chapter 29

In Which Pansy Without Her Shell and Mark and Granny George and Mudd and Rosie Come Downstairs to Wish Uncle Jayne a Merry Christmas

Granny George was the first to arrive. “Merry Christmas, son,” she said, even though Uncle Jayne wasn’t her son.

Pansy was the last to arrive. She bumped down the stairs on all fours, looking remarkably like a turtle without a shell. Mark took this picture of her:

Pansy arrives, looking remarkably like a turtle without a shell.

“Would you be terribly hurt if I asked you to take my present back home?” Moxy said to Uncle Jayne.

Uncle Jayne looked confused.

“The problem is I already have twelve thank-you notes to write, and if I don’t finish them by the time Mom gets back from the mall, she won’t let me go to Hollywood and see my dad, and then I’ll never be discovered and become a rich and famous movie star and adopt seventeen starving children from around the world and live in the same neighborhood as all the other rich and famous movie stars who adopt starving children from around the world.”

Uncle Jayne looked concerned. “That does sound like cruel and unusual punishment,” he said.

Moxy liked the sound of the phrase “cruel and unusual punishment” very much. She repeated it twice to herself so she’d remember it in the unlikely event her mother got home before she finished writing her thank-you notes.

“Not going to Hollywood isn’t the worst thing that could happen,” said Mark.

“Mark, he’s our father, for goodness’ sake, and we haven’t seen him in almost three years.”

“Exactly,” replied Mark.

“Exactly what?” said Moxy.

“If he’s our father, why haven’t we seen him in almost three years?”