Chapter 11 Gifts

11.01 Having Something Gift-wrapped

11.02 Offering a Gift

11.03 Opening a Gift

11.04 Expressing Thanks for a Gift

11.05 Gift Suggestions

11.06 Telephoning to Say Thank You

11.07 Gift Papers and

Money Envelopes

11.08 Words and Expressions

Chapter11

Gifts

When guests arrive at a wedding reception, they present money wrapped in beautifully decorated envelopes, and receive a present when they leave. Travelers return from weekend trips with boxes of locally made cakes for their friends, relatives, and colleagues and, when they’ve been abroad, arrive at the airport weighed down with bags of presents. If you give a present to a Japanese friend who’s had a baby, you may be surprised to receive a small gift in return a few weeks later. If you go to visit a client, your Japanese colleague may decide to take a small gift of confectionery. When you visit someone’s home, you might be pressed with fruit, cakes, and even some of the meal’s leftovers to take home. Foreign visitors in particular are often presented with beautiful and expensive gifts, and it’s hard to know how to reciprocate.

The protocol and customs regarding gifts are often a cause of anguish for the Japanese themselves, so it’s difficult for the foreigner to navigate in this area. Much will depend on the occasion, your relationship with the person concerned, and how long you have lived in the country.

It might help to remember that these customs developed in an earlier age of relative poverty when people in the community would help each other out, chipping in to help finance major life events, such as weddings and funerals, and sharing in times of plenty. Although the outgoings can seem costly, if you are in the cycle, things even out over time. The system of course doesn’t travel well outside Japan. Older people in particular may stick with these customs and give generous gifts of money at major life events, even if you are a foreigner and unable to reciprocate over the long term.

Gift giving is not a subject to be taken lightly, and you should consult your Japanese friends to work out a good solution, ideally one that will avoid causing offense but equally will keep you from being drawn into long-term obligations. If you are living in Japan you should probably abide by the rules when attending occasions such as weddings and funerals—after all, your contribution helps fund the event and you will receive a present in return. Find out from others who are going how much money you should take. It may appear churlish not to pay your share, even though customs may be different in your country.

Giving gifts is only half the story. According to Japanese etiquette, the recipient should give a return gift (o-kaeshi) equivalent to a third or a half of the value of the original gift. Thus, the new mother sends a gift, traditionally made of sugar, to all those who gave presents for her baby. People who have been ill send o-kaeshi to all the people who visited and brought gifts while they were sick. Likewise, the bride and groom arrange for their guests to be given gifts at the end of the wedding reception; these gifts are in fact o-kaeshi to the money that the guests presented when they arrived.

But there is an area of the gift-giving scene which foreigners should be wary of. Twice a year, in July and December, people send gifts to underline relationships: companies send gifts to clients to show that they are valued customers and a typical household might send gifts to a special teacher or tutor, the go-between at a wedding, or a family friend who used his or her influence to help find employment. Some people are given gifts because they have recently done or will do something for the family, and others are permanently on the gift list because the family values the relationships.

These two seasons coincide with the twice-yearly bonuses and are important business for the department stores. Gifts range in price from 2,000 to over 20,000 yen. Practical items like ham, soap, salad oil, canned goods and towels make traditional gifts but luxury products are also popular. Once you start giving these gifts you really will be in the cycle.

As a side note, the Japanese do not feel obliged to give gifts at Christmas, something that contrasts with what often happens in the West. In Japan, Christmas gifts are associated with romance and true affection, and, as of yet, there do not seem to be any hard and fast rules.

The milestones of life are also times when people give gifts. Birth, starting primary school, graduating from high school and university, building a house, and the sixtieth birthday are all occasions that are celebrated with gifts. In most instances, gifts are wrapped with special paper marked with the occasion and the donor’s name. If you decide to buy a gift for such an occasion, bear in mind that prestige is attached to where the gift is bought; so the same gift is better wrapped in the paper of one department store rather than another. Make sure you tell the sales assistant that the purchase is a gift and get it wrapped appropriately, and despatched.

Money is often given on occasions like passing school entrance examinations, graduation, marriage, and sickness. The money is always cash, preferably new bills, and is put in special envelopes which are on sale everywhere.

As we have seen, gift giving in Japan is complex, stylized and based on long-standing relationships. Due to the short-term nature of most visitors’ connections with Japan, you are not expected to reciprocate. Nonetheless you might want to take the time later to choose something special from your own country. Wine, china, ornaments, leather goods, CDs, a favorite brandy or whisky—these all make gifts that please.

11.01 Having Something Gift-wrapped

Gifts for formal occasions used to be wrapped with a heavy white paper and tied with stiff red and white strings. Nowadays this motif is printed on a special paper (noshi のし) and store assistants, after neatly wrapping your gift in the store’s paper, will ask if you want this added.

KIM:

Sumimasen. Kono urushi no o-bon, kudasai.

すみません。このうるしのお盆ください。

Excuse me. I’d like this lacquer tray, please.

SHOP ASSISTANT:

Hai. O-tsukaimono desu ka?

はい。おつかいものです力、。

Thank you. Is it a gift?

KIM:

Hai. Kekkon-iwai desu kara, tsutsunde kudasai.

はい。結婚祝いですから、包んでください。

Yes. It’s a wedding present so please wrap it (appropriately).

SHOP ASSISTANT:

Noshi o tsukemasu ka?

のしを付けますか。

Shall I put the formal gift paper on it?

KIM:

lie. Kekkō desu. Kawari ni ribon o tsukete kudasai.

いいえ。結構です。代わりにリボンをつけてください。

No, thank you. Please put a ribbon on it instead.

SHOP ASSISTANT:

Hai, kashikomarimashita.

はい。かしこまりました。

Certainly, madam.

11.02 Offering a Gift

In formal situations, gifts are usually presented after everyone has been seated. When offering a gift wrapped in formal paper, present it with both hands and make sure that the writing on the paper is right side up as it faces the recipient. Japanese often belittle the gifts they offer with phrases like:

• Tsumaranai mono desu ga.
つまらないものですが。
This is a trifling thing.

• Honno wazuka desu ga.
ほんのわずかですが。
It is only a small amount.

• Kokoro-bakari no mono desu ga.
心ばかりのものですが。
It’s only a small token.

In business, gifts are offered, rather inconspicuously, just before leaving:

• Honno o-shirushi desu ga.
ほんのお印しですが。
This is just a small token (of our relationship).

In less formal situations, you might prefer to use one of the following:

• Sukoshi desu ga, dōzo.
少しですが、どうぞ。
This is just a very small token, but please (go ahead and take it).

• Tai no o-kashi desu. Dōzo, meshiagatte kudasai.
タイのお菓子です。どうぞ、召し上がってください。
This is some candy from Thailand. I hope you like it. (lit. Please eat it.)

• Kanada no shashin-shū desu. Dōzo, goran kudasai.
カナダの写真集です。どうぞ、ご覧ください。
This is a book of photographs of Canada. I hope you enjoy looking at it. (lit. Please look at it.)

• Tezukuri no kukkii desu ga, dōzo tabete mite kudasai.
手作りのクッキーです力\どうぞ、食べてみてください。
I made these cookies myself. I hope you like them. (lit. Please try them.)

• Nani ga ii ka to mayoimashita ga, yōshu ga o-suki da to kikimashita no de, kore o motte mairimashita. Kitto ki ni itte itadakeru to omoimasu.
なにがいいかど迷いました於、洋酒がお好きだど聞きまし たので、これを持ってまいりました。きっと、気に入ってい ただけるど思います。
I didn’t know what to give you but then I heard that you like Western liquors. So, this is what I brought. I’m sure you’ll like it.

11.03 Opening a Gift

Japanese don’t usually open gifts right taway. (You don’t see this so much these days but the gift may first be put on the family altar for a while.) If you would like the recipient to open the gift, say:

• Akete mite kudasai. Ki ni itte itadakeru to iin’ desu ga.
開けてみてください。気に入っていただけるどいいんですカヾ。
Please open it. I do hope you like it.

• Akete mo ii desu ka?
開けてもいいです力、。
May I open it?

11.04 Expressing Thanks for a Gift

Show your appreciation like this:

• Subarashii!
すばらしい！
Wonderful!

• Kirei desu ne!
きれいですね。
It’s really pretty!

• Oishisō!
おいしそう！
It looks delicious!

• Wā, ureshii!
わあ、うれしい！
Ah, great! (used mostly by women)

• Dōmo arigatō. Daikōbutsu desu.
どうもありがどう。大好物です。
Thank you. I’m very fond of this (usually referring to food).

• li kinen ni narimasu.
いい記念になります。
It will be a good souvenir.

• Kanai mo yorokobimasu.
かないも喜びます。
My wife will love it too.

• Kyōshuku desu.
恐縮です。
I am truly grateful.

In formal situations you may want to use the traditional phrase for receiving gifts:

• Kore wa go-teinei ni arigatō gozaimashita.
これはご丁寧にありがどうございました。
How very kind of you. Thank you very much.

The next time you talk to someone who gave you a gift, don’t forget to thank them again:

• Senjitsu wa dōmo arigatō gozaimashita.
先日はどうもありがどうございました。
Thank you for (your gift) the other day.

• Konaida wa dōmo gochisō-sama deshita. Taihen oishikatta desu.
こないだはどうもごちそうさまでした。たいへんおいしかっ たです。
Thank you for (your delicious gift) the other day. It was very good.

11.05 Gift Suggestions

Here are some ideas for gifts for different occasions.

VISITING PEOPLE FOR DINNER:

Flowers, fruit, wine.

VISITING SOMEONE TO MAKE A REQUEST:

Small box of cakes or candies.

VISITING AN IMPORTANT CLIENT:

High quality confectionery, book, or some practical item of high quality and good design. Something from your home country would be best.

VISITING FRIENDS:

Something homemade.

SUMMER GIFTS:

Towel, soap, tea, iced tea or coffee set, fruit juice, beer, dried noodles, fruit, potted plant. These are gifts associated with coolness.

YEAR END GIFTS:

Wine, whisky, ham, sausage, cheese, chocolates, cyclamen plant. These are gifts that can be used over the Christmas and New Year holidays.

VISITING THE SICK:

Money, book, CD. (No rooted plants.)

AN EXHIBITION OR CONCERT:

Money, flowers, box of cakes or candies.

11.06 Telephoning to Say Thank You

Gifts should be acknowledged right away. A formal postcard (see page 297) is the proper way to express thanks but a brief phone call will often suffice.

EMILY:

Tērā desu ga, kyō wa o-todokemono o itadakimashite, arigatō gozaimashita.

テーラーですが、今日はお届け物をいただきまして、ありが とうございました。

This is Mrs. Taylor. Your gift arrived today. Thank you very much.

MRS SUZUKI:

lie, honno kokoro-bakari no mono desu.

いいえ、ほんの心ばかりのものです。

It’s only a small token.

EMILY:

Chōdo hoshikatta mono desu. Arigatō gozaimashita. Minasama o-genki desu ka?

ちょうどほしかったものです。ありがどうございました。皆 さま、お元気ですか。

It was just what I wanted. Thank you very much. Is everyone fine?

MRS SUZUKI:

Hai. Okage-sama de. Aikawarazu bata bata shite imasu ga.

はい、お陰様で。相変わらず、バ夕バ夕していますが、

Yes, thank you. Rushing around as usual.

EMILY:

Chikai uchi ni mata o-ai shimashō ne.

近いうちにまたお会いしましょうね。

Let’s get together soon.

MRS SUZUKI:

Sō shimashō. Waza-waza o-denwa arigatō gozaimashita.

そうしましょう。わざわざお電話ありがどうございました。

Yes, let’s do. Thank you for calling.

EMILY:

lie. Sore de wa, shitsurei itashimasu.

いいえ、それでは、失礼いたします。

Not at all. Goodbye.

11.07 Gift Papers and Money Envelopes

Here are some of the phrases written or printed on gift papers and envelopes:

o-rei	御ネし	gift or fee for a service (lit. thanks)
kotobuki	寿	gift for a wedding or other felicitous occasion
o-iwai	お祝い	gift for a wedding or other felicitous occasion
uchi-iwai	内祝い	return gift (wedding or other felicitous occasion)
o-senbetsu	お餞別	gift for someone who is going away
kinen-hin	記念品	gift to mark an occasion or achievement
o-mimai	お見舞い	gift or money for someone who is ill
kaiki-iwai	快気祝い	return gift to above
o-toshidama	お年玉	money given at New Year to children
o-tanjō iwai	お誕生祝い	gift to a new-born baby; also for a birthday
go-nyūgaku iwai	ご入学祝い	gift or money on entering elementary school, junior high, high school, or college
go-sotsugyō iwai	ご卒業祝い	gift or money on graduation
go-reizen	ご靈前	money given at funerals
go-butsuzen	こ仏前	money given at a Buddhist funeral service held forty-nine days after a death

11.08 Words and Expressions

okurimono	贈もの	gift, often a small present such as a birthday gift
o-chūgen	お中元	summer gift
o-seibo	お歳暮	year-end gift
gifuto	ギフト	gift, usually an o-chugen or o-seibo gift
purezento	プレゼント	present, free gift
miyage	土産	gift brought back from a trip, souvenir
te-miyage	手土産	small gift taken when making a visit (business)
shōhinken	商品券	gift vouchers
o-kaeshi	お返し	return gift
kanreki	還暦	60th birthday
noshi(-gami)	のし（紙）	formal gift paper
kane o tsutsumu	金を包む	wrapping money (in an envelope), or the act of giving money