When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
– Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider
Writing ‘da Kink in my hair, saved my life. Each one of the characters has some small part of me and my life embedded in their Voice. They became my Voice when I was too afraid too speak, too afraid to act, too afraid to question, too afraid to be loved, give love or demand to be treated gently, kindly, and with respect. The first draft of ‘da Kink was written four years ago, and I am thankful that I am now at a different place in my life. Yet these womyn’s Voices are always present within me. I have sat, dined, cried and laughed with these characters for many years. My writing has been my peace of mind, my own act of defiance to change the world in some small but significant way. I am braver in my writing; I am bold. Fierce. Demanding. Uncompromising. Uncensored. Writing allows me for a minute to stop the fears that continue to plague me in my daily life. The constant fears of not being good enough, worth enough, deserving enough.… Before writing ‘da Kink I used to live with my fears in solitude and I now realise that many people live their lives in a constant state of fear. That fear is usually fed, nurtured, expected and accepted. Usually when one tries to arise from fear, to be bold, honest, truer to self, many will discourage that. For myself it is a constant battle to live my life without fear and to be less afraid. There are times that my fear paralyses and silences me. Times when I look fear in the eye and laugh until my stomach aches. Times that I have hidden myself, feelings and thoughts because it is easier. Times that I have lied to myself and others because the truth would be much more difficult. Times when I cry until I am sure there could not possibly be any tears left. Yet there are many times when I am bold and truthful. And I know I have no other choice but to continue and trust that I must do this… Continue to write, question, and speak loudly. Be able to live my life with truth, honesty and without fear. I used to think that somehow I would reach a final fearless and peaceful destination and I could remain there. Somehow I would eventually be at a place and know this is “It”. I am finally here! Yet I now realise this is a continued journey and everyday I am challenged to try and be the best person that I can be. I must remain committed to being less afraid. Committed to standing in my truth. Be committed to be rooted in my truth.
Blessings
trey