There have always been pirates. Why, even as far back as Eve, on the day she was considering whether or not to eat that apple, a pirate was most certainly planning to sail in and take it from her.

I expect that you’d like to know about the most famous of all pirates, Captain James Hook. As I am the world’s foremost expert on him, naturally you turned to me. Children come to me all the time, begging to hear what I know. I graciously seat them in a circle around me, lean in, and whisper, “Not a chance.”

I don’t like children all that much.

However, last Thursday I became an old man. It occurs to me that someday I will die. Like many my age, I hope that I may go peacefully, in the midst of a hostage situation or a failed arson attempt. But I digress.…

We were talking about Captain Hook.

Most everyone knows the main points of his story: Peter Pan, the iron hook, the crocodile, and so on and so forth. What came after, however—with Jocelyn, Hook’s last request, and such—now, that’s far more interesting.

What’s that? You’ve never heard of young Jocelyn Hook?

I’m not surprised. I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes. However, today appears to be your lucky day—you are about to be enlightened. The fact that I am the one who must provide the enlightenment can only mean that today is my unlucky day, but sometimes these things cannot be helped.

There is no use putting it off any longer; it is time to tell what I know, lest the girl’s story die with me. Settle in, I suppose. Do be sure not to touch anything, and for heaven’s sake, please don’t breathe so loudly. If you’re quite comfortable, I’ll pour myself a little drink and begin. If you are not comfortable, I’ll begin anyway. Your comfort is of little concern to me.