“I said, give me that fucking phone.”
Connie pressed the receiver into her lips and spoke quickly. “I’ve got to go.”
“Don’t you dare.” Karl grabbed the mobile from Connie’s grip and snarled into the mouthpiece. “Who the fuck is this?”
“Karl, leave it.” She watched as her boyfriend’s forehead flared with anger. “I was messing around. Please, let’s not wake Noah.”
Karl ignored her, listening to the caller’s response instead. “Ryan? You fucker. I should have known it was you. Fact is you’re the actual cocksucker, mate, not me. Now piss off and leave us both alone.” He hit the red button and stared down at the wide eyes in front of him. “What the hell are you doing, Connie?”
“He’s in Malta. You know what he’s like, he’s always messing around.”
“You told him I was a cocksucker.”
“He made me say it.”
Karl shook his head in disbelief. “What?”
“He was just teasing me.”
“He told you to call me a cocksucker so you did it?”
She stood up and tried to reach out for her boyfriend. “He’s just an idiot.”
Karl stepped backwards. “I think I’m the idiot here. Seriously, how old are you?”
“I’m old enough to know better. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t bat your eyes at me, Connie. That doesn’t work anymore. Just grow up and get a life.”
“Where are you going?” She watched as he made his way towards the front door. “Please, Karl, I’ve made us a curry. I want to make up for this morning. I shouldn’t have brought up that Louise thing again. I really am sorry.”
“I’ll eat out.” He threw the mobile onto the sofa and stalked out of the house.
“Don’t slam…” Connie shuddered as the door slammed. She stood still and waited for the inevitable holler.
“Muuuuuuuuuuuuuumeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s just the door. Mummy’s here.” She stayed quiet and hoped for the best, relieved with the silence that followed. Waiting for a further minute she finally dared creep towards the sofa. Sitting down slowly and clenching her fists she let out a long silent scream. What was she doing? Why was she getting things so wrong? How could he tell her to get a life when this was her life and she was trying her best to lead it? To own it. She shook her head. To want it. She lifted her phone and started to type.
I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m immature and can get carried away being silly. Forgive me?
****
Karl loosened his tie in the warm evening sun. The start of the summer had been typically British with wind, rain and sleet the dominant weather for most of May and June, but as July had finally come into focus the sun had shone and London’s propensity for high-collared black trench coats was slowly being replaced by a sea of tan-coloured macs. Karl took his off and threw it over his arm, walking as fast as he could with no intention of stopping no matter how many times his phone beeped. How dare she betray him like that? How dare she indulge that wanker’s behaviour? He crossed the road and ducked into Hoxton tube station, making his way down to the platform. It was late but he’d head back into work. He’d eat at his desk. He might even stay there all night. Checking the overhead announcements board he saw that the next tube was due in three minutes. He sat down on the cold metal bench and stared up at the white arched ceiling, sighing in confusion. What was he doing wrong? How else could he please her? Wasn’t it enough that he was there? Present. He’d stood by her. What more did she want? What more did she need? Karl closed his eyes. What did he want? What did he need? His message tone beeped twice more as his phone connected to the underground’s Wi-Fi. Taking it out of his pocket he ignored the texts and dialled a contact instead.
“Hey. Are you still at work?” He waited for the response. “Great, I’m coming back in.” He paused, biting on the inside of his lip. “And you’re right.” He spoke with a smile. “We want the same thing.”
****
Connie checked the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight. She reached behind the sofa and found the fleece blanket that had once served as Noah’s first play mat. Pulling it over herself she typed out one final message.
Please, if you don’t want to sort this out, if you don’t want to make this work, then let me know and we can stop wasting each other’s time.
She reread her words, desperate to press send, but unable to touch the green button. Instead she deleted the message and started again.
I know I don’t deserve you. I know I don’t deserve us. You’ve given me everything. A house, a home, a family. I appreciate it all. But I want you … and I want you to want me too.
She tapped the green button and watched the message fly away, hoping it would bring him home soon.
****
“Surely you’re going home soon?” asked the woman sitting upright on the high-backed chair.
Karl pushed the box of takeaway noodles across the desk that was the main feature in his large centre room office and dropped his head onto his outstretched arms. “What does it say again?”
“Sit up, you’re not drunk.”
He tilted his head to the left and then the right, looking out of his tinted panoramic windows at the clusters of empty workstations that surrounded them. “I think I am.”
“Then you’re a lightweight. You’ve only had one bottle.”
Karl stayed where he was, dropping his face onto the expensive suede desk pad. The lights in the office were low but still he chose to shield his eyes from their glare. “Read it again?”
The female voice spoke more firmly. “No. You heard it the first time. She says she’s sorry, she appreciates you and she wants you. All of the things that you should be saying to her. All of the things that matter. She’s the mother of your child, Karl, and she wants you. She wants you home.”
He dragged himself up onto his elbows. “What if I want you, Louise?”
“Right, that’s it. I’m calling you a cab.”
The sorrowful speech continued. “We had it, didn’t we? That thing? That spark?”
Louise Killshaw stood from her seat and straightened her skirt, pulling her jacket from the back of the chair and taking out her Collis & Killshaw security pass which she looped round her neck. “Go home, it’s late.” She tightened her long dark ponytail and combed her fingers through her blunt fringe.
Karl watched her. “We did, didn’t we? We had fun?”
“No.” The upscale businesswoman pushed the mobile phone back across the desk to its owner, who left it stranded, not interested in reading the message for himself. “At some point you need to grow up and take responsibility,” she said.
“How shit’s that?”
“That’s life.”
“What if I don’t want that life?”
“Oh Karl, why do you have these ridiculous self-doubting self-pitying breakdowns? You did it when we secured these new offices, remember? Worrying that we’d be over-stretched. And then when Noah was born, claiming he’d be better off without you.”
Karl threw his hands over his ears. “Alright, alright.”
“No. Life’s simple. This new venture in Manchester is simple, and you’re the perfect man for the job. You know it and I know it.” She picked up her bag and tucked it neatly into her shoulder. “If you don’t want Connie, you tell Connie.”
“And I’d get you?”
“Oh Karl, you are drunk.” She moved the chair back into its original position in the corner of the precisely decorated office. “You’d never get me. And can we clarify one final time that you never really had me. I’m your friend, your business partner of ten years, and now apparently I’m your confidante.” She paused. “Your date night the other night, did you do what I said? Did you take flowers? Did you shower her with fine wine and affection?”
“No, we went to the Flag and Lamb and it sucked.”
“If you don’t listen to me then you need to stop asking me.” She checked her watch. “I really need to go.”
“Fancy man waiting up for you is he?”
“No. I work hard. I get home late. I like to relax.”
“I could come? We could relax together?”
Louise walked round to the other side of the desk and crouched, connecting with Karl’s tired eyes. “You’ve had your sulk. Go home, say sorry, and suck up that so called shitty life that most people actually dream of.”
“It wouldn’t be shitty if I had it with you.”
“I told you. Never. Going. To. Happen.”