This is amazing! This is amazing! This is amazing!” Catalina skipped around Praiseworthy, tossing pillows into the air and dancing. She ran over to Jacob and hugged him and didn’t even seem to care that he bristled and didn’t hug her back. “Did you hear what she called me? It’s amazing!”

Jacob scratched his chin and tried to make sense of what was happening. “I mean… I heard her call you a conceited alien.”

“Oh dearest me, Master Wonderbar!” Praiseworthy gasped. “I wish you wouldn’t use such filthy language aboard my ship.”

Catalina pranced over to Jacob and threw a jeweled necklace around his neck. “The A-word is the gravest insult you can ever call an Astral. We hate that word. We’re people, not al… well, you know. And now everyone is going to be so upset with Sarah for calling me that, we have the election in the bag. Jakey, isn’t this great?”

Jacob took off the necklace and sat down in the captain’s chair. He was feeling very tired, and even though the election was just four Earth days away, it felt like an eternity. They had been in space for almost two weeks, and he missed his mom and wanted to sleep in his own bed. Sunday Family Bonding Night and his mom’s sketchy cooking didn’t even seem like such a bad thing, and he wished he could just call her and say hello and chat for a little while.

Dexter walked into the cockpit, holding Rufus by the hand. From the ruckus in the rear of the ship, it sounded like the monkeys were thoroughly enjoying the Planet Royale chef’s latest banana creation.

“What’s the deal with all this ‘alien’ stuff?” Dexter asked.

“Master Goldstein!” Praiseworthy exclaimed. “You too?! Galloping grasshoppers, this ship might as well be a saloon.”

“This ‘A’ stuff is only the best thing that has ever happened to our campaign!” Catalina said. “This will go down as one of the greatest gaffes in history!”

Jacob looked at Dexter and shook his head in confusion. Astrals had long since stopped making sense to him.

“But you’re not even upset,” Jacob said. “How could this be so bad if she didn’t even make you angry? It’s not like she knew what that word meant.”

Catalina gave Jacob a very patient smile. “Jakey, don’t you see? I’m going to go on all the interviews on ANN and look upset and cry and talk about what a horrible insult this is. I might even demand an apology.” She had a dreamy smile, but then seemed to change her mind and shook her head. “No. First I’ll talk about how upset I am and how I want the whole thing to just blow over for the good of Earther/Astral relations. Then when things start to die down I’ll demand an apology. Then if she apologizes I’ll say her apology isn’t good enough and that I just feel so bad for my fellow Astrals for having to endure such a horrible insult. Because she didn’t just upset me, she upset all Astrals.”

Jacob stared at Catalina incredulously. “But you’re not upset!”

Catalina put her hands on her hips. “Jacob Wonderbar, I hardly see how that is relevant. This was a gift! Sarah Daisy just handed us the election in a nice, sweet little filthy-worded box. Here’s what you need to do. You need to denounce her and stand firm to show that not all Earthers are Astral-haters.”

“I’m not going to denounce her! You know she didn’t mean it that way. How was she supposed to know that the worst word you can say in outer space is ‘alien’?”

“Oh!” Praiseworthy exclaimed. “Oh, I’m feeling faint.”

Catalina’s eyes narrowed. Jacob glanced quickly at Dexter, who sat straight up, alarmed that Catalina was at last showing an emotion that resembled anger.

“Well, Jacob Wonderbar,” she muttered through clenched teeth. “And here I thought you wanted to win this election.”

“I do!”

“Do you? Do you, Jacob?” she shrieked. “Or are your feelings for your blondie Earther girl going to stand in the way of us winning? Us, Jacob? You and me?”

Jacob saw that tears were forming in Catalina’s eyes, and a part of him was actually glad that she was finally standing up for herself and being honest about her feelings.

But the more he thought about it, the more he knew he was right.

The truth was that he did care more about Sarah Daisy than winning the election. He couldn’t bring himself to betray her, no matter how important it was and how much he had put into the election. Catalina knew Sarah didn’t mean it, Catalina wasn’t really hurt by it, and Jacob wasn’t going to pretend any differently. He was going to win by doing things his own way.

“You can say what you want,” Jacob said. “You can do all the interviews you want and cry all you want and drag her through the mud. But I want no part of this alien business.”

“Master Wonderbar!” Praiseworthy exclaimed.

“Sorry! I won’t say it again.”

“No, not that. We’re under attack!”