Chapter Seventeen

Something had upset him.

Farley and his cohort had been rude and insulting, but Natalie didn’t think that would have put Lord Hawthorne into such a somber mood.

He didn’t speak a word as he escorted her back onto the terrace. He didn’t attempt to kiss her again nor touch her any more than necessary. Feeling bereft with the sudden removal of his attentions, Natalie hugged her pet under her chin and slipped back into the drawing room. He did not, himself, rejoin the entertainment. He’d given no explanation, only bade her good night.

With the charades game once again in full swing, this time with several gentlemen participating, Natalie’s return went unnoticed. As did Lord Hawthorne’s absence. To avoid conversation, Natalie sat in one of the window seats with Baby Bear. There, she feigned an interest in the antics of Lord Riverton as he attempted to mime what could only be described as a giant rat.

Was it something she’d said? She massaged the folds of skin on Baby Bear’s tiny frame and reflected upon all that she’d told him. He had meticulously interrogated her about her broken engagement. She, in turn, had done nothing to hide her true feelings from him. Interesting that she could be so forthcoming when she’d known him for less than a week.

But why did he care what her feelings were regarding marriage and betrothal? Was he asking in a general sense? Or did he have another motive?

What about the betrothal caused you distress? He asked this question of her when no one, not her father, her mother, her brothers, nor even her ex-fiancé, had thought to ask. Did it matter?

Of course! It ought to have mattered greatly.

There’d been concern for her reputation, concern for the broken contracts, and concern that she find a new suitable betrothed, but no one, no one, had bothered to ask why she was so distressed!

So why should Garrett Castleton care?

Were you not looking forward to such a lofty title? Again, a question no one else had bothered to ask. It was as though Garrett saw her as an intelligent but emotional human being. As her own individual person, with feelings and fears and dreams.

And he had held her close. He’d kissed her with passion and, yes, with tenderness!

What did he mean by it?

She did not wish to consider the concept that teased her. It was such an outrageous thought she dared not let it voice itself even in her own mind.

Does he wish to become betrothed to me?

There, now she’d done it. She’d allowed the thought to enter, and of course, now it would torment her until she knew the answer.

Her parents would never allow it. Her brothers would chase him off the estate the moment they perceived his intent.

Because…because it was one thing to welcome a man into your home, quite another to allow him to marry your daughter. Before this week, Garrett had been essentially blacklisted by most of the ton. His future wife, although a countess, might very well be banished from society. Garrett’s father had been exposed as a madman! Garrett and his children would be tarnished thusly as well.

Natalie touched her abdomen. It would be cruel and irresponsible to have children when they might be born with such a tragic flaw. How must Lord Hawthorne feel then? How must Garrett feel? With that thought, a sharp ache squeezed her heart.

No wonder he seemed so confused. No wonder he did not seek love. He probably considered his own future to be as bleak as his father’s had been.

Pulling Baby Bear closer to her shoulder, Natalie located her mother and excused herself for the night. It had been a long day. Of course, Garrett would not be looking for a wife.

As her feet carried her to her bedchamber, the horrible truth hit her. She was a lady. It had been unfair of her to act so recklessly with him. He could not dally with her as he might with a widow or a dancer…or—well, no matter. Gentlemen were to act toward a lady with honorable intentions, and she had made that impossible for him. What had she, in fact, been willing to give?

He’d been right to push her away. When she’d tempted him, he’d played along but not taken advantage of her. When things had gotten out of hand, he’d been the one to call a halt every time. She’d not acted like a lady at all. She ignored the urge to knock on his door to apologize as she’d done two nights ago. Had it only been two nights?

Instead, she entered her own chamber and found Tinsdale reclining on the loveseat with the mending on the floor. Her head tilted back, a low snore escaped from her opened mouth. Her spectacles rested precariously at the very tip of her nose. Seeing Tinsdale this way made Natalie more aware than usual of how the woman had aged. She looked frail, smaller, and vulnerable.

Dropping to the loveseat, Natalie placed her hand upon Tinny’s shoulder.

“Tinny? I’d let you sleep here all night, but you’d wake with a dreadful crick in your neck.”

Mrs. Tinsdale blinked and sat up. “Just resting my eyes, m’dear.” Flustered, she searched for her needle and fabric.

While Natalie bent down and retrieved the garment, Baby Bear hopped into Tinny’s lap. Chuckling, Tinny lifted him for a kiss. Speaking to Baby Bear, rather than Natalie, the nanny cooed, “And how did Baby Bear do? Was Baby Bear a good boy?” The puppy answered by licking her on the chin and behind her ears.

Natalie tilted her head and watched as her old nurse poured affection on the pup Natalie had been certain would be her very own. Tinny resided in a private suite on the ground floor toward the back of the house. It even boasted an entrance so the elderly lady could come and go from the house without using either the servants’ entrance or the main front door. It would be perfect for letting a puppy take care of business during all hours of the day and night.

“Tinny?”

“Yes, dear.” Mrs. Tinsdale took one of Natalie’s combs and began brushing it through Baby Bear’s short dark hair.

“Would you mind if you and I shared Baby Bear?” Tinny peered at her suspiciously. “You mustn’t think you have to, mind you. It’s just that caring for Baby Bear is much more work than I thought it would be.” She had been willing though, oh so willing. Natalie’s heart broke as she continued, “I think Baby Bear needs two mamas. Don’t you? And perhaps he might do better sleeping downstairs with you, so that he can go outside easier…”

Tinny held Baby Bear closely. “Well, that’s a good point, my lady. It’s mighty grown up of you to realize that Baby Bear may need more attention than you or I could give him alone.” She kissed the pup on the head again. “And I wouldn’t mind keeping him with me.” Was that a tear in the woman’s eye?

Natalie blinked away the extra moisture that had accumulated in her own. “I think Baby Bear would like that.” She reached forward and rubbed the dog’s neck tenderly. “I think he’d like that a lot.”

With that, Mrs. Tinsdale stood up slowly. “In that case I better take this little man downstairs and show him his new room! Turn around, and I’ll unlace you before I go.”

Natalie allowed Tinny to unlace her and before she knew it was left alone holding her dress in front of her. She didn’t know when she’d last felt so empty. It seemed she’d not only lost a dog this evening, but perhaps a lady’s maid as well. She dared not think about what else she might have to let go of.

Unable to hold back the tears any longer, she fell facedown upon her bed. Maybe she didn’t want to grow up after all.

****

“Did you enjoy your moonlit stroll with that young earl of yours?” Aunt Eleanor’s eyes twinkled as she asked the question. Natalie had hoped to slip into the room without being seen.

Oh dear. She and Hawthorne’s long absence had been noted after all. Had anybody else made the observation? Aunt Eleanor was more sharp-eyed than most. Shooting the older woman a sober look, Natalie did her best to refrain from blushing. “He excused himself after a few minutes. I spent most of the time walking Baby Bear—alone.”

Lady Eleanor’s eyebrows rose suspiciously. She must have sensed Natalie’s reticence, however, because she changed the subject. “I have so been looking forward to seeing Cordelia’s work. I hope Lord Hawthorne has not forgotten.”

Garrett would not disappoint the lady. He had more honor in his pinky than most so-called gentleman did in their entire bodies. Natalie forced herself to smile. She did not feel amiable today, but she had been excited to see the contents of the old crates.

She anticipated spending more time with Garrett Castleton as well. Even though she oughtn’t to—either anticipate it or spend more time with him. As she took a sip of her coffee, her gaze caught sight of his figure entering the morning room. Did her heart skip a beat? Was that even possible?

His hair disheveled and his eyes tired, he did not look well this morning. Acknowledging a few of the guests with a slight bow, he then found a plate and approached the sideboard. When he’d loaded it up, Lady Eleanor beckoned him to sit beside her. She then pointedly set the coffee pot within his easy reach.

“Good morning, my lady.” He tipped his head toward Lady Eleanor as he dropped into the chair. “Lady Natalie.”

The other members in the room were involved in various random conversations, and his arrival went unnoticed by most. He set his napkin upon his lap, poured some coffee, and dug into his food.

Just when it seemed he was going to sit silently throughout the meal, he set down his fork and addressed Lady Eleanor. “If you ladies are still of a mind to see my mother’s artwork, I’ll be opening and inspecting the crate’s contents when I am done here. I want to get them resealed and loaded on my coach by this afternoon, however, so I can depart tomorrow morning.”

At that, Natalie’s heart did skip a beat. She knew it must have, for why else would it suddenly hurt to breathe in and out?

Lady Eleanor responded for both of them. “That will be fine. I imagine you are looking forward to beginning the renovations at Maple Hall.”

Nodding silently, Garrett went back to work on his food. He’d not spoken one word to Natalie, really. And he hadn’t even looked at her when he’d oh-so-casually mentioned his plans for an early departure.

“You are leaving?” The question slipped out before she could stop it. Foolish girl, for imagining that he might have a tendre for her. “You are leaving tomorrow?”

Garrett paused his fork for a moment, long enough to glance up. “I have a great deal of work awaiting me.” When he looked back down at his food, he frowned. “It’s best I don’t waste any more time.” With that, he stabbed his fork into a piece of sausage. He was not in the best humor this morning.

Natalie looked back down at her plate.

She was no longer hungry. Even her coffee lost its appeal.