We didn’t talk on the way back, and I couldn’t quite decide what made me feel queasier: the memory of Gwen’s expression or Jasika’s silence. I knew I ought to say something. Anything, really, to fight off the gnawing guilt as she helped me back through the woods and into her car. The radio blared during the short drive back to the church, but for the life of me, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was playing.
When we reached the church, I wrapped the hospital blanket around my shoulders. Jasika watched me from the driver’s seat, her face a blank mask.
“You sure you don’t want a little help?”
Of course I did. But if I even gave a hint at that, I’d lose my resolve. I shook my head. “I don’t want to raise suspicions.”
“I think the big bruise on your cheek might do that.”
I touched it and winced. It was still nothing compared to the mess on my back. “I’ll figure something out. Thank you for driving me back.”
My whole body screamed with every little movement, but I forced myself to grab the backpack and shuffle toward the church.
“Bryn,” Jasika called. I turned back, my stomach wriggling, but she glanced away after a second. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think it would be like that.”
“She played us both,” I murmured.
“But it was my idea.”
“And I went along with it.” I took a deep breath. “We’re fine, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I turned and began the shuffle to the church.
I didn’t hear the car pull away until I reached the door. Clearly, Jasika had decided to watch and make sure I made it in. I crept across the hall, and froze when I heard my father’s voice. Oh no. If he knew where I’d been …
“… yes, of course. But I assure you the children were in school when the fire started. The only damage was to the property … Yes, I understand. There was an investigation, I’m sure the police can tell you the cause of…”
Insurance company, probably. Tension seeped out of my shoulders. He probably didn’t even know I was awake. Lucky me.
I gripped the backpack a little tighter and hobbled toward my room. Music blared from behind Ash’s and Jake’s doors, the dueling songs discordant and unrecognizable against each other.
As soon as I closed the door to my room behind me, the shadeling popped up from the bed, momentarily cheered by my arrival. Until it got a good look at me. Its spindly hands flew to its mouth.
“Missy, what happened?”
I stared at it for a few seconds, feeling the world wobbling around me like a water bed. Of course. The shadeling would want to know what happened.
“Mab.” I swallowed and shuffled forward. “I just … I want to take a hot bath, that’s all.”
The little imp shifted from foot to foot, its head bobbing as it wrestled with what to say. An instant later, it hopped into a shadow and was gone. I gathered up my towel, underwear, and some pajamas before I turned and inched my way toward the communal bathroom.
The steady whoosh of running water was a welcome sound. I pushed my way in to see the shadeling sprinkling the water with dried lavender buds. Probably stole them from Gooding. I ought to rebuke it for stealing, but the familiar smell tickled my nose, and I couldn’t help relaxing just a little bit.
I waited until the shadeling turned around before I stripped down and sank into the warm water. I had to bite back a yelp of pain as the water lit my back on fire again, but a small whimper still got through. In seconds, the sweet-smelling water was already tinged with an unpleasant shade of pink.
Usually, this was the point when the shadelings left me alone, but this little purple one didn’t seem interested in doing that. It curled up on the ground next to the tub, toying with the mess of bloody clothes I’d dropped onto the floor. “She got you?”
I took a deep breath and nodded, running my fingers through the water. “Yeah. That’s what Gwen said.”
Its large, batlike ears drooped. “Mab … Mab doesn’t like shadelings, Missy.”
“Why not?”
The shadeling pulled its little knees to its chest and rested its chin on them. “We’re not like other fairies. We weren’t born. We were made.”
“By whom?” But I already had a good idea.
“Mistress made us.”
I closed my eyes. Of course she did. There were so many things Mum had done that she’d never told us about. Of course she’d have the kind of power to manufacture a new kind of fairy.
“How?”
The poor thing’s ears twitched. “We were brownies, Missy. We were hurt. Mistress mixed us with the shadows and saved us. But … the nasty Unseelies didn’t like that she did that. Their nasty queen wanted to kill us.” It stooped its shoulders. “Thought she’d be gone by now.”
My gut squirmed. No wonder they’d been so loyal to us for so long.
“Do you know why she made you?”
The shadeling shrugged. “Dunno. Can only guess … I think it’s cause … maybe Mistress was a little bit lonely.” It shifted, glancing up at me. “I think … sometimes Missy is lonely, too.”
I stared down at the pink water that swirled around my knees. At the moment, I felt a little cramped. Gwen. Jasika. Dom. I wasn’t sure what exactly each of them wanted from me, or how to make any of them happy without upsetting one of the others. I leaned against the edge of the tub, staring down at the little creature. Those bright eyes in the woods had just blinked out like they didn’t even care that I was there. Every day I was surrounded by people and creatures who needed something from me, and yet I felt as though I lived in a glass casket, unable to reach any of them.
“The other shadelings aren’t coming back, are they?”
It tugged at its ear and stared up at me with such wide, shining eyes that I already knew the answer. “They don’t feel safe anymore, Missy.”
It was like a punch to the gut. My pains in the ass. My pets. My … my friends. I gripped the side of the tub and took a deep breath before the tears could come. “Why are you here, then?”
The shadeling’s wide, thin lips twitched into a smile. “I like it with you. And being with humans. Living in your houses and eating your food.”
I huffed, pressing my forehead to the side of the tub, but I couldn’t help smiling. At least it had a real reason. One that wasn’t going to dissolve anytime soon. “And you don’t want to go live with the others?” I asked, raising my eyes.
It shook its head until its ears slapped its cheeks. “I’m my own shadeling.”
Something warm bloomed in my chest. I reached down to rest my fingers on its head. “I’m not allowed to thank you or give you gifts,” I murmured. “But there’s gotta be something you want from me. You know we humans like to show our gratitude.”
The shadeling pursed its lips, reaching up to rest its hands on mine. After a few seconds, it gave me a sheepish smile. “I want a name, Missy.”
“A name?” I blinked, but nodded. “Okay. What sort of name do you want?”
The shadeling frowned for a few seconds before it finally spoke. “What’re those things Missy puts in the cocoa? They’re soft and squishy and sweet.”
“You mean marshmallows?”
The shadeling’s smile could have outshone the sun. It nodded so vigorously I had to pull my hand back. “Yes. Marshmallow. I wanna be Marshmallow.”
Marshmallow. Marsh. I grinned, biting the inside of my cheek, then winced at the sudden ache. “All right. Marshmallow it is.”
“Marshmallow!” It squeaked, hopping around in glee. Then, it whirled around so quickly it fell to the floor, but it picked itself up again. “Is Missy a boy or a girl?”
“What? A girl,” I laughed.
“A girl!” The shadeling … Marshmallow tittered. “A girl. I wanna be a girl, too. Can I be a girl?”
“You can be whatever you want, Marsh,” I assured her.
Marshmallow looked so excited she didn’t know what to do with herself, so she settled with throwing her arms around her torso and rocking back and forth in unbridled joy. My little shadeling. The only one I had left.
At least until the doorknob jiggled. The shadeling yelped and disappeared into the shadows, but I didn’t have the same escape. Shit! I thought I’d locked it. Before I could think of what to do, the door swung open and Jake walked in, a towel draped over his arm. All I could think to do was cover my chest.
His face drained of color as he stared at me, and I didn’t even have to guess what he was looking at. I could still feel the angry stinging on my back.
“Don’t tell anyone,” I hissed.
His eyes flicked to my face, and for a moment, it looked like he might start to cry. I shifted, shimmying down deeper into the water, though it wasn’t going to change the clearly pink tone.
“Bryn, what have you done?”
My heart hammered in my chest. “Please,” I begged. “Don’t tell anyone, Jake.”
He fidgeted, and he looked like he might say something more, but he didn’t say anything aloud. He just nodded and tiptoed back out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
I pushed myself out of the tub as quickly as I could with my back throbbing as it did. As I reached for my nightgown, Marshmallow reappeared, holding up a first aid kit. I gritted my teeth.
By the time we finished, a lot of that wonderful warmth from the tub had already seeped out of me. I rose, stiff as an old tin man, and changed into my nightgown.
As I pushed myself to my feet, I saw that Marshmallow had gathered my ruined clothes into a pile.
“What should I do with these?” she asked.
“Just toss them,” I said, shuffling to the door. “And I’ll see if we have any marshmallows in the kitchen later.”
The shadeling shook its head, ears flapping. “No, Missy. You should go straight to sleep.”
“Not yet. I need to talk to my brother.”