They were quiet for the few remaining minutes before they arrived at her townhouse.
As Zack helped her out of the Humvee, Sondra protested. “You know, I really appreciate all this help, but if you’re driving me around, maybe we should switch to my car. Unless the roads are impassible, my car does just fine, and you wouldn’t have to help me in and out like this.”
“Sorry. I forgot to pick up a step stool for you.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. My car won’t need one.” She stared up at the seat she’d just vacated. It almost reached her chin. “This is hard now. I can’t imagine trying to climb into this thing when I’m several months huge.”
“Point taken. Your car it is.”
“I have an extra set of keys in the house. You can have them.” As much as she enjoyed having Zack touch her, the humiliation of being helped in and out of the car was too much. It was bad enough having to be driven everywhere she went.
Zack helped put the groceries away, familiarizing himself with the layout of Sondra’s kitchen. After they put them away, she let Dewk in as Zack settled on the couch. He promptly launched himself on Zack.
“Down Dewk. Down, boy.” Sondra pulled the big dog off and handed him a rawhide bone. “Go play somewhere else.” Dewk’s tail beat a rhythm as he moved to attack his bone in front of the gas fireplace.
The chewed edges of the rug he planted himself on displayed his ownership. “I’m sorry,” Sondra said, “I’m trying to keep him off the furniture.” She sat down beside Zack. “Not very successfully, I’m afraid.”
“I can see that.” Zack brushed wet prints off his jeans. He moved over to give her some space, and Sondra felt rejected. She’d been feeling so relaxed around him that she forgot how little they really knew each other. Her childhood fantasies weren’t his.
She pulled a decorative pillow on her lap and picked at the fringe. “When are Jade, Stan, and the kids coming?”
“They are flying in next Thursday. They’ll be here for Christmas Eve on Friday.”
“How long are they staying?”
“They’ll be here almost a week. They are flying out the following Saturday.”
“Did you have any plans with them?”
“We wanted to tour Temple Square, and I would like to go skiing, but I don’t think Jade will join me.”
“Will Stan take the kids?”
Zack shook his head. “He’ll go along with whatever Jade decides. He wouldn’t cross her.”
“She’s that bad?”
Zack turned and met her eyes. “No. He loves her that much.”
“Oh.” Sondra looked down at the pillow she was holding. Her experience with marriages was limited. Her Mom and Dad. Her grandparents. Nikki and Brad. They were all happily married, but her work in the divorce courts had embittered her. Seeing everything through a skewed lens hadn’t been healthy.
And worshipping in a singles’ ward was also limiting. She looked up at Zack. “I need to find a new ward.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not single. Even if it’s temporary. And I’m pregnant. I really need to start attending a local ward, but I don’t know who to contact.”
He grinned. “This is Utah. Probably your next-door neighbor would be able to tell you.”
She looked stricken. “I hate to confess this, but the only neighbor I’ve had interaction with is Scott, and he’s in the singles’ ward.”
“Speaks well for the ward.” His voice was sarcastic.
“Tell me about it.”
He pulled out his phone. “The easy way is to use this app.” He clicked a couple of times, typed in a few letters, and pulled up a map showing the nearest ward. “Bishop Swenson is the current bishop.”
“Why didn’t I think of that?”
“I probably travel a lot more than you do.”
Sondra’s brows crinkled. “How much travelling do you do?”
“I haven’t had anyone tying me down, so I’ve been doing a lot. There are contracts I’ve been overseeing as well as family business to attend to.”
“And you can stop all that to drive me to work?” She was doubtful.
Zack looked intent. “Yes, I can. Will you please stop worrying? It’s not good for the twins.” He reached out, his fingertips almost brushing her stomach before he pulled away.
“Why do you care so much about these babies?” She asked.
“It’s in my power to make a difference. I’m going to be that difference.” He stared absently at Dewk, who had made headway on the bone. It wouldn’t survive the night. “And you’ve helped me keep Granny in her own home.” He re-focused on her. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
Her stomach growled loudly. She turned pink. “I’m so sorry. My body doesn’t usually talk.”
He laughed. “Your body is going to do a lot of unusual things. What would you like to eat?”
“I can fix a salad. Are sandwiches okay?” She pushed herself out of the couch and moved to the kitchen.
“Sounds great.” He followed her and opened the fridge. “What do you have?”
“I thought ham and provolone on rye sounded good.”
He reached for the items she mentioned and put them on the table. They worked in companionable silence. Zack nuked Sondra’s sandwich just long enough for the cheese to melt.
“Perfect.” Sondra approved. She stopped before she took a bite. “Shouldn’t we bless this?”
“I was wondering.” He stared at her a moment. “Did you want me to do the honors?”
“I want you to decide.” She hadn’t ever shared her home with a Priesthood holder. Occasional visits from family didn’t count. This was all going to be strange.
“I’ll take care of it.”
They cleaned up together and then watched a re-run of the Church’s Christmas Devotional. “I’m so sorry.” Sondra yawned. “I can’t stay awake.”
“No worries. Do I put Dewk out?”
“Yes. He tends to destroy furniture if I leave him in at night. His kennel is heated. He’ll be just fine.”
Dewk didn’t seem to notice that Sondra wasn’t the one kicking him out. Scott probably had something to do with that.
The next morning as Zack and Sondra were leaving to go to the local ward, Scott was also getting into his truck. He glared at both of them and then left, probably heading for the singles ward.
Sondra let out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “That went well.”
“He didn’t say a word.” Zack snorted.
“Yes, but did you see the way he looked at me?”
“I was just hoping you’d start breathing again.”
“Very funny. The only time I saw him look at anyone that way was when Dewk chewed through his back door.”
“He did that?” His face held sympathy for the poor guy who’d had his door demolished.
Sondra nodded. “I paid for it, but I swear, if looks could kill, Dewk would’ve melted right on the spot.”
“How come he kept taking Dewk with him?”
“I’m suspicious Scott thought we were more of an item than I did. He wanted to get Dewk under control before we joined households.”
Zack nodded somberly. “Good plan.” He glanced back at the fence where Dewk’s head was bobbing up and down. He was jumping to see over the six foot fence. “He makes a great jack-in-the-box.” Sondra giggled and Zack continued, “at least he’s quiet.”
“Dewk?”
“Yes.”
She was embarrassed. “I confess I used a barking collar on him.”
“Used?”
“It didn’t take long for him to figure it out. He only needed it for a month or so.”
“Quick learner.”
“On some things. I don’t know how to get him over destroying furniture.”
“That’s a tough one. He doesn’t seem to mind the outdoors though.”
“I think he’s part husky, so no, he doesn’t.”
* * *
They were welcomed warmly as they entered the building. Sondra felt like a fraud, but she really couldn’t attend the singles’ ward while she was expecting, and the rings on her finger were a ticket to the new ward as well.
Zack sat with his arm on the back of the bench behind Sondra. Her skin tingled when his suit-covered arm touched her. Zack seemed to be relaxed, but Sondra was tense. Conflicting emotions ran through her. Since the Ward Christmas Program involved a lot of singing and moving of primary children around the room, her agitation blended with the atmosphere.
She put her purse and her scriptures on the seat next to her in Sunday School. Zack was forced to settle a seat away, but he still draped his arm casually over the chair closest to her. Had she been an outside observer, they certainly looked like an attached couple.
Separation for Relief Society and Priesthood came as a relief. She had spent too many years pining over Zack. Trying to pretend his touch didn’t affect her was draining.
After church services, Sondra apologized. “I’m not really hungry. I’m going to have a salad and then I’m going to crash.”
“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.” Zack assured her. He headed into his own room to change while Sondra ate.
After the light lunch, Sondra sequestered herself in her bedroom. Sunday had usually been nap day, but she could hardly keep her eyes open long enough to hit the bed. She woke around six to the scent of garlic, basil, and oregano. Italian.
She had changed into gray sweats and a t-shirt. As she walked out of her room, she ran her fingers through her hair. “Smells good.”
“I hope you like spaghetti.”
She frowned slightly. “I love it, but I’m not sure how it will sit.”
“Nauseated?”
“I’m not sure. Just off.”
His brows knit in a frown. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.”
“I appreciate your fixing dinner. I wasn’t expecting this.” Sondra smiled her gratitude.
“I didn’t want to wake you. I figured you needed your sleep.”
“I did, and thanks for thinking of me.”
He had the table set. Garlic bread was sliced and placed on a serving platter. A green salad was tossed with croutons and Caesar dressing. A glass bowl of pasta was covered and sitting in the center of the table, as was a bowl of spaghetti sauce mixed with what looked like Italian sausage.
“This looks really good.” Sondra pulled out salad bowls and placed them on the table. “Who did you want to bless the food?”
“I’ll say it.” His prayer was sincere and included family members, world events, and the safety of the twins. When he finished, Sondra wondered if there was anything personal he’d left out of the prayer because she was sitting there listening. She was experiencing a world of firsts.
She wondered if she’d ever get used to having a man act as the leader of her spiritual home. Even though the whole situation was temporary for both of them, she didn’t think it would be right to not allow him the proper place in her home. He was her legal husband after all.
The next couple of days went smoothly. Zack delivered Sondra safely to work, and clients kept her busy enough that she didn’t fall asleep. Evenings found them at some kind of restaurant for dinner. Sondra chose since Zack didn’t seem to have any preference, and she was asleep by eight.
Wednesday evening, Zack walked into the office with a package. Sondra was waiting at her door, watching with some amusement at the admiring glances of the female employees of the firm. Her heart raced at his approach. How can someone be so unaware of his effect on the female population? Too gorgeous for—
“This arrived for you today.” Zack’s words interrupted her thoughts.
She looked down at the package. It was wrapped with plain brown paper. Her home address and the return address had been printed out in a basic font. The return address was one she’d never seen. Idaho. Who do I know in Idaho?
She reached for the package.
“I’ll put it on your desk. It’s heavy.”
Zack’s extreme solicitude could be irritating. Sondra calmed herself. He was thinking of the babies.
She followed him into her office, stood next to her desk and proceeded to rip off the cover. Under the plain brown wrapping, shiny silver paper decorated with lacy wedding bells proclaimed the purpose for the gift. She ripped off the wrapping.
“Porcelain dinnerware? Who would send dinnerware in the mail?” Sondra was puzzled.
“Any family in Idaho?”
Sondra shook her head. “I don’t know anyone there. Not even any clients. This is strange.” She glanced up at Zack. “Do you know anyone there?”
He shook his head, as puzzled as she was.
She moved to open the box, but Zack reached for it and made short work of the glued top. He pulled it open and stared. “What the—”
Sondra reached forward and pulled out a jagged piece of broken porcelain. “Trust the mail service.”
Zack pursed his lips and stared at the shattered dinnerware. “I don’t want to burst your bubble, but these dishes weren’t destroyed in route. They were broken when they were put in there.”
Sondra’s brows furrowed. “How do you know?”
“Look at them. None of the pieces fit.”
She stared in the box. The dishes looked like they’d been smashed and then thrown in. Cup shards were mixed in with jagged pieces of bowls and plates. She laughed. “You obviously haven’t unwrapped anything breakable delivered by mail. This looks like the box was seriously mishandled.”
Zack shook his head. “The wrapping and the box were pristine. If it had been mishandled that badly, it would’ve been reflected in the container. Besides, if you’ve ever unpacked a new set of dishes, there’s more cardboard in the box than there are dishes.”
“You’re right.” Sondra reached gingerly past the shards and pulled out a typed note. Her hands shook as she read.
Zack asked, “May I?” At her nod, he pulled the note away and read it himself. Anger was written on his face when he dropped the note to the desk.
“I am shattered. You will be too.” Zack repeated. “Who would send you a note like that?”
“I have no idea.” She stared at the paper like it was a coiled rattler. “But I have angered a lot of spouses over the years.”
“Has anyone done this before?”
She shook her head, speechless.
“I think we should get the police involved.”
Images of horrified clients watching officers barge into the firm had Sondra reaching to stop Zack as he put his phone to his ear. “Please, don’t. We need to take this to the police. I don’t want to panic my clients.”
Reluctantly, Zack stuffed the phone back into his pocket. “Where is the nearest station?”
“It’s about six blocks from here.” She grabbed her coat. Zack helped her with it, closed up the box, and carried it back to the car.
They drove in silence. Sondra guessed from the set of Zack’s jaw that he wasn’t going to rest until the perpetrator was found.
When they arrived at the station, they walked into a door only to be faced with plexiglass between the woman behind a desk and the waiting room. Zack deposited the box on an end table and moved over to the partition. “I need to report a threat.”
The woman looked up and said, “You’ll need to call dispatch to report it. A police officer will have to handle it.”
“Can’t you make the call?”
She shook her head. “It has to come from you. You can either use the phone on the wall or call from a cell phone.”
Disgruntled by the process, Zack pulled out his phone and dialed 911. While he was reporting the event, Sondra stood up and walked nervously around the small room. The past couple of days, she’d found herself dead on her feet by the end of the day. This unknown threat had her adrenaline flowing.
A familiar tone rang through the room. Nikki. What a time to call. Sondra picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi, Sondra. Are the rumors true?”
“What rumors?” Sondra tried to pretend she didn’t know what Nikki was referring to.
“That you’re married.”
“Who told you that?” Stalling. They both knew it.
“Cari. She didn’t seem to think it was a secret. Is there something you’re hiding from me?”
Sondra glanced at the ceiling, begging for some help. It was useless. Divine intervention was out. There were too many lies. She blew out a breath, stared at Zack who was occupied by his own conversation, and stepped outside. “I didn’t want to get you involved. It seemed like the easiest way to explain a pregnancy.”
“What. Did. You. Do?” Nikki asked.
“I got married.”
“You WHAT?”
“Nikki. Calm down. It’s only until the babies are born. It was to keep my clients from bailing.”
“Does your husband know this?”
“Since it was a mutually-advantageous arrangement, I would say so.”
“What’s in it for him?” Nikki sounded doubtful.
“Keeping his grandmother from being thrown out of her house.”
“How does marriage prevent that?” Nikki asked.
“If he didn’t get married, he was going to be thrown out of the will. Because he did marry, he is the executor of the estate and can make the final decision on financial affairs—including whether or not his grandmother stays in her own home.”
“I don’t like this. Not one bit. I didn’t mean for you to throw your whole life away for me.” Nikki’s sobs were audible. “I’ve ruined your life.”
Stunned into silence, Sondra stood and listened to her sister’s meltdown. Finally, she said, “I’m old enough to figure out how to run my life, and you haven’t ruined it. I’ve just put a few things on hold.”
“But now you’re married.” Nikki wailed.
“As you know, I’m an attorney. I handle divorces all the time. This should be a piece of cake.”
“Are you sure?” Nikki’s tears seemed to be drying.
Sondra nodded and then, remembering she was talking on the phone, said, “Yes. I am.”
Nikki sniffed and then asked, “Who is the lucky guy? Is it anyone I know?”
“Zack Carlson.”
“Zack Carlson? Like the Zack Carlson?” Nikki sounded incredulous.
“Yes. The one and only.” Sondra couldn’t help the smile that warmed her face. She was sure Nikki could hear it.
“How did that happen?”
“We took the same flight to Washington, DC.”
Silence. It was as pregnant as Sondra was. “Okay. Back up. When did you go to DC?”
“The day you came in to make your request. Thursday.”
“And when did you marry Zack?”
“Friday.”
Sondra could almost hear the wheels spinning in Nikki’s head. “That was fast.”
Sondra laughed. “I took the opportunity and ran with it.”
“Does Zack know how you feel about him?” Nikki asked.
“Felt. That was a long time ago. Felt.”
“So you don’t have any feelings for him now?” Nikki pressed.
Sondra pursed her lips and tried to think of what to say. Her sister knew her too well. She knew the nuances of her voice. Slowly, she said, “Zack is, well, ummm, Zack. I would be a total robot if I didn’t have any feelings, but he has no idea how I feel.”
“Why not? You’re married, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but it’s complicated. I don’t want him feeling obligated to keep this permanent. It wouldn’t be fair to build a relationship on my own youthful infatuation. He’s got such an over-developed big brother thing going that I don’t want him tied to me if he doesn’t have any feelings for me that way.”
“Have you looked at yourself lately?” Nikki asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“It wouldn’t be hard to hook him.” Nikki sounded very sure of that fact.
Sondra sighed. “I just don’t want it to be because he feels obligated. I want him to really love me for who I am, not because he feels like I’m some sort of responsibility in his life.”
“So when exactly are you going to work on that?” Nikki asked.
“There isn’t much I can do until the twins are born.”
“I’ve been dying to know but haven’t dared call. I know I’m already asking so much of you, and I know how busy you are.” Nikki took a quivering breath. “Is everything alright?”
“So far, everything is fine. Although I’m awfully tired.”
“I don’t remember feeling that way.” Nikki said.
“Everyone is different, although Zack recognized the signs right away. Jade and I are sharing similar side effects.”
“Who is Jade?”
“His sister.”
“That’s odd.”
“I know, right?”
“So how is Zack so aware of your physical needs? Does he live close?” Nikki pressed.
“He’s living with me right now.”
“WHAT?”
Sondra pulled the phone from her ear, then put it back to reply, “Yeah. The guest room.”
“For living a temporary arrangement, you are pushing limits.”
“It’s not how it seems.” Sondra confessed. “I fell asleep during the Christmas party and Zack decided I couldn’t drive myself to work.”
“How thoughtful.” Nikki’s voice dripped sarcasm.
Defensively, Sondra said, “He really has been taking good care of me. His main goal right now is to help me get the twins here safely.” Sondra paused a moment. “How is Brad?”
“The new therapy seems to be helping. He’s put on a couple of pounds this week.”
“That’s good news.”
“Yes, we’re both happy.”
A police cruiser pulled into the parking lot.
“I need to go.” Sondra’s voice was rushed. With all the other stressors in Nikki’s life, she didn’t need to be burdened with this. “I’ll let you know if anything happens with the twins. In the meantime, you work on getting Brad healthy.”
“I will. I love you. Thanks for your willingness to do this for us.”
“No problem. And please, keep the state of my marriage under your hat. I don’t want it getting to the wrong ears.”
“Do Mom and Dad know?” Nikki asked.
“Not yet, and their ears are the wrong ones.”
“Gotcha. Keep in touch.”
“I will.” Sondra shut the phone as the officer walked through the door. She followed behind and listened as Zack explained the package to the officer. She answered a few questions, then the officer scribbled on his pad, picked up the box, and disappeared behind a metal door.
“And that’s that. What a gift.” Zack said.
They stared at each other, and Sondra’s eyes grew big. “You don’t think we’ll get more, do you?”
“More what?”
“Wedding gifts?”
“I wouldn’t call that a wedding gift, but…” he paused to push a stray hair behind her ear, “wedding gifts might come as the news spreads.”
Sondra looked stricken. “What are we supposed to do with gifts?”
“Well,” Zack drawled, “we could enjoy the bounty and send back thank you notes.”
“I think I’d rather stick them in a closet and send them back after we get divorced.”
“Or you could return them to the various stores and get cash back. Checks are easier to return than gifts. Or you could put the money in a bank account for the twins.”
Sondra shuddered. “I just hope no one thinks we need wedding gifts.” Zack opened the door for Sondra and then got behind the wheel.
“Nikki finally heard the news.” Sondra said.
“What do you mean ‘heard the news?’”
“Apparently, she called Cari to talk to me and Cari spilled the beans. She didn’t know it was a secret.”
“What are you talking about?” Zack’s brows drew together in a puzzled frown.
“Our marriage.”
“Is it a secret?” His eyebrows rose in a question as their eyes met. He turned his attention back to the road as she answered.
“Well, I haven’t told my parents yet.” She admitted.
“Why not?”
“I didn’t want them upset over missing my wedding. If we’re divorced before they return next December, they’ll have missed the entire stressful event.”
“Only to be greeted by grandbabies.” He nodded as if he agreed with her plan.
“Exactly.” Sondra took a breath and then continued, “I wasn’t sure how Mom and Dad would feel about the whole surrogacy thing.”
Zack caught her eyes again and then directed his attention to the snowy road. “How are you feeling about the whole surrogacy thing?”
Sondra bit her lip and stared out the window. She didn’t even want to admit her mixed feelings to herself. Even though the twins were so young, so new, just knowing they were growing inside her, gaining sustenance from her own body, made them feel more hers than Nikki’s.
She wanted desperately to help Nikki, but this sacrifice was bigger than she thought it would be. When the babies were born, would she really be able to hand them over with no regrets? They might have been created by Nikki and Brad, but they were being sustained by her. That sustenance had meaning, and it was something she hadn’t even considered. She caught a tear before it ran down her cheek.