Catalina danced around her ship as Praiseworthy left the Valkyrians far behind. “Thank you, Praiseworthy! Thank you, thank you! You’re the best! I knew you liked me more than Mick!”
“Oh Princess Catalina, you wouldn’t believe the adventure I had. I just knew I had one good rollicking rescue in me!”
Jacob smiled and wished he could give Praiseworthy a high five. “What happened? How did you escape the Valkyrians?”
“Well,” Praiseworthy said, quite obviously beside himself that they wanted to hear his story, “when I heard that nasty brute of a Valkyrian spaceship enter the atmosphere I just knew it couldn’t be good news. So I left right that moment, flew below the cloud line, hid behind a mountain, and shut off all communications so I couldn’t possibly be spotted. I knew you may have been unable to reach me, but I couldn’t dare take the risk of having our conversation intercepted. And after I saw that horrible gremlin of a child speed by me on his motorcycle, I just knew he would lead me to you. It was a magnificent rescue, wasn’t it?”
“It was!” Catalina said. She twirled around one more time and ran over and hugged Jacob. He hugged her back and was proud that they had escaped. Catalina was smarter and braver than he had given her credit for, and he was glad they were campaigning together.
But then he had a flash of what Sarah Daisy would have done if she had seen him hug Catalina, and a part of him wondered if this was all part of Catalina’s plan, whether she just thought he would be easily wrapped around her finger. She was a member of the same family as Mick Cracken after all.
“Your dad said that Astrals are all fun-loving people, that space is perfect and all that. So why were they trying to kill me? They want to destroy Earth! What kind of maniacs are you people?”
Catalina broke the hug and took a few steps back, looking genuinely hurt. Her mouth was a thin line and she nodded. “Jacob,” she said quietly, “SEERs are crazy. They just love blowing things up. Not all Astrals are like that.”
“Didn’t you say they’re popular?”
“Well, yes, kind of, but you know… Astrals just don’t take things so… seriously.”
She gave him a look that made him think she was talking about more than just Astrals.
“Dexter Goldstein calling!” Jacob’s Astral Telly shouted.
Jacob reached into his pocket and saw Dexter’s face. He was safe. Jacob quickly said, “Pick up,” and Dexter materialized right in front of him. He had a vague sense that Catalina let out a sniffle and brushed past him toward her stateroom, but he was too excited about seeing Dexter to worry about it.
“Dexter!” Jacob shouted. “What happened to you?”
Dexter looked around and said, “Whoa! You’re aboard Praiseworthy? Hi, Praiseworthy! Hi!!”
Jacob shook his head. “That’s not how the Tellys work. Only I can hear you.”
“Oh. Weird.”
“Hey Praiseworthy,” Jacob said. “Dexter says hi.”
“Master Goldstein!” Praiseworthy shouted. “My warmest regards! I daresay you would have been quite impressed by my recent dashing rescue!”
Jacob thought back to the last time he had seen Dexter, being carried away by space monkeys, and he felt a wave of guilt that he had left his friend behind. Jacob had only sent crazy space officers to save him and had taken his election more seriously than his friend’s rescue. He looked at the ground and said, “Look. Dexter. I really, really wish I could have come back for you. I just had that deadline to declare my candidacy, and…”
Dexter stood a little straighter. “I can take care of myself,” he said, as if he were testing the words out to see how they sounded. He cocked his head a little and then nodded as if they sounded just fine.
“Well, still, I’m sorry, Dexter,” Jacob said
Dexter nodded. “I am a brave individual.”
Jacob laughed. “I can tell. How did you escape the space monkeys?”
“Escape?” Dexter looked around the room. “You can’t see them?”
Jacob shook his head. “Dexter, that’s not how these phones work. The caller goes to where the recipient of the call is, and their image—”
“Yeah, yeah. Well, they’re right here beside me and they’re my friends!”
Jacob wondered if Dexter had possibly suffered a catastrophic head injury during his ordeal. He certainly did not sound like the Dexter he knew. It occurred to him that the space monkeys could have been holding Dexter hostage and were forcing him to say he was fine and pretend he was self-sufficient under threat of further space monkey rampage.
“Wow, Dex,” he said. “That’s, um, great. But really, are you okay?”
Dexter’s eyes widened as if he were just realizing something. “Earth is in danger! There are these lunatics called Valkyrians…”
“Yeah, I met some of them.”
“Oh. Well, that’s who I rescued the space monkeys from. I think they meant to kidnap you.”
“Wait,” Jacob said. Pieces were beginning to fit together. “So the Valkyrians sent the space monkeys to kidnap me, only they grabbed you instead. Then they tried to get me again just now. And Patrick Gravy—”
“I hate that guy!” Dexter shouted.
“Me too!” Jacob said. “He said something about Mick giving the Valkyrians what they wanted.”
“They want to destroy Earth! The king said he nominated you because you were the only one who could save Earth!”
Jacob couldn’t believe Mick had sent a bunch of Earth-hating goons to kidnap him, but he was still a bit proud to hear that the king wanted him to save Earth. “I knew Mick was the one who sent the Valky-rians to kidnap me! So he would win without a contest.”
Dexter nodded. “That makes sense! Stupid Mick!”
Jacob was incredibly relieved that Dexter was safe and wasn’t mad, and he was so glad he would have him along for the rest of the election. Together they had defeated every obstacle substitute teachers had thrown at them, and he knew they could conquer the universe when they rejoined forces.
“So you’re really friends with the space monkeys?” Jacob asked.
“Yes.” Dexter nodded. “I really am. I’m like their king.”
Jacob started to laugh, thinking Dexter was joking, but when he saw that Dexter was serious he stopped himself.
“Well, bring them along,” Jacob said. “I need some security guards.”