I wanted to forget. I wanted to pretend the last twenty-four hours hadn’t happened, but every time I saw a puddle of water or a slice of bread, it slammed back into me. Gwen was gone because of my stupidity. For just a little while longer, I refused to dwell on it at all. Beyond just putting it out of my mind. I was determined to stop thinking about it altogether. I’d need to set alarms to wake me before I could fall into too deep a sleep and risk entering Mab’s realm again. Add to the mix the old bottle of caffeine pills tucked into the medicine cabinet in the kitchen and I could stay awake during the day, at least. In a few days, it would all be over.
Jasika showed up at the convent with her laptop, a two-liter bottle of strawberry soda, and a bag of that pre-popped popcorn they sold in the gas station. Ash and Jake gawked at her, as if I’d never had a friend over before … which, to be fair, I hadn’t.
“I brought you something for your back,” she said, pulling a Tupperware container with some sort of thick, grayish goop out of her backpack. “Put it on after you’ve showered tonight. Make sure the skin’s dry or it won’t stick.”
“Thanks.”
I set the Tupperware on the floor by the bed. She set the laptop on the little bedside table and crawled onto the flat mattress. I sat beside her, and it was like sitting next to a space heater. I couldn’t help but feel horribly, painfully aware of her presence. How close she was. She smelled like jasmine body lotion with the herby undertones of sage and echinacea. Probably what was in the poultice.
She took a deep breath and smoothed her hands over her jeans. “About yesterday, I wanted to say sorry. I wasn’t really thinking about boundaries and, um … I didn’t mean to make you feel…”
“It’s fine.” I picked at the old sheets and tried not to look directly at her. “I was just surprised is all.”
“Yeah, but most people ask someone on a date. They don’t just grab someone and go for it. It’s not really, you know, classy or … um…”
I blinked and forced myself to glance up. Yeah. Still looked like Jasika. No glamour that I could detect. Which meant this was real. She was really sitting here in my room saying that. My insides hummed to life like someone had just let a bunch of butterflies loose inside.
“You want to date me?”
Jasika let out a little puff of breath and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I mean, yeah? I just figured you weren’t interested. You seemed pretty hung up on Gwen.”
I thought back to Gwen, and guilt stung at my gut. I’d broken things off with her because I didn’t want to be tied down while I was getting ready for college. And now here came Jasika. It was hypocritical how much I liked the idea of it. Just going to a coffee shop or a movie with her. A normal, human thing.
I licked my lips. The words danced just on the edge of my tongue. Last chance to back down.
“I really screwed things up with Gwen. And I might screw things up with you, too. But … I’m interested.”
Jasika’s smile lit up the whole room. “Okay,” she said, nodding. “How about after Halloween? When everything’s over and we know for sure the town is safe, let’s go see a movie together. Just the two of us.”
“Okay.” And I couldn’t help returning her smile. It was so stupid. We had bigger things to deal with, but it all felt so far away. “So, I guess we can just put things on hold and pick up then.”
“If you want to be all business about it, sure,” Jasika said.
Still, within an hour or so, I’d curled up on the bed close enough that my shoulder was actually touching Jasika’s while some Korean drama played on the screen. Sitting close enough to smell her jasmine body lotion brought the butterflies back to life, but the vipers in my belly kept fighting them. It took more effort than it should have to focus on the show when my mind wanted to pick apart this new problem. What did Jasika want? Did she want grand, romantic gestures, bouquets of roses delivered on horseback, declarations of love in public, wearing ball gowns? Or was this, right here, right now, eating junk food and watching TV together what she wanted?
Did I even know how to be a normal human girlfriend? Or was this something everyone struggled with?
I watched her out of the corner of my eye. The sight of her made it a little easier to push the fear and doubt out of the way. Something about her. The way she bit her lip to hold back a laugh when the heroine did something embarrassing. The way she kept reaching up to toy with one of her dark coils of hair. I just sort of wanted to grab her and kiss her again. Was this the time? She’d initiated before. Were we at a point where I could do it, too, whenever I wanted? Or was the situation still not right? Would I ever be able to tell the difference?
When the second episode went to credits, there came a distant knock, echoing faintly from the end of the hall. I sat up a little straighter. The hell? Had one of the boys invited someone over?
Before I could say or do anything about it, Marshmallow popped up onto the edge of the bed in typical shadeling fashion. And in typical human fashion, Jasika shrieked, one hand clapping over her mouth to muffle the sound while the other dug in her pocket for her cross.
“No no no!” I cried, pulling it out of her hand to toss it on the bed. “This is Marshmallow. She’s friendly.”
“She—what?” Jasika stared at me like I’d just started speaking in tongues.
Marsh hung by the foot of the bed, toying with her ear as she glanced between the two of us. I sighed and held out a hand to her. She kept one eye on Jasika but scampered forward, tucking herself into my side.
“She’s a friend,” I repeated, trying not to be obvious as I rubbed my palm. “This is one of the shadelings. Marsh used to be a brownie. She’s been with my family for about a decade.”
Jasika jabbed a finger at Marshmallow. “Wait … you’re telling me you have one of them living with you, and you still go out hunting fairies in the woods?”
“Only the nasties,” Marshmallow insisted. And I was going to add to that when I heard voices, muffled but drawing closer. Shit.
“Hide!” I hissed.
“But Missy, it’s only—”
“Hide!”
And, to her credit, she did. With a bit of a pout, Marshmallow jumped right into a shadow. Jasika jumped, eyes wide.
Knock knock knock!
I scrambled off the bed and pulled the door open to see … oh. Dom stood in the hall, holding a paper grocery bag in one arm. With, of course, both the boys hovering behind him. Both boys. Together. I couldn’t help smiling at that.
Ash scowled, arms crossed. It might have actually looked serious if he didn’t still look sleep-deprived and only half-recovered from his cold. “Bryn, is this your boyfriend?”
“No, and go away,” I snapped.
Ash rolled his eyes and skulked off. Jake smirked. Typical little punk.
Dom cleared his throat and stepped into the room. Right. He’d said Jasika had told him everything. Apparently, that also included the private stuff.
Jasika rose and stepped forward, pulling Dom into a hug. “Hey, I’m glad you made it,” she said, then shot me a side look. “I think we can all agree we need a night to just chill out. As a team.”
Dom returned the hug with one arm. I bit my cheek and stuffed my hands into my pockets. Had to get it over with quick like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“Hey, um … I’m sorry about us not telling you about what we were doing at the hospital,” I managed. “And I know Jasika probably already told you, but Mab is still around.”
Dom looked me up and down, his expression carefully blank before he stepped forward, wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and gave a tight squeeze. “Okay. Quick download. I’ll tell you what I found, and then tonight we’re taking a break from all the fairy stuff. Call it a mental-health break.”
He set down his bag and pulled out a half-empty bag of pretzels and a bottle of clear vodka. Jasika’s eyes bugged open.
“Dom, you can’t bring that in here. This is a church.”
“This is a convent,” he pointed out. “Besides. They keep wine in the church.” He helped himself to a plastic cup and poured himself a little cocktail of vodka and strawberry soda before offering it to me. Jasika shot me a “don’t you dare” look, and I almost didn’t drink it … but hey. It’s just days, now, until Samhain. Smoke ’em if you got ’em. I took the glass and sipped. It went down like strawberry-flavored lighter fluid. I coughed but went back for a second sip.
Jasika primly turned down the offer for a cup of her own, very pointedly sticking to her strawberry soda.
Dom sprawled out next to us, one arm propped up on the bed.
“So I was right. I had read about that banner somewhere. The night after the fire.” He leveled a finger at me. “It represented the Pendragon family.”
I snorted. “I think you wound up on the Medieval Times website.”
“No, it’s real. I triple-checked it.”
I took another sip from my drink, cringed, and took a deep breath. “Okay. But if what you’re saying is true, then apparently I’m descended from King Arthur. Who wasn’t real.”
“I dunno. Lot of folks think he was based on real people.”
“He didn’t have any kids when he died.”
“Actually, he did,” Jasika cut in with a frown. “According to the story, King Arthur died at the hand of his bastard son Mordred.”
My head felt suddenly light and swimmy. And it wasn’t just from the vodka. I licked my lips. “Well, that’s well and good, but I’m pretty sure Mordred died, too. And I’m not seeing him. I’m seeing a woman.”
“Come on, you’ve got to know the story,” Dom pressed.
I did. And I didn’t want to think about it. Because if I thought about it, it would make way too much sense. Too much sense if Mordred went around and had a couple of bastard children of his own that none of the storytellers knew about. But Mab could find them, if she really wanted to.
Jasika fixed me with a level stare and shifted to face me fully. “Mordred’s mother was Arthur’s half-sister. The witch Morgan le Fay. Or Morgause. A Mor-sister, anyway. But if it was Morgan, well, you don’t get a name like ‘le Fay’ if you don’t deal with the Fae.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Right. Well. I’d asked for it. I wished Mum was here. I wished I could just walk down the hall and ask her if all of this was true because it sounded absurd.
“Bryn, if that’s true, you have the potential to have incredible power,” Jasika said softly. “Think about it. The firstborn, that’s always a big deal especially in the really old traditions—”
“I’ll look into it, okay?” I ran my fingers through my hair. If my ancestor was Morgan le Fay, then she was one of the most famous witches in mythology. How was I going to get us out of a bargain struck by someone as powerful as that? I took a big gulp of my drink, gagged a little on the aftertaste, and shook my head. “Thanks, Dom. Let’s just … let’s just have a normal night. I’ll deal with all of that in the morning.”
Dom and Jasika exchanged a glance. We relocated the laptop to the floor and started the next episode, all the while Jasika explained to Dom under her breath what he’d missed in the first two. I kept sipping at the soda and vodka, watching the actors wander on and off the screen as the sting on my palm faded slowly away.
Eventually, the subtitles went fuzzy. I glanced over at Jasika and Dom, both perfectly content as they munched on popcorn and pretzels, their eyes glued to the drama unfolding on the little screen. At some point, Marshmallow had crawled out of a shadow and into Dom’s lap, her ears perked as she watched the screen, too. The room smelled like strawberries and popcorn and jasmine, and everything was … absolutely perfect. As perfect as it had ever been or would ever be. And it was the sort of thing that filled me up with that warm, fuzzy feeling a person could spend their whole life chasing. Which was probably why I had the guts to close my eyes and just rest my head on Jasika’s shoulder.
The dark fog of sleep began to form at the edge of my mind. Without meaning to, I slid into that gray place between sleeping and waking, where I could still hear the hum of the show even as I felt myself slipping deeper into sleep.
Into her realm.
And that was all it took for me to kick myself back out of it. I started with a gasp, and the world jerked into focus like a lens being flipped on a projector. Jasika’s arm wound around me, holding me firm. I was safe there. Just for a little while I could let myself be safe.
I sighed, relaxing against her again, when Dom spoke up. “Hey, are you and Bryn…”
Jasika’s arm tightened around my middle. “We’re trying it out.”
“So … are you lesbians?”
I couldn’t help the loud snort that slipped out. Muzzily, I pushed myself up and stared at him. He looked a little embarrassed to have asked. Sweet lamb.
“Not all girls who like girls are lesbians,” I pointed out. “I mean … I like guys, too. At least, I have no problem being attracted to them. I just haven’t dated any.”
Dom arched a brow. “So you’re bi.”
“Last I checked.” I gave him a little smirk and sipped my strawberry vodka. “Or maybe pan? I dunno. Depends on who you talk to, I guess.”
“Is there a thing as Fae-sexual?” Dom asked.
“Oh, shut up!” I leaned against the bed and gave him a shove with my foot.
Dom grinned and turned to Jasika. “So where do you land here, hm?”
“I’m still figuring it out.” Jasika raised her glass in a mock toast. “But hey, here’s to having this conversation on hallowed ground.”
“Some old nun’s rolling in her grave. Probably been doing it since Bryn moved in.” He waggled his brows at me.
I grabbed a piece of popcorn and turned, pegging Dom with it. “Okay, what about you?”
“What about me what?”
“Come on,” Jasika said, nudging him. “We both basically came out to you in, like, the space of two minutes. Your turn. And remember, we’re in a church, so no lying.”
“Adjacent to a church.” Dom knocked back the last of his drink. “And you’ve probably never heard of it.”
“Should I just call out hetero and kill the anticipation?” Jasika laughed.
“You could.” Dom grinned. “But you wouldn’t exactly be right. I mean, I like the ladies, sure, but I’m ace.”
Jasika’s brows furrowed. I tried to wrack my brain for what the hell that was. Somehow, I doubted he meant he was an ace fighter pilot. I’d heard the phrase somewhere before. “Ace as in…”
“Asexual.” Dom prepared himself another drink, his eyes focused entirely on his cup. He moved a little too fluidly. Probably a good idea to cut him off soon. “I just don’t really get attracted to anyone. Not like that, anyway.”
“Wait, like … like anyone?” Jasika stammered. “Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure, cause Lord knows I’ve tried.” Dom shrugged and leaned against the wall, sipping from his cup.
“But you flirted with me,” I pointed out.
“I flirt with everyone.” Dom winked and shrugged.
“Are you sure? I mean, have you tried with, um … anyone?” Jasika asked.
Dom looked like he might bust into giggles. “Oh yeah. And I’m willing to bet I’m the only non-virgin in this room.” He glanced between us, and it felt as though he was waiting for one of us to challenge that. Of course, we didn’t. He nodded. “Thought so.”
“Wait … why have sex, then, if you weren’t even attracted to your partner?”
Dom took a deep breath, swirling the pink drink in his cup thoughtfully. “I dunno. Why do you eat a breakfast taco when you’re not really hungry? It’s still good. You still like it. Even if you weren’t craving it. Wow,” Dom laughed. “Definitely not the conversation I was expecting to have tonight. Guess we’re lucky nobody walked in on us right then.”
“So sex is like a taco to you.” Jasika smirked at him.
“I never pretended to be good at metaphors. Why do you think I have a B in English?” Dom took one last swig of his drink and plopped the cup lip-down on the floor. “Anyway, if everything goes to hell, at least I can say I didn’t die a virgin.”
Well, that was a real mood killer. Nothing like thinking about our impending deaths to suck the fun out of a party. So if we died, what could I say about myself? I did a good job keeping the boys fed? I could knit? Apparently I was descended from a king and a witch who were related, so … gross. Not exactly something for the tombstone.
I glanced at the screen and sighed. “Is it just me, or does it feel like the mood for Korean TV has passed?”
“Well, since we’re all here…” Jasika pulled her knees up to her chest. “I guess we could always talk about Halloween. The bendith said Samhain. Same night, this year. So that confirms it, right?”
Samhain. Right. I cleared my throat. “There’s more than that, though. The water wives are gone. They retreated to protect themselves.”
Dom and Jasika sat silently for a long moment, each of them staring down at the floor.
“This is my fault.” Jasika scrubbed a hand over her face.
“No.” I clenched my jaw. “She’s got to do her own thing and we’ve got to respect that.”
“But with Samhain so close—” Dom began.
“If she thought they could really help, she’d have stayed.”
Unease settled like smog around us. Gwen had taught us all these spells, all these ways to fight back. But now she wasn’t here to fight with us.
“Well, obviously we need to figure out where the Unseelie plan to attack,” Jasika muttered, one hand reaching out to me. I breathed a deep sigh and took it. Hell of a way to end an evening. “And then figure out how to keep everyone in there safe. Just in case. Bryn, maybe you should look into … you know. The witch stuff.”
“Even if it turns out to be true, it’s not like I can suddenly become some master spell-caster overnight,” I said. “Look, my specialty is just knowing what to throw at them to make them go away.”
“Maybe we can get some of the local wild fairies to help,” Dom suggested. “I mean, this is their home, too. A lot of them won’t be cool with the Unseelie.”
“You can try.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’d rather not count on the cavalry showing up here.”
“Then I guess we should coordinate our costumes now,” Dom said. “I’m calling one of those giant cards. Ace of spades.”
I forced myself to smile, but it felt like more of a grimace. Time to say a eulogy for that warm, cozy feeling. We wouldn’t be getting that again until everything was over.