Chapter Twenty-Five

It was in his best interest to avoid her. She’d done something different with her hair, now, and appeared to be regaining her health quickly. Which was a good thing, a wonderful thing. But nothing taunted him more than the sight of Lady Natalie Spencer in his bed, dressed in only a thin cotton gown.

As her health improved, her cheerful spirits returned as well. She sang the praises of the young girl presently acting as her lady’s maid. It seemed she might have found a replacement for Mrs. Tinsdale after all.

During one visit, she confided to Garrett that she’d given the care of Baby Bear over to her old nurse. Before knowing her, he might have assumed she had merely grown tired of the pup and was shirking her responsibility. But he knew differently. She’d realized the elderly woman was lonely. No, it had not been an easy decision for her.

Lord Darlington’s company, on the other hand, was becoming something of a nuisance.

He continued to press for Garrett to obtain a special license. As each day passed, Darlington’s insistence that Garrett marry his sister increased. As did Garrett’s resolve. Only as the last possible option, he’d finally conceded one night, would he marry her. For otherwise, Natalie’s brother might have demanded a meeting at dawn. Natalie would hate them both if matters devolved to that.

It wasn’t that Garrett did not yearn with his entire being to make Natalie his. Of course, he wanted to marry her! If he were any other man, with any other father, living any other life.

Having her in his home was almost more than he could bear. He longed for the day she would leave but also dreaded it.

Garrett escaped the dower house as often as possible, focusing on the immediate needs of this broken-down estate he’d inherited. In his busyness, trudging from one tenant’s holding to another, he sought to regain equilibrium and clarity. But removing himself from her presence was easier than removing her from his thoughts. He often found himself wishing to tell her about this or that little incident but then stifled such notions before they took root.

And then there were the nights.

His memories of pleasuring her in the meadow the afternoon he’d left Raven’s Park plagued him with images and feelings he struggled to deny. Knowing she lay steps away mocked his unmet needs. His lust for her was almost as powerful as his feelings of tenderness and regard.

He loved her, dammit.

Which made it imperative he not act selfishly. When he’d thought her life in danger, he’d been devastated. Her safety, her well-being, and ultimately her happiness must be assured at all costs. Even if the price was to live his life without her.

She might think him cruel now, but she was young and unable to consider the ramifications of rash decisions. She believed herself in love with him. To such an innocent, he must seem exciting and unpredictable, the antithesis of her former betrothed.

She would believe it romantic to consider herself in love with a rake, a man of mystery to the ton. She’d sought him out for adventure—for passion. She’d been on the rebound, so to speak. Tossed over by her fiancé, certain of her needs had gone unfulfilled. She’d wanted to know what it felt like to succumb to desire. She’d sought it out unilaterally. He’d made the mistake of getting caught up in her acts of rebellion.

She’d also wanted, God preserve them all, to help him! She wanted to save him from himself. On the very day of his arrival, she’d taken steps to redeem him so he could return to society. She’d even found him a valet, for God’s sake. She’d taken to him as though he were a stray pup, much as she’d taken to Baby Bear. She wished to soothe his wounds and wash away his past with her love.

How long could such feelings last? How much pain and hurt could her pitying love endure?

For pain and hurt would be her lot if she married him.

Her infatuation would not endure being tied to a husband who could not—would not—give her a child. An even worse scenario would be the birth of a child who was not of sound mind.

For he knew himself. Caught up in the throes of passion, he could easily release his seed too quickly. All it would take would be one time. God, what a mess that would be.

And what of her life in society? That would be over. As his wife, she would be painted with the same taint of scandal that had followed him throughout all England. For what woman in her right mind would knowingly marry a man with insanity in his blood? There would be no invitations to attend the various balls and parties she’d presided over throughout the previous two years. She would no longer be welcome in the drawing rooms of persons she considered to be her friends. They could not stroll through Hyde Park during the fashionable hour, for it would be too painful to feel the cut direct as face after face turned away from her. Garrett could not bear to see her scorned.

****

Five days into her recovery, both Lord and Lady Ravensdale arrived at Maple Hall. They arrived with outriders in full livery and a battalion of personal servants. The countess brought her lady’s maid, and Mr. Whipple attended the earl.

Garrett had known the party would be arriving and had just managed to set up lodgings for the entire entourage. The bedchamber beside Garrett’s, where Lady Natalie slept, had been cleaned, aired, and the bed fitted with new linen. Garrett hoped the couple would not have misgivings about sharing a bed. There simply wasn’t another available.

Wasting no time after alighting from their conveyance, the countess excused herself to check on her daughter.

Lord Ravensdale requested a private word with Garrett.

Ah, another inquisition. The screws were to be tightened even further. Garrett steeled himself.

The earl was forthright. “Darlington tells me you do not wish to marry my daughter, in defiance of the fact that you have compromised her.”

Good God! Must he rehearse this conversation again? Of course. And he must be most convincing of all today.

“It is not a matter of what I wish,” Garrett began. “There are other avenues that can and should be explored before forcing her into an unsuitable marriage.” Garrett spoke with conviction. “I am surprised you are not in full agreement with me. You, more than anyone, know that an alliance with the Earl of Hawthorne places your daughter in an altogether different public scorn. One which will never be forgiven.” Looking at the man directly, Garrett was forced to reveal he’d overheard the man’s words to his daughter just a short time ago. “You allowed my presence in your home as a concession to the assistance I’ve given you in business. You said you would not want a degenerate such as myself to be anywhere near your daughter.” Garrett looked down at his hands. “You were right in such an opinion.”

“Natalie told you this?” Ravensdale’s brows lowered into a stern frown. “I cannot believe my daughter would share this information with you.”

Garrett sighed. “She did not, my lord.” Looking up wearily, he confessed to eavesdropping. “I came to see you before I left Raven’s Park. The door to your study was open, and I overheard you scolding Natalie, Lady Natalie, that is, to keep away from me.” When the earl went to interrupt him, Garrett held up a hand and continued. “I did not then, nor do I now, find fault in your judgment. That is why I am surprised you persist with this notion of a betrothal. You could send her on holiday to the Continent. Hell, she could go to America. It would just have to be for a year or two. The ton will forget this. They are fickle about these matters, and you know it as well as I.”

The earl stared down at his boots. “I did not mean you to hear those words, my boy.”

“Nonetheless, they were words of wisdom.” And then Garrett felt the need to add, “It is not that I wouldn’t treasure your daughter as my countess, as my wife, but she would come out the worse for it.” He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. “If your family decides marriage is the only thing to save her, you have my word I will meet her at the altar and give her my name. But first I insist you take her home, allow her a measure of peace before forcing her into a decision. Marriage is not to be entered into hastily. It is for life.”

The earl studied Garrett closely. “And if she insists on marriage, you will abide by her decision?”

She wouldn’t. He would not allow it. “I will. The doctor has said she may travel in a day or so. I apologize for the rudimentary accommodations here, but you and the countess are welcome to stay as long as you wish.” But take your daughter with you soon, please. He could only endure so much.