• Batten the Hatches Ships are built with hatches in the decking, leading to cargo space and crew quarters. During storms they are “battened” down or secured and made waterproof. “Batten the hatches” is often yelled by landlubbers pretending to be pirates. They generally have no idea what it means, but neither do those at whom it is yelled.

  Now that you know its definition, you are at an advantage, perhaps the first in your young life. Do try not to waste it.

• Belaying Pin A large and heavy wood pin used for securing ropes, though it also makes a handy weapon in a pinch. In addition to the more conventional uses, Nubbins once told me that he found it to be convenient for rolling out pastry dough for party dishes, but I’m rather certain he is the only pirate ever to have put one to that purpose. At any rate, it’s quite a versatile tool.

• Bilge The lowest part inside a ship. It is filthy, disgusting, and more often than not filled with trash, stagnant water, and rats. It isn’t all bad, though: bilge rats are a good source of fresh meat at sea.

• Bo’sun Shortened form of boatswain. It was likely shortened because the bo’sun has so much to do that he doesn’t have time to say the whole word. He supervises the deck crew, oversees the ship’s stores and provisions, and inspects the rigging, sails, chains, and anchors. In the case of Mr. Smee, the bo’sun also kept the captain’s clothing in good repair, gave pep talks, and baked cakes—sometimes of the poisoned variety.

• Bucko One who blusters, bullies, and bosses—generally an officer. Based on this description, some children might consider their mothers to be buckos, but I would not advise saying as much to her.

• Cat-o’-Nine-Tails A lash made from nine knotted ropes. Also the only cat I like.

• Clapped in Irons This kind of clapping does not mean applause. It refers to chaining up a prisoner—though I myself have done this with enough finesse to make onlookers cheer. Please let me know if you would like a personal demonstration.

• Davy Jones/Davy Jones’s Locker Davy Jones is the sailors’ devil. His locker is the bottom of the sea. If you happen to drown in the ocean, your remains will be locked up tight there. Isn’t that a nice thing to look forward to? For me, I mean.

• Dog-Livered Landlubber A cowardly person who knows nothing about ships or the sea. In other words, you.

• Dunking from the Yardarm A popular punishment at sea. The offending sailor is tied to a long rope and hauled high into the air to the yardarm, a part of the ship that supports the sail. Then the scoundrel is violently dropped into the sea—only to be hauled up and dunked again. I can’t say it is particularly enjoyable for the dunkee, but if he survives, he might not need a bath again for a good long while. We must take whatever graces we can find at sea.

• The Eye of the Wind The direction from whence the wind blows—useful knowledge aboard a vessel propelled by such. Blind Bart tried to make ear of the wind a saying, but it never caught on.

• Flotsam and Jetsam Bits of floating wreckage or items cast overboard to stabilize a foundering ship. Also useless odds and ends, things, or people (for example, cats and children).

• Galley The ship’s kitchen, where such delicacies as hardtack and salt pork are dished out.

• Hardtack and Salt Pork Common sea rations. Hardtack (also called sea biscuit) is a simple cracker that generally has the charming qualities of being both hard as rock and infested with weevils. It is a staple aboard pirate ships because most cooks, Nubbins excluded, like to believe that nearly everyone enjoys breaking his or her teeth on tasteless food filled with insects.

  Salt pork is pork, preserved in barrels of salt—as should be obvious by the name.

• Jolly Roger This phrase refers to more than Captain Hook’s ship and Jocelyn’s happy-go-lucky friend. Jolly Roger is also the name of a pirate flag, generally emblazoned with a skull and crossbones. Jocelyn embroidered a set of Jolly Roger napkins at school and gave them to Miss Eliza for Christmas. They were not much appreciated and never used.

• Keelhauling Another pirate punishment. As in dunking from the yardarm, the offending sailor is tied to the end of a long rope with the other end attached to the ship. But instead of being dunked, he is tossed overboard and essentially run over, passing under the barnacle-encrusted keel (or main support) of the ship. Those razor-sharp barnacles give a rather vigorous scrubbing to the skin—one that puts even Gerta’s ministrations to shame.

  Disadvantage to the sailor: more likely than not, he will die.

• Keep a Weather Eye To watch closely. Jocelyn, sensitive to Blind Bart’s lack of vision (and because she felt bad that his ear of the wind campaign was not a success), amended the phrase to weather ear.

• Marlinspike A wooden or metal tool used for rope work, and shaped like the nose of a swordfish (or marlin). Though the fish existed first, it was named after the marlinspike. I’d wager even your father doesn’t know that.

• Me Hearty “My friend.” Take note of this. It is the first and last time you will ever find me saying those words to the likes of you.

• Mutiny A conspiracy to overthrow the captain and take charge of the ship. Sometimes mutinous sailors kill the captain outright. Other times they show mercy, setting him adrift in a small boat with a supply of water and hardtack. At least he has the weevils to keep him company.

• Offer No Quarter This means that no mercy will be given and no surrender will be accepted. The parties have to fight—to the death! Or, as it was in the Pirate and Lost Boy Wars, until they got tired and went home.

• Poop Deck It may surprise you to learn that this term does not refer to a ship’s bathroom. A ship’s bathroom is called the head. Ships are interesting places.

  The poop deck serves as the roof of the back, or aft, cabin. It is also from here that the ship is steered. On the Hook’s Revenge, this was the highest decking area, which made it a good place for Captain Jocelyn to stand and address and/or berate her crew, as they needed and/or desired.

• Powder Monkeys Pirates often use the term monkey-sized for any small thing. A powder monkey is a boy, just about your age, who carries gunpowder from the powder magazine, or room where it is stored, to the cannons. The only requirements of the job are being a small size (less easy for the enemy to target) and possessing enough wits to keep from blowing oneself up.

  I’d recommend you for a position, but, though you are the right size, you are still underqualified.