forgotten about them racing at a high rate of speed to stop Gayla Brown, a woman hell-bent on ruining Devin’s life, from killing Calla.
“There’s also goin’ undercover as maids to find a killer,” Poppy sighed.
“And hidin’ in that closet,” Calla giggled, wiggling her eyebrows. Nate raised his at Poppy and she blushed. They’d both hid in a closet to avoid detection and caught an eyeful of Devin in the process.
Moore’s attention shot to Nate’s when they’d finished. “Jesus, all that and they still left out findin’ two bodies, watchin’ a woman bleed to death, and almost drownin’ in the middle of a hurricane.”
Nate hadn’t been around for all of it, thank Christ. But he’d heard the details from Devin and Bo. “Like I said, do you even have to ask?”
Moore grinned. “You three should have your heads examined.”
Nate glanced at Poppy and knew he was wrong. That gaping wound he’d had since the day his father died had closed not an hour ago because Poppy had heard the worst about him, and instead of running in the opposite direction like he feared she would once the truth came out, she’d run straight to him. Right at him. Tears streaming down her face as she collided with his body. For him. All for him. She’d buried her head in his neck and cried for him. Didn’t care what happened. Didn’t listen to whatever twisted version of the truth her father had spilled. Just ran to him and buried her face in his neck. Then a tormented, “I’m so, so sorry,” had ripped from the depths of her soul for what he’d endured for sixteen years and because he’d killed his father to protect his mother. The moment she uttered those words, that fucking hole, the one that had burned like fire since his father had died, extinguished and closed as if her simple I’m sorry were made of fucking magic.
Except for his mother and Martine, everyone in his life had disappeared the day he’d snapped and taken his father’s life; scared he’d come unhinged again. He learned quickly that even though he’d served no time, people still saw him as a killer. So he’d spent most of high school taking care of his mother until she adjusted to her wheelchair. The rest of that time he’d focused on football, so he could go to college and earn a degree, determined to take care of his mother and give her the life she deserved after years in hell. That had been his sole focus, and the hell with the rest. Friends would have gotten in the way of his plans anyway, so he didn’t need them. Not if it meant explaining his past then watching them turn from him in fear.
Then he’d met Devin at the University of Georgia and all that changed. Devin had walked right up to Nate and put out his hand, stating, “Know who you are. Know what you did. Just wanted to shake your hand and say I’d have done the same fuckin’ thing.”
Nate had no clue how he found out. His record had been sealed, and after confiding once about his past, then watching fear and anxiety shroud the man’s face, he’d kept his mouth shut once he got to Athens. But Devin had found out, didn’t give a fuck, then bought him a beer. That had gone a long way toward banishing some of Nate’s demons, having a friend he could trust. And now, eight years after they left Athens, they were like brothers. Closer even.
As for women, he never got close because he didn’t trust himself. He worried if he felt something, he might lose his temper like his father did. And that burning hole in his chest was a constant reminder of what had happened, and what he’d never have. Then he’d met Poppy and his vow to keep his distance from women seemed to fade away in her presence. He’d fought it, but that base instinct to claim and to protect, had battled against his defenses and won when she reached out her hand to him for support. Then she’d defended him unconditionally to her father when she had no fucking clue what he’d done. His guard dropped instantly and irrevocably at that moment, and she’d burrowed under his skin further. But the black hole was still a constant reminder, even though he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, he’d kill his father again without remorse; he had no clue how she would react to the truth.
But now he did.
She bled tears of sorrow on his skin for what he’d been forced to do, and those tears had closed that fucking hole. Slammed it shut with resounding calmness within seconds.
Nate lifted his hand and ran the back of his knuckles across Poppy’s cheek. She didn’t move, not an inch. Her trust that he’d protect her was so absolute, she felt safe enough to sleep.
A different kind of burn filled his gut as he watched her sleep. A burn similar to the one he’d felt when he vowed he’d make something of himself, now burned with a need to give Poppy everything. Her acceptance of him without question closed the gaping wound that had plagued him for years, while igniting a drive in him. Whatever she needed to heal so the past stayed firmly shut, he’d give to her. If she needed the world, then he’d figure out a way to hand it to her on a silver fucking platter.
“Kitten,” he whispered, “You need to wake up.” He kept brushing her cheek until her eyelids fluttered open.
Confusion clouded her eyes for a moment, then she smiled and mumbled, “Coffee.”
“You need sleep, not coffee.”
Dazed, she looked around and took in her location. “Are we headed to the bar?”
Folding out of her car, Nate reached back in and pulled her out the driver’s side until she was standing, then shut the door and backed her up until he had her pinned. “We’re goin’ to my place so you can rest. Until the press dies down, I don’t want you out of my sight.”
It took a moment, then her eyes enlarged, and her mouth opened on a silent gasp. He couldn’t wait for the day when the thought of being alone with him only caused her eyes to hood with anticipation.
“Okay.” The word sounded braver than she looked.
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.” It was instantaneous, and he realized he needed to hear it as much as he needed the air he breathed. Leaning down the foot it took to reach her lips, Nate brushed them lightly in thanks, then grabbed her hand and pulled her toward his side entrance, unlocked the door, and pushed her through.
His living space behind the bar was just a place to sleep when the bar was closed. He wasn’t sure if he considered it a home as much as an escape from the world. The building used to be part of the old Cotton Exchange, so the space was large and open. He’d kept as much of the building’s structure as he could when he’d remodeled. Brick walls, stainless-steel appliances, and black marble countertops now graced the space. He had the essentials only. What he needed to be comfortable, but that was it. A bed. A leather sectional and matching chair, and big screen TV. It was a man’s space. There wasn’t clutter. There weren’t knickknacks on end tables or entry tables. No family photos to personalize the apartment. The exposed brick and fireplace were all the atmosphere he needed. That and his bull. Fifty pounds of pure, spoiled, American bulldog. But it was clear from the lack of opera music that Gertie wasn’t home. He’d messaged Martine to take his dog with her when she closed the night before. Said he might not be back to take care of her. Since she wasn’t here to welcome him home with her brand of out-of-control singing, and Martine had opened the bar, he knew he needed to call his mother and let her know Gertie needed to be returned. No ifs, ands, or buts. If he didn’t, she’d kidnap her and never return her.
“Where’s Gertie?” Poppy asked, looking around his space. She’d met his bulldog the day before, along with Calla and Sienna, and he hoped like hell she’d forgotten about bedazzling a UGA T-shirt for his pet.
“With my mother. I’ll get her back today. Bathroom’s in the bedroom, through that door. Take a shower then try to get some sleep.”
Her eyes darted to the rooms then back to Nate. “Where are you gonna be?”
She didn’t seem scared, only curious, so he crowded her and looked down. “I’m gonna handle business while you rest.”
She cocked her head and bit her lip. “Um, don’t you think we should, you know, talk.”
“We’ll talk. There’s a lot of shit I let go of because you’d had a rough twenty-four hours, so we’re not done.”
“That sounds ominous,” she mumbled to herself.
“Not ominous, but there’s a lot of shit to work through. And information I need,” he reminded.
“There’s a lot of stuff I won’t talk about.”
“You will.”
“I won’t.”
“Not today.”
“Not ever.”
Nate sighed. “Were you born stubborn or do you save it just for me?”
“Born stubborn. I think it’s a biker babe princess trait?”
Christ, but she was cute.
“What exactly do you need to know?”
The way she worried at her bottom lip stole his focus. “For one,” he began caging her in with both arms as she leaned against his bar, “you need to come clean to the Wallflowers about your past.” She stiffened and shook her head, so he cupped her cheeks and made her look at him. “They love you, Kitten, and Sienna is your sister. You have to let them in if you want to get past this, and you know it. You can’t be an island of one. They’re in your life for better or worse, just like you are for them. How would you feel if they kept somethin’ like this from you?” Her bottom lip began to tremble. He wanted to kiss the fear away, but he needed to press her to open up. She’d never find peace until she talked about it with those who meant the most to her.
He watched her struggle with his advice, then she took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re right, but I need a few days to come to terms with everything.”
He pulled her into his arms. He’d never met a woman as strong as she was. “Brave as a lion and just as fierce.”
She dropped her head to his chest and he felt a shudder run through her body. “Anything else?” she asked his chest.
“Your father.”
She bristled and pushed back to look up at him. “I’m done with him.”
“You’re not done. You just think you are.”
She seemed to consider that point, then nodded. “That’s true. I need to find out what happened to my mother. But after that, I’m done.”
Nate sighed. He knew her emotions were riding her hard and that she’d be able to think clearer in a few days. He wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to him again, but he knew it wasn’t what was best for her.
“We’ll give it some time,” he answered, his voice gentle, brushing his knuckles across her cheek again. “For now, go take a shower and rest. We’ll worry about the rest later.”
Her eyes dropped to his mouth, and instead of the uncertainty he’d seen earlier, there was interest. He leaned down and gave her a taste to gauge her reaction. It took all of two seconds for her arms to wrap around his neck, her mouth to open, and for his blood to ignite. He got lost in the feel of her body pressed close to his, and he took the kiss deeper than he meant to. He’d wanted to start slow, work at a pace she was comfortable with, but her scent and the taste of her mouth, short-circuited his reasoning. He turned Poppy and started walking her backward until her back hit the wall. He grabbed her arms from around his neck and placed them behind her. “No hands or I’ll lose control.”
She looked up at him in a daze. Her eyes were finally hooded with lust instead of fear. The jade green was deeper as her pupils dilated. It was the sexiest sight he’d ever seen. “I really like how you kiss,” she whispered.
He released her wrists, and she’d raised a hand to her lips. They were swollen and red, and he immediately wondered what they’d look like wrapped around his cock.
“Shower,” he grunted. “Lock the door.”
She blinked but didn’t move, so he leaned in and bit out, “Now, Kitten.”
“But.”
“Been wantin’ you for two weeks, all while thinkin’ it could never happen because of who I was. So my control is hangin’ by a thread.”
She studied him but still didn’t move. “I feel different,” she rushed out. “Strung tight. My blood is on fire. That’s never happened before.”
His feet moved without his permission, and he placed his hands on the wall above her head, leaning closer until he was all she could see. “You want me,” he explained. “Want my hands on you, makin’ you come alive until I bury my cock so deep inside your sweet heat you won’t be able to breathe.” Her eyes grew wider, and her breath came faster at the thought of him sinking deep inside her, but underneath it all, he could see a shade of fear. “But you’re not ready for that.”
“So this is what truly being turned on feels like?” she asked, swallowing thickly. “This doesn’t feel like ice at all.”
He drew air into his lungs and forced it out, clenching the muscles throughout his body to keep from moving. Her ex must have focused on himself, rather than working to bring her body to a burn if she had no clue what she was feeling. For that alone, the man should pay.
“You’re burnin’ with the need for release. Your body’s reactin’ and preparin’ for my cock.”
Her chest rose and fell, and he swore he saw wonder in her eyes. “I feel an ache between my legs.”
Jesus.
He closed his eyes to block out the look on her face. She was desperate for release and she didn’t even know it.
“Touch yourself,” he mumbled, drawing air in, then cursing his stupidity. That innocent scent she seemed to be saturated in was stronger, and he knew if he buried his face between her legs her essence would be powerful and addictive.
“Touch myself?”
His eyes flew open at the apprehension in her voice, and he saw the heat and desperation in her eyes. “While I’m standin’ here, touch yourself. Touch me. Find your release while your body’s burnin’ for my touch and imagine it’s my hand.”
She swallowed hard then looked down at the erection straining his jeans. “Touch you?”
“Only where you want to,” he explained. “But make a connection with me while you find relief.”
She searched his face for a moment, then raised a shaking hand to his chest. He was tweaked from kissing her, so the heat and pressure from her hand shook him. He clenched his fists to keep from touching her in return.
“Touch yourself, Kitten” he gritted out. She seemed uncertain, so he slowly took her opposite hand and lowered it to her stomach. “I need to know how wet I make you.”
“I think”
“Don’t think, just fuckin’ feel for the both of us.”
Her breath came faster as he waited for her to act, then she closed her eyes and moved her hand down, slipping into the gaping waistband of her shorts. He held his breath when she gasped at her own touch and groaned when her head fell back against the wall, whispering, “I’m soakin’ wet.”
Her hips moved slightly as she drew her fingers through her slick folds. It was then he knew he was in hell, because she moaned deep in her throat at the sensation.
Her free hand tangled in his shirt as she worked her body. He stood like a statue watching her pant as her body responded. His cock ached for similar release, but he ignored his own needs to focus on hers. She took her time, working her body slowly until she was desperate to come. The moment he saw her release hit those jade eyes, he captured her mouth so he could swallow her cries. He kept his hands on the bricks as she rode out the waves of her orgasm, digging the tips of his fingers into the mortar until it almost crumbled beneath them. When she slumped forward into his chest, he crushed her tighter to him. He’d never seen anything that beautiful. The wonder in her expression as she drowned in the sensations of coming for him. He’d watched with satisfaction when the stress bled from her face, turning into relief, and then something far sexier than he’d ever seen: a determination to have more.
“You’re incredible. The sexiest woman I’ve known in my life,” Nate muttered, placing soft kisses against her mouth.
Both of her hands were clutching his shirt, holding him to her body. She began to cry without warning, but he caught a smile on her lips and knew they were tears of relief. “I wanted you to touch me,” she hiccupped. “I actually wanted to feel your body on top of mine.”
“Soon,” he whispered, then took her mouth again until he knew he had to leave or risk the progress she’d made. “Go to the bathroom and lock the door,” he ordered, fighting his own body for control.
She pulled back and looked at him, her brow furrowed. “What?”
“I’m seconds away from throwin’ you over my shoulder. Get to the bathroom and lock the door.”
“But”
“Go, Kitten,” he barked out.
She jumped then took off for the bathroom. Nate turned on his heel and walked to the door that separated his bar from his home. He ripped it open and stalked through without looking back. He’d need a cold shower before he returned. Or a bullet through the brain.
As he passed by tables headed for his office, Martine opened her mouth to say something to him. When she caught the look on his face, Nate glared at her. “One fuckin’ word and you’re fired.”
She threw back her head and laughed instead of heading his threat. “Looks like I’ll be sayin’ a prayer to Saint Raphael before you kill someone,” she cackled in her Scottish brogue.
Nate stopped and narrowed his eyes. “You’re not even Catholic.”
“Aye, but the patron saint of matchmakin’ does not care as long as you believe. I’m thinkin’ by the look on your face, it didn’t go well with your wee lass?”
Nate shook his head, grumbling as he headed for his office, “The lass is fine. I don’t need a matchmaker, I need a fuckin’ deep freeze.”
He closed his office door to the sounds of Martine’s laughter and picked up his phone to call Devin. If he couldn’t touch Poppy yet, he needed to release some pent-up energy on the man who’d ruined her life. He needed to find the monster who stalked her in the dark and make him pay.
_______________
I darted into the bathroom so fast I ended up on the floor. My balance wasn’t where I left it after my world was rocked by Nate, so I landed on my rump with my hair covering my face. Thankfully Lady Luck saw fit to hide my equilibrium-challenged fall from grace. But I was too rattled to care at that point. Heat spread to my cheeks and I buried my face in my hands. I’d just masturbated in front of a man and liked it. And I was happy I liked it. In fact, I was happy. Not happy for an hour after finishing a book happy, just plain old happy. I couldn’t remember ever being happy. Not truly. I’d been happy-ish. But I’d never allowed myself the luxury of opening up enough to be truly happy. What if it didn’t last?
Reservations began to creep in and I bit my lip in thought. Could I allow myself to be happy this soon? What if when the newness wore off, we found we didn’t mesh? Were too different to last?
I peeked out the bathroom door and saw Nate hadn’t come back, so headed to the kitchen looking for a coffeepot. I needed caffeine, not sleep, so I could sort out my head.
It wasn’t sitting out in the open, so I started searching for it. It took me five minutes to realize the man didn’t have one. Or food. He barely had plates.
How was that possible?
I scanned his living room and realized it was barely furnished. No pictures, nary a book or magazine, and my heart rate picked up. He didn’t read? I scanned his apartment again and the hair on the back of my neck began to rise while the happy feelings I’d just experienced dissipated.
I ran to his bedroom and opened the door. “Oh, God.” His bed was made. I couldn’t remember the last time I made my bed. I couldn’t remember the last time I swept, but Nate’s apartment was spotless.
I fell to the floor and looked under his bed. Not a single dust bunny. Not even broom marks where he’d half-heartedly swept.
Do I even own a broom?
“This is why you don’t rush into things,” I mumbled as panic, my ever-present companion, began flooding my system.
Nate was a neat freak. And I was Pigpen. We were the complete opposites.
“I’ll run him off with my chaos,” I whispered, devastated.
I ran back into the kitchen, grabbed my keys sitting on his counter, and then hightailed it to his side door. I needed to find the Wallflowers before I made a huge mistake and none of us had phones, thanks to me.
Opening the door, I stepped through and made it five feet before I heard Cali and Sienna call out my name. I swung around and found them trudging up the sidewalk beside the bar. Thank you, Jesus! “In the car,” I shouted then ran to the driver’s side door. I didn’t wait to see if they followed. As expected, they climbed inside my car.
“What’s going on?” Sienna asked.
If she only knew. The end was possibly nigh for Nate and me if I didn’t figure this out.
“Where’s Hot Cop and Dashing Detective?” I asked, referring to Bo and Devin’s YouTube names after being caught wrestling Fang Ken Yoo, a huge Asian woman involved in Maria Espinoza’s murder, the daughter of a friend of Nate’s who also cleaned the building we worked in.
“They’re talkin’ to Nate about a case. We came to get you so we could have a late lunch.”
“I need a phone. And advice. And coffee,” I explained, “And maybe copious amounts of green magic.”
“We can do all those, but can we get food too?” Cali asked. “’Cause I’m ready to chew off my arm.”
Traffic was heavy, per usual in the historic district, so I maneuvered onto Martin Luther King and headed toward the mall, so we could replace our cell phones and grab a Starbucks.
“Why do you need green magic?” Sienna asked cautiously.
I swung a hard left and pushed the pedal to the floor like a killer was on my tail. “First, do we need a reason for Midnight with the Gods, Sister?”
“The devil’s in the details,” she answered.
She wasn’t kidding.
“Lucifer and I are on a first name basis, so he won’t mind. I’m pretty sure he encourages my drinkin’, actually.”
“Oh, boy,” Cali mumbled from the back seat.
She had no idea.
“How about the details that go with coffee then?” Sienna pushed.
“Cream, sugar, fake vanilla or mocha if your tastes run that way.”
“Oh, boy,” Cali parroted, so I looked in the rearview.
“Do you need a cracker?”
“What?”
“You sound like a cockatoo,” I informed.
Five tense minutes later, I took another hard left and pulled into the Savannah Mall, parking in front of the entrance to Barnes and Noble. I bailed out of the car and headed inside my sanctuary. Books and coffee. The only evidence I needed to know there was a God. And He was a reader. With a caffeine addiction. And possibly a sick sense of humor for throwing a neat freak in my path. It was like dangling a carrot in front of a mule all over again. And I was tired of being the ass in this equation.
We stepped through the doors of heaven on earth and paused, each taking a deep breath to allow the smell of ink, paper, and coffee to settle us unlike anything else in our lives could. Probably even sex. Though we’d lie under oath if hard-pressed by the male persuasion.
“I feel better already,” I sighed.
“Oh yeah, this is better than sex,” Sienna said.
See?
“Oh, the new release table,” Cali gasped and took off.
“I need the new Helena Hunting,” Sienna called out, following. “It’s called The Good Luck Charm.”
“I’m headin’ for coffee, I’ll look later.”
I swear they both got whiplash when they looked back at me.
“Oh, boy,” Cali said, yet again, turning back toward me, but I kept on walking to the Starbucks nestled in the corner.
“They have medicine for that,” I called out.
“Um, Sister?” Sienna called out.
I shot a smile over my shoulder. “You’re finally catchin’ on to my name.”
Maybe ADD was a family trait?
And denial.
I wonder if Knox reads?
“Spill,” Cali said when she finally caught up.
“Jump,” I answered.
“Jump?”
“I’ve already used that word, pick another.”
“What?”
“Where?”
She was finally getting the hang of this game.
“Is this like the alien thing from last night?” Sienna asked looking between us
“You see aliens?”
“No, you see aliens.”
“I do? Are the gray with large eyes?”
Sienna opened her mouth then looked at Cali. “Avoidance one-o’-one?”
Well, that took them long enough.
“Natalie?” Cali questioned.
Ha. Natalie was ancient history. I was an island of one again because I doubted Nate and I would ever mesh.
I turned and ordered my coffee from the nice barista then turned back and answered. “First, I need coffee so my brain is firing on half its cylinders before I explain that Nate and I are quite possibly, but most probably, Fin. Kaput. That we might not work.”
A collective gasp fired behind me. “You’re so not done. Not even a little bit.” Cali laughed.
“Are so.”
“Are not,” Sienna argued.
“So, so, so.”
I thought my argument was solid, but I forgot Cali was Bernice’s niece. She laid some sage wisdom on me that I should have remembered.
“Nate won’t let it be over, so you might as well give up. It’s what they do. They wear you down until you agree with everything they say and then your bell is rung, and you’re hooked.”
And there it was. The one thing I’d forgotten.
“I’ll explain it to him if I have to,” I said in a high-pitched voice, because my bell had been rung, admittedly by me, but Nate was the cause, and it had been awesome and wonderful and (deep breath in) I didn’t want to be done, but hello, he’s a neat freak.
“How about explainin’ why you’re hedgin’ now?” Sienna sighed.
“Why do you think we’re here?” I waved my hand around the most magical place in the world.
Cali grabbed a table in the corner, and once we were all seated with our coffees, I explained in perfect detail my reservations.
“He’s a neat freak.”
“And?”
“He doesn’t read.”
“And.”
“There’s no food in his house.”
“And?”
“I can’t trust bein’ happy only to get hurt.”
“Duh! And?”
“And? How much more do you need?”
Sienna looked at Cali. “Has she gotten to the reason why she ran again? Because all I’m hearin’ are excuses to guard her heart.”
Dangit. This sister thing blew. It was like she could read my thoughts.
“I didn’t run,” I snapped. “I needed a phone and a friendly ear so I could figure all this out. If you can’t follow the ‘friend or foe code’ if I end this with Nate, then I want a Wallflower divorce.”
They both raised a brow and Cali shook her head.
“The stupid clause overrules that one,” Cali lied through her pearly whites. “And the ‘you’re just panickin’ because you’re scared you’ll lose him because you’re already in love with him’ clause supersedes ALL other clauses and codes where men are concerned.”
Adrenaline dumped causing my heart to race. I wasn’t in love with Nate. I rolled that thought around in my head then started bouncing my foot to burn off the excess adrenaline, just like I had in school when I couldn’t get up and move around. “I’m not in love with him,” I argued, after determining they didn’t know diddly-squat.
“Oh, you’re in love with him, and it scares the bejesus out of you,” Cali returned. “You’re just panickin’ and lookin’ for any excuse to end things to protect your heart.”
I grabbed my coffee to avoid answering and proceeded to burn my tongue. That would teach me to avoid using heavy equipment or making life-altering decisions before mainlining a pint of black gold.
“So, you’re saying I love Nate, and I panicked?”
“Like a teenage boy askin’ a hot girl to the prom,” Sienna threw out.
It couldn’t be that simple. “But he’s a neat freak, and I haven’t cleaned out my fridge in like a year.”
Sienna shrugged. “Opposites attract.”
I blinked. “You think the fact I have lab experiments growin’ in my fridge will be a turn-on?”
“Poppy, you’re forgettin’ Carmella cleans for Nate,” Cali said. “He’s probably neat because she cleans up after him.”
I relaxed a hair, but ever a dog with a bone, I reminded them of his worst offense. “There are no books anywhere in his house.”
Cali pffted, rolled her eyes, then leaned forward and laid more sage advice on me. “You’ve created these excuses to guard your heart. You’ve had a ton of emotional baggage ripped open in the past day, leavin’ you exposed. Then in walks Nate vowin’ to fix everything. You’ve never had someone in your life whose entire focus was on you, and you don’t know what to make of it.”
She made a good point. So good, it was sharp like a knife and cut deep. “So you think I’m makin’ up excuses to avoid heartache and the intimacy that comes with bein’ in a relationship because my father abandoned me, leavin’ me to fend for myself? That I’m afraid I’ll become too dependent on Nate, and if it doesn’t work out between us, it’ll break me into a trillion teeny tiny pieces? That I’m afraid I’ll never recover, because who could recover from a man like Nate since he’s perfect in every way?” I blinked when I finished and stared at Cali in awe.
She was better than Bernice.
Cali looked at Sienna with wide eyes. “Yeah, somethin’ like that.”
“Poppy,” Sienna started, “life isn’t worth livin’ if you don’t take risks. Even if Nate isn’t the one for you, your life will be richer for havin’ tried. He’s a good man, no matter what Knox says. We both know that. So why wouldn’t you want someone like that in your life? Even if it ends, you’ll learn more about yourself and what kind of man you need.”
She was right. For almost twenty-five years I’d lived in fear, but today I’d had a taste of happiness. Honest-to-goodness happiness while I was in Nate’s arms. I may not be a scholar like Cali, but I wasn’t stupid either. Nate had made me happy for a few blissful hours, because I felt safe with him for the first time in my life. And I wanted to feel that way again. I didn’t want to be scared anymore. I wanted to be that lion Nate said I was. I wanted to be Simba. No, wait, Nala since she was a girl. Yeah, I’d be Nala. The woman at Nate’s side driving him to kill Scar.
“I think we lost her,” Cali mumbled.
I stared at Sienna for a heartbeat longer, then stood suddenly. “We need to replace our phones then get back to the bar before they worry.” I turned to head to the mall entrance and caught a glimpse of the newest Brenda Novak romantic suspense. My head said to get to the phone store—but my feet knew me better—since they’d made this trek a million times. I was at the display grabbing Face Off, the newest release in The Evelyn Talbot Chronicles, without breaking my stride to the checkout line.
“I think she found herself again,” Sienna giggled.
I smiled over my shoulder. “I can read for the both of us,” I explained. “And he has coffee at the bar.”
“And food,” Sienna added.
“Right?” I wiped my hand across my brow, “Shoo wee. That’s a relief.”
“I’m gonna grab Helena Hunting’s newest,” Sienna called out and dashed for the book aisles.
I glanced at Cali. “None for you?”
She looked sheepish. “A box arrived from Amazon yesterday, but,” looking over her shoulder she started to move, “a Wallflower can never have too many books.”
I scanned the endcap she was headed for and felt my heart pick up speed. I ducked out of the checkout line and followed her. “That needs to be in the bylaws,” I shouted at Cali. “Or on a T-shirt.” I gasped with the brilliance of the idea. “We could sell them to support our addiction!”
Six new books and a double espresso to top off my need for caffeine later, we walked into the cellular store and purchased three new phones. Within moments of them all being activated, the notifications went off like fireworks.
Sienna swiped her phone first. “Where the F are you?” she mumbled.
Cali swiped hers open and snorted. “I’m draggin’ the river in an hour. Call me.”
I looked down at my phone and held my breath. This would be my first text message from Nate as a couple, and I couldn’t wait to read what he’d said.
Scared?
Oh, man, he knew me so well already.
“What did he say?” Sienna asked.
I held up my phone, so they could read it.
Cali smiled. “He’s pegged you already. You’re in trouble now.”
Yeah, I was in trouble, and I was kind of excited about it. It was better than after-school detention with the football team, and a used bookstore stuffed with nothing but romance novels all rolled into one.
My fingers flew over the keyboard in response.
Not anymore!