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2/14/19
Dear Diary,
I kind of accidentally tricked my friends into helping me with my dad’s case. Which sounds worse than it actually is, but hear me out —
I wrote a short story for my creative writing workshop that’s based on my dad’s death. I switched around the genders and jobs and changed the names and ages a little bit and wrote myself out entirely, but it’s similar enough that my friend’s input was helpful. Because right now I’m just lost trying to figure out what the right next thing to do would be.
The story is about a young married woman named Jennifer (aka dad), her younger sister Jess (aka Dennis), and Jennifer’s husband, Brett (aka Mom). Instead of a shooting, it’s a mugging gone wrong, and the mugger died in a hit and run the day after he killed Jennifer. And of course, Jess and Brett started dating, but I changed it to a little over a year after Jennifer died.
Victor is obsessed with true crime, so I knew they would for sure have an opinion, but I wasn’t expecting everyone else to get so into it too. Skippy even drew out a whole murder board in the study room we were in, which I took a picture of and put in my investigation notes.
We went over possible motives and I’ll kind of summarize things here:
I decided to write the story all three ways and see which feels more right. I think once I’m home for the semester I might have my mom and Dennis each read the version where their parallel character committed the murder since they’re my two main suspects. Maybe if I pay enough attention to their reactions, I’ll be able to figure out if they’re guilty or not.
Shit, I have to go call Daisy. Even though I’m seeing her tomorrow, we’re still Facetiming for Valentine’s Day. I’m kind of dreading her coming to visit. I’m so worried we’ll run into Frida (or one of Frida’s friends), and they’ll somehow tell her that I slept with Frida. My friends that I’m here with every day haven’t even figured it out, so I don’t know why I’m so worried. Maybe because Daisy knows me better than all of them combined. I wish I hadn’t done any of it in the first place.
Sincerely,
Hana
—
Hana was excited to see her girlfriend to celebrate Valentine’s Day, even if it was the fifteenth, but she acted differently in New Paltz than she did in Rochester, and she wasn’t sure how Daisy would feel about the change. Plus, the idea of Daisy discovering how Hana had betrayed her was hanging over her head.
“When is she getting here?” Chrissy asked on the walk from their last class of the day back to their dorm.
“In like an hour. Daisy’s February break is next week, so she convinced her dad to let her skip today,” Hana replied.
“That’s so nice. I’m excited to finally meet her in person and not just on the other side of a call while you’re drunk,” Chrissy teased. Hana laughed.
“Hey, I talk to her sober sometimes when you’re around. Not often, but like ... at least once or twice since you moved in.”
Chrissy threw her head back and laughed, and Hana couldn’t help but smile.
“So do you and Trevor have any plans for the weekend?” Hana asked.
“Yeah, his roommate went home for the weekend so we’re having a night in tomorrow. But we made sure we’re free for that Valentine’s Day house show tonight.”
“But you’re staying at Trevor’s tonight, right?” Hana asked. Chrissy laughed again, unconcerned by letting her joy be too loud, and Hana loved it. Chrissy’s laugh was usually how Hana found her when they got separated at parties.
“Yes, no worries, no sock on the door required,” Chrissy teased.
“It’s so weird that I finally need to kick you out of the room.”
“I know. Are you excited to show her all that New Paltz has to offer to convince her to go here?”
“Well, she seems pretty convinced she’s going here even though she’s waiting for some other letters to come in.”
“So are you more worried that she’ll decide to come here or that she might not?” Chrissy asked. Hana was startled at how Chrissy cut straight to the question Hana had danced around for the past month and a half since Daisy got her acceptance letter.
“I ... I want her to go here. Of course I do,” Hana argued.
Chrissy raised her hands in defense. “I’m not the one you need to convince.” She didn’t push Hana to respond, and a comfortable silence settled between them for the rest of the walk back to their dorm. She always knew when to leave Hana alone.
Some days, Hana wanted Daisy to go somewhere else so that the younger girl could learn that there was a much better match for her out there. Hana wasn’t right for Daisy, and she deserved better, but Hana was still too selfish to let her go. Hana loved the comfort of Daisy, the way that Daisy knew everything about her — what Hana loved and hated and how she mourned and loved and rejoiced. Hana could never care for and love Daisy the way she deserved.
Still, she walked back to her dorm and tidied while Chrissy gathered her things for a weekend at her boyfriend's. After Chrissy left, Hana kept cleaning to keep herself distracted
Once things were practically spotless, she sat at her desk and looked at the photos of herself and Daisy she had taped to the wall. The photos covered all the years she knew Daisy, starting from the first day they met when they were kids with toothy smiles and girly dresses shining in the camera flash. Those same smiles appeared in the selfie they took in front of their unfinished graffiti when they went back to see it a few days after they put it up, and Hana wished she could love Daisy right.
She opened the top drawer of her desk where she was amassing all her information on her father’s death to make sure things were hidden properly. She didn’t want to tell Daisy about her investigation. If she slipped up, something bad could happen to her or, even worse, Daisy. She didn’t want Daisy killed like her father, in some tragic accident that was easy enough to sweep under the rug.
Hana slammed the drawer shut when her phone buzzed with a text from Daisy telling Hana that she had parked. Hana took a deep breath before she made her way out to find her girlfriend.
When she got downstairs and opened the door, Daisy was already halfway up the path to the dorm. She looked like she wanted to run to Hana, but the ice and snow scattered across the walkway kept her from doing so. Hana only put on slippers before coming down, so she stood in the doorway waiting until Daisy stepped over the threshold.
“Hi, baby,” Hana said, letting the door close and pulling Daisy into her arms. Daisy’s duffel bag poked into Hana’s side, but she didn’t move away. Daisy pressed a kiss to the top of Hana’s head, and it felt like home.
“I missed you,” Daisy murmured.
“I missed you, too. Ready to finally see my dorm in person?” Hana asked, pulling away and taking Daisy’s bag.
“Of course,” Daisy said. They held hands and walked silently through the twists and turns up to Hana’s room.
“So, this is it,” Hana said when she swiped them into her dorm room. Daisy looked around, her eyes skipping over Chrissy’s half of the room and settling on Hana’s.
“Oh, you brough this print with you?” Daisy asked, smiling and pointing at a print of two hands, disjointed and disconnected from themselves and the body they were meant to belong to. Hana was riveted by it when she first saw it on the artist’s Instagram, and Daisy bought it for her for her birthday a few years earlier along with a thrifted gold frame. It was the only actually framed thing hanging on Hana’s wall.
“I did,” she smiled at Daisy and toed out of her shoes, hanging her coat on a hook on the back of her door. “So, what do you think?”
Daisy had seen Hana’s dorm in pictures, videos, and FaceTimes, but it was different seeing it in person. Hana didn’t realize how much she cared about Daisy’s opinion of her dorm until she stood there with the snow from her boots melting onto the dirty linoleum floors. She wanted Daisy to like the way that Hana lived now that she could be herself.
“It’s nicer than I expected from the way you talk about it. Where’s Chrissy?” Daisy asked. Hana helped Daisy out of her coat and hung it up.
“She’s at her boyfriend’s. We won’t see her until dinner,” Hana revealed.
“Why Miss Holm, that seems presumptuous of you. All alone with no chaperone? The whole town will think I’m a ruined woman,” Daisy teased before stepping out of her shoes and hopping up onto Hana’s bed. Daisy just finished studying Pride and Prejudice in AP Lit, and she had picked up the habit of occasionally speaking like she was in an Austen romance. Hana stepped forward to stand between Daisy’s legs dangling off the side of the bed and leaned up to put her lips an inch away from Daisy’s.
“Well, if they’re already thinking it, we may as well give some credence to their gossip,” Hana said, their lips ghosting against each other while she spoke. The angle was awkward and not right, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.
There was no need to hide here. No fear that one of their parents would come home, no fear that their time was limited or that their space would be encroached upon. This was Hana’s room, and she’d already guaranteed that the only person who could walk in wouldn’t.
Hana took her time, something they rarely could do before, and she used the opportunity to show Daisy how much she loved her. As good as Hana could be with poetry and intricate metaphors, she never could quite get across with words just what Daisy meant to her. So many of the most profound things Hana felt were never translatable or explainable.
Afterwards, she laid her head on Daisy’s chest, closed her eyes, and matched her breath with the rise and fall.
“Wow, that was ... wow,” Daisy murmured.
“What do you think my women, gender, and sexuality minor is teaching me?” Hana joked. Daisy laughed and kissed the top of Hana’s head.
“I’ll definitely have to sign up for that next year,” Daisy said.
“Yeah, just as soon as you commit.” Hana traced shapes into the soft skin of Daisy’s side, avoiding looking in her eyes.
“I did commit,” Daisy breathed, excitement clear in her voice.
“You did?” Hana turned to smile at Daisy. She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt, but she knew Daisy wanted her to be happy.
“I was waiting until I saw you in person to tell you. I was going to tell you as soon as I got here, but you’re kind of distracting,” she laughed.
“That’s amazing. Where else did you get in?” Hana asked, sitting up and reaching for her sweater, which was hanging on one of her bedposts.
“I got into U of R, and my dad really wanted me to go there, but I don’t want to stay that close to home,” Daisy said.
“Didn’t you apply to places in the city too?” Hana asked.
Daisy sat up and climbed off the bed to get redressed in her discarded clothes. “Yeah, but I didn’t hear back, and then I realized I didn’t care where else I got in. I want to come here.”
“Well, I suppose we have all weekend for you to figure out if you made a mistake,” Hana joked, pressing a kiss to Daisy’s shoulder when she got up to get dressed too.
“If you love it here, I’ll love it here,” Daisy said. Hana winced, but luckily Daisy wasn’t looking at her. She was searching through her bag for her phone, and when she found it, she picked it up and sighed.
“I told my dad I got here and then put it on do not disturb. It turns out that he called ... three times. I’m gonna call him back before he reports me missing or something,” Daisy said. “Should I go in the hall, or ...?”
“No, you can stay here. I’ve got to run to the bathroom anyways. I’ll text my group chat about when we’re going for dinner, too.” Hana gave Daisy a peck on the cheek before going into the hall. She texted her friends while she walked, hoping they were ready to eat soon.
—
Hana
When are we doing dinner? I’m starving
Chrissy
See I thought you would’ve eaten plenty by now
Skippy
Ooh is Daisy here already?
Hana
I’m gonna transfer
Victor
Do it you won’t
Aaron
I want to eat soon!
Skippy
Aaron, you sweet summer child, we’re trying to make fun of Hana. Can you stop thinking about food
Hana
A n y w a y s
dinner in 15?
Victor
Yeah I’m down. What do you think the odds are they have good vegan options today
Skippy
Bad odds broski
Victor
Guess Newpz wants me to starve :/
Hana
they want US to starve
anyways see y’all in 15 for hopefully edible food but more likely just fries
Aaron
Can’t wait to finally meet Daisy!
—
After she freshened up, Hana went back to her room, and Daisy smiled and pressed her finger to her lips. She was still talking to Henry, though she didn’t appear to be paying much attention to him.
“Yeah, Dad. I’ll keep you updated. It’s pretty cold out tonight, so ... I think we’re just staying in and watching movies or something. We’ll go into town tomorrow ... Yes, I’ll be leaving first thing Monday. We’ve already gone over this. We’re about to go get dinner, so I’ll text you later, okay? ... Yeah, I love you, too. Bye.” Daisy hung up with an exasperated, over dramatic sigh, and Hana couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s like he forgot that we already talked about when I was coming home. He has the memory of a goldfish, I swear,” Daisy groaned.
“Maybe he’ll goldfish-forget that you’re gone and call every 15 minutes asking where you are.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t even think it, it’ll come true.”
Hana laughed and put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, no manifesting that. Anyways, we should walk over to the dining hall. The wind tunnel under the SUB always makes me walk a little slower. Gotta make sure I don’t blow away.”
“The SUB?” Daisy asked.
“Student Union Building.”
“Oh. Well, good thing I’m here to anchor you down then, huh?” Daisy said with a smile. Hana smiled back, and warmth flooded her chest as she looked at the girl she loved. She leaned forward and gave Daisy a quick kiss, and she could feel Daisy’s smile before she pulled away.
“What was that for?” Daisy asked.
“’Cause I can,” Hana responded. Daisy blushed and leaned down to give Hana another kiss, this one lasting a few seconds before Hana pulled away with a laugh.
“If you start that we’ll never get to dinner, and I’ll never hear the end of it from my friends,” Hana said.
Daisy laughed. “I’m going to run to the bathroom so I look less ... like this. Save you the teasing,” Daisy said, all-but skipping out of the dorm.
Hana used the time Daisy was gone to make her bed and find where her hat, gloves, and scarf were hiding. She was fully bundled up when Daisy got back, and Daisy quickly dressed in her own layers to brave the cold.
“I’m excited to finally meet your friends in person,” Daisy said on their way out of the building.
“They’re excited to meet you, too, but be prepared for some sex jokes. Also, remember that I think Aaron has a crush on Victor, and I want your opinion as a new set of eyes,” Hana said.
“I thought Aaron was the straight one?” Daisy asked. She looped her arm through the crook of Hana’s elbow, and it filled Hana’s chest with warmth. It was refreshing to see how Daisy acted when she wasn’t afraid of being outed.
“He is, but also it’s New Paltz, and I don’t think anyone is actually straight here,” Hana joked. Daisy laughed, and it was a pure kind of joy Hana missed when she was away. Daisy was never this happy when Hana was three-hundred miles away from her.
“I love that. I’m so excited to come here,” Daisy said, smiling down at Hana. Hana smiled back, but she hated that Daisy seemed so sure that she wanted to come here just because Hana was here.
Hana pointed out little landmarks while they walked across the campus, and Daisy smiled and asked questions about things on campus that Hana barely noticed anymore, like the oranges rolled onto the ice of the pond and the skateboard tracks through the slush on the sidewalks.
Dinner went better than Hana imagined it would. Her friends were welcoming but were clearly trying not to scare Daisy off.
“Where are we pregaming tonight?” Aaron asked when they were all done and getting ready to venture back to the dorms.
“We can use our room, right Chrissy?” Hana asked.
“Yeah, definitely. The party is at that big house next to the Gulf Station, so it’s like a five-minute walk from Shango,” Chrissy said.
“Sweet. What are we drinking?” Victor asked.
“I found a shady liquor store that takes my fake ID,” Daisy revealed, “so I brought a bottle of vodka, but just a warning it’s very cheap and probably tastes like rubbing alcohol.”
“Oh, I like you, Daisy. When Skippy’s boyfriend visited, all he brought was a fragile male ego. This is awesome,” Victor joked. Skippy rolled her eyes and pushed Victor’s shoulder lightly. Hana watched Aaron’s eyes stick to the spot where they touched and almost laughed to herself.
“That’s why he’s my ex-boyfriend, my dearest Victor. Daisy seems like a lot more ... not-an-asshole than him,” she said.
“I love that glowing compliment. A lot more of not-an-asshole. Can I get that on a t-shirt?” Daisy laughed, and everyone else joined in.
The others discussed what mixers they should bring, and Hana chimed in with her and Daisy’s preferences before the group went their separate ways for an hour or two to get ready.
Daisy and Chrissy were much more fashion minded than Hana, and the pair were a whirlwind getting ready — judging clothes, sharing makeup, and even convincing Hana to dress to the Valentine’s Day theme of the party they were going to that night.
They got ready while listening to Chrissy’s pre-game playlist, one full of pop music by up-and-coming artists Hana never heard of before this year along with a handful of the eighties pop songs Hana loved, and Daisy was in her element. She loved the music, she loved making fun of Hana’s dramatic faces as she tried to get her to wear something outlandish, and she loved being able to openly love Hana. Daisy didn’t have the uncertainty Hana faced when she first came to college — there was no need to figure out who her friends were or how to fit into a new group of people, and she was flourishing after just a few hours.
“Can I do your makeup?” Daisy asked Hana once Hana was dressed in the red pants and white t-shirt the other girls coaxed her into.
“Yeah, sure,” Hana replied.
“Ooh, can you use your girlfriend-privilege to make her wear glitter? I’m lucky if I can convince her to do eyeliner,” Chrissy said.
“Absolutely. Have you ever seen the makeup I did for her junior prom?” Daisy asked. Hana groaned and mentally prepared for a makeup look that she would likely smudge before they got to the party.
When everyone else showed up, they broke out Daisy’s vodka and paired it with lemonade Victor brought.
“To Valentine’s Day being over,” Skippy toasted.
“To discount candy,” Hana added, and they all cheered and drank.
They spent the next hour drinking and joking before finally bundling up to head out. Hana and Daisy walked with their arms linked together on the walk to the party, laughing and openly flirting with each other in a way they were never able to back home.
“It’s always super dark at this house, but they have some cool mood lighting that’s fun for pictures,” Hana said on their walk to the party.
“Yeah, this is just a little thing that Stella’s hosting,” Aaron said. “She lives in the house with, like, four or five other people. She’s a sophomore in my drawing class, and she’s pretty cool.” Stella clearly had a crush on Aaron, but Hana didn’t think Aaron had noticed Stella’s interest.
“I hope it’s not crazy crowded like it was for the last house show here. That was insane,” Skippy said while they climbed the porch steps.
“One way to find out.” Victor pushed the door open to a sudden wall of noise and humidity and drunk bodies filling every available space.
“Wow, this is ... wow,” Daisy said.
“Not quite like the movies, huh?” Hana asked. Daisy nodded, following everyone else as they stripped out of their winter accessories and piled them in a random bedroom Aaron claimed was Stella’s.
“You guys made it! Hi!” Stella exclaimed when they walked into the kitchen. She was holding a “world’s #1 dad” mug filled with something neon pink, and her cheeks were flushed.
“Thanks for inviting us. It looks like you’ve got a good turnout,” Aaron said.
“Yeah, my roommates invited some people, too. Some of them are in the basement jamming if you want to go down there. Also, grab whatever drinks you want. We have some mulled wine and some Very Valentine’s Jungle Juice,” Stella said.
“Oh, cool. Want to grab a cup then head down there, Daisy?” Hana asked. Daisy nodded, and they poured themselves drinks into pink plastic cups, but before any of them could start drinking, Skippy pulled out a small bottle of rum.
“Is this the tradition I keep hearing about?” Daisy asked with a smile. Skippy nodded and held out the bottle to Hana, and she took a swig before passing it to Daisy. Daisy tried not to make a face, but Hana knew her too well. She squeezed her hand and pulled her towards the basement.
“How long before Victor and Aaron get together, do you think?” Hana asked Skippy and Daisy when they got into the basement.
“What? Isn’t Aaron straight?” Skippy asked. Skippy was someone who was sure of herself every day of her life, and Hana didn’t feel she had the capacity to explain that some people don’t come out of the womb understanding that they’re queer and instead took a little while to adjust to it.
“Just some food for thought,” Hana conceded, “What do you think of your first college party, Day?”
“Well, this tastes too good. So right now, I’m a little worried,” Daisy joked.
“Oh yeah, you’re right. I give the party an hour before a fight breaks out,” Hana teased.
“My money is on Victor versus Stella,” Daisy said.
Hana laughed. “Man, I love you.” Daisy blushed.
Skippy made a gagging noise. “Can you save some of the sweetness for when I’m not around? I already had to deal with all the cute couples on Instagram yesterday.” She took a hearty sip of her drink.
“Of course. Very sorry for the strain to your heart,” Daisy teased. Hana smiled at her girlfriend, but when she scanned the party to see if she knew anyone her stomach dropped.
Frida was across the room playing bass in the jam session. Hana’s heart started pounding, and she wanted nothing more than to leave right then. Why did she think she could control the collision of her worlds without any casualties?
“They sound pretty good,” Daisy said.
“Yeah, let’s go listen,” Skippy said.
“I don’t know. It’s kind of loud for me,” Hana said. Skippy shrugged and went over to listen anyways, and Daisy looked at Hana.
“Everything okay?” Daisy asked.
“Yeah, it’s just ... a lot down here.”
“Want to go back upstairs?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
When they walked back upstairs, Hana made a beeline for the punch and refilled her glass along with Daisy’s.
“You okay?” Daisy was probably confused by Hana’s quick turn in mood, and Hana wished she could explain without ruining everything.
“Yeah, it was just overstimulating down there,” Hana said. Daisy accepted the lie with a nod.
They managed to snag an armchair in the living room as someone got up, and Hana sat on Daisy’s lap in the dim glow of the clearly thrifted floor lamps around the room.
“Hana! Hey!” one of Hana’s classmates said, turning to face them from her seat perched on the side of the coffee table.
“Hey! Daisy, this is Bev, she’s in my creative writing class. Bev, this is my girlfriend, Daisy. She’s visiting this weekend,” Hana said.
“Oh, sweet! Welcome to New Paltz, dude. Your girlfriend is a great writer. She’s writing this cool murder mystery story for our class,” Bev said. Daisy wrapped an arm around Hana’s waist, like she wanted everyone to know that Hana was hers, and Hana leaned into the touch.
She didn’t want Daisy to know about the story or her investigation, but it was too late to tell Bev to keep quiet.
“Oh, really? Has my love of Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie finally rubbed off on you?” Daisy teased.
“No, I still hate them. I had to one up them,” Hana joked.
“I mean, it’s a classic story. I love that you left it so open ended because, like, not every case gets solved,” Bev said.
“Honestly I wrote the ending, but it was too long for class.”
“Ooh, so who did it?” Bev asked.
“I don’t know,” Hana admitted. “I wrote it both ways.”
“That’s so cool,” Bev breathed.
“I want to read it,” Daisy said.
Hana took a large sip of her drink. “Maybe later. I still have some edits to make.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” Daisy squeezed her waist tighter for a second, interpreting Hana’s dismissive comment as a promise.
“How’s your story going?” Hana asked Bev, hoping to change the subject.
Bev heaved a sigh and launched into the tale of her writer’s block, and Hana wished they could leave the party right now without Daisy worrying.
When there was a lull in the conversation, Hana pulled Daisy’s arm off her waist. “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to run to the bathroom upstairs.” Daisy nodded at her before curling her legs up under herself to continue her conversation with Bev.
Daisy looked like she belonged there, perched on the beat-up second-hand armchair. The dim lights made the fly-aways from her hair glow like strands of spun gold, and the glitter on her cheeks sparkled with every little movement she made. She was so bright that it felt like the rest of the room was all shadow, all out of focus next to her. Hana turned away, unable to face the sun of her first love knowing that she’d already ruined everything.
When she came back downstairs, Daisy was wrapped up in another conversation, this one with Stella and one of her housemates.
“Hey, what’s up?” Hana asked.
“We’re just talking about that house show house from last semester that was on Manheim,” the housemate said. “It sucks that everyone in the house moved. I bet the landlord is a dick or something.”
He was leaning into Daisy with a wide smile and overly attentive gaze, and Hana wanted to hit him. She sat herself back on Daisy’s lap, and Daisy pressed an absentminded kiss to Hana’s head while the conversation went on. The housemate leaned away, and Hana started playing with Daisy’s fingers, trying not be subtle about her possessiveness.
“You guys are cute,” Stella said. “How long have you been together?”
“Three years. This was our first Valentine’s Day apart, actually,” Hana said. Stella’s housemate suddenly spotted a friend across the room and left the conversation.
“Oh wow, that’s wild. How did you guys meet?” Stella asked. Her face was soft, unknowing, like she hadn’t seen the predatory stance of her housemate. Hana didn’t want to start a fight, so she let herself and Daisy fall into a conversation about how their lives had been intertwining and weaving around each other for over a decade. Stella eventually was pulled away to deal with a spill somewhere, and Hana leaned back into Daisy.
“So, you made some friends?” Hana asked.
“Yeah. Thanks for the save. I didn’t realize he was hitting on me at first, and then I kind of froze up,” Daisy said.
“Happens to the best of us.” Hana turned to face Daisy and fished the flask out of her pocket to take a sip.
“I suppose I could’ve just mentioned my girlfriend was in the bathroom.”
Hana took a gulp of cheap vodka and tried not to wince. “When you spend so long hiding it’s easy to forget when you don’t have to anymore.”
Daisy grabbed the flask and took a small sip, grimacing at the taste. “I don’t know how I’m going to go home and go back to hiding, though. It was like Schrödinger’s closet before. I didn’t know what it was like to be out, so I didn’t know to really miss it.”
“Do you think you’ll come out now?” Hana asked. Despite Hana asking so many times for Daisy to come out, the idea of her doing it now for Hana without knowing how Hana betrayed her made Hana’s chest ache.
Daisy sighed. “I’m too drunk for life altering choices right now.”
Hana couldn’t express her newfound hesitation without explaining to Daisy why she felt that way, so she stuck to her usual line of thinking. “There’s always something.”
“Don’t start, Hana. I missed you, just ... please. Not now.”
“It’s always the wrong time to talk.” Hana took back the flask and drank again.
“We can talk tomorrow, when we’re not drunk and in some stranger’s living room.”
“I’m sure if you wanted, that guy would love for you to not be a stranger,” Hana said even though she knew she was being unfair.
“Hana, please,” Daisy begged. Hana wanted to keep pushing, she wanted to make Daisy hate her so she would leave, but there was no point. Daisy would love her no matter how hard she tried to be unlovable.
“Sorry, you’re right. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m just being moody.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Hana murmured, kissing Daisy chastely. Hana wished that loving her would be enough.