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Chapter Five
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“FUCK!”
I dug my hands into my hair, dislodging a rain of ash and death as I bellowed at the ceiling and motherfucking destiny who’d given me a woman who shared a piece of my filthy soul.
A woman who knew exactly what I was going to do before I’d even decided.
Who sensed my decision before I’d even gotten up the strength to go through with it.
Who had an intuition about me.
Who defied me.
Who goddamn ruled me.
How the fuck was I here, inside her villa, primed to fuck her while covered in the massacred carcasses of rodent and canine and not waving goodbye as she flew away?
Pika and Skittles—who’d followed us from the beach on whispering wings—squawked at my violent, bitter curse, peltering around the rafters with green feathers.
In the clutch of my fury, I only saw them as more things to die because of my failures. I wanted to cage them up, ship them away, extract them from my calamity so they could be safe.
Just like Eleanor.
Yet she was still here.
On my shores.
In her villa.
Walking into my goddamn arms.
I stiffened as her embrace wrapped around my waist, her ear pressing against my heart, her body resting flush to mine. She dared kiss the absolute butchery of my t-shirt, making my stomach roil and pulse stutter with so many aggressive things.
“Sully...speak to me. What did you see? What happened? You can tell me.” Her arms squeezed my waist, lying to me that she was strong enough to handle the spillage of such horror. Doing her best to convince me that the imagery of mangled paws blown from bleeding cadavers and snouts with broken teeth wouldn’t turn her into what I’d become.
A sorry, pitiful, raging, rabid human who would give anything for his own claws and fangs—to be a powerful predator so he could rip out the jugular of his enemies and feel the gush of blood down his throat. To be able to kill in primal, chaotic ways instead of being so weak to require weapons to do his massacring for him.
A knife wouldn’t be enough.
A gun wouldn’t be enough.
Nothing would be good enough to exterminate the life of my brother. The brother who threatened my creatures and my goddesses.
Who threatened her.
Snatching her chin, I arched her face up and stole her gasp with my teeth.
I kissed her brutally, brokenly. I kissed her until blood tainted our taste and something inside me snapped.
She thought she could help me?
She thought she could convince me to keep her?
I’d prove otherwise.
I’d show her just how dangerous loving a monster like me truly was.
It’s still over, Jinx.
You’ve just delayed the inevitable.
Seizing her from the floor, I carried her into the bathroom.
The same bathroom where she’d painted herself in magic, dressed in myth, and came to me gowned like a goddamn queen, all so she’d trick me into keeping her.
It’d worked then.
I’d fallen to my knees.
I’d fallen in love.
And look what happened as the result.
If I’d sold her to Roy Slater, my creatures would still be alive. They’d be barking and bleating, cooing and cawing. Instead of being silent for evermore.
Shoving her against the vanity, I snarled, “Stay right there. Do not move.”
She licked her lips, tonguing the small cut where I’d bitten her, and nodded.
With my gaze locked on hers, I tore off my t-shirt, kicked off my boots, and ripped off my socks, jeans, and boxer-briefs, leaving the blood-soaked pile on the floor.
I shredded myself from material, revealing the putridity of my skin beneath. The bruises from kicking tumbled buildings in pure rage. The cuts from rubble and the blending of my blood with animal.
My body was as branded as my clothing.
I stood before her naked, a symbol of vulnerability, but I seethed with rage I couldn’t shed so easily. Her grey eyes cast over me, lingering on the scars of my past, the lacerations and singes of my present, and the angry pulsing erection between my thighs.
I was desire and death all in one.
I scared myself with my ricocheting, ravenous needs, yet Eleanor just stared with an elegance I’d never been able to ruin, and a tranquillity that said I was safe to put aside my hate...just for a moment.
To find solace in her bravery and kindness.
A small part of me did want that. He wanted to drop to his knees and have her curl into his lap and rock. But the part of me that’d snapped no longer accepted her invisible crown or ethereal control over me.
I wanted her to hurt.
I wanted her to feel a tenth of the pain I carried.
Walking into her, I snatched her wrist again and yanked her into the shower.
I needed Nirvana.
I needed freshwater to surround me, drown me...but this would have to do.
Ripping on the cold water, I wrapped my arms around a struggling Jinx as she tried to outrun the icy liquid raining over us.
I added no heat, no comfort.
I needed the sleety needles.
I needed my temper to be extinguished before I did something I’d always regret.
Stay, Eleanor.
Please, Eleanor.
Fuck, Eleanor.
She gasped for air, the cold water stealing her breath. While she squirmed in my arms and her wet hair clung to her shoulders, I pawed at her black dress. I yanked it over her head and threw the heavy weight to slap drenched by the drain.
She was naked.
Her skin flushed despite the ice falling over us.
Her nipples puckered, her belly quivered, a slick of lubricant glinted on her inner thigh.
My cock hardened to the point of excruciation. “You dare be wet for a monster like me?” I shoved her against the wall and, once again, grabbed two handfuls of her gorgeous ass. I spread her cheeks, hauled her up, and slammed her against the iridescent tile. “Do I turn you on? Knowing I’m barely human? Knowing I’m hanging on by a thread?”
She shuddered as I pressed my body into hers.
“I’m wet for the man I’m in love with.”
“A man who no longer exists.”
Goosebumps scattered over her skin. “Don’t say that.”
“Don’t be honest?”
Even in my fury, we were in sync.
Her legs wrapped around my hips as I thrust into her pussy.
Her lips rose as mine crashed down.
Our kiss connected as our bodies joined.
I stabbed into her.
A vicious, unrelenting possession.
Her cry echoed from her mouth to mine, but I didn’t stop.
I didn’t let her adjust.
I rode her all while dirt and decay sluiced down my body and onto hers.
We fucked in absolute filth and I was neither apologetic nor contrite.
Our kiss broke apart as I set a punishing rhythm. Our noses bruised, our foreheads bumped, our lips stayed wide and open, two silent screams as we clawed and attacked each other, sometimes kissing, mostly biting, both intent on destruction.
Her fire combated the icy shower. Her salvation tried to dilute my rage.
I pumped over and over, doing my best to punish her for ever showing me what happiness could be.
I took her until the first tightening tangles of an orgasm clenched my belly and balls. I used her until the first clench of her pussy announced she reached the same pinnacle as me.
And then, I stopped.
I withdrew.
I dropped her to the floor, wincing at my engorged cock and turning my back on her.
I sadistically took us to the edge where we might’ve found peace and denied us.
I denied us because we didn’t fucking deserve it.
Her frustration puffed on my back as she panted. Her tiny mewl of need made pre-cum ooze out my tip. I trembled with the unbearable need to spin and finish what we’d started.
But...I wanted the torture.
I needed it.
I needed to live in that blistering, brutalising pain.
She could finish herself off. She could seek a cure for her agony.
But I wouldn’t.
Not while I wore the death of so many innocent things.
Get it off me.
In a sudden panic, my desire to be clean overrode the crippling need to come.
Grabbing a bottle of coconut body wash, I dumped half the contents into my palm and scrubbed. I used nails to serrate my skin from entrails and innards. I attacked myself as if I was the enemy...because in reality, I was.
I lost myself in the mantra of cleanliness, clawing and scratching until trickles of crimson sluiced down the drain thanks to the sleet pounding from above.
Delicate hands touched my back. Sweet, formidable hands rubbing soap into my rotten flesh and down my spine.
My chin fell on my chest as the heaviest groan slipped from my lips. Eleanor sniffed back all the grief I’d caused and systematically rid my back, ass, thighs, and calves of any remains of Serigala.
I couldn’t move.
My arms hung useless by my sides, swaying beneath the spray, corrupted and controlled entirely by a woman who would never permit me to send her away.
Once she’d cleansed my back, she squeezed herself between me and the wall, her nakedness slippery against mine.
Our eyes locked, shouting so many things.
I hated that a stare wasn’t just a stare between us. A look wasn’t just a look but an entire paragraph of problems, turning into a battle of wills, forearming her with a rebuttal against anything I might decree.
I love you.
I know.
You have to leave.
Never.
She winced as she broke our stare, tracing the shallow scratches I’d covered myself with. I hissed as she soaped me, the coconut wash stinging my wounds. I closed my eyes with a haggard sigh, permitting a sliver of softness.
She washed me with reverence and worship, making my heart swell and suffocate.
Her hands slipped down my belly, making me twitch. She slowly, steadily lulled me into accepting a ceasefire, all while my heart chugged with memories, and charred whiskers filled my nose, and my mind was an amalgamated graveyard of extinction.
My rage blended with grief.
My fury fused with despair.
My muscles stopped seizing with nightmares and, just for a moment, I inhaled clean, untainted air.
But then, she touched me where she shouldn’t have.
Her tight fingers fisted my cock, igniting pain and reminding me of my inadequacy. Reminding me that she shouldn’t fucking be here. That I was running out of time. That she wasn’t safe, no one was safe.
She had to go.
My temper barrelled through the thin veil of calm she’d granted. I grunted as her sinful lips encircled my erection.
My back snapped straight. My body jerked with unshed desire. My hands landed on her head, holding her while I thrust into her hot, wet mouth.
Fuck!
My orgasm that’d never vanished took my distraction as permission to explode.
The first splash coated her tongue as I drove to the back of her throat.
My anger followed swiftly.
My acrimony that she’d once again manipulated me raced through my veins and made me cruel.
Shoving her away, I pinched the tip, refusing another wave of pleasure. I locked down my muscles. I gritted my teeth against the natural pulse of my body to spurt. I groaned as the climax tormented me with talons then slunk back down my legs with irritation.
Eleanor remained on her knees, her grey eyes shadowed with annoyance. “Let me pleasure you, Sully. Focus on something else...it will help.”
“Don’t tell me what will help. I know what will help. The second you’re off my island, I’ll be happy.”
“Happy?” She snorted. “You’re so far from happy you’re in denial.”
“And whose fault is that, huh?” I bowed over her, flinching as cold needles continued to stab us. My cock ached with every droplet of unshed cum, making me snappish and savage. “I’ll tell you whose fault it is. You and your goddamn curse. You’ve made me weak. You’re the reason I didn’t see this attack coming. You’re as much to blame for the blood on my hands as I am.”
She braced her shoulders. “I’ll permit that one slander because I know how much you’re hurting...but do it again and—”
“Get up.” I fisted my cock, throttling it in warning to stop torturing me. “Your stay on my shores has come to an end.”
Regally, seductively, she stood. “You can’t send me away. We both know that.”
This was the part I hated the most.
The utmost assurance in her tone of my feelings for her. The presumptuous boldness that said she wasn’t afraid of me, that she could hear my lies even as I formed them, that she would always know the truth in my heart instead of the falsehoods in my mouth.
Fine.
She wanted the truth?
I’d give her the goddamn truth.
Wrenching off the shower, I grabbed her forearm and threw her into the bathroom. She tripped and skidded on the tile, quickly finding her balance to clash with me.
“I don’t have the fucking strength to survive you.”
She spread her hands in surrender. “I’m not asking you to survive me. I’m asking you to trust me—”
“Trust that you’ll still be alive after I deal with Drake? Trust that you won’t push me to my limit and make me hurt you? Trust that you’re fucking immortal and won’t end up like the creatures strewn all over my goddamn island?”
Her cheeks pinked with matching temper, water dripping down her bare form. “Once again, I’m not asking you to drag me into whatever war you have to win. I’m just asking you to admit you want me—”
“Want you?” My nostrils flared, my hand still locked around my pounding cock. “Woman, I’ve never wanted anyone more.”
“Then that’s all that matters. I’m yours and—”
“I want you, Jinx...but I don’t want to want you.”
Her inhale pierced her lungs, air doing its best to cushion my intended dagger to her heart. Her hand rubbed her chest as I struck a successful blow. “You’re walking a fine line, Sully. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to convince me and yourself that what we have is cheap enough to throw away. That we aren’t linked by something far more powerful than either of us.”
“It’s over, Eleanor.”
“Like hell it is.” She planted her hands on her hips, spreading her legs, her pussy still wet for me, her breasts still swollen for me, her entire body primed for my possession.
Jesus, I found her irresistible.
The most stunning, infuriating, maddening, wonderful creature I’d ever seen.
But if she died, the perfection of her would fade. It was her soul that made her perfect and her soul would escape the moment her body took its last inhale.
I will not be fucking responsible for that.
I can’t!
I winced as an image of shovelling her broken body into a blood-soaked sack filled my mind. A rush of nausea swarmed me.
What I’d seen on Serigala would be nothing if I had to witness her death. If the bones I crunched and cracked over were hers.
I would spend my life in purgatory. I would sprout heinous blasphemy. I would hog-tie her and throw her on the helicopter gagged and trussed before I let that happen.
I balled my hands. “I gave you your freedom. It’s time to take it.”
“My freedom isn’t worth a damn if I’m not with you. I wasn’t free the moment I met you!”
“I rescind my ownership of you, Eleanor. Whatever bond you think we have—”
“God, you’re a bastard. You think you can just snap your fingers and what I feel for you stops? You honestly think you can cut me from your life by sending me away?”
“Just accept that this is not open for discussion. My reasons are my own and will not be swayed. You are no longer welcome—”
“Argh!” She paced, her motions jerky, her breasts bouncing. “You know what, Sully, I called you a coward before and I’ll use that word again. You. Are. A. Coward. You were a coward about admitting you were in love with me, and you’re a coward now for trying to say that you don’t. You’re a coward for throwing me away the moment things get hard.”
“Things get hard?” A sarcastic bark slipped my control, even as my cock swelled with deep-seated pain the longer I watched her.
I needed her.
Fuck, how I needed her.
She was walking fucking temptation.
A spitfire with temper crashing and igniting against my own. Every slur we threw at each other made the bathroom drip and shimmer with need.
“For fuck’s sake, I’ve just wiped up the intestines of hundreds of animals. Do you think I want to wipe up yours, too?”
“My intestines are staying right where they are. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m not worried.”
“Then why are you—”
“I’m not worried about what might happen, Eleanor. I know what will happen. You. Will. Get. Hurt. It’s a fucking guarantee. You are my weakness. He will use you against me, and because of the shit that I’ve done, fate will deem it fitting to allow him to hurt you. If you stay, he will hold you over me, and you. Will. Die.”
My body clenched with warning. I was near the ledge. A ledge that would only destroy both of us.
Breathing hard, I snarled, “I’m doing my best to stay calm here, Jinx, but I did warn you. I’m hanging on by a goddamn thread. I’m running out of time. If you continue to fight against me I—”
“You think he’ll hurt me?” She crossed her arms, pushing her breasts up, making my cock weep cum. “That’s the only reason you want me to leave?”
I laughed again, icy and cruel, so turned on I couldn’t fucking see straight. “You mean, I need a better reason than you will die?”
“Do you still want me?”
My eyebrows tugged low, shielding my incredulous stare. “What a stupid fucking question. We just covered that.”
“It’s not a stupid fucking question. You’re the one trying to convince me that you don’t.”
Anger had mutated to sexual frustration.
Despair had morphed to erotic stimulation.
I loved her for fuck’s sake.
Yet I couldn’t seem to protect her.
I gritted my teeth, answering her with clipped finality. “Whatever I feel is irrelevant. We’re done, Eleanor. I no longer have any interest in keeping you because we have no future. We have no future because you will die by his hand or mine, and I fucking refuse to hurt you anymore.”
“You’re hurting me right now. You’re acting as if you don’t know me. You seem to think I’m some girl who won’t stand up to you, won’t fight you, won’t fight for you.” Marching into me, she planted her hands on my overheated chest. “You can lie to my face, Sully, but you can’t change the truth.”
My eyes snapped closed at her proximity.
My cock bounced with its own pulse, desperate to thrust inside her, hijacking my entire nervous system with hunger.
Her fingers were tiny electrodes, shooting current into my heart, down my belly, into my legs. Her closeness was a furnace, searing my flesh, making me sweat pure sin.
Her breath caught as my hands slammed over hers, digging her fingers deeper into my chest. My hips rocked, nudging my cock against her belly.
She moaned.
My eyes shot wide.
Our fight reached critical cataclysm.
Panting breathlessly, she dug her nails into my pecs. Her smoky eyes turned hazy, drunk and drugged on the potent, powerful thirst between us. “Are you forgetting Euphoria?”
Her voice did painful things to me, dangerous things.
“Did you not feel what I did?” She pressed her nails deeper, trying to claw out my angry, aggravated heart.
My skin, tight and tingly with passion, puckered beneath her touch, begging for more.
“You’re trying to tell me you don’t feel that?” She dared kiss one of my cuts, lick at my wounds, make me lose every shred of control I had left. “I touch your body, but you feel it in your heart, Sully. I see it in your eyes. I sense it in my soul. If you want to lie, by all means. But don’t expect me to believe—”
I broke.
Seizing her from the floor, I stalked toward the vanity, spun her around, and folded her over the hard marble. “I suggest you hold on.” Grabbing her hands, I planted them firmly on either side of the bowl. “I’m not going to be gentle.”