Contents
Two old pirates were sitting at a bar, talking about their adventures.
A wealthy woman goes into a New York City bank to ask for a loan.
An eighty-year-old man was at the doctor’s office for his annual checkup.
4. Don’t Confuse Me with Facts
A man is convinced he’s dead.
A few minutes into a morning flight from Boston to Chicago, the passengers were startled by a sudden jolt.
6. Feet of Clay
Two half-drunk guys are in a bar at the top of a skyscraper.
7. Good Enough?
A woman in her late forties suffers a massive heart attack . . .
8. Sorry, Frog
An engineer is crossing the road when he hears a frog calling out to him . . .
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture to a group of business leaders with a note of caution . . .
10. Brain Freeze
Einstein depended on his chauffeur to take him to his speaking engagements.
A man rides up to the Mexico-US border on his bicycle, carrying two large bags on his shoulders.
12. Piece of Cake
Three families have all had bakeries on the same block in Florence, Italy, for generations.
13. Fast Friends
Two campers are walking through the woods when they suddenly see a huge brown bear . . .
14. In Too Deep
An out-of-work actor goes into a doctor’s office.
15. Some Pig
A man was walking down a country road when he came to a farmhouse.
16. Go with the Flow
An old guy is driving home from work when his wife calls him on his cell phone.
17. Countdown
A doctor walks into the examining room and puts his hand on his patient’s shoulder.
18. Buy, Buy, Baby
A corporal with the gift of gab advises new recruits about benefits.
A nurse was out making her daily rounds when her car suddenly ran out of gas.
A sales rep, a clerk, and a manager find an antique oil lamp.
21. Who, Me?
One afternoon, a man decides to take his new sports car for a drive in the country.
22. The Old Man and the Cookies
An old man was on his deathbed.
It was the morning of Black Friday, and there was a big sale at the electronics superstore.
A Mafia boss discovers that his bookkeeper has stolen 10 million dollars from him.
Two cowboys riding across the prairie come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with one ear to the ground.
A wealthy man goes into a New York City bar and asks for the world’s best martini.
27. A Monk’s Tale
A young man decides to join a Buddhist monastery and take a vow of silence.
28. The Easy Way
A guy sees a man in a tuxedo and a woman in an evening gown crawling around on the side of the road.
A guy tells his psychiatrist he has difficulty making friends.
30. Anchors Aweigh!
A grizzled old sea captain decided to test one of his recent recruits.
An elderly man and woman are sitting on a bench in a nursing home.
32. The Whole Truth
Out at sea, a young deckhand drank alcohol for the first time in his life . . .
A ten-year-old boy was questioning his father about being a good businessman.
One morning, a man looks out of his bedroom window and sees an enormous grizzly bear . . .
35. Head Case
On her way to work every day, a woman walks past a pet shop.
36. Elementary
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.
37. Life Is a Beach
An old lady is watching her grandchild playing on the beach . . .
38. Just Do It
Two boys are walking through the woods one day when they spy some rabbit turds.
39. Hidden Agenda
An old guy goes into a confessional and says to the priest, “I think I’ve done a bad thing.”
A man sees his friend on the street and asks, “Hey, what’s wrong? You look kind of down.”
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and tells him she has a problem with frequent gas.
42. Dead Weight
A young man from the big city bought a donkey from a farmer for two hundred dollars.
43. Value Meal
Walking through an art gallery, a man notices two similar still-life paintings.
44. You’re the Bomb
Hovering above Earth in their flying saucers, two alien life-forms are talking to each other.
45. The Naked Wife
A man steps into the shower right after his wife has finished her shower.
46. In Confidence
Four lawyers were traveling to a conference by train.
47. Who’s Driving?
During a taxi ride, the passenger taps the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
48. Local Hero
A world-renowned physician was invited back to his hometown to give a public lecture.
49. Don’t Ask
A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a rocking chair on his porch.
50. MYOB (Mind Your Own Business)
A little guy is sitting at a bar, just staring at his drink . . .
51. Getting a Leg Up
A biologist was experimenting with a big bullfrog.
52. Get in Line
A young woman is walking home one day when she spots an odd funeral procession . . .
53. Pushing Buttons
An old man and a young man were playing a friendly round of golf.
54. Lost Keys
When you lose your keys, where is the one place you’ll always find them?
55. Is That Your Final Answer?
A guy dies and goes to Hell.
56. Love, Actually
A bride and groom ride horses on their honeymoon.
57. Bad News
A woman goes on vacation and leaves her cat with her sister.
A barber is talking to one of his customers.
59. You’re Bad Luck
As a man lay on his deathbed, he motioned for his wife to come closer.
60. Don’t Get Bugged
One evening over dinner, a boy asked his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
61. Water Torture
An astrophysicist is giving a lecture at a local university about the fate of the solar system.
62. Old Faithful
Two young salmon are swimming along one day . . .
After thirty years of marriage, a couple was celebrating their sixtieth birthdays together.
64. Kind of a Drag
A woman is starting to get worried because her husband hasn’t come back from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game.
65. Don’t Just Do It
A group of first-year medical students was in an anatomy class . . .
66. Scared Straight
A man receives a parrot as a gift.
67. Dumb and Dumber
A young ventriloquist was performing at a club in a small town.
68. On Target
Three guys—a politician, an economist, and a statistician—go out hunting.
69. Too Late
“How’d you break your leg?” asked the doctor.
A young man is walking through the woods, when he comes upon a bunch of old-timers sitting around a campfire.
A man sitting at a bar let out a heavy sigh as he sipped his drink.
72. All About Me
A widow decides to visit the funeral home to view her husband’s body before the funeral.
73. You May Already Be a Winner
An American was visiting a Mexican fishing village one day . . .
74. Model Behavior
Grandpa recently turned one hundred.
75. A Fish Story
A Vermonter gets drunk and decides to go ice fishing.
76. Helping Hands
A man in prison receives a letter from his father.
77. Reach Out
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and tells the doctor, “Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts.”
Two girls are walking down the street.
A man with a big orange head goes to see a doctor.
Tony was training to be a boxer.
81. I Won’t Grow Up
A Little League coach calls one of his young players over to his side.
82. SAY WHAT?
After years of sessions, a man finally asks a question about his therapist’s method.
The new CEO of a large company wanted to shake things up . . .
84. Personal Pain
A husband and wife go into a dentist’s office.
After weeks of rain, a small town was flooded and all the residents had to be evacuated . . .
An old man was on his deathbed . . .
87. Payback
Two guys are sitting in a bar when a couple of robbers walk in.
88. The Wrong Tool
Two guys were out hunting when they got hopelessly lost.
89. Enough, Already
Jesus and St. Peter decide to play a round of golf.
Bob noticed that his friend Fred, a shopkeeper, looked upset.
A psychiatrist is seeing a patient for the first time.
92. I Knew It!
Three turtles decided to go on a picnic.
My wife is terrific.
94. Badge of Shame
A local DEA agent stops at a farm . . .
95. Nun the Wiser
The mother superior of a convent was working at her desk one swelteringly hot August day.
96. Mob Rule
A man from the big city walks into a cowboy bar.
97. The Memory Hole
An elderly husband and wife are having difficulty remembering things, so they go to a doctor . . .
98. Dream Job
A job interviewer asks a recent college graduate what kind of salary he’s looking for.
A man buys a parakeet, but is very disappointed to find that it won’t talk.
100. And in the End
A guy takes his date to a dinner at the local country club.