HELPFUL INFORMATION FOR THOSE WHO LOSE SOMEONE TO SUICIDE

The following information can help those who have lost someone to suicide recognize God’s available presence, love, and power.

  1. Recognize that you are in shock. Shock is a first reaction to death, particularly death by suicide.
  2. Acknowledge that you are grieving. It is common to experience physical reactions to grief, such as headaches, loss of appetite, and an inability to sleep. You may also feel angry, guilty, confused, and forgetful. You may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, but know that all your feelings are normal. At times your grief and sadness will surface very strongly. You are not crazy; you are in mourning.
  3. Understand that guilt — “if only” — is perhaps the most intense emotion you will struggle with. You may have sensed the possibility of suicide, but you thought your loved one was “getting better.” It is common for a suicidal person to feel better once the decision to die has been made.
  4. Expressing anger with the person who committed suicide, with the world, with God, with yourself is appropriate and okay. If you are angry with God, share that anger with a godly, trustworthy person.
  5. Call someone if you need to talk; tell your story as often as you need to. If your friends seem uncomfortable talking about the death, choose a few people close to you with whom you can share your story. For others, only discuss those parts of your story that you feel comfortable sharing.
  6. Take one moment or one day at a time.
  7. Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
  8. Give yourself time to heal; grief takes as long as it takes.
  9. Try to put off major decisions.
  10. Give yourself permission to get professional help.
  11. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends. You are not the only one suffering.
  12. Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.
  13. Set your own limits and learn to say no.
  14. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If such a group is not available in your area, ask a professional to help start one.
  15. Call on your personal faith to help you through.
  16. Be willing to laugh with others, and at yourself; it is healing.
  17. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. Have people in your life with whom you can share memories, thoughts, and anecdotes of your loved one.
  18. Understand that your life will not return to “normal,” but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving. You now have a new “normal” in your life and in the life of your family.