Thirty-Five

Sean’s sister, Polly—giddy with self-importance—skipped ahead of Sarah, then waited for her to catch up.

“Does Fanny have any more sisters besides you?” Polly asked. She was a perfect Polly, Sarah thought. Freckles on her up-turned nose, and long-lashed blue eyes. She spoke with a slight lisp.

“No, but she has a little brother, Sammy.”

“Fanny and Sean are getting married. They said I could come to the wedding if they have one.” She skipped a step.

Sarah’s heart dived. “They said they’re getting married?”

“Ask Fanny. There she is.”

Fanny was standing in front of the gray house holding a fat baby in a matching blue sweater and booties. As Sarah approached, Fanny looked at her coldly. “Why are you here?”

“Mama’s had a heart attack. A bad one. She’s in the hospital.”

Fanny stared at her. “But…she’s never had any heart trouble.”

“She told Papa that she’d been having chest pains for a while, but she ignored them.”

Fanny smiled bitterly. “She thinks she’s so perfect nothing bad can happen to her.”

“I came because Papa thought you’d want to go to the hospital to see her.”

The blue-booted baby wriggled and Fanny switched him to her other arm. “As far as Mama’s concerned, I’m dead. One of those Jewish laws that make you proud to be Jewish,” she said with a brittle laugh. She pressed the baby so tightly against her he whimpered. “I promised myself I wouldn’t go back unless she apologized.”

“Papa’s sure the biggest reason she got a heart attack is because you left. A lot of pain can break a heart.”

“Mama’s heart is too tough to break.”

“Fanny…Mama’s different now. You’ll see. Papa said that being close to dying can change you.”

“Papa’s a dreamer.” Fanny’s blue eyes were two closed doors. What could Sarah say that would reach her? She walked up to the baby and smiled into his sunny face. “What’s his name?”

“Timothy.” Fanny’s voice softened and she dropped a light kiss on the baby’s head.

“Fanny, Papa misses you so much. He doesn’t joke like he used to. And Sammy keeps asking for you…”

“Why can’t I wait until Mama comes home?”

“Papa thinks you shouldn’t wait.”

The baby stuck his finger in Fanny’s mouth and she kissed it absently. “I have to make arrangements.”

“But you’ll come? I can tell Papa?”

Fanny’s laugh chilled Sarah. “Mama’s the one you better tell. I don’t want to walk into her room and give her another heart attack.” She turned and walked into the house. The last thing Sarah saw before the door closed was the baby kicking his blue booties.

§

Sarah pulled her father to the chair in the back of the shop and made him sit down. “I found Fanny. She’s going to the hospital to see Mama.”

“When?”

“I told her it should be soon.”

“Good.”

“I thought you’d be so happy.”

“I am happy, Sarahla.” He stroked her hair “Your mama didn’t do well today. How did she seem yesterday?”

“Oh…not too good. Where’s Sammy?”

He’s taking a nap. On your bed.”

“I’m going to lie down too.” She shrugged. “Fanny didn’t make things too easy. What about you, Papa?”

“You rest, Sarahla. I’m fine.”

Sarah knew she’d never convince him to rest. She kissed his cheek and passed through the blue curtains. Sammy was curled up, his face buried in her pillow. She eased off his shoes and put them beside the bed. Sturdy brown leather shoes. Goosie’s shoes had been too big and he’d had to scrunch his toes to keep them from falling off.

Goosie, Subbie…how do you fill the holes when people you love die? She sat down next to Sammy, eased his hand from under his chin and held it. And Fanny. She was gone too, only she didn’t leave a hole, but a ragged tear that kept bleeding.

Her chest tightened. And her mother. What if she died? A gray wash of anxiety enveloped her. She didn’t want her mother to die. It would break her father’s already scarred heart. She shouldn’t have yelled at her…what if she had…no, she wasn’t going to let herself go crazy over that…

She lay down close to Sammy and pulled the blanket up so that it covered them both. She snuggled her face into his Sammy-smelling hair. She hugged him close. Trying to match her breathing to Sammy’s, she finally fell asleep.

§

Water was magic. Late in the afternoon when she had run out of ideas to entertain Sammy, she had poured a little into an old pot, given him a rag, and told him to see how clean he could make the glass in the shop display cases. Surreptitiously, she had smeared dirt from the bottom of her shoe onto the glass.

Her father had just sold his last roasting chicken. But the glistening brown liver had attracted no one. Sarah sighed. Its destiny was clear. Taking two quivering slices out of the display case, she brought them into the kitchen, and was putting another log in the cooking stove, when a shriek from Sammy made her jump.

“FANNY!”

She stood still and listened to the excited tumble of voices. Her father’s, vibrant again, Sammy’s excited chatter. She didn’t move. She would let them be together without her.

Sammy burst into the kitchen, his eyes shining. “Fanny’s here!” He grabbed Sarah’s hand and pulled her into the shop. Fanny was talking to Jacob, and he was smiling, his eyes devouring her. Her hair had grown long enough to reach beyond her shoulders. She was wearing a white, long-sleeved blouse that Sarah had never seen before. It flattered her.

“Sarahla,” Jacob said as he put his arm around Fanny. “Fanny went to visit Mama.”

Sarah gave Fanny an obligatory hug. “Did it go all right?”

Fanny smiled wryly. “She didn’t have the energy to throw me out.”

“We don’t joke about such things,” Jacob said brusquely. “Your mama was glad to see you.”

“How did Mama seem to you?” Sarah asked.

“Weak…it hardly seemed like her.”

Jacob nodded unhappily. “Her blood pressure is down a little, but not enough. The doctor said if she stays in bed, does nothing but rest, maybe she could come home in a few days.”

Sammy grabbed Fanny’s hand. “Let’s play with my horses.”

“I can only stay for a short time, Sammy.”

“I want you to stay like always.”

Jacob hung the closed sign in the shop window and they all went into the living room. Fanny sat on the floor with Sammy and began to set up the wooden horses he dumped in front of her. Jacob settled into his reading chair, content to watch them. Sarah went into the kitchen and started peeling potatoes.

After twenty minutes Fanny put the horses back in the box, accompanied by loud protestations from Sammy.

The good-byes were brief—quick hugs, before tears came. Fanny gave her father a second hug and laid her head on his shoulder for a minute. She kissed Sammy on both cheeks and turned to Sarah. “Would you walk me to the streetcar?”

“Go,” Jacob said.

It was after five o’clock. The nightly parade had begun—weary men with lunch pails and women hurrying home from their factory jobs to see that their children were all right.

Sarah heard her name called and saw Leo crossing the street.

“Leo!” Fanny said, hugging him.

“Fanny!” The eyebrows shot up. “You are prettier than your father’s finest veal roast.”

“Can you keep a secret?”

Leo smiled. “I’m a keeper of secrets.”

“I’m getting married! In two weeks. His name is Sean Dillon and he’s tall and handsome and is apprenticing in his father’s print shop.” She cocked her head and looked at him coyly. “He’s very romantic.”

Leo’s smile vanished. “What did your mama and papa say to this news?”

“I’m waiting until my mother gets better to tell them.”

“Have they ever met this handsome, romantic man?”

“No.”

Leo hesitated, then kissed Fanny on both cheeks. “I wish you and your handsome man happiness.”

“That’s a funny way to find out my sister is getting married,” Sarah said after Leo left them.

“I didn’t plan it. It just came out. I’m counting on you to keep it secret.” They had walked a block when Fanny asked, “Can we go to Peanut Park for a few minutes?”

§

The park was empty except for an elderly Chinese man reading a large book, his long finger tracing the words. Pigeons bobbed around his shoes, looking for crumbs. Sarah sat down on the bench under the tall oak. Her stomach was in knots.

“Sean’s parents don’t know anything either,” Fanny said, sitting close to her. “We plan to get our license at city hall in the morning, and in the evening Jane Addams is giving a reception at Hull House for us and another couple.”

“You always talked about the beautiful wedding dress you would have when you got married.”

Fanny dismissed the idea with a shrug. “If I can’t have one, I can’t.”

Sarah looked at her curiously. “This doesn’t sound like you.”

Fanny kept her voice low. “I just found out I’m pregnant.’’

Sarah stared. Fanny’s face blurred. The Chinese man turned a page.

“Don’t look like that!” Fanny said resentfully.

“I’m sorry, Fanny. I’m just so… Are you happy about it?”

“Get that expression off your face and I’ll tell you.”

Sarah lowered her head, then lifted it and looked at Fanny. “Tell me.”

“Well…Sean and I had been really good about going just so far…but one night…well…I didn’t worry, though. Just that one time. I never thought I’d get pregnant. At first I was worried and unhappy, but then I began thinking how lucky we are. It takes some couples years to have a baby and some can’t have them at all. So I began to get excited. But I haven’t told Sean. I want to surprise him on our wedding night. We’re planning to get married in two weeks. Starting next month Sean will have completed his apprenticeship at his father’s print shop and then he’ll get full pay. He promises me that he’ll stay away from those boys who got him into trouble before.”

“You have a lot of things figured out.”

Fanny’s tone changed. “Now I want to apologize.”

“To who?”

“You.”

Sarah said nothing.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“If it’s for something that happened a hundred years ago, forget it.”

“You’re not helping any!”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

Fanny’s face was flushed. She spoke haltingly. “I know I’ve been nasty to you, saying things to make you feel ugly…or unpopular or stupid. I don’t blame you if you hate me. That’s what I want to apologize about.”

Her mother’s confession, and now Fanny’s. Sarah felt she had been turned inside out. “I don’t hate you.”

“So…do you accept my apology?”

Sarah looked at her beautiful sister. “It’ll take awhile. The hurt’s been with me so long.”

“Well, I’m not going to beg you.” Fanny stood up.

Sarah rose. “I hope you and Sean have a beautiful, healthy baby.” She gave Fanny a quick hug.

The Chinese man closed his book and when he saw the two pretty girls hugging, he smiled.