What music have you got, Alec?’ Polly said, at the mahogany-cased gramophone.
‘All sorts, my dear.’ He came to her, debonair in his dinner suit, tanned, rugged. ‘Jazz. Ragtime. Opera. There’s an outstanding recording by the American blues singer Bessie Smith, although we haven’t played it since we bought it last Christmas.’
‘I don’t fancy that. Let’s take a look.’ For Polly there was already too much American presence in the room. Wishing Ben well in his marriage over the telephone was one thing, but it had been different altogether when actually faced, on the visit to see Louisa, with the homely but sparkling pretty young thing that had taken her place in Ben’s life. It was hard to be polite to Brooke now, particularly with Emilia, the rather gleeful little bitch, watching to see if she would be ungracious. And it somehow seemed a slap in her face that Ben was on good terms again with Emilia.
Life wasn’t fair, so Polly thought, and even more so when Alec reached round her to the shelf on which the music recordings were stacked. The sheer silvery stuff of her dress was slashed nearly to the waist and feeling the tantalizing contact of his sleeve on her skin and his warm breath on her neck brought to her mind his attractions, and she wanted to lean against him. Alec had left his haymaking to issue a personal invitation to her to attend here tonight, but unfortunately she could read nothing into it. Alec was the faithful sort, damn it! How lonely life was.
Alec withdrew a handful of shellac discs. Although not inclined to eye women, for a brief moment, because his love life had lost some of its sparkle and spontaneity now Emilia was insisting on contraception, he treated himself to the alluring sight of Polly’s bottom moulded within the clinging material. ‘What would you like, Polly? Caruso? Dame Nellie Melba? Something faster? How about Creole jazz, we’ve got a couple by Joseph “King” Oliver.’
Male company. A lover. A husband. ‘Anything you’d like, Alec, is fine with me.’
Emilia was down the other end of the room, near the door. With her parents opting to spend the evening in the small parlour, their own little domain, apart from Alec and Polly, and Selina who was finishing her coffee alone on the sofa, she had an eager audience of the other dinner guests, including Reggie Rule, who had made up the numbers at the table. ‘Isn’t it wonderful that Perry can now walk with just the aid of a stick? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him coming towards me on two legs, so to speak.’
Her eyes were glittering and fastened on Perry, who was close beside her. He had one arm propped on the bureau to underpin his balance, his walking stick near at hand. His confidence, his happiness was infectious, and when he made some silly remark the group laughed, although not with gusto. No one had forgotten the household was still in mourning.
Selina viewed the larger clique with unquiet eyes and started on the champagne – Perry had brought a magnum along to celebrate his achievement. Would anyone else notice the other reason for his happiness? She had a secret reason to hope he would quickly work this new happiness out of his system, but an affair appeared to be in the offing. Emilia was equally attracted to Perry – it was what was making her so dazzling tonight.
Selina wanted to move on again, to a more exciting area, London perhaps, with all its challenges, opportunities and thrills. And where, as her one and only lover at the moment had suggested, she could train as a doctor. It was something that had passed often through her own mind and was now her burning ambition. She could go now, of course, set out on her own. Her consultant lover was a generous sort and had offered to fund her studies, but she could never leave Libby behind. Her daughter was the only person she had ever loved.
She had ignored Ben and his bride since their introduction, not sharing Hennaford’s decree that Brooke’s transatlantic origins were exciting. All this stupid talk about cowboys and Indians. Boring! To pass away the time she flicked over the remaining guests. Tristan Harvey and his comely wife; a couple ingrained in the institution of marriage. Nice and lacklustre. Tristan Harvey and Perry were to form a link in their charitable activities for ex-servicemen, well, bully for them, but they’d bored her half to death about it over dinner. She wished Reggie – the poodle – had not been invited. It seemed he had chosen her as a likely wife for himself and dogged her movements, given the chance. Only her abrasive stares were keeping him presently at bay.
There were only two people here, or anywhere else locally, she would enjoy seducing. Alec was one of them. How sexy he was. Emilia, comfortably married for a few years, had forgotten how alluring he was. She had not noticed the doe eyes Hetherton had turned on to him. If he so desired, Alec could easily win her over, and the divine young creature that was Sara Killigrew. Selina smiled to herself. Earlier this evening Jim had tried to harangue her with insults, with threats. She had told him if he made trouble for her then she would make trouble for his sister. Jim had had no notion what she was talking about but it had sent him skulking off.
Alec was a worthy prize, and winning him over was something to do while she stayed hereabouts. He would be one of her greatest challenges, yet the other person in her sights would be her ultimate conquest. That person, who was never likely to capitulate, made her dizzy with desire, shaky in the limbs, break out in a nervous sweat, sensations she had experienced only at the beginning of her long and varied journey into sensuality.
She lit a cigarette. ‘Does anyone know any of the new dances?’ Her voice cut through the pleasantries. ‘Brooke? There’s a new marathon dance craze in America, isn’t there?’
‘Oh, that’s not happening anywhere near where I come from,’ Brooke replied.
‘Do you know any, Selina?’ Polly asked. She thought to suggest a tango to Alec, far more provocative than kicking up one’s feet and flapping one’s hands about.
‘One or two, but I can’t be bothered to dance tonight.’
‘Have you been run off your feet all day in the hospital?’
Selina dismissed Polly’s enquiry, made only, she was certain, to infer to the company that she had to work for a living. She zoomed in on Emilia. ‘You can take all the credit for Perry’s triumph, you know. He’d never have walked off without you. You arrived at the house at just the right moment. He always looks forward to your regular visits. I believe you’ve been good for each other. And tonight, Emilia, you are the most beautiful woman in the room. Isn’t she, everyone?’
‘Yes, she is,’ Polly answered at once, truthfully, trying to conceal her jealousy. She had hoped Emilia would grow fatter and plainer with each succeeding pregnancy. And now Alec had deserted her and was staring at his wife as if he had never seen her before. Polly, who had thought of Selina Bosweld as witty and charming at Ben’s dinner party, now saw her as more common than Emilia, someone who should never be invited to a refined table, and she was sure she was trying to cause trouble with her carefully chosen remarks, but she was not above shooting a barb herself to unsettle a rival. ‘I do like your silver locket, Emilia. Alec gave a smaller version of it to Louisa a while ago. He does spoil her.’
‘She’s worth every bit of it.’ Apart from preferring Elena Rawley as Reggie’s opposite number tonight, Emilia had given Polly no thought, nor did she now. She was too involved in keeping her emotions under control at Selina’s shamefully accurate observation about her and Perry being good for each other. Did Selina suspect? She and Perry must be careful. No, what was she thinking of? There was no ‘she and Perry’ needing to ‘be careful’. She must put an end to the inappropriate closeness she had allowed to spring up alarmingly fast between them. She should move away from him and keep a distance. But she didn’t. It wasn’t as if they were going to do anything while in a roomful of people, Alec included. ‘I haven’t seen Louisa for a while now. You must bring her over to the farm for a picnic with the other children, Polly.’
Polly said she would think about it. Emilia noticed how Tristan had glanced down at mention of his dead wife’s child.
‘You look stunning, darling. Gorgeous. You always do.’ Alec’s voice was low and husky, he was unaware there had been any other subject but Emilia’s appearance. He could not remember if he had complimented her tonight. She was a pagan creature, enthralling and divine in a sleek beaded dress, complemented by some of the jewels he had given her.
‘Simply captivating,’ Perry whispered to Emilia alone, and he gently grazed a trail up her arm with a stealthy forefinger.
When Emilia smiled and said, ‘Thank you, darling,’ she wasn’t sure to whom she was replying.
Forgetting Louisa Hetherton-Andrews, Tristan had reason to be enjoying the evening. ‘I must say, Em, that you and Alec are doing wonders with Jonny. He’s much quieter and more polite. Wanted to know all about the shop, didn’t he, Winnie? You must all come over and see it when it’s up and running. Everyone’s invited.’ He cast his soft grey eyes over the whole gathering.
‘I’d like to do that,’ Perry said blatantly to Emilia. ‘We could take Libby and the boys.’
Ben had been grasping Brooke increasingly tighter round the waist. There was a strange, almost foreboding atmosphere here. He caught Selina’s attention. She stared back from her striking unearthly eyes as if amused, and then her gaze grew cold. Through his informal politeness to her and his affection towards Brooke he had made it plain he was no longer interested in her. She had seemed not to care, but perhaps she really did. Recalling her unfeeling games with him, he felt a shudder ride up his back.
He said, ‘You must all come over to us for dinner next.’
‘Oh, yes, please do,’ Brooke echoed, but like Ben she was hoping the Boswelds would decline. She had loathed Selina at first sight. She reminded her of a prairie cat, predatory and merciless to domestic stock and lesser prey. You’re dangerous somehow, she thought.
Selina saw that Reggie was about to pounce on her. She rose and tapped Emilia on the shoulder. ‘Could I have a drink of ice-cold water, please? I’ll come with you to the kitchen.’ When she and Emilia were at the door she called through the hubbub of conversation to Alec. ‘Your dairymaid has such a sweet voice. Couldn’t you persuade her to sing for us tonight?’
Alec looked up from the gramophone. ‘I’ll find her and ask but I won’t insist. Her free time’s her own.’
In the warm, empty kitchen, Selina sipped from a tall glass. ‘You do realize the Hetherton woman has got designs on Alec, don’t you?’
Emilia’s eyes widened. ‘That’s a ridiculous idea.’ She fell silent. It was not an unthinkable notion. There was no reason why another woman, a whole drove of them, should not find Alec desirable. She didn’t want to think about the possibility that Alec might find other women attractive, not now, while knowing, with guilt and a heady excitement, that if it was Perry who was here with her now and if he tried to hold her and kiss her she would almost certainly respond with enthusiasm. How could that be? She loved Alec and did not doubt his love for her. To hide her bewilderment, and, because Selina, the troublemaking witch, was boring her beautiful knowing eyes into her, she retaliated, ‘How did you end it with Jim? He’s so miserable. You’ve led the poor boy a cruel dance.’
‘Don’t worry about Jim. We all have to go through the bittersweet experience of having our hearts broken for the first time.’
‘I don’t believe that’s ever happened to you.’
Selina made a wry face. ‘Oh, I’ve upset you, Emilia. Forgive me, and let me tell you that you’ve no need to worry about Alec. He’d never stray with someone like Polly Hetherton. He relates to those who are vulnerable. It’s why he’s so close to his motherless nephew, Jonny. And Tristan, whose wife betrayed him and who suffered in the war. I bet he was wonderful with Ben when he was growing up but the minute Ben became confident, and was looking forward to becoming an army officer and making his own way in the world, the two of them lost any special closeness. Alec probably never realized it, but I’m sure he resented it. Am I right?’
Emilia nodded thoughtfully. ‘I never realized it myself until now, why there was a gradual friction between them.’
‘And you, Emilia, you’re a strong woman and you always will be, but I bet you had something worrying you when Alec first wanted you.’
Emilia’s mind went back in time, to the struggles of the war and shortage of labour on the farm, her worries for Billy’s safety. ‘It seems you know how people think, Selina.’
‘I’ve always studied the human condition,’ Selina smiled, thrilled and delighted to be getting a little adulation from Emilia. ‘You think me rather a bitch, don’t you?’
‘Sometimes. It would be good to see your nicer ways more often. Are you unhappy?’
Selina reached forward and stroked her hand. ‘Yes. Quite often I am, Emilia. Do you know, it’s good to have someone in which to confide. The thing is that I get so very angry at all the opportunities and rewards there are for men and not for women. When I was a little girl I would lay awake for hours and wish and wish I’d turn into a boy. Well, I’ve never been one to mope and I’m thinking of changing my whole way of life to train as a doctor. I haven’t even told Perry yet.’
‘Will he approve?’
‘Oh, yes. Perry’s the most understanding man in the world. I suppose we ought to get back to him and your other guests. Thank you for listening to me, Emilia, and I’d like you to know that if you ever need anyone to confide in you can always turn to me. You and I should go shopping together or something. Or take a long walk, yes, I think I’d like that better. Somewhere quiet and private, and away from our busy lives. Come along then.’
Emilia allowed herself to be ushered out of her own kitchen. ‘Selina, could you be careful about some of the remarks you make.’
‘Such as, my dear?’
With an effort Emilia stopped herself turning a culpable red. ‘Well, the things you said about me and Perry could be misconstrued.’
‘Oh, I see what you mean.’ Selina dropped her voice to a tone that carried soft consideration in it. She slipped an arm round Emilia’s waist. ‘Anything you say, my dear.’
Sara was lying on her bed in the partitioned space that was her room up in the attics. There was only enough floor area for the single bed, a small wardrobe, a washstand and a solid old chair, but it was her own private realm, and Mrs Em had ensured she had soft bedding, gaily patterned cushions with matching curtains at the tiny window. Carpet was on the floorboards and a floral china chamber pot was under the bed. There were pictures of children playing in meadows on the boarded walls and an embroidered Bible text Sara had made in the workhouse; the only thing left of her childhood, except for odd moments of insecurity when she felt worthless.
Finding no pleasure in her comforts, Sara had her head stuffed against the pillows and she was weeping bitter tears, never more miserable in her life. She had spent the day preparing, with Tilda, Mrs Rowse and Mrs Em, the food for the dinner party. Then she had helped wait on the table and afterwards wash and dry the mountain of dishes. And all the time Alec had looked so handsome, her dream, her fantasy, with all those beautiful, fashionably dressed ladies, not noticing she existed, except for a touch of fatherly kindness when he had thanked her for all her hard work and pressed two shillings into her hand.
‘It was my pleasure, Alec.’ That’s what she had said, instead of, ‘When will you share a meal with me? Dance with me? Touch me? Kiss me? Show me how to give you pleasure?’ She knew nothing about the pleasures he was used to. She wanted him to introduce them to her, do them with her. At times her longing for him made her body burn in its secret little place. Oh, Alec, why don’t you notice me? I wish I was dead.
‘Sara? Sara, sweetheart, what is it?’
Now she was imagining his voice.
There was a gentle touch on her back and she jerked her face to look up. He was there! Come to relieve her of her misery. Come like a prince. A lover. A hero. He had come to rescue her and to take her away and to be hers for ever more. Oh, no, he was looking at her in that fatherly way, as usual. She sobbed even more bitterly and covered her face with her hands.
‘I did knock but when I heard you crying, I came in. My dear, tell me what’s upsetting you?’ His warm rough hands, made wonderfully brown by the sun and wind, were tugging on hers, bringing her out of her concealment.
‘Sara, do you want me to fetch Tilda or Emilia?’ He was thinking she might be suffering the distinctly feminine thing.
‘N-no,’ she gulped. ‘It-it’s nothing.’
‘It has to be something. Have you hurt yourself? There’s a bruise on your wrist.’
‘Oh that?’ She sat up, gathering her strength, for his sudden presence was making her feel wobbly all over. She could not find a hanky so he handed over his. She dried her eyes with it. ‘It’s nothing. I’m…’ He was leaning forward, smiling right into her eyes, and she had to think of a reason to keep him here, to claim a little bit of him. ‘I’m worried about Jim.’
‘Are you sure that’s all it is?’
‘Yes. I can’t get through to him. He’s so unhappy, so angry with everyone. He was even rude to Miss Bosweld this evening.’
‘Well, she’s the sort to take anything in her stride, so don’t you worry about that particular instance, my love,’ Alec sighed. He had tried to talk to Jim again and again, something warning him not to mention Selina Bosweld’s name on each occasion, but Jim had refused to listen to comfort or advice and had even sworn at him. ‘But of course, it’s worse for you.’
‘He’s never spoken about the girl that broke his heart and he gets angry when I try. He’s so bitter about it.’
‘Did he do this to you?’ Alec encircled her forearm so he could view her wrist.
Sara nodded. Then, with a daring born out of the longing to hold on to him, she pushed her dress down off her shoulder. ‘And this. He said he was going down the pub to get drunk and when I tried to stop him he squeezed me here.’
Alec stared, appalled, at the imprint of a large hand left on her otherwise flawless skin. Crouching, he took both her hands into his. ‘I can’t allow Jim to carry on the way he is, you know that, don’t you? And I certainly won’t have him upsetting you like this, Sara. Don’t worry, I’ll sort this out somehow. Now, my dear -’ and his grip on her hands tightened and she pressed back on his, hardly breathing, her heart thundering like the stormiest waves on the wildest sea – ‘can I encourage you to take a few minutes to compose yourself then to come downstairs and sing for us? Your wonderful voice is highly sought after, you know.’
She would do anything for him. If only she could tell him so. ‘Well, yes, but…’
‘But what?’
He smiled in a way that sent her soul shooting up to the heavens. ‘But I haven’t really got anything to wear. Only my best dress but it’s too plain and I’ve no shoes with heels.’
‘What?’ He was puzzled for a moment. ‘Oh, I see, I quite forget you’re a woman now. Of course, it’s important for you to look your best. Let me think. Yes, that’s it. How about you come with me and choose something of Emilia’s? She’ll be glad to lend you anything that takes your fancy.’
He led the way down the short flight of stairs, then through the older part of the house and into the Victorian extension where the bedrooms were fine and grandly furnished. He tapped the bathroom door; the room inside was larger than Sara’s and done out in exquisite porcelain and highly polished brass. ‘Change in here, take your time, but first come with me. I’ve thought of the very thing you’d look lovely in.’
Lovely, he thinks I can look lovely.
Sara waited in his bedroom, her arms twisted together in a state of bliss and anticipation while he searched through her mistress’s wardrobe until he laid a filmy ice-blue creation over the bed. She let out an excited breath. She had only worn frumpy plain or pale colours or girlish floral patterns before. The evening dress was delicately feminine, with diamante swirls all the way down from the low neckline to the short hemline. It must have cost a fortune.
‘Are you sure Mrs Em won’t mind? She’s only worn it once.’
‘No, she’ll be pleased to lend it to you. It will match your eyes. Now, you’re not to sing without payment tonight, Sara. I’m going to start off a collection for you and you’ll deserve every penny. Take this to begin with.’
She was gazing at him, not really taking in his words, and she felt him press something cylindrical into her hand. ‘What is it?’
‘Just a little something so you can buy some new clothes. Go to a proper dress shop and kit yourself out properly. I’ll tell the others you’ll be down in a little while.’
Her tender mouth sagged open. He must have given her at least five pounds. ‘Thanks, Alec. You’re so good and kind.’
‘You’re part of my family, Sara.’ He kissed her cheek and left.
She lifted her middle fingertip to that hallowed spot. It was some moments before she recovered enough wits to make herself ready to follow him downstairs.
‘That was a lovely thing that you did for Sara. The little concert she gave rounded off the evening.’ Emilia was in bed, waiting for Alec to get in with her so she could turn off the last lantern. ‘Is Jim back yet?’
‘Yes, the constable brought him home. He was causing a disturbance at the pub and smashed some glasses. I’ve ordered the boy to see me in the den first thing in the morning.’
Emilia chewed her lip. ‘Poor Jim. I was hoping he’d feel better about himself after the Reverend Rawley’s visit to thank him again for his help over Elena’s accident. Hope he’ll listen to you this time. We must think of something to take his mind off his misery.’
‘No, we mustn’t. Jim’s got to learn to grow up. There’s no use in him running away from his problems. It’s time he got the Bosweld woman out of his head. I shall confine him to the yard for as long as I see fit. And why should he get special consideration and not Sara? She’s perfectly obedient, an asset to us, it wouldn’t be fair on that sweet soul.’
Alec had put on his pyjamas. Normally a scintillating evening – and the occasion had been lifted for him by Polly’s sparkling company and Sara’s delightful singing – would leave him in the mood for making love, but he wanted only to go straight to sleep. He was tired. Strange for him – he being in the habit of thriving on only four to six hours of rest at night, when his endless mulling and considering usually made him rise in the small hours. For some strange reason he was suddenly bone-weary tonight.
In the dark, Emilia moved towards him and he wrapped her in, as he always did, close to his body. She was relieved he did not seek to make love. Not so soon after having Perry in the house. Not after she had contrived to sit next to him while Sara had sung.
She sensed Alec’s tiredness. He had an early start, the next stage of the haymaking ahead, loading the pooks on to the wains and building the ricks in the mowhay, but she felt compelled to talk to him. To keep her mind safely off someone else. ‘I’m so pleased you and Ben have made up. He’s thinking of holding a barn dance.’
‘Oh? When?’
‘Sometime later in the year, perhaps after the harvesting, he said.’
‘Good idea.’
‘Alec?’
‘Mmmm?’
‘You know I love you, don’t you?’
‘Of course, darling. I love you.’
Long after Alec fell into the deep rhythm of dreamless sleep, she lay enfolded in his arms, telling him in whispers that she loved him and no one else. But the image of Perry’s handsome smiling face was with her throughout, refusing to shift from inside her head. She ran her hands over Alec’s strong slumbering frame, thought about waking him and making love to him. But it wouldn’t be fair – not because he needed to sleep; it just wasn’t right to take advantage of him even in a way that would delight him, to rid herself of the guilt of having eagerly given and received intimate attention from another man.
She must keep far away from Perry from now on. Refuse to speak to him unless it was absolutely necessary, and then only when they were not alone. Hours passed in which she instructed herself, aggressively, on what she must and mustn’t do to stay true to Alec. But what if she failed in these resolves?
Really afraid for the future, she clung to Alec, clung so tight. When he awoke, soon after she had finally closed her eyes and sunk into a fitful sleep, she awoke too and wouldn’t let him go for some time.