That was probably the worst experience of my life. I mean, morning meetings are always awful, but this one … After what had happened yesterday I knew Laura would have a go at me but it was Klaus who was really laying it on thick.
“I didn’t know! How was I supposed to know? It’s not like I asked for Kaminsky’s files!”
“No, but he’s been on the news claiming you were. We’re doing you a favour here, letting you work on your own case—and this is how you repay us? A little bit of discretion is all that we asked for, but what do-”
“Nobody said nothing about discretion!”
There was a gap in all the ranting and shouting, which is where Erika stepped in. “Clearly Karo didn’t realise she was overstepping the mark. Perhaps we should look to ourselves, ask whether we failed in our responsibilities—such as making sure that Karo knows what she can and can’t do?”
I was well relieved when Erika said that, she was letting me off the hook. But then she turned to me and I held my breath, nervous about what she’d say next.
“And as for you, Karo, I take it you’ve realised the need for discretion?” She waited until I gave a reluctant nod. “And that if you’re not one hundred percent sure about anything—anything at all—that you come and talk to one of us?” A hard look was on her face.
“OK.”
“So shall we regard this episode as closed?” Erika asked the meeting.
“How can we?” Klaus still wasn’t happy. “There’s all sorts of fallout we can expect from this mess.”
I wanted to stomp out, leave them to their stupid messes, but I didn’t want to piss them off any more than I already had done. I needed to keep my RS pass for a bit longer. So I sat there while they droned on about potentially sensitive scenarios and stuff—on and on, worrying about things that probably would never even happen. It all sounded like a load of paranoid bollocks to me. But then again, they had a good idea of what to expect from our fucked up political system.
***
As soon as I got out of the meeting I gave Martin a ring, I needed to let off steam about his colleagues. I let the phone ring for ages and ages but he didn’t answer, even though he must have been at home. I mean where else would he be if not at home? I slammed the receiver down.
“Typical Martin, not there when I need him. I’m always there for him, but the first time I actually need him-” I was talking out loud, like some batty old dame, but broke off when I saw Erika standing in the doorway to my—Martin’s—office.
“Who are you grumbling about now?”
“You. Who else?” I answered. But I was still thinking of Martin and what I’d told Katrin yesterday, about pushing people away. I wanted to do things differently from now on, which is why I’d already been to his flat this morning, y’know, just to say hi. But he’d been out. Or asleep. I left a message, I thought he would have phoned me back by now.
Erika came right into the office. “I just wanted to check in with you, ask if there’s anything I can do to help?”
“What with?”
“Becker. It was his files you wanted to see at the archive, wasn’t it?”
I nodded glumly. It felt like the whole world knew I’d failed on that score.
“If you’d talked to us first we would have told you about the difficulties with accessing the Party archives.” I crossed my arms, mentally preparing myself for another lecture, but Erika had other ideas. “So now you need to be a bit more subtle and you’ll have to cover your tracks better. Look, this Becker—you say he was director of the juvenile temporary secure home? Well there will be files at the Ministry for People’s Education, so you can start there. If I were you I’d start by asking general questions about similar institutions, get them to bring a whole load of files to look through. Take your time, circle in, look at all the staff, starting from before Becker was working there-”
“And make it look like I’m not actually interested in Becker in particular? Erika, you’re a genius!”