I learned most of what I know about the important role grandparents play in the lives of children by observing Mary's mother, Gami.
All of our lives were made much richer and fuller by the contributions she made to our family's existence.
When my children were growing up and Mary began spending more time volunteering, her mother started coming to our house every day to be there when the children returned home from school.
Even though Mary's father had died by then and Gami lived alone, she almost never stayed for dinner. She was a very insightful woman and she insisted we needed family time alone.
Gami was a powerful and nonjudgmental presence in our children's lives.
Libby remembers that she was a true confidant, someone with whom she could share anything, and who could be counted on to harbor a secret forever.
Kristi regarded Gami as her second mother.
The fact that Trey went to his grandmother's house to do some of his most important creative work for Microsoft speaks for itself.
I learned so much from Gami about showing up as a grandparent.
I try to show up for my own grandkids when they're young by doing such ordinary things as taking one of them to McDonald's or appearing at grandparents day at school.
Mimi often goes with me to grandparents days, and often buys engaging books chosen specifically to meet each grandchild's interests. Something I've learned from her is that you don't have to be a blood relative to be a good grandparent.
She likes to tell the story of the day she brought one of our grandchildren to the Seattle Art Museum for a mask-making workshop designed for kids.
The instructor asked the parents and grandparents to step to one side of the room, and the kids to the other. My granddaughter just stood still. When asked why, she said, “She isn't my mother or my grandmother. She's my step-grandmother.”
The instructor thanked her and then asked all step-grandparents to join the parents and grandparents.
We take each of our grandchildren on a vacation as his or her tenth-birthday present. The idea behind it is for the children to know us, and for us to know them. We think it works.
Lately, we've been taking one of our young granddaughters to Shaw Island with us. And we've loved watching her share in a magical friendship with the little girl next door.
However, what it all really comes down to is this: I think grandparents—and aunts and uncles, for that matter-can give kids a sense of worth. What these adults tell children is “You matter to me. What you do matters to me. I want to see you. I want to keep track of what you're doing.”