Chapter 8 Entertaining

8.01 Inviting People

8.02 Confirming an Invitation

8.03 Declining an Invitation

8.04 Receiving Guests at Home

8.05 Visiting Someone’s Home

8.06 Having Friends to Dinner

8.07 Taking Clients Out to Dinner

8.08 Taking Friends Out to Dinner

8.09 Special Diets

8.10 Taking Your Leave

8.11 Words and Expressions

Chapter8

Entertaining

Japanese hospitality is legendary, and first-time visitors can be overwhelmed by the hospitality of their Japanese hosts. At one level, there may be fast-paced drinking, moving from, say, an eatery to a bar, and finishing off with karaoke. At another level the guest is offered every kind of food and drink. Whereas in the West we like to ask our guests what they would like (Coffee or tea?), a good host in Japan tries to anticipate guests’ needs and provide what they feel is appropriate. So if you’re invited to a business dinner you’ll probably find that the menu has been arranged in advance and you are plied with different drinks so you will find nothing wanting. The converse is that, especially in the old days, Japanese did not feel comfortable being given a fancy Western menu and asked to choose. There is a scene in the film Tampopo (Itami Juzo) with a funny take on this.

Beer, shōchū, and cold saké are the most popular alcoholic drinks. Pick up your glass when it is being filled and then fill the glass of the other person. Strictly speaking, you’re not supposed to pour your own drink. So be on the alert to keep a VIP’s glass filled. On the other hand, some people will fill another’s glass in order to get a refill themselves, so if your glass is contantly being topped up, it may simply mean that your partner wants more to drink!

At a large party you might find that after the speeches, people move around pouring drinks for others. If there is someone you know or someone important to your company, you should go over and pour that person a drink—sooner rather than later.

When you’re invited out, do try to arrive on time. If you realize you’re going to be late, phone ahead and ask people to start without you. Otherwise, you might be embarrassed to find that everyone had been waiting for you to arrive before saying “kanpai” and starting the drinking. If you’re hosting the meal, get there early, before your guests, and decide on the seating. The person who pays sits near the door. The guests sit on the other side (in a tatami room this is in front of the alcove with its scroll and flowers). A typical dinner starts with hors d’oeuvres and beer, and continues with sashimi, tempura, and fish and/or meat dishes with saké, more beer or wine. Rice, or sometimes noodles, mark the end of the meal and the drinking.

You should not worry that you are being rude if you turn down food; in fact, the Japanese themselves do not feel obligated to eat all that’s offered. To be polite, you can comment on the food’s appearance and be flattered by the number of dishes, but it is all right if you only eat what you like. (Incidentally, children are taught not to start a dish— hashi o tsukenai —if they cannot eat the whole portion.)

Customs about who pays the bill are no different from those in most other countries. In business entertaining, whoever issued the invitation generally picks up the tab. When friends go out, the bill is usually split, although sometimes an older person will insist on paying. Private parties are often on a shared-cost basis with guests paying a set contribution made known when the invitation is given.

Vegetarians or those requiring special diets may face difficulties in Japan since such food issues are not widely understood. The prevalence of katsuobushi (bonito) stock in otherwise vegan dishes is a common problem. On the other hand, there is a high awareness of genetic modification and soybeans and tofu in Japan are generally from non-GM sources. If you’re interested in special diets, look into two home-grown vegetarian diets, the Zen diet (shōjin ryōri), and the macrobiotic diet.

In traditional home entertaining, the wife was kept so busy in the kitchen that she did not eat with the guests. Nowadays, people entertain friends at home often with informal cook-at-the-table meals. If you like entertaining at home, remember that late-night dining is not common. You may find your plans for drinks, a leisurely dinner, and discussions late into the night scotched by your Japanese guests arriving punctually, expecting their dinner within half an hour, and leaving early for the long journey home. Also, if you invite people for afternoon tea, make sure they understand that you will be offering them only tea. Otherwise, they may arrive expecting dinner.

When you entertain, you may come up against what is known as enryo (reserve and hesitancy), the mark of a good guest in Japanese culture. Even though you urge them to make themselves at home, your Japanese guests may not start drinking or eating until you specifically ask them to start. In some rural districts, people have to be invited three times before they take a sip of their tea!

One more thing you might experience is guests accepting invitations and then not showing up. Although things are changing, work takes precedence and attending private parties may receive low priority.

In spite of these problems, home entertaining can be an enjoyable way to get to know people better. Your friends and acquaintances will certainly appreciate being invited to spend time with you and your family and sample the cuisine of your home country.

8.01 Inviting People

Here are some phrases to use on the phone when you want to get people together. First, Lin asks a friend to a party to celebrate Takuya’s recovery:

• Takuya no kaiki-iwai o jūyokka ni suru yotei nan’ da kedo, koreru ka na? Basho wa Shiraboshi.
拓也の快気祝いを14日にする予定なんだけど、来れるか な。場所はしらぼし。
I’m planning a celebration for Takuya’s recovery. Can you come? It’s at Shiraboshi (The White Star).

Next, Kim asks a woman friend to a birthday party she’s planning at her home for her friend Yumi:

• Yumi-san no tanjōbi dakara, jūrokunichi ni uchi de o-iwai o suru yotei na no. Irassharanai? Ryōri o mochiyori ni shiyō to omotte.
有美さんの誕生日だから、16日に家でお祝いをする予定な の。いらっしゃらない？ネ'斗理を持ち寄りにしようど思って。
It’s Yumi’s birthday so I’m planning a celebration on the 16th at my place. Won’t you come? I’m thinking of a potluck supper.

The language in this next example is a bit more formal. Emily telephones a friend to ask her and her husband to dinner at a restaurant:

• Amerika kara gakusei jidai no yūjin ga Nihon ni kite imasu keredo, moshi yokattara, jūku-nichi no doyōbi, o-futari de yūshoku o issho ni shimasen ka? Ato de kaijō o oshiemasu.
アメリカから学生時代の友人が日本に来ていますすけれ ど、もしよかったら、19日の土曜日、お二人で夕食を一緒に しませんか。後で会場を教えます。
Some friends from our student days are over from the States. If it’s all right with you, we’d like you to join us for dinner on Saturday, the 19th. I’ll let you know the place later.

8.02 Confirming an Invitation

You might want to confirm such an invitation by e-mail:

送イ言者	： <e.taylor@nifty.com>
宛先	: <y.suzuki@ocn.ne.jp>
送信日時	: <2011年4月25曰17.10>
件名	： 19日の件

こんにちは、お元気ですか？今日は良く隋れて 暖かい一日でしたね。

先日お話した19日の会ですが、日時会場が決まりました ので、お知らせします。

日時	5月19曰（土）7時より
会場	ホテル銀座フランス料理シエーヌ一
出席メンバ一	テーラ一家族全員、ジョンどセーラグリーン夫 妻鈐木ご夫妻

詳しい事は又近いうちに地図等お送りします。

Sōshinsha	: <e.taylor@nifty.com>
Atesaki	: <y.suzuki@ ocn.ne.jp>
Sōshinnichiji	: <Nisen jūichi nen shigatsu nijūgo-nichi 17.10>
Kenmei	: Jūku-nichi no ken

Konnichi wa, o-genki desu ka? Kyō wa yoku harete atatakai ichinichi deshita ne. Senjitsu o-hanashi shita jūrokunichi no kai desu ga, nichiji, kaijō ga kimarimashita no de, o-shirase shimasu.

Nichiji	Gogatsu jūkunichi (do) Shichiji yori
Kaijō	Hoteru Ginza Furansu ryōri She Nu
Shusseki menbā	Tērā kazoku zenin, Jon to Sēra Guriin fusai Suzuki go-fusai

Kuwashii koto wa mata chikai uchi ni chizu tō o-okuri shimasu.

Sender	: <e.taylor@nifty.com>
Recipient	: <y.suzuki@ ocn.ne.jp>
Date sent	: <25 April 2011 ā 17.10>
Subject	: Re: 19th

Hi, how are you? It was a sunny warm day today, wasn’t it? About the party on the 19th we talked about the other day, the place and time have been decided so this is to let you know.

Date and time	May 19th (Saturday) From 7 p.m.
Place	Hotel Ginza, French restaurant, Chez Nous
People attending	All the Taylor family, Mr and Mrs John and Sarah Green and Mr and Mrs Suzuki

As for the details, I’ll send a map etc. soon.

8.03 Declining an Invitation

A man declines an invitation from a close friend:

• Arigatō. Warui kedo, sono hi ni yotei ga arun’ da yo.
ありがどう、悪いけど、その日に予定があるんだよ。
Thanks. I’m sorry but I’ve got something on that day.

A politer way to say the same thing is:

• Arigatō gozaimasu. Zannen desu ga, sono hi ni chotto yotei ga arimashite, mōshiwake arimasen.
ありがどうございます。残念ですが、その日にちょっと予定 がありまして、申し訳ありません。
Thank you. Unfortunately I have something to do that day. I’m sorry.

Here’s how to refuse an invitation you’ve already accepted:

• Ashita no yakusoku no koto desu kedo. Kyūyō ga dekite, shusseki dekinaku nattan’ desu yo. Hontō ni zannen desu ga.
明日の約束のこどですけど。急用ができて、出席できなくな ったんですよ。本当に残念ですが。
It’s about our appointment tomorrow. Something urgent has cropped up and I won’t be able to come. I’m very sorry.

8.04 Receiving Guests at Home

You will need a clear policy on shoes. If you wear shoes in your home, tell guests to treat your house like a hotel. If you have a shoes-off policy, line up house slippers in the entranceway before the guests arrive. Here are a few phrases you can use to make your guests feel at home.

• O-machi shite imashita. Dōzo.
お待ちしていました。どうぞ。
We’ve been expecting you. Please come in.

• Dōzo, o-agari kudasai.
どうぞ、お上がりください。
Please come in. (lit. Please come up.)

• Irasshai!
いらっしゃい。
Welcome! (used especially for unexpected guests)

• Kutsu no mama, dōzo.
靴のまま、どうぞ。
Please keep your shoes on.

• Dōzo kochira e. Michi wa sugu wakarimashita ka?
どうぞ、こちらへ。道はすぐ分かりました力、。
Please come this way. Did you find your way easily?

• Chotto o-machi kudasai. Kōhii o motte kimasu kara.
ちょっとお待ちください。コーヒーを持ってきますから。
Just a moment. I’ll get some coffee.

• O-cha, dōzo.
お茶どうぞ。
Please have some tea. / Please go ahead and drink your tea.

• Yoroshikattara kukkii o dōzo. Tezukuri desu.
よろしかったらクッキーをどうぞ。手作りです。
Please try a cookie. They’re home made.

8.05 Visiting Someone’s Home

When you reach the house, ring the bell and announce your name through the interphone. In the old days, when doors were not locked, you would slide the door open and announce your arrival with a loud “Gomen kudasai.”

Leave your shoes neatly lined up in the entranceway. Strictly speaking, you should leave your shoes facing toward the inside of the house, and at some point during your stay they would be turned around to face the outside, ready for leaving (apparently because it was bad form to back up into a house). These days most people turn their shoes around when entering the house.

When you’re a guest, here are some phrases you can use:

• Shitsurei shimasu / O-jama shimasu.
失礼します/お邪魔します。
Excuse me (say this when you take your shoes off and again when you enter the living room).

• O-isogashii tokoro, arigatō gozaimashita.
お忙しいどころ、ありがどうございました。
Thank you for making time to see us.

• Dōzo, o-kamai naku.
どうぞ、お構いなく。
Please don’t go to any trouble (when offered tea or drinks).

• Unten dakara, o-sake wa nomimasen. Ūroncha de mo itadakemasen ka?
運転だから、お酒は飲みません。ウーロン茶でもいただけ ませんか。
I’m driving so I won’t drink. Could I have some Oolong tea?

• Sumimasen. O-tearai o o-kari shitain’ desu ga.
すみません。お手洗いをお借りしたいんですが。
May I use the bathroom?

• li o-sumai desu ne.
いいお住まいですね。
What a nice place you have.

• Suteki na chawan desu ne. Hagi deshō ka?
すてきな茶碗ですね。萩でしょう力、。
What a beautiful teacup! Is it Hagi pottery?

8.06 Having Friends to Dinner

Max and Kate Brown have invited the Okadas who run the English school where Max teaches to dinner at their home. The Okadas don’t speak much English so Kate and Max are doing their best to impress and make them feel at home.

KATE:

O-shokuji no yōi ga dekimashita no de, dōzo.
Dōzo o-meshiagari kudasai.

お食事の用意ができましたので、どうぞ。
どうぞお召し上がりください。

Dinner’s ready. Please (come to the table). Please go ahead and start.

EVERYONE:

Itadakimasu.

いただきます。

Bon appetit. (lit. I receive.)

KATE:

Dōzo, o-tori kudasai. Yōshoku wa o-kuchi ni aimasu ka?

どうぞ、お取りください。洋食はおロに合います力、。

Please help yourself. Do you like Western food?

MRS OKADA:

Ē. Sappari shite oishii desu ne.

え一。さっぱりしておいしいですね。

Yes, it’s light and very delicious.

KATE:

Yasai wa hōfu de shinsen. Nihon no seikatsu wa hontō ni benri de, chian mo yokute, sumiyasui desu ne. Kazoku minna ga sukkari kochira no seikatsu ni najinde,

野菜は豊富で新鮮。日本の生活はほんどうに便利で、治安 もよくて、住みやすいですね。家族皆がすっかりこちらの生 活になじんで。

Vegetables are so abundant and fresh. Life in Japan is really convenient, and safe. It’s easy to live here. The whole family has got completely used to life here.

MAX:

Mō shibaraku Nihon ni itai to kangaete imasu ga, shigoto no hō wa?

もうしばらく日本にいたいど考えています力\仕事の方は？

I’m thinking of staying in Japan a bit longer, but what about work?

OKADA:

Ite kureru to tasukaru yo. Anata hodo ninki no aru sensei wa metta ni imasen yo.

いてくれるど助かるよ。あなたほど人気のある先生はめっ たにいませんよ。

If you could stay on that would be a help. It’s not often (you find) a teacher who’s as popular as you are.

MAX:

Arigatō gozaimasu. Sore de wa, sono hōkō de. Hanashi ga kawarimasu ga, saikin sugoi hakken. Eki no higashiguchi atari ni monosugoku oishii yakitoriya.

ありがどうございます。それでは、その方向で。話が変わり ます力\最近すごい発見。駅の東口あたりにものすごくお いしい焼き鳥屋。

Thank you. Well then, (we’ll go) in that direction. On a different matter, I recently made a great discovery. In the area near the east exit of the station, an incredibly good yakitori place...

KATE:

Okada-san, mō sukoshi ikaga desu ka?

岡田さん、もう少しいかがですか。

Mr Okada, how about a little more?

OKADA:

Iya, kekkō desu. Takusan itadakimashita. Gochiso-sama deshita.

いや、結構です。たくさんいただきました。ご馳走様でした。

No more, thank you. I’ve had a lot to eat. Thank you.

8.07 Taking Clients Out to Dinner

EcoSystems’s talks with Mr Takahashi and his colleagues are going well and Michael has decided to take them out to dinner. He wants to give them a good time and try to get to know them better.

MICHAEL:

Mazu, biiru ni shimashō ka? Nama biiru yottsu kudasai. Kanpai!

まず、ビールにしましょう力、。生ビール4つください。カンパイ！

To start with shall we have some beer? Four draught beers, please. Cheers!

SATO YUMI:

Aa, natsu wa biiru ni kagiru. De mo, buchō no go-shusshin no Kyūshu wa mōshō rashii desu ne.

あ々、夏はビールに限る。でも、部長のご出身の九州は、猛 暑らしいですね。

Ah, beer is the best drink in summer. But, it seems to be extremely hot in Kyushu where you come from.

TAKAHASHI:

Atsukute tamaranai desu yo. Sono ippō, fuyu wa kaiteki. Maikeru-san wa ryokō suru to ii desu yo. Nagasaki, Aso-san, Hakata. Meibutsu no sakana, shōchū.

暑くてたまらないですよ。その一方、冬は快適。マイケルさ んは旅行するどいいですよ。長崎、阿蘇山、博多。名物の 魚、焼酎。

It’s dreadfully hot. On the other hand, it’s pleasant in winter. You should take a trip. Nagasaki, Mt Aso, Hakata. It’s famous for its fish, its shochu.

MICHAEL:

Shōjiki itte, Kōbe yori nishi e itta koto ga nai desu yo. Iku beki desu yo ne.

正直言って、神戸より西へ行ったこどがないですよ。行くベ きですよね。

To tell you the truth, I’ve never been west of Kobe. I probably should go.

TAKAHASHI:

Ikanai wake ni wa ikanai desu yo. Sono setsu, go-annai shimasu yo.

行かないわけにはいかないですよ。その節、ご案内しますよ。

You simply must go. And when you do, I’ll show you round.

MICHAEL:

Sā sā, Nihonshu ikimashō ka. Soretomo, buchō no go shusshinchi no shōchū de mo. Imo-shōchū ga ii desu ka, mugishōchū ga ii desu ka. O-susume no mono arimasen ka.

さあさあ、日本酒、いきましょう力、。それども、部長のご出 身地の焼酎でも。芋焼酎がいいですか、麦焼酎の方がいい ですか。おすすめのものありませんか。

Well, shall we have some sake? Or, some shōchū from where you come from? Which is better, potato shochu or barley shochu? Is there one you can recommend?

8.08 Taking Friends Out to Dinner

Michael and Emily’s college friends are visiting from the States. John and Sarah have various food issues that have to be explained to the chef.

WAITER:

Irasshaimase! O-machi shite orimashita. Dōzo kochira e.

いらっしゃいませ。お待ちしておりました。どうぞ、こちらへ。

Welcome. We’ve been waiting for you. This way, please.

EMILY:

Sumimasen. Kochira no futari wa bejitarian de, kochira no kata ni wa gyūnyū arerugii ga arimasu. Anshin shite taberareru menyū o oshiete kudasai.

すみません。こちらの二人はベジタリアンで、こちらの方に は牛乳アレルギ一があります。安心して食べられるメニュー を教えてください。

Excuse me. We have two vegetarians and this person has an allergy to milk. Can you tell me what from the menu they would be able to eat with peace of mind?

WAITER:

Bejitarian no kata wa niku mo sakana mo meshiagaranai wake desu ne.

ベジタリアンの方は肉も魚も召し上がらないわけですね。

You mean the vegetarians eat neither fish nor meat.

EMILY:

Hai, issai dame desu. Dashi ni haitte mo dame desu. Agedashidōfu wa oishisō desu ga, katsuobushi no dashi tsukatte imasu ka.

はい、一切だめです。だしに入ってもだめです。揚げ出し豆腐 はおいしそうです力、かつおぶしのだしを使っています力、。

That’s right, none at all. None in the stock either. This deep-fried tofu looks good but do you use bonito stock?

WAITER:

Goma dake no sōsu mo dekimasu.

ゴマだけのソースもできます。

We can give you a sauce with only sesame in it.

EMILY:

Sore o mittsu kudasai.

それを三つください。後は？

Three of those please. What else (do you have)?

WAITER:

Kochira no itamemono wa niku-nuki de o-dashi dekimasu. Ato wa tōnyu chiizu no pizza mo gozaimasu shi, genmai no kinoko rizotto ga gozaimasu. Pasutarui wa o-konomi ni awasete o-tsukuri dekimasu.

こちらの炒め物は肉抜きでお出しできます。後は、豆乳チ一 ズのピザもございますし、玄米のきのこリゾットがございま す。パス夕類はお好みに合わせてお作りできます。

We can make these stir-fried dishes without meat. Then there is a soy milk cheese pizza and a brown rice mushroom risotto. We can make any of the pastas as you please.

8.09 Special Diets

Describing any special dietary needs, particularly vegetarianism, may test your Japanese simply because many people are not familiar with the issues. The vocabulary itself is easy as many of the terms are from the English.

bejitarian	ヘン夕リアン	vegetarian
bigan	ヴイガン	vegan
ōganikku	オーガニック	organic

This is a hard one though:

idenshi kumikae daizu

遺伝子組み換え 大豆

genetically modified soybean

Food allergies (shokumotsu arerugii 食物アレルギー) are more common and the Japanese government requires labelling for seven of the most common allergens:

tamago	卵	egg
nyūseihin	乳製品	dairy products
komugi	小麦	wheat
ebi	えび	shrimp
kani	かに	crab
rakkasei	落花生	peanut
soba	そば	buckwheat

In addition there are recommendations for the labelling of 18 more, including daizu (大豆 soybean). The Japanese for cross-contamination is simply kontaminēshon (コン夕ミネーシヨン). MSG (gurutaminsan グル夕ミン酸) is more commonly known by its brand name Aji no Moto.

8.10 Taking Your Leave

When it’s time to go, look at your watch and say the magic words, Mō, soro-soro (もう、そろそろ It’s about time to go) which will immediately signal that you want to leave. Out of politeness, your host will probably try at least once to detain you.

OKADA:

Dōmo, o-jama shimashita. Taihen gochisō ni narima shita.

どうも、お邪魔しました。たいへんご馳走になりました。

Thank you for having us over. (lit. We’re sorry to have bothered you.) And thank you for the meal.

MAX:

Mada iin’ ja nain’ desu ka?

まだいいんじゃないですか？

Can’t you stay longer?

OKADA:

Ashita hayai mon’ desu kara.

明日早いもんですから。

I have to be up early tomorrow morning.

KATE:

Sore-dewa, zehi mata o-dekake kudasai.

それでは、ぜひまたお出かけください。

Then please come again.

These phrases can also be used when you leave:

• Osoku made, o-jama shite wa mōshi-wake arimasen kara.
遲くまでお邪魔しては申し訳ありませんから。
I don’t want to keep you up late.

• Sono-uchi, mata yukkuri o-jama shimasu.
そのうち、またゆっくりお邪魔します。
I’ll stay longer next time I come.

• Dōzo kondo wa uchi ni oide kudasai
どうぞ、今度はうちにおいでください。
Come and visit us next time.

• O-saki ni shitsurei shimasu.
お先に失礼します。
Excuse me but I’ve got to go (said to the other guests).

8.11 Words and Expressions

izakaya	居酒屋	bar
resutoran	レストラン	restaurant
ryōtei	料亭	traditional (and expensive) Japanese restaurant
kanpai	乾杯	Cheers!
nama biiru	生ビール	draught beer
reishu	冷酒	cold sake
shōchū	焼酎	Spirit made from potatoes or barley served on ice, with hot water or as a cocktail
motenashi	もてなし	hospitality
settai (suru)	接待（する）	entertaining (usually business), to entertain
shōtai (suru)	招待（する）	invitation, to invite
tsukiai	付き合い	association, acquaintance, friendship
resepushon	レセプション	reception
enkai	宴会	party, usually in a tatami room
zashiki	座敷	big tatami room used for parties
baikingu	バイキング	help-yourself buffet
hōmu pātei	ホー厶パーテイ	party held at home
nijikai	二次会	party held immediately after another party
o-aisō	おあいそう	bill in sushi bars and Japanese restaurants
o-kanjō	お勘定	bill in other restaurants
kaihi	会費	set contribution to a party
shokuji o ogoru	食事をおごる	to treat someone to a meal
karaoke	カラオケ	karaoke
gozen-sama	午前様	person who comes home after midnight