Lonely Hearts

(i)

Hiawatha, feeling randy

on the shores of Gitche-gumme

Thinking squaw would come in handy

to scritchy-scratchy itchy tummy

Plenty big-bam in the wigwam

where the laughing waters flow

Fire an arrow, make me quiver

Minnehaha ho ho ho.

(ii)

Pied Piper

(kids flown the nest)

seeks lady piper

(preferably undressed)

for reels and jigs

and entrechats.

Do not apply

unless fond of rats.

(iii)

Matilda

(who told such dreadful lies)

seeks handsome fireman

with coal-black eyes

and huge moustache on,

to set her alight

and quench her passion.

(iv)

To whitowl

owner of peagreen boat

seeks pussy-cat

for low jinks

on high seas

-To woo!