While a patient may have many visitors, there are few who actually minister through the visit. If you are in ministry, it is vital for you to bridge the gap between a social and a pastoral visit.
Social conversation concentrates on the following:
Pastoral conversation concentrates on the following:
Some Possible Spiritual/Religious Needs
Need for community (church and friends). Many patients are isolated, with very little support system around them, so ask them specifically about their support system and offer to assist in connecting them to others. After a patient is discharged from the hospital, follow up with your offer of assistance. Depending on the need, you might ask someone in a small group in your church to invite the person to the group. Eventually the patient could be drawn into the community of the larger church body.
Need to tell one’s story. When you are visiting patients as a pastoral caregiver, ask open-ended questions, such as “Who have you been able to talk to about all of this?” “Where is God for you right now?”
Need for reconciliation (with church, family, God, others). As you listen to a patient’s story, pay attention to unresolved relationships and the need for forgiveness or to forgive others.
Need to express brokenness, hurt, and pain to God. To open up to you, people need to feel that you are comfortable with expressed pain, whether it is expressed in anger or tears. Ask patients if they would like to have you talk to God about their hurt and pain. Then, pray, either with a step-by-step prayer, asking them to repeat phrases, or pray and quietly wait for them to join in when ready.
Need for meaning and purpose in life (hope). During the time that the patient is grappling with questions — Why did I get cancer? What will happen to me when I can’t work because of my illness and subsequent treatment? Where is God in all this? — listen to the person’s questions and remind her that God has a purpose and plan for her life (see Jeremiah 29:11) and that He is faithful (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).
Need for expression of grief, anger, fear, especially as it relates to God, church, or values. Be available to listen to expressions of anger or fear. In fact, if you sense that a patient is struggling with one or more of these emotions, ask, “Are you afraid?” “Are you kind of ticked at God right now?” If the patient answers you honestly, listen respectfully, without judgment. If the patient is not ready or willing to express emotions, redirect the conversation toward safer ground.
Need for awareness of God. Ask the patients for whom you are caring, “Where is God in all of this for you right now?” Then listen to just where they are. This is not the time for deep theological explanations; this is the time for simple spiritual truths. Tell patients, “God loves you. He really loves you.”
Need for connectedness with God, communion with God (prayer, friends, answers). Ask patients if you can pray for them right there, right then. Then pray, but first ask what they would like you to pray about specifically. As you listen to their prayer needs, you may hear things that you might not think to pray about.
Need for grace and acceptance. Ask God to help you not to judge or be critical of those for whom you are caring. Accept them right where they are — with their fear, anger, frustration, or whatever the immediate struggles are.
Need to feel adequate, competent, autonomous. Though you cannot help others feel adequate or competent, you do have the opportunity to protect their dignity by respecting their privacy and encouraging them to make whatever decisions are in their power to make.
Need to feel that someone is in control. Remind patients that God made them and understands them (see Psalm 139). Show them passages such as Hebrews 12:2-3, which talks about Jesus being the author and perfecter of our faith, and Hebrews 4:15, which emphasizes that Jesus understands our pain and struggles.
Need for confession and for inner healing from emotional hurt and feelings of fear or of being punished, abandoned, or alienated. Some patients may struggle with the need for forgiveness, and you as the pastoral caregiver have the opportunity to be sensitive to their need to confess their sins to God and to remind them that God has promised to forgive (see 1 John 1:9).
Need for comfort or to be freed from some form of bondage. Second Corinthians 1:3-6 reminds us that we go through struggles and suffering to be able to comfort others, so tap into your own experiences in being comforted as you offer comfort as a caregiver.
Need for inspiration, positive motivation, enthusiasm. As a pastoral caregiver, be an encourager and supporter, sharing favorite Scriptures, readings, or poems that are meaningful to you and may be to those who are ill. Music can also be an inspiration to those who are struggling.