Although convenient and cost effective, coaches are traditionally associated with the grimier side of travel. But when it comes to budget travel, grime is in the eye of the beholder. So if your impression of coaches includes cold turkey junkies showering sick on unsuspecting passengers or if you maintain a general aversion to getting within three coach lengths of the portal of hell that is the coach toilet, then perhaps this mode of travel is not for you. That said, coach travel enjoys a long tradition across the UK, and it’s much, much better here than many other places.
For years, National Express (www.nationalexpress.com), the UK’s biggest coach company, has been trying to shake its image as a purveyor of seedy transport. Having rebranded itself as quick, comfortable and green, their fleet of coaches are shiny and the drivers slightly less grumpy than they used to be. National Express’ nemesis is Megabus (www.megabus.co.uk), the £1 people (of course they release only a handful of these tickets for each journey and then the fare rises the closer you get to your preferred date). It hasn’t always been this way, but Megabus coaches are now pretty much as good as National Express. Megabus Plus (www.megabusplus.com) combines bus and rail travel for selected destinations. At the same time, National Express started its own super cheap ticket campaign. Eurolines (www.eurolines.co.uk) is National Express’ low-cost option to Europe.
Victoria Coach Station (Buckingham Palace Road, London, SW1W 9TP) is the main coach hub is near Victoria train station. You can buy tickets for both Megabus and National Express—the two main operators who run from Victoria Coach Station—from the same booths just inside the station. But, like plane tickets, (only without that last shred of glamour that air travel still has) if you buy in advance, you can get some super-cheap prices. National Express has an office on the road between the train and bus stations. Victoria Coach Station is also a hub for other bus companies serving the continent, some of which can be very cheap.
London’s other main hub is Golder’s Green. This is the last stop for services heading north (or the first stop for buses coming down into London). If you live in north London, it’s worth jumping off here, as it’s on the Northern Line and can shave an hour off the trip.
There’s also a healthy trade in coaches to Oxford. The Oxford Tube (www.oxfordtube.com) competes with National Express on the route from Victoria; travelling via Marble Arch, Notting Hill and Shepherd’s Bush. Tickets normally cost about £15 and you can buy on board. They also run through the night—so if you get drunk and have the urge to go on an impromptu holiday—well, Oxford it is.
Beyond Tooting, Croydon’s trams will take you from places like Wimbledon to shop—lemming-like with the locals—at the Ampere Way IKEA. The trams accept Oyster and use a similar charging scale to buses. Once you get back on the map, your flatpacked sideboard will win admiring glances but few friends as you trail home on busy tubes.