Libby Bosweld lifted her chin to the window in the back of the taxicab and gazed out at Ford Farm. The only signs of life were Bertie and Hope sniffing about the hedge, and a fat straying hen. ‘No one’s come out to wave goodbye to Mirelle and me, Daddy. I hate the Harveys. I hate Hennaford. I never want to come back here again!’
Perry reached out to her but she clamped her arms round Casper’s neck; the dog was fretting on the seat between them. ‘You must never hate, darling. Don’t be cross with the Harveys, they’re still good friends of ours, remember? They probably thought the cab would be driving through the village.’
‘Tell me again about our new house,’ Libby said, still looking fierce, anxious, rejected.
Perry stroked her tawny curls and rattled off the details of the terraced house Selina was renting in a quiet suburb of south London. ‘She’s going to meet you and Mirelle off the train and I shall follow on in a couple of days.’
‘But I want you to come with us now!’
‘I know darling, but we’ll soon be all together again. I’ve to finish packing up the house and there are people I need to say goodbye to.’ One in particular, and after waving his daughter off at Truro railway station he was to spend the rest of the day with her.
Libby, a little pacified, a little brighter when Hennaford was completely left behind, began playing with Casper’s ears. ‘I still never want to go back there.’
I do, Perry said to himself, holding the perfect image of Emilia in his mind. One day I shall come back. That I swear.
She wanted to run to him. She made herself walk instead, at a normal pace, a dark figure, hidden in the shade of a sun hat and parasol. She had got out of the taxicab shortly after it had branched off from Highertown into Penweathers Lane. Reggie Rule’s secluded, stone-fronted little house was now in sight and Perry should be inside waiting for her.
She rolled up the parasol and put her hand out to the door the same instant he opened it. She stepped inside quickly, through the porch into the hall, taking no notice of the simple decor, the basic surroundings, while Perry locked and drew the bolt on the door. All she saw was Perry. All she knew was Perry. All she felt was for Perry.
‘I was so afraid something would happen to prevent you from coming, darling.’ He carefully lifted off her hat and peeled off her gloves. ‘I watched you approaching from the window. You looked so small and uncertain. You don’t regret it, do you, Em? Having to steal the time to come here to see me? Having to be circumspect?’
She went to him, gathered his body into hers, settling into him as he brought his arms around her. ‘All I care about is just being with you, Perry, darling.’
‘Let’s forget about everything but us, darling Em, and not think about the dreadful words that we must say until the very last minute.’
She nodded. Smiled, sending all her love to him in that one smile. A smile he would hold in his heart for ever. She reached for his mouth, wanting to kiss him all day, to turn these few hours, this last encounter into a lifetime of loving. To make enough memories that she could store and cherish for a lifetime. His lips felt blissfully familiar yet new and fresh to her. The way he kissed filled her with fierce, raw, rapturous sensations that were almost painful to bear.
Just one touch from her was enough to rend from him a sacred sigh of love. His whole being was flooded with life. He had never really been alive until the moment he had first met her, and after today he would return to a state of semi-being, half-alive, a soul without its mate. It was how he would be until he felt it was time to return. Secretly he would come back, and see if there was a chance he could have her for himself. Selfish it might be, but he had to allow himself this vestige of hope if he was to endure the lonely years ahead.
The progress of their love moved them, with her aid on the stairs, up to the bedroom at the back of the building, overlooking the spacious garden. The room was light and pretty, the bed covered with bright cushions of Eastern silk and design. Roses of red, white, purple and gold were in a glass vase on a little round table. ‘I’ve no idea what colour rose is supposed to be the most romantic, so I got you some of every colour I could find,’ Perry said, holding her, kissing her. ‘Think of me every time you see or breathe the scent of a rose, darling.’
‘I will. I’ll keep roses in the house all summer long.’
‘I will too. I brought some food and wine. We have everything we need here.’
‘We do.’
He looked and looked at her, smiling a little sadly, loving her. Seeing her love smiling back at him. He put his hands on her, began unfastening her clothes. ‘I want more than anything to lie down with you, Em. I want to hold you until I feel you’ll always be with me. I want to look at you until your face is always before me. I want to know you and see all of you.’ Then he stopped, a little uncertain. ‘You won’t be put off by my disablement?’
She caressed his gorgeous face. ‘Darling Perry, I love you exactly as you are and I will never, ever, stop loving you.’
And so they grew familiar in every infinitesimal way, knowing the finest, the beautiful and the superb. She looked into his eyes until she felt her own eyes were the same precious-gem blue of his. She kissed his mouth until she felt the exquisite touch of his would be on hers for ever. She touched his handsome face until her fingertips were left with the everlasting impression of his beauty and nobility. Sometimes there were tears in their eyes and the other would kiss them away.
They held on lovingly, expressing their love in utter tenderness, in wild passion, in gentle touches and silken caresses. Again and again they loved as close as a man and a woman could get. Sometimes a near desperation lent an edge to their pleasure, he taking her with him and she taking him with her. They flew, they soared, and they knew glories. They knew love. They knew things even beyond love. Experiences so profound, so extraordinary, it left them sweetly disturbed, clinging in heart, in body, in soul. They knew a sweet, dark peace, a golden peace. And stayed in it. Making time last, until it would no longer be swayed by their desperate spirits or the completeness of their love. Until time no longer allowed them to stretch out its moments.
Her steps echoed bare, lost and heavy as she wandered through the empty house. Everything Perry, Selina, Libby and the tiny French housemaid had brought to Ford House with them was gone. But a sense of each personality lingered still, in a fleeting shadow, a snatch of whisper, a brooding hush, a resonance of laughter. Or even the scratch of a puppy’s paws.
In the kitchen she could almost smell Mirelle’s alarmingly strong coffee and taste her mouth-watering Continental bread, almost hear the tireless blackbird of a woman jabbering as she scolded Casper, or sang in a strange evocative pitch in her own language; times when she’d paused to dry away a tear. Once Mirelle had stared at her, shaking her peasant-scarfed old head, lifting her scrawny shoulders high while making a doomed-to-failure gesture, conveying, so Emilia had believed, that she knew about the impossible future of the love that had begun in this house. Then she had turned away, apologetic and crying. Crying for Perry, Emilia had silently acknowledged.
Please don’t be too lonely, Perry. Find someone else. You have so much love to give and you deserve to be loved every day of your life.
Slowly, for her legs would go no faster, she mounted the stairs. Little Libby’s bedroom, so abandoned, so forlorn, the saddest room of all. Jonny and Vera Rose had spent the last day of their stay here with her, returning to report that she was both excited and afraid of the move to London, but glad to be getting away from those who had been so beastly towards her adored Aunt Selina, her daddy and herself.
It took courage to venture where Selina had slept. Where, Emilia imagined, she had gloried in her seductions and affairs and where she had planned the next, her greatest coup.
The morning after the sports day, Emilia had come to Ford House to find out how the family were. Not unexpectedly, Libby was fretful, keeping attached to Perry. They had been poring over a photograph album.
‘I’m trying to distract her,’ Perry had smiled bravely, his smile, as usual, wholly beautiful, and Emilia’s love for him, infinite and ageless as it was, had burned even more intensely and her pain was nearly unbearable.
She could not keep at a careful distance, a proper distance, and sat beside him on the sofa. Secretly they had held hands, so tightly. ‘Perry…?’
‘We’re going to be fine, Em. I’m fine, honestly. Here’s a photo of Libby and I, taken just before we came here. It’s one of our favourites but you must have it.’ The underlying intention in the gift was plain in the sadness of his voice. It was a studio study, a non-intimate gift to everyone except her. ‘Perhaps, I could have one of you…?’
‘Of course.’
There had been a moment when neither had known what to say, in which he had almost crushed her fingers.
‘Could I… could I ask you to go up to Selina? She’s in a bit of a state.’ His look had conveyed this to be a watered-down description for Libby’s sake. ‘She won’t come out of her room, or eat or drink. She might listen to you.’
It had been hard to leave him then, nearly as painful as the anguish at the very last time. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’
She had found Selina a shadowy figure, curled up, hugging a pillow on the big double bed. Her impious eyes closed. The curtains were closed. She was in the same clothes as the day before, her ankle bandaged. She babbled something viciously in French; ordering the maid to leave her alone, Emilia had guessed.
‘It’s me, Selina.’ Emilia quietly closed the door.
Selina gazed up but did not make a movement or show any emotion. ‘Why have you come?’
‘To see how Perry and Libby are.’
Easing herself up stiffly due to lengthy immobility, Selina had settled herself against the headboard. The violet hue of her eyes had gleamed in the dimness, strangely active. ‘You’ll be glad to learn I’m leaving on the overnight train for London. My brother and niece will be following me as soon as I’ve found somewhere for all of us to live.’
Determined not to reveal the appalling effects of actually hearing for the first time that Perry was going away, Emilia had flung back the curtains, wishing the brilliant sunlight would blot out the other woman’s eyes. ‘You’re a cruel, heartless woman, Selina Bosweld.’
‘But you don’t wish you’d never met me, do you, Emilia? Or it would mean you’d never have met Perry. You’ll never regret that, will you? Even though you’re about to lose him, even though when you started with him you must have known you could never really keep him.’
Emilia had darted up to her, leaning forward, on fire. ‘Think you know something about how it feels to love and lose someone, do you?’
‘Yes! Yes, I do.’
‘How? How could you possibly know?’
‘Because I too am about to leave behind for ever someone I love. A love that could never be reciprocated, and it’s even worse now because the person concerned despises me.’
Emilia regarded her disbelievingly. Selina’s returning stare had softened, full of meaning, and Emilia had thought hard to grasp what it was. ‘You don’t mean Alec? Do you think you’ve fallen in love with him?’
‘Not Alec, Emilia. You, Em…’ Reaching out, Selina had grabbed her hand. Began to cry softly. ‘I’ve always wanted you. If I could have made it happen nothing would have stopped me. I didn’t realize until yesterday, when I knew I had no choice but to leave here straight away, how strong my feelings really were for you. I admit I’ve hurt a lot of people. This time, I’ve hurt myself too.’
Jerking her hand free, Emilia had stood back from the bed, the shock of the declaration spreading icy rivers through her entire body. ‘I… I don’t know what to say. I had no idea.’
Selina could not meet her astonished, appalled eyes. ‘Why should you? The very idea of what’s known as ancient love disgusts many, and most aren’t even aware it exists. I’ve explored all kinds of love, never believing I’d ever fall in love. And now that I have, all I will have to show for it is a terrible loneliness that I don’t think will ever leave me. It’s my punishment. I deserve it. Go downstairs to Perry, Emilia. Spend what time you can with him. He doesn’t know about the other side of my life, please spare him that.’
She had looked up, pleading. ‘Please don’t hate me. Just let me tell you this one time that I love you, Em. I love you.’
Emilia left behind the echo of Selina’s tormented sobs as she went downstairs to Perry’s empty bedroom. The room where their association, their love had begun. The language of his love and devotion was whispering to her now as she stood in the space where the bed had been, where she had laid her little girl down, where she and Perry had first kissed. The room was returned to a dining room now and, like the rest of the house, pristine, ready for prospective owners to view. Emilia was thankful that Ben had no wish to buy it. She would never step over this threshold again.
She went outside and locked the door. Locking away the part of her life she should never have possessed, and never would again.
Going back down the hill, she took the fork in the lane to the ford. It wasn’t necessary to use the bridge, there had been no rain for several days and the dip in the ground was dry. As were her eyes. She had already cried herself dry. She’d had her moments with Jenna. And her moments with Perry. Now she must go on with Alec.
She climbed the hill to the farm. Returning to her children.
To the enduring love she shared with Alec, which would see her through the years.