To me, one of the most important things in life is friendship.
I still have friends I made in grade school. In fact, my first close friend and I (he lived next door when I was growing up) still make it a point to see each other.
And once or twice a year I get together for lunch with five friends from high school to reminisce about those wonderful days.
I believe it's important to be deliberate about nurturing cherished friendships.
Mary was a marvel at regularly creating interesting things for us to do with our friends—whether it was a volleyball game in the park near our house or a scavenger hunt or a costume party.
Almost sixty years ago now, she started a bridge club. The club has met ever since, continuing on even after Mary's death.
One world-class moment in the life of the bridge club occurred the night my friend Charlotte made a point we all understood, without saying a word.
She thought her bridge partner was always too critical of and outspoken about her playing. So one night when he started ragging on her she pulled out earmuffs and put them on.
We all fell apart, laughing. And everybody got the point.
Rarely, are such heroic measures required to get your point across to an old friend.
Over time you reach a level of understanding and trust with your closest friends. You know these people, their prejudices and idiosyncrasies. You accept them, and you are even charmed by them. You sense that they in turn accept, uncritically, who and what you are.
To share a hearty laugh with friends you don't need jokes. You just need punch lines.
A lot goes without saying. And this is part of the inexpressible comfort of having an old friend.
During Mary's fatal struggle with cancer, it was the care and affection of such old friends that carried me through. And after she was gone it was they who filled in the painful empty spaces of my life. They were consistent and deliberate about taking the initiative to spend time with me.
Among them were some of the same couples whose families spent summer vacations with Mary and me and the kids at Cheerio and joined in on our family skating parties. After all the children grew up, we couples continued to make time for one another in our lives. We shared some vacations. We even went traveling and saw a little slice of the world together.
Some of these same dear friends are also in the bridge club. After all these years we are still very conscientious about meeting regularly, even though lately we decided that we will no longer play bridge when we're together. The friendships always were more important than the cards.
I find that to keep friendships alive one has to take pains to remind the people you care about that you're thinking of them and they are important to you. To me that means I need to mail that note or make the telephone call.
I've concluded that such attentiveness and deliberateness are indeed a small price to pay in exchange for the rewards of deep and enduring friendships that last a lifetime.