Alex froze, suitcase in hand, staring up the front sidewalk leading to the expansive, covered front porch of the Roberts family home.
I can’t believe I’m the first one here. Where are Merideth and Anna? They should’ve been here by now.
But it was just him.
I’m not ready for this.
He would be the first to walk into the family home without a mother or father to greet him. The first to fight his way into the heartless silence of a house that, until now, had only known voices and music and life. He took a step back toward his car. He could sit there and wait—
“Alex, is that you? Hey, it’s good to have you back here at the house.”
Alex turned to find Frank Farquar standing in his yard. He had lived next to the Roberts family for as long as Alex could remember. He lifted his suitcase in a half wave.
“Thanks, Frank. Good to see you.”
“Will the other kids be here?”
“Yup, we’re all here for, well, you know, Dad’s funeral.”
Frank shook his head and smacked his forehead with an open palm.
“Of course, of course you are. Stupid question. Beth and I will be there. Four o’clock, right?”
Alex nodded. Then he turned back to face the moment.
C’mon. Let’s get this over with.
He walked up the stairs, and they groaned under his weight. He set his suitcase down and slid the lid off the porcelain kettle sitting on a little table next to two rattan lounge chairs. Inside was the front door key. It’d been there forever.
Everyone in the county knew that.
The heavy lock turned with a bit of force, and the large wooden door creaked open. Alex switched on the hall light and closed the door behind him. He was in.
It was so quiet.
As he turned on lights and made his way to the living room, he kept waiting to hear his dad call out from the den or see his mom come around the corner from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron, preparing to give him a welcoming embrace.
They were gone. They were really gone.
His breathing grew heavy and his chest began to ache. He grabbed his suitcase and headed upstairs to his old bedroom. Nothing much had changed. He’d been here two years ago when his mom died, and two other times since then. He never thought he’d be back here so soon for another funeral. And burying Dad. This was really happening. He was now the oldest remaining member of the family.
Alex put his suitcase on the bed. He could unpack later. He went downstairs and walked through the house, peering into rooms and looking out windows at the changing view of the lawn and neighborhood. With no one there, the whole place seemed bigger.
Lonelier.
Dad had a lot of days here by himself. How did he do it? I should’ve come over more often, but work has been so…. Okay, stop. We’re not taking this guilt trip.
He checked his watch. 11:30 a.m.
Plenty of time before the funeral.
He made his way back to the kitchen to put on some coffee. He’d left Seattle at 6:00 a.m. to avoid the traffic and give himself a little time before the service. He’d not seen Anna or Merideth in over a year, and it’d been longer than that since he and Reed were together.
With a hot cup of Kona Gold in his favorite old mug, he wandered into his father’s study. He paused at the door and studied the room.
Everything had been left the way it was the last time he was here. It was as if Dad had just stepped out for a few minutes.
Even the familiar smells of Old Spice and alder firewood still hung in the air, like an invisible memorial. Alex walked in and examined his dad’s desk. He sat in the leather swivel chair and looked around, his hands feeling their way along its well-worn arms. Life through Dad’s eyes. The mantel and massive bookshelves were filled with memorabilia that sat like silent talismen bearing witness to a life well lived. Alex walked to the bookshelf marked Theology. He ran his fingers along the spines, letting them stop and start again as he read the titles. On the second shelf, halfway across, his hand stopped. He read the spine. Then again.
The Epistle to the Romans. Karl Barth.
He reached on top of the book with his finger and began to pull it out then paused—and pushed it back in its place.
I can’t do this. Not yet. Not today.
Anna saw Alex’s car in the driveway. Thank heaven. She did not want to be the first one to arrive. She pulled her six-year-old Prius in beside the new Lexus. She got out and glanced back at the two cars.
I guess that about says it all.
She dragged her suitcase up the walk and onto the porch. The lights from the hallway shone out through the front door glass, giving warmth to the February gloom, even at noon.
“Hey, Alex, where are you?” She wheeled her suitcase across the wooden hallway floor and into the kitchen.
“I’m in here, Anna. In Dad’s study.”
She left her suitcase and joined him, stopping at the door of the office and peering in. Alex stood by the bookshelves, examining various titles. He smiled when he saw her.
“It’s like Dad never left. I think Walt wanted it that way. How are you? How was the drive?”
Anna pressed against the doorframe, tilting her head to lean into it.
“I was here with Dad just a couple of months ago. It was exactly like it is now. Everything is here, in its place…everything but him….” She put her hand to her lips. Alex started across the room, but she halted him with a raised hand.
“I’ll be all right. I just need some coffee.” She turned to leave then looked back. “Oh, and the drive was fine. Just a couple of hours to Walla Walla with the new bypass.”
Alex followed her into the kitchen. “Have you had lunch?”
“I actually brought us all lunch from the restaurant. I figured nobody would have time to stop and eat. It’s out in the car. I’ll go grab it.”
Alex put his coffee down. “Here, let me help.”
They walked out together and unloaded three large brown bags from the back of her car. Each one was labeled The Boat Inn. Alex set the last one down on the kitchen counter then studied the stenciling. “How many years have you been at the Boat Inn? Ten?”
“Fifteen, ever since I left—well, okay, ever since I dropped out of college. I’d leave it in a second if I knew where else to go or what else I wanted to do.”
They unpacked the bags onto the large, rectangular kitchen table and laid out an impressive spread of deli meats, cheeses, breads, salads, and all the trimmings.
Anna waited for Alex’s critique.
“What about the next five years from now, or ten? What do you want to do?”
There it was.
My big brother the planner, the strategizer. Always with goals, dreams, and ambitions. Must be nice.
“Dear brother, you know how it is with me. Live a day at a time and try to make the most of it. You wake up from dreams and fall short of goals. I’m just happy to get through each day, and I don’t worry about tomorrow until it comes.”
“But you can’t stay at the restaurant—”
She was not going to get into this.
“Alex, I appreciate your concern. But let’s just be here for Dad and not do the career counselor bit, okay?”
That was harsh, but she couldn’t take the condescension. Not today. This was Dad’s day. Anna tried a conciliatory smile. “I’m going to unpack and get changed. Could you give me a hand with my suitcase? My back’s been giving me fits lately.”
“Sure, and I’m sorry, sis. I just want the best for you.”
Anna spun around. “And what is that, Alex? What is ‘the best for Anna’? Tell me. Do you know? Because I sure as heck don’t. I was pretty lost before Mom and Dad died, and now, now….” She threw her hands in the air.
Enough. Now was not the time.
She turned and pounded up the stairs, walked into her room and went over to the window, looking out into the backyard. Alex put her suitcase in her room and left.
Dad, why did you have to leave me? I needed you. I needed Mom.
And they’d both left her. Now all she had left…all she could hold on to…was the secret.
“Look, Jack, either get that contract to FedEx today by six or clean out your desk. Is that clear enough?” Merideth punched the red end button on her phone with such force that she broke her nail.
Great, just great. Incompetent jerk. Why couldn’t she find any good people? All she ever seemed to do was hire and fire. Why couldn’t she find any loyalty anymore?
She sighed and took a moment to look around. She’d pulled up behind the well-worn little Prius that now looked even more out of place than usual between Alex’s Lexus and her BMW.
Poor Anna. Would she ever be able to afford a real car?
Merideth collected herself. The sight of the family home calmed her a bit. She pulled out her bag and walked up to the porch. Despite the cold, she sat for a moment on one of the rattan chairs. She could hear voices in the house.
She closed her eyes. A moment…just a moment to prepare.
She breathed in and blew out through pursed lips then got up and walked in the door and down the hallway to the kitchen. “Hey, you two…oh, hi, Alex. Where is Anna?”
He rolled his eyes. “Upstairs. Guess I set her off a bit.”
Already? That didn’t take long. “Be nice. She’s fragile, you know.”
“I was nice. Geez, sis, all I said was that I wanted the best for her.”
“Meaning your best or hers?”
Alex slammed his hands on the counter and looked down at the floor. “Can’t I say anything around here without its getting blown out of proportion?” He looked up at Merideth. “I just want her to be happy. Is that so bad?”
Poor brother. You’re wound so tight. Well, go ahead and get angry. I’m keeping this smile on my face until I know what Walter has in mind.
“Okay, let’s forget it and start over. I’m sure she’s fine. And, Alex, it’s good to see you.”
Merideth gave him a hug, which she could sense he appreciated. She poured herself a cup of coffee while Alex took her suitcase upstairs to her room then wandered down the hall into the family room. She picked up the corner of her favorite comforter and rubbed the soft cotton fabric between her fingers. It had a log cabin pattern made of strips of fabric in deep greens, browns, rusts, and golds. Lori had made it for her sixteenth birthday…
She sat down for a minute and pulled the heavy comforter over her.
How many mornings had she sat here under this quilt, drinking coffee and wondering how soon she could get out of this town?
“There’s a familiar sight. Welcome to Harvest, sister.”
“Hi, Anna.” Merideth looked over as her younger sister entered the room. She was wearing an oversized beige shirt over her jeans to hide her weight. Her hair was a dull brown, and without makeup she looked pale and old.
Oh, Anna, you look terrible.
Anna leaned down and hugged her. “It’s good to have you back in the house. Dad would be so pleased to see you here.”
“Yes, well, I hope so.”
Anna took hold of her arm. “Mer, you know he would be. Look—I know you two drifted apart, but Dad missed you and always wanted you to feel welcome here. He loved you so much. You know that, don’t you?”
Sure, he loved her—he just hated what she did.
“Yes, sure, I know that. But thanks for the reminder. So are you okay? I guess big brother pushed some old buttons.”
Anna dropped her gaze. “That’s my fault. I’m too sensitive. I’ll apologize. He was just trying to help.”
And there she was. Anna, always apologizing and taking the blame. Heaping more weight on her tired shoulders.
Stand up straight, girl. “Hey, don’t let him off the hook so easily. He can stew a little. It’s good for him.”
Anna gave a half smile. “Not today. This is Dad’s day, and I want us to be together and get along…for him…and for Mom.”
With that, she looked at Merideth, stepped forward, and fell into her arms. “Mer, they’re gone. They’ll never be back here!”
Merideth consoled her older sister, cringing as Anna’s tears soaked into her silk jacket.
I should’ve worn a blend.
“That’s it, the big house on the corner. Just stop in front. It looks like everyone else is here.”
Reed paid the cab driver, got his suitcase from the trunk, and started up the front walk. He noted the three cars.
Must be nice to have the time to drive across the state. Still, maybe better than that turboprop, puddle-jumper he’d bounced over in.
As he stood looking up at the old familiar surroundings, the front door opened and Alex came down the stairs. “Reed, hey, welcome home. How was the flight?”
Reed set his suitcase down and shook his brother’s hand. “Cramped, slow, and bumpy. Not exactly first-class to London. How was the drive?”
“Not bad, actually. It’s been awhile since I’ve driven across state. Pretty quiet over here. Hey, hold on for a minute and let me grab my cell phone charger.” As Alex went to his car, Reed looked at the house. His boyhood sprang to life in front of him.
Over there was where he played Superman on the roof and fell off. His cape—a big beach towel from Seaside, Oregon—caught on the gutter and left him swinging six feet from the ground.
Can’t believe I didn’t break my neck. Glad old man Farquar found me before Dad.
He noticed the piece of plywood nailed to the side of the front stair risers.
The skunk. He’d forgotten about that.
Alex beeped his car lock and rejoined Reed. “There, thanks. C’mon—the girls are inside.”
Reed put out his hand and stopped him. “Hey, Alex, do you remember that skunk that got stuck under the front stairs the day of the prom?”
“Oh…yeah. Dad had a broom and a bed sheet, and you and I each had a pan and a wooden spoon.”
Reed started laughing. “Yeah, and some guy…Tommy Mertz, that was him…he was supposed to pick Mer up for the prom any time. And here we are banging on pots and Dad trying not to get sprayed, and the whole front porch smelled like skunk.”
Alex was bent over. “And Dad…Dad catches the thing in the sheet and stands there looking at it and says, ‘Maybe we can teach him not to spray and keep him as a pet.’ And then it sprays him, right through the sheet.”
Reed wiped his eyes. “That porch stunk for a week, and poor Mer had to meet her date at the end of the block. She said she could smell it most of the way to the gymnasium.”
Alex nodded. “Anna called us the smelly boys that entire summer.”
Reed relished the memory and a chance to laugh out loud. He caught his breath. “So…how’s Anna doing?”
Alex collected himself. “Oh, not great. We’ve already had a run-in. She’s pretty vulnerable right now.”
Right now? He’d never seen her when she wasn’t vulnerable. Reed followed Alex inside and found Anna and Merideth in the kitchen. “Hey, ladies, the gang’s all here now.” He gave them both a hug.
Anna held on for an extra moment. “I’m so glad to have you here, little brother. After what we went through when Mom died, can you believe this? I mean, just two years?”
Reed had spent several days with Anna and his dad going through their mom’s things, telling stories, and laughing and crying together. Alex was tied up in a big real estate deal and only came the day of the funeral. Merideth had been overseas on business and nearly missed it altogether.
Theirs wasn’t exactly a close-knit family. Reed was surprised everyone was here. Of course, they all knew Dad’s secret. “Yeah, I still can’t believe he’s gone. How is it for you guys? Being back here without Dad…and Mom?
Alex reached in the refrigerator and took out a Pepsi. “I was the first one here, and it was hard. My heart knew they were supposed to be here. I waited for their voices…and nothing.”
The four looked at each other, silent.
Finally, Merideth grabbed a cup from a rack on the wall. “Reed, can I get you some coffee? You’re just in time for lunch. I’m guessing they didn’t feed you on the plane.”
“Not hardly. Five stale pretzels won’t cut it. Where’d all the food come from?”
Anna raised a hand. “That would be me, from the restaurant.”
“Wow, thanks. Can we pay for this?”
Please don’t take that the wrong way.
Anna smiled. “No, Allen—he’s the owner—he gave it to us no charge. He wanted to pass along his sympathies.”
Reed picked up a slice of bread and buttered it. “Tell him thanks from all of us.”
The four made lunch and sat around the familiar kitchen table to eat. Reed watched his siblings…
Alex was guarded but grieving.
Anna, of course, was struggling to hold it together.
But Merideth…she acted like she was at a reunion, not their dad’s funeral. Didn’t she feel anything at all?
Merideth looked at her watch. “What time should we leave?”
“Say, 3:30?” Alex replied. “It starts at four, and then the graveside service.”
Anna perked up. “Reverend Frolic asked us to stay afterward and be part of a reception line to greet people. Don’t forget that.”
Merideth grimaced. “I wish I could. We get to shake hands with a town full of people who wonder why we’re even here.”
Reed felt the tension fill the room.
Well, the cat was out of the bag now. Leave it to Merideth.
No one dared reply for a moment, so he waded in. “That might be a little unfair, Mer. Although I can’t say I’m looking forward to it.”
Alex set his sandwich down and wiped his hands with his napkin, pushing with more intensity than necessary. “You all don’t have to worry. I’ll be the target for most of the daggers.”
Anna started toward him. “Alex, that’s not—”
“C’mon. Let’s be honest. I’m the golden boy of the church who went off to seminary and disappointed God, my parents, the church and, well, the whole blasted town. Left the calling, left the faith, left the community. No, I’ll be the target here.”
Reed watched Anna and Merideth for a response. Anna stepped in—no surprise there.
“Alex, that all may be true, but there’s enough in all our lives for people here to question. I mean, Mom and Dad had views…and values…and expectations—”
Merideth slammed her fork down. “And we let them down. Is that it, Anna? So by following our hearts, moving away, working hard, and being successful, we somehow violated a family vow of—what? Poverty?”
Reed turned sideways in his chair and crossed his legs. “Mer, you have to admit our lives don’t exactly reflect our parents’ values. I mean, look at me. Dad tried so hard to teach me about being a steward, being generous, and not loving my toys so much. Mom hoped I would stay closer to the faith, find a church, and marry a nice Christian girl. I’ve missed the mark on about every score. But I know Dad loved us, just like we talked about at Mom’s funeral. They may have been disappointed in our decisions, but they loved us. And the people here knew that, I think.”
Merideth’s shoulders lifted, and a scowl spread across her forehead. “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to apologize for success. I know Dad never understood it, but I’m not carrying a load of guilt because I chose a different life from the one he’d hoped I would. And if these people can’t deal with it, then to….” She shook her head. “Well, that’s their problem. Not mine.” She stood, looked at each of them, lifted her chin and strolled out.
Reed looked at Anna, and she mouthed a silent “thank you.” Alex just sat quietly, staring down at his plate of picked-over food.
Reed drew a sigh. He was hoping they could hold it together long enough to get through this. They had two days.
Two very long days.