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THE THUD OF RUNNING feet on the landing outside her bedroom door woke Simone with a start. She slowly sat up and listened for the sounds of breathing. Charlie and Moo-Moo were still out cold, and she sighed with relief. They had agreed to set off for Dublin as soon as breakfast was over and, after a super-active couple of days, everybody needed as much rest as they could get. She seriously considered the possibility of lying down and trying to get back to sleep, but could not shake the feeling she was needed in another part of the house. I’m getting as bad as Dottie, she told herself as she sat up and swung her legs out of the bed.
She clawed around with her right foot until she located her slippers and rammed her feet into them. Then she slowly stood up and made for the strip of light under the door. Before she opened it, she reached for the cardigan she was sure she had hung on the hook at the back. To her delight, she had remembered correctly and felt the soft yarn under her fingers. She eased the woolly off the piece of brass then depressed the door handle as quietly as possible so as not to disturb Moo-Moo.
She pulled the door shut softly behind her and shoved her arms into the cardie, shivering as she did so. The heating was definitely not as good at Otter as it was at the palace, and after two years in New South Wales, she was finding the plummeting temperatures challenging to say the least.
Ironically, Charlie had adapted far better to the temperate Irish climate, declaring she didn’t know what all the fuss was about and it was only a bit of rain and the occasional shower of hailstones.
Simone walked silently to the end of the corridor and peered up the stairs to the top floor. The steps led up to the enormous bedroom that was usually allocated to Nelson whenever he acted as caretaker, but which had been appropriated by Deco and Josh for the duration of their stay. She heard the murmur of voices, and guessed the boys were up late playing cards or generally messing around. There was nothing to suggest they were experiencing any difficulties, leaving Simone to surmise her presence might be required elsewhere.
She turned around and tiptoed back to the stairs leading down to the front hall. She resisted the urge to scream when she saw James standing by the front door with a rifle clasped in his hands. With the exception of his eyes and mouth, his entire face had been smeared with an application of green and black paint.
A matching brimmed cap was perched on his head, and he wore a waterproof camouflage poncho over his clothes. He watched her impassively as she made her way down the stairs and only spoke when she reached the bottom step and was a bare metre away from him.
‘The boss cut her hand on broken glass,’ he informed her in a wooden voice. ‘The Dog is helping her. You might be needed in there.’ He nodded once then opened the front door and stepped out into the cold night air.
Feeling rather irritated by his manner, yet not entirely sure what it was about him that was so annoying, Simone made her way into the kitchen. Fully expecting to find Dorothy perched on her usual stool, she was surprised to discover her friend sitting on the hard granite of the island unit with her head bowed.
Her hair was a loose mess around her shoulders. She was wearing a pair of grey moccasin slippers and her long grey cardigan belted over her favourite blue flannel pyjamas. Jack was standing in front of her clad in his usual combats and T-shirt. He had hold of both Dorothy’s hands.
‘I’ve got you,’ Simone heard him say earnestly. ‘The blood is gone now. You can quit freaking out before you kill us both. Please, Boss.’
‘Dottie?’ Simone stepped into the kitchen and approached the duo at the island. ‘Whatever’s the matter?’
At the sound of her friend’s voice, Dorothy slowly raised her head, and Simone gasped in shock at the expression of revulsion and terror she saw on the other woman’s face. She stepped back and her hand flew to her mouth.
‘She gets the occasional flashback,’ Jack informed Simone over his shoulder. ‘I never would have worked it out if not for the conversation I overheard between her and the gee-bag O’Keefe that day in Castleknock. She’s not haemophobia as such, although she can’t abide blood on her hands. It has something to do with the bad shit that happened during her marriage, although she hasn’t shared any of the details with me. I guess you know a damn sight more about it than I do.’
‘If only that were true,’ Simone sighed heavily. ‘Honestly, Jack, until I saw the video from the spy glasses, I had no clue Declan was anything other than a lousy husband. In all the years I’ve known her, Dottie has never shared the truth with me. If you put a gun to my head, I still wouldn’t be able to explain why she can’t stand having blood on her hands. I know she hates it, of course. Over the years, I just got into the habit of washing it off as quickly as possible and then pouring some form of alcohol down her neck by way of medication.’
‘Is that true, Boss?’ Jack reached out and gently cuffed Dorothy under the chin. ‘You never even told the best bud? Is it any wonder you’re traumatised?’
‘Let’s get her back to bed,’ Simone whispered. ‘That countertop is ridiculously hard and freezing cold.’
‘She’s going nowhere until she gives it up,’ Jack announced in a voice that brooked no argument. ‘You need to talk to us, Boss. You don’t have to tell us everything, just the beginning of the story.’
‘I’m cold,’ Dorothy spoke for the first time since Simone had entered the room. ‘I don’t appreciate you trying to bully me.’
‘Tough,’ he replied harshly. ‘You’ve got PTSD, woman, and you damn well know it. You should have been in therapy for the past twenty years, but you chose to bottle it all up.’
‘I had Horace,’ Dorothy whispered. ‘He was my therapist until it all went tits up. Things haven’t been great since circumstances forced us apart, but there’s no need to make it sound as if I ought to be committed.’
‘I should have let Pat and Joey cart you off to that looney bin,’ he spoke so savagely, Simone took a step back. ‘Maybe that swanky shrink might have been able to help you. I shouldn’t have interfered.’
‘You’re super-annoying when you’re like this,’ Dorothy sighed, and angled her head slightly so she could see him better. She looked from Jack to Simone and then back again saying, ‘You two are almost the same height. You’d make a cute couple.’
‘Gee thanks, Dottie,’ the words were out before Simone could help herself. ‘I can’t think of anything I’d enjoy more than life as the significant other of Commander Maddox. I’m not sure either my rack or my cooking are up to scratch.’
‘How does that make you feel, Jack?’ Dorothy poked him in the sternum. ‘Knowing Simone is not attracted to you?’
‘I’m devastated the dyke giraffe doesn’t think I’m good enough for her,’ he muttered furiously. ‘There is no way you are leaving this kitchen until you tell me something about your life with O’Keefe. Anything at all, Boss. Just one little thing. How about you describe one incident?’
Simone saw he was intent on making her friend share, and was not sure whether she was glad or sorry. It didn’t seem right to bully Dottie like this, yet at the same time Jack made a fair point. Horace Johnson was the only person who knew the truth about the marriage. If Dottie could be persuaded to tell them one or two things, it might open the floodgates, so to speak. Given time, she might find it easier to share the rest of the story.
Right now, the painful memories were festering inside her and instead of healing over time, she seemed to be getting worse. Was it really a form of PTSD? Simone was not certain, yet Jack seemed to know what he was talking about, and he undoubtedly had more experience of such matters than a woman whose most traumatic moment thus far was the weekend she discovered the reason she wasn’t interested in having sex with her husband was because she was gay.
Simone went to one of the larger drawers under the hob and found a hot water bottle. She popped it into the microwave and set the timer for two minutes. Then she left the kitchen and went across the hall into the sitting room where she collected a large cushion and throw. She carried them back to the kitchen and found Dorothy and Jack still facing each other in the exact same positions.
When Jack saw what she was carrying, he put his hands on Dorothy’s waist and lifted her off the worktop. Simone quickly put the cushion down and Jack gently deposited his boss on top. Then Simone wrapped the cashmere throw around her shoulders. ‘Your spine is curved,’ she said gently. ‘Try sitting up straighter.’
Not entirely certain why she was obeying Simone’s instructions, Dorothy corrected her posture so she was not slouched on the cushion. Unable to get comfortable, she eased her legs up into her favourite meditation pose and crossed them. Her slippers got in the way so she pulled them off and threw them on the floor. Then she tucked her feet under her legs and straightened her spine, resting her palms on her knees as she did.
‘It took me years to learn to do that,’ she told them in her normal voice. ‘If I do say so myself, I’m remarkably bendy for a middle-aged woman.’
Not quite sure what was going to happen next, yet determined not to be the one to screw things up, Simone dashed to the microwave and extracted the warm bottle. She wrapped it in a tea towel and balanced it on her friend’s lap so it lay against her abdomen. Jack watched her actions in silence and seemed deep in thought. When Simone felt she could do no more to make the other woman comfortable, she stepped back and looked to him for guidance. His grey eyes bore into hers and she tried not to feel guilty or squirm.
‘You start,’ Jack unexpectedly addressed her. ‘You hung out with her all the time back then, so you must remember the wedding and what happened afterwards.’
‘Of course, I do,’ Simone replied helplessly. ‘But what you have to understand, Jack, is Dottie was already five months pregnant on her wedding day. The kids were born in June, which meant the whole of that year was taken up with Dottie either being pregnant, having hospital appointments, or being a new mum to twins of all things. We didn’t even find out there were two babies until she was seven months gone. It was absolute bedlam.
‘Not just for Dottie, but for all of us. We wanted to be there for her, but none of us had much of a clue about babies, which meant we were all learning on the job. Strange as it may seem now, Declan sort of became this shadowy figure who used to work a full day in his dad’s shop and play five-a-side football with his mates on Sunday mornings. The first year of their marriage passed in something of a blur.’
‘She’s right,’ Dorothy was watching Simon’s face intently. ‘I knew he resented me and hated his life, but I sort of understood that because I wasn’t always especially happy myself. As Si says, that first year was madness, and was an enormous adjustment for all of us. I barely knew how to cook or take care of a house, never mind a husband and two children. I just assumed things would settle down once the twins were a little older and I had more experience. We even had a little party to celebrate our first anniversary. Do you remember, Si?’
‘That’s right,’ Simone nodded vigorously. ‘Some of us got quite drunk and it was more like old times when Dottie and Declan were dating. It was around the same time Declan announced they were upping sticks and moving to London.’
‘You must have visited them there,’ Jack jumped in, seemingly keen to move the story along. ‘When did you first go over?’
‘Bel and I stayed for the week of the twins’ first birthday,’ Simone looked around for a stool as she answered. She dragged it closer to Dorothy’s perch on the island and tried to make herself comfortable on its hard surface. ‘I noticed Dottie was quieter than usual and Declan was obsessed by work, although I wasn’t unduly concerned. The house they had bought was lovely and the twins were fantastic. Josh was walking by then of course. He always did everything first.’
‘He did?’ Jack looked surprised by this.
‘He was twice Diane’s size,’ Simone smiled sadly at the memory. ‘He was so incredibly sturdy and robust compared to her. Most people didn’t believe they were twins. Diane was so tiny, we were afraid she’d never have the strength to stand up and walk.’
‘Josh helped her,’ Dorothy spoke in hushed accents. ‘One day, he just pulled her to her feet and showed her what to do. She was fine after that.’ A fat tear escaped from one eye and rolled down her face. ‘He’s always been so strong,’ she sniffed. ‘For the life of me, I’ll never understand why kindness is so frequently mistaken for weakness.’
‘It’s the world we live in, Boss.’ Jack fixed his eyes on Simone again and asked, ‘When was the next time you saw the boss after that first visit? Was it the holidays?’
‘That’s right,’ Simone fetched a piece of paper towel from the space age rack housing all such items and gently dabbed the tears off her friend’s cheek.
‘Dottie was much happier when she came home for Christmas that year. She told us she was really enjoying the payroll course she was doing, and had made a couple of friends. There was a guy called Rudy who used to give her a lift home, and a woman called Josie who only lived about a mile away from their house. She was positively blooming, and we even wondered if she might be pregnant again. Needless to say, she wasn’t.’
‘I was pregnant,’ Dorothy sounded very calm. ‘I just didn’t realise it at the time because I was only five weeks gone. I didn’t take a test until the end of January. That was the year we stayed in Ireland until after my birthday. It was a fantastic Christmas.’
‘It was fantastic,’ Simone shifted nervously on her stool and looked to Jack for support. ‘This is the first I’m hearing about that pregnancy,’ she told him in an undertone.
Jack fixed his eyes on Dorothy, and Simone could almost see the way his brain raced behind the grey ovals. ‘That kid would be nineteen years old by now, Boss,’ he said gently. ‘How come he never got to see the light of day? Did O’Keefe beat him out of you, is that what happened?’
Simone gasped in shock at the implication of this, although Dorothy was shaking her head. ‘It might have been better if he had,’ she said sadly. ‘Physical forms of domestic violence leave marks. There’s a trail of evidence, even if it’s only bruises. You can’t show a doctor emotional scarring, no matter how deep it might run.’
She lifted the hot water bottle and pressed it against her chest. Her eyes slipped out of focus and Simone was sure she was back in 1993, and only barely aware of the kitchen at Otter.
‘I made a fatal error that Christmas,’ Dorothy whispered. ‘I let Declan see how happy I was. He had been so busy working, it hadn’t dawned on him my life was improving. He thought he was the only one who was enjoying living in Highbury and making a go of things. Even though I was blissfully unaware of it at the time, it was during those couple of weeks at home with the families that everything changed. He couldn’t bear the idea of me being happy. He certainly resented me during those early years of the marriage, but during that second Christmas, I believe he began to truly hate me.’
‘Christ on a fucking cross,’ Jack muttered, but Dorothy barely registered the words. She clasped the hot water bottle tighter to her body and kept talking.
‘For the duration of that holiday, Declan carried on as if everything in the garden was rosy. He agreed to us staying here until after my birthday so I could spend it with my friends. They all thought he was a wonderful and considerate husband, and Declan did everything in his power to perpetrate the myth.
‘As soon as we got home, I realised something was seriously wrong. I was pretty sure I had done nothing to upset him, and at first, I didn’t even take it seriously. He was one of those men who was inclined to take everything super-personally. If a business deal went sour, he took it very much to heart. I honestly never saw it coming.’
‘Maybe you should stop talking now,’ Jack suddenly spoke.
‘Don’t even think about chickening out, Maddox,’ Simone said in a warning voice. ‘If Dottie can find the courage to say the words, then you can damn well suck it up. You started this so now you can see it through.’
‘Just remember you only have yourself to blame if I swoon,’ he glared at her. ‘Keep going, Boss, what happened next?’
‘I discovered I was pregnant about three weeks after we got home,’ Dorothy stared sightlessly into the distance. ‘I was quite excited and I was waiting for Declan to come home from work so I could tell him. He was in a weird mood when he got in, and I asked him if everything was all right. He told me he didn’t want me to be friends with Josie any more. He said he didn’t trust her. I had no clue what he was talking about.
‘Not only was Josie a wonderful woman, but her little sister, Brenda, used to babysit for me every week when I went to college. I told Declan he was letting his imagination get the better of him. I said Josie was my only female friend in the area and I couldn’t give her up without a very good reason. I asked him not to bring up the subject again. I didn’t mention the new baby because he was acting so oddly, and decided to leave off telling him until our anniversary, which was only a week away. I thought it might be romantic.’
