THE GAME KICKED off five minutes later and immediately Rockwell Rangers were on the attack. They were passing the ball really well but at one point, just as he was about to intercept, Byron slipped, missed his challenge and they were bearing down on our defence.

But then Emma came flying in from her position and took the ball away from one of their players. The lad went flying as Emma took him out too, but the ref saw it as a foul and gave Rangers a direct free kick just outside our box.

‘REF!’ shouted Dal’s dad from the sidelines. ‘That was a clean tackle.’

The ref shook his head and walked up to Emma. He had a few words with her and then the Rangers’ captain, who was called Michael, placed the ball. He took three steps back and then tried to curl the ball over our wall into the top corner of the goal. But Gem was equal to it and she sprang into action, palming the ball away for a corner.

Steven and Dal congratulated her a Rangers lined up for the corner kick. The ball was soon back in our box but this time Emma won it fairly and ran with it, out of the box and across to the left, where she played it to Ant.

Inside Ant was Abs, who screamed for a pass – which he got. He twisted to his right and then he was away. Two Rangers players tried to keep up with him but Abs is quite fast and he just outran them. Lily was making a darting run inside the Rangers’ left back and Abs saw her.

He played a lovely ball through to her which she took in her stride. She stepped across it twice and then pushed it into a space inside the Rangers’ box. I strained to see who was there as I hadn’t noticed anyone making a run for her. But then Leon popped up, even though he’s our right back, and he smashed the ball towards goal. But the shot was off target and the game restarted with a goal kick for Rangers.

Ten more minutes went by as the game reached a high tempo, with either us or Rangers on the attack. It was what football commentators call an ‘open game’, and on the sidelines Ian was going mental, shouting at our midfield to stop Rangers passing the ball.

‘Get tight to them!’ he called out. ‘Get your foot in!’

I was urging the team on and didn’t notice that the camera crew had walked up to my side. It was only when the lady tapped me on the shoulder that I realized. I turned to find the camera in my face and the lady smiling at me in a weird way.

‘I understand you had to make way for one of the girls today?’ she asked me, in the same way that TV reporters ask questions.

I nodded, worried about the camera. What was I going to say and who was going to see it? And then my mum suddenly appeared at my side, smoothing down my hair with her palm.

‘Mum!’ I complained.

Never mind, poppet,’ she said annoyingly. ‘You need to look your best for the camera.’

And then she pretty much shoved me out of the way and started answering the question for me.

‘Of course, my son Jason is one of the star players,’ she told the woman, ‘but he’s been playing ever so regularly and he needed a rest so the coaches went for squad rotation and . . .’

My mum sounded like she was presenting Match of the Day. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. She didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. I remember once trying to explain the offside rule to her during a Chelsea versus Liverpool game, and she actually fell asleep and started snoring.

‘And is that how you see it, Jason?’ asked the lady with the camera crew.

‘Er . . . well, I don’t mind,’ I told her. ‘Emma – that’s the girl who’s playing for me – she’s really good, and besides, we are a team,’ I said.

That’s when the Rangers team erupted with joy. I’d been so busy with the camera crew that I’d stopped watching the game and now Rangers had scored.

It was 1-0!

‘MUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’I moaned.

‘What is it, poppet?’

‘Oh – don’t call me that!’ I added. Walking off up the touchline, I wished I could walk into where she worked and embarrass her too, just like she did with me. Parents!