It was completely childish to slam doors; she knew that.
Isabella closed her eyes and leaned against her bedroom wall, wondering why she was all knotted up inside.
He’d done what she wanted, right? Without even making a fuss.
And that was the problem.
She had braced herself for an argument, yet he didn’t seem all that concerned about it. Didn’t he give a damn? And how did he so annoyingly put it, it was just opportunity and timing?
That was it. Isabella finally understood why she was upset. For her to make love to Logan, shed her clothes and inhibitions, meant a hell of a lot more than opportunity and timing.
She should be grateful things went the way they did, that he didn’t try to make another move on her. Yet silently she admitted she wasn’t at all sure she would have been able to resist if he had, in spite of her determination to do just that.
Venturing into the bathroom, she studied the reflection in the mirror. What was wrong with her? Why was she all over the place when it came to Logan?
She’d always prided herself on her logic, her organizational skills, and her practical approach to life. It was what made her a good nanny. She didn’t get caught up in kid drama, had all the patience in the world when she needed to discipline a naughty toddler, and wasn’t given to romantic flings, even with seriously hot soccer players.
So what gives?
Maybe Logan was right. Maybe she had read too much into their connection and was taking it too seriously. She was upset, he sought to comfort her, and it went a little too far.
That’s all.
Firmly decided, she did all the nighttime mundane things, brushed her hair and teeth, washed her face, and slipped into bed.
And tried not to think about what had almost been.
“Morning.”
“Morning.” Logan looked up from his newspaper, trying to gauge Isabella’s mood, and what kind of day it might be.
“Coffee?” He gestured to the Styrofoam cup before him. “It’s down in the lobby. I don’t mind getting you a cup.”
“No thanks.” She scrunched her nose in distaste. “Cinnamon will be up soon. I thought I’d get the car packed now, feed her, and then get on the road.”
The frost was definitely back. Logan actually glanced at the thermostat to see if somehow the air conditioner had kicked on and dropped the room twenty degrees.
His first impulse was to confront her, shake her, and demand to know what was wrong and address it immediately. Yet something in her manner stopped him. He was returning to New Jersey with the team for practice, and then on Saturday he traveled to Kansas. He wouldn’t see her much the next few days. Maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to give them both some space.
“I’d better get moving.”
“You going to be okay by yourself?” He didn’t like the thought of that, of her driving home with the baby all alone. Yet they both agreed it would be better for him to return with the team, to shut down the gossip. But what if something happened? What if she had an accident or the car broke down?
He also didn’t like the overwhelming feeling of protectiveness that rose up inside him. He didn’t like any of the feelings Isabella generated.
Shit. But he didn’t want to fucking worry all week, either.
“Why don’t I order a car service?”
“I’ll be fine.” She gave him an eye roll as if he was the one being ridiculous. “I’ve done this drive plenty of times. It’s all New Jersey Turnpike. They have rest stops, patrol cars. No issue. And I should be home in less than two hours; early enough for the next feeding.”
She was all brisk efficiency once more, yet he liked the fact that she referred to his place as home, maybe more than he should.
What the fuck was going on with him? Logan wasn’t the mushy sonnets-and-flowers type. He traveled too much, lived on the edge. The last thing he needed was a permanent relationship, a woman waiting for him when he came back from the road.
But something else crossed his mind as she went into the adjoining suite and began to pack. Once this was settled and if Cinnamon went back to live with her mother, there would be no professional restrictions between them, no moral or ethical barriers.
He could pursue her romantically…
He tried to shut down the thought, but it wouldn’t leave him. Isabella was exactly his type: she was not only smart and beautiful, but nurturing. He saw the way she took care of the baby, putting Cinnamon’s needs first. It was a lethal combination, but one that intrigued him.
But then he reminded himself about the rest, the way she could act like a fucking schoolmarm, and how she could go from hot to cold in a New Jersey minute, which, in his opinion, was even faster than New York. Her reaction to him after that kiss still burned, and he firmly decided to keep that memory front and center.
And not let her crawl into his heart.
The drive was just the thing to calm her mind.
Isabella turned up the music, glad that Logan had left his iPod in the car. It was a much quieter return trip with only Cinnamon for company, but that’s exactly what she needed. Being around Logan still had her churned up, even though she’d firmly erected the professional barrier between them once more. He knew it; she saw that. Thankfully, he let it go, giving her the time and space she needed.
Yet as she pulled into the garage of his upscale condominium, she refused to admit that she missed him. Missed his company on the trip. Missed the way he challenged her.
Most of all, she missed that heated look in his eyes that she had seen just before he kissed her.
She lifted the baby seat out of the car, entered the elevator, and pressed the button for the sixth floor. She was glad to be back early; she had a lot to do. She planned to finish setting up the nursery, stock up on a few more essentials, and get the baby re-acclimated.
By the time she reached the condo, her cell was ringing. Glancing at the number, she saw it was her mother calling.
Damn. She knew what it was; whenever she took a new position, her mom always wanted to see the baby. While she understood, since a grandchild was highly unlikely, nevertheless it was hard to see her mom cooing over someone else’s offspring.
Yet she didn’t have the heart to deny her, either. If holding somebody else’s baby would help make up for her failure to be able to conceive, it would be the height of selfishness not to share Cinnamon with her mother.
“Yes, Mom.” She returned the call after putting the baby down.
“I thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth!” her mother said meaningfully.
“Just busy,” she replied, avoiding the guilt. “There is so much to do here. Logan wasn’t at all set up for a baby. I had to start from scratch.”
“Logan?”
“The baby’s father,” she continued. “He’s a soccer player for the New Jersey Hurricanes.”
“I thought I saw something about him on Facebook,” her mother said. “Something about a secret baby?”
Isabella flinched. “Yeah, that was sort of my fault. I brought Cinnamon to his game. I heard his teammates had figured it out; didn’t know about social media.”
“Well, it’s not exactly the kind of thing that you can keep under wraps.”
“He wasn’t even aware she existed until a few weeks ago.” For whatever reason, she felt compelled to defend Logan. “He and the mother are going to court to establish paternity in a couple of weeks. I think it’s hard for him to accept that the child is his until all of that is decided.”
“So depending on how things turn out, you might be out of a job again?”
“I’m not worried about that. Patty always has more than enough work.”
“I see.” Her mother sighed. “I guess there isn’t much point in me stopping by to see her until everything is settled?”
“It probably does make sense to wait,” Isabella said practically.
“Okay,” her mother said in resignation, and she could hear the disappointment in her voice. Wistfully, she continued. “Is she cute?”
She laughed at that. Could her mom make it any more plain she was dying to see her? Reluctantly, she relented. “Yes. Tell you what. Why don’t you come for lunch Sunday?”
“That would be perfect.” The excitement picked up in her voice immediately. “Your father is out of town for a sales meeting. Can I bring anything?”
“No. Just yourself. I’ll see you later.”
She hung up the phone, glad that she’d managed to make someone’s day. Company wasn’t a bad idea. She could use the distraction. And Cinnamon would love the attention.
It would be a win all around. And she’d make herself see it that way.
The place was oddly quiet.
Logan checked into his room after the game a few days later and found the typical bed, desk, chair, and TV. It was a striking difference from New York when he’d shared the hotel with Isabella and the baby. Having them there changed everything. It was as if…he had a family.
But that was ridiculous, he reminded himself, dismissing the thought. Tossing his keys on the countertop, he thought about going out with the guys, throwing back a few beers, and forgetting everything for a night. But he wasn’t up for it. Even though they had beaten Kansas 1–0, the media singled him out in the postgame news conference, suggesting the score could have been 2–0 if he had been more focused.
His lack of play had put a lot of pressure on their goalkeeper. Erik Blake’s eight saves kept the opposing team off the board, but they never should’ve had so many opportunities to score. A couple of the key defenders played well, but Logan had missed a pass that could have resulted in another point.
So he could go out on his own or stay in the hotel. There were several nice bars near him; he remembered that from the last trip. He thought about that woman who had propositioned him in New York. Maybe he could meet someone to join him for a drink and maybe a few laughs.
But that option wasn’t appealing, either. Logan felt like his life was in fucking limbo, and he couldn’t move forward in any direction until one big thing was settled for him: Cinnamon.
As he got a beer from the minibar, he found himself wishing Isabella and the baby were still there. He liked the mornings, when the baby was fed and then played quietly in her bed. Soon she would be crawling, and he grinned as he pictured Bella chasing Cinnamon all over the condo. But somehow he knew she’d have a plan, and she’d handle every phase of growing up with the same ease and confidence that she did the infant months.
Taking another pull of the beer, he turned on the game. He didn’t like the way his thoughts were heading, or his emotions. After the court hearing, he reminded himself, this would all be over. The baby would be back with her mother, and Isabella would be gone.
His stomach lurched at the thought.