As part of her mother's eulogy, our daughter Libby read a letter she had written to her two oldest children, who were so young at the time of Mary's passing that they would not be able to remember their grandmother when they grew up. It reads:
Dear Emmy and Steve:
You are a gift. It is because of you that I know how much a mother loves her children. I believe that a mother knows her child better than anyone on earth and no one will ever understand you the way I do. And secretly I'll never stop believing this. Neither did your Grammy.
She loved me, your Uncle Trey and Aunt Kristi completely and unconditionally—a concept I wouldn't understand without you…
I had asked her in her last few months of life to write for you, “Grammy's lessons on life.” She was never able to do this project, so I am attempting it for her.
Lesson #1: Set every clock in the house 8 minutes fast:
This was your Grammy's complex method for being on time.
Lesson #2: The “dink” serve is the key to winning at tennis:
Her serve was so soft that it would barely float over the net. Many a time I watched her opponents wind up to smash a return winner only to hit it way out of bounds or into the net. Point Mary.
Lesson #3: Even when you're mad at your kids, if the phone rings answer cheerfully:
It drove us crazy when she did that.
Lesson #4: Treat everyone like they're important:
Your Grammy had a way of making everyone she met feel special. And her feelings for people were real.
Lesson #5: Take pride in your spouse.
Lesson #6: Remember that family comes first.
Lesson #7: Parent from a common voice.
Lesson #8: Give your children roots and wings:
This is perhaps the most important lesson for me. Your Grammy and Poppy did this so well. In our early years they instilled in us their values. Then when the time was right, they set us free.
Lesson #9: Have fun at whatever you do.
As Libby shared those lessons, it was never clearer that she is her mother's daughter. There have also been other occasions where I've seen our children express a mind-set reminiscent of Mary's.
In the early days of the Gates Foundation, Trey and Melinda began looking at ways to improve the health of children in the developing world, too many of whom were dying of preventable illnesses.
Shortly after they made their first gift to provide life-saving vaccines for these children, some doctors, scientists, and leaders in the field of immunology wanted to come out to the Northwest to thank them. Trey and Melinda invited them to their home for dinner.
Although these experts hadn't come asking for more financial support, after listening to them talk a while Trey asked them, “What could you do if you had more money?”
That really got them going on the topic of why some 30 million children weren't receiving vaccines.
Near the end of the evening, Trey thanked the experts for their insights and challenged them to come back to him and Melinda with breakthrough ideas for creating a better life for those children.
His parting words of encouragement to the experts that night were “Don't be afraid to think big.”