21
I have to admit that it was hard not to be seduced by the Friendly Isles. They were so welcoming, so enticing, so nice.
I guess that there are people like that too. Everyone tells you how wonderful somebody is, and what great charm they have, and that you can’t help but love them when you meet them. So you think – not me, I’m not falling for it, all these charmers are just phonies underneath, and I’m not going to like them at all. But then you meet whoever it is, and you find yourself falling for them too. Well, the Friendly Isles were like that: somehow, you couldn’t help liking them and going under their spell, like someone sitting in the hypnotist’s chair, feeling heavier and heavier, with your eyelids slowly closing.
‘We’ll wait for you here,’ Peggy said. ‘You go and find their son, and talk him into coming down to the jetty, then if we can get him on board and down below, we’ll slam the hatch on him and take off, and deliver him back to his parents.’
Their boat was still anchored way out off shore. Peggy thought that if their wayward son Leo saw his parents’ boat at the jetty then he’d simply turn tail and run for it. And she was probably right.
‘OK,’ Peggy said. ‘He’s your age, Martin – dark hair, red T-shirt, navy shorts, sandals, answers to the name of Leo, last seen in the main square park. You go and persuade him to take a walk to the harbour with you. I don’t know what you’re going to say –’
‘I’ll think of something, don’t worry. I’m good at making things up and –’
‘And lying –’ I couldn’t help but add.
‘Embellishing –’ Martin said.
‘Yeah, well, you could call it that, I suppose,’ I said.
‘I can do this on my own, you know,’ Martin said.
‘Yeah, I know. But I’m still coming with you. Mum’s last words to me –’
‘I know.’
‘Look after Martin.’
‘Yeah, well, I can look after myself now.’
‘OK, so I’ll come and watch you do that.’
‘Is that the squabbling over for now?’ Peggy said. ‘Short truce, maybe?’
‘Come on then,’ Martin said. ‘If you must.’
So we hopped down from the boat and onto the jetty and headed into the town of Friendly, capital of the Friendly Isles – and it certainly lived up to its name.
‘And remember,’ Peggy called after us. ‘Don’t eat the kelp. Whatever you do.’
‘We won’t,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry.’ And I knew that I wouldn’t. But as for Martin … well …
There was a sign by the harbour, a big town sign in bright colours and with flowers growing around it.
WELCOME TO THE FRIENDLY ISLES, it read, and underneath it someone had scrawled, SO FRIENDLY EVEN THE GARBAGE DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE.
I exchanged a look with Martin, and we walked on towards the town.
‘Howdy!’
‘Howdy, young lady, young man.’
‘Hey – strangers. Nice to see you.’
‘Hey there, youngsters. How are you? Looking good today.’
Everyone was just so friendly. I’d never met so many pleasant and smiling people, ever. They were all so warm and welcoming, so happy-looking and kind, you just felt at home from the second you arrived. In fact it was like you had lived there all your life, and every single inhabitant was an old friend.
‘Friendly, aren’t they?’ Martin said, as we walked into town.
‘Yeah, too friendly,’ I said, still trying to keep my cynical defences up, but that was more to impress Martin than anything. Truth was, my defences were being eroded. Why had Peggy told us there was anything wrong with the Friendly Isles? The place was lovely.
There were people working, but no one was working too hard. They all seemed to take life at a leisurely place, and there was time for a break, and a chat, and a word with your neighbours and a talk with your friends. And then, when a stranger came along, it was:
‘Hey there, youngsters, how are you this fine day? Now there’s a pretty young lady.’
‘There’s a handsome young man!’
And they were half joking with you, but you felt there was no real harm in it, and that at root they really meant what they said, and were nice as people could be.
On we went.
‘Which way is the city park, please?’ I asked a passer-by.
‘You after seeing our beautiful city park, young lady? Well, you won’t be disappointed. You just keep straight on, take a left at the T, go along, left again and you can’t miss it. And you enjoy it. There’s music there and always plenty of young people and things going on. You enjoy.’
‘Thank you.’
And on we went.
‘This is a nice place, isn’t it?’ Martin said. ‘Don’t you think? I can see why Leo wanted to stay.’
‘Yes, me too …’ And, although I was nearly completely seduced by the island, a little cold, hard part of me was still thinking, What’s the catch here? Where’s the downside? Where’s the reality?
Because I can’t believe that anywhere’s perfect, nor that life can be so easy, no matter where you are. There’s always a fly in the soup or an insect biting. Life can be good, but it can suddenly turn nasty on you. And while it’s nice to stroke the soft fur coat of some lovely wild animal, it’s also a good idea to know where its teeth are, in case it decides to bite. And, in my experience, life can bite you at any time, without warning, and it can tear out a big chunk and leave you bleeding.
‘I like it here,’ Martin said. ‘And can you smell the food? I’m getting a bit hungry.’
‘You heard what Peggy said.’
‘I know. It’s just, it smells nice.’
It did too. There were food places everywhere – cafes, street stalls, restaurants. Rice and Kelp. Kelpie Burgers. Sky-fish in Kelpie Batter.
‘It looks like kelp with everything,’ I said. And it did. And I noticed that almost everyone who wasn’t actually eating was chewing.
CHEWS, a sign by a stall read. TEN CHEWS FOR TEN CENTS.
‘Shall we get some chews if we can’t eat anything?’ Martin said.
‘Martin, what do you think is in them?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Kelp, of course.’
‘How do you know?’
‘What else would it be?’
‘We could try one.’
‘No. Come on. Look, there’s the park.’
I began to see the cracks in the jigsaw then. Certainly the people were friendly, and certainly they looked happy – or at least content – but they were happy and content in a sort of empty, glassy-eyed way, like there was nothing special they wanted to do with their lives, and there never would be, just as long as they could have another chew or eat another kelpie burger.
And as I looked around, I could see that things weren’t quite as perfect as they had first seemed; the buildings were faded and crumbling and in need of maintenance; things needed washing, bins needed emptying, and the island’s children – who you’d think would have been at school – appeared to be at some endless playtime. And while some of them were running around playing, others looked listless and bored, as if they had nothing to keep them occupied other than to unwrap another chew and put it into their mouths.
‘Look – that must be him.’
We stopped by a bench. Lying on the grass a short distance away was a group of young people, some my age, some Martin’s. Among them was a boy in a red T-shirt, who was sprawled on the grass, his eyes closed, his face in the sunlight, as he listened to someone picking a slow tune out on a four-stringed guitar.
‘What do we do?’
‘I don’t know. But you’d better be subtle about it, Martin.’
‘Subtle’s my middle name.’
‘If it is, it’s a recent addition.’
‘Look, you wait here and give me a few minutes. I’ll go over and just kind of sit down and get chatting and then persuade him to come for a walk or something …’
‘To do what?’
‘I’ll think of something. Just give me twenty minutes or so then come back.’
‘You sure?’
‘Two of us go over, he might get suspicious.’
‘OK. I’ll walk around and then come back.’
‘Twenty minutes or so.’
‘All right. I’ll see you then.’
I watched as Martin strolled off to join the group of people gathered on the grass. He sat and stretched out. Then he saw that I was still by the bench looking at him, and he gestured with irritation for me to go. So I did. Against my better judgement. And I went to look around the town, intending to return in about twenty minutes’ time.
But I have to confess that I got a little distracted and wrapped up in the sights and sounds of Friendly, and maybe the casualness got to me too, and I thought to myself, well, where’s the rush, what’s the hurry? And at one point, before I realised what I was doing, I found myself sitting at a little outdoor cafe, and the waitress came over with the menu and said.
‘Hi, how are you, honey? And how are we having our kelpie today?’
Which brought me back to my senses, and I quickly got up, and mumbled something, and hurried on my way – and I could feel the waitress standing, staring after me, though I didn’t look back. And then I got a little lost too, down one of the myriad back streets of the souk, and there were street stalls everywhere, selling food or jewellery, and there was some kind of smoky haze in the air, and I began to feel listless and aimless, and then even forget where I was and what I was doing there.
It was only when someone pushing a handcart nearly ran me over that the adrenalin shock of reaction brought me back to my senses. And I saw on a nearby clock that over an hour had passed, and so I hurriedly retraced my way to the park.
At first I couldn’t find Martin. But then I saw him. He was lying in the sun with his shirt off, there among the other young people. And though I walked straight towards him, he didn’t seem to see me. He was next to two girls and a couple of other boys, one of whom was Leo, who we had come to rescue, while Martin was trying to pick a tune out on the guitar.
‘Hey! It’s Gemma! Hi, sis. Come and meet my buddies.’
Sis? I thought. Buddies? What was this?
‘Martin –’ I said.
‘This is my buddy Leo and my buddy Sam and my buddy Anna and my buddy Theresa and –’
‘You seem to have acquired a lot of buddies since I’ve been away, Martin,’ I said.
‘I have, sis. Everyone’s just so friendly. Why don’t you sit down and chill out and take it easy?’
‘Martin,’ I said, getting him by the elbow. ‘Would you just walk over here with me a moment? I’d like a quiet word.’
He shook my hand off.
‘Hey, don’t poop the party, sis,’ he said. ‘Chill out. We’re all chilling here.’
‘Well, let’s just chill over there for a minute, if you wouldn’t mind.’
He handed Leo the guitar.
‘Here you are, Leo, old buddy. You get some good vibes out of that. I won’t be long.’
‘Take it easy, dude,’ Leo said. Then he glanced at me. ‘I like your sister, man,’ he said. ‘She’s a looker.’ And he blew me a kiss. Which I thought was damn cheeky.
I got Martin out of earshot of his buddies and propped him against a tree.
‘Martin –’
‘Why the long face, sis?’ he said. ‘Hey, lighten up, here. Where’s the fire?’
‘Martin, what did Peggy tell you? What did I tell you?’
‘Don’t eat the kelpie, sis. Do not eat the kelp.’
‘Exactly. So how much have you had?’
‘Me? None. No, no, no. Not a kelpie morsel has passed my non-kelpie lips.’
I didn’t believe him.
‘You sure?’
‘Cross my die and hope to heart.’
‘Cross your heart –’
‘And hope to die. Right.’
‘You’ve eaten nothing?’
‘No.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Positive. Nothing at all. I just had a drink, that was all.’
I groaned.
‘What did you have?’
‘Juice.’
‘Where from?’
‘The stall.’
‘Stay there.’
I went to the stall.
‘Excuse me, what kind of juice do you have?’
‘Orange, peach, grapefruit.’
‘Oh. And that’s all?’
‘That’s all.’
‘That’s it.’
‘No kelpie juice?’
‘Well, kelpie’s in all the drinks, young lady. The orange, peach and grapefruit just make it more flavoursome. So what’ll it be?’
‘It’s OK. I’m not thirsty now.’
I went back to where I had left Martin. He’d gone. I looked and there he was, sprawled back on the grass with his new-found friends.
‘Martin –’
‘Hi, sis. You’re back. Have you met my buddy Leo here?’
‘Martin, we need to go.’
‘Nah we don’t. We don’t need to go anywhere.’
‘Martin!’
‘Hey, buddy, your sister’s giving me earache. I’m taking the guitar over there. You come and join us when she’s gone.’
Martin’s buddies stood up and left, leaving him and Leo, and Leo was gathering up his stuff too.
‘Ah, see what you’ve done,’ Martin said. ‘And we were just getting to chill –’
‘Martin –’
‘What?’
‘There was kelpie juice in that drink.’
‘Was there? No kidding? That so? Then you should try it, sis. It’s real good.’
‘Is it?’
‘Fantabulastic. Isn’t it, Leo?’
‘Sure thing, dude. Only wish I had some.’
‘Me too,’ Martin said. ‘But my money’s gone.’
‘Don’t worry, man,’ Leo said. ‘We can go off sky-swimming later and get some fresh kelpie all for ourselves.’
‘Hey, awesome, dude!’ Martin said. ‘Awesome.’
Then I had an idea.
‘Unless you two want to come to the boat,’ I said.
Martin’s eyes narrowed.
‘The boat?’
‘Peggy’s cooking supper.’
‘Well, I am getting hungry. You getting hungry, Leo?’
‘Kelpie hungry, dude.’
‘Well, that’s what she’s cooking. Kelpie fish and rice,’ I said.
‘Kelpie fish and kelpie rice! You hear that, Leo?’
‘Awesome, dude,’ he said.
‘We going to go and get some of this kelpie rice and fish, dude?’
‘And there’s kelpie juice to wash it down too,’ I said. And then – though I was worried I was maybe going too far – I added, ‘And there’s kelpie blancmange for pudding.’
‘Wow! Kelpie blancmange, dude!’ Leo said. ‘I never even heard of that!’
‘Then let’s go and try it, dude,’ Martin said, getting a little unsteadily to his feet and putting his shirt back on.
‘Sure thing, buddy. Can’t wait for this kelpie blancmange scene. You just hit me with that one.’
‘Awesome, dude,’ Martin said.
‘Double awesome.’
And so they said goodbye to their friends in the park – I told them not to invite their buddies as there wouldn’t be enough to go round – and off we went.
And, yes, as we walked along, everyone was so, so friendly. And solicitous too.
‘Hey, you leaving us already, young people?’
‘Just going to get some kelpie and fish and rice, thank you,’ I assured them.
‘No one’s coercing you to leave now, are they? Because we don’t like that here. We like everything nice and friendly and no hassles.’
‘Oh no, we’re not leaving. We’re just having a little taste of kelpie and then we’re coming right back,’ Martin said. (And little did he know; and just as well.)
‘Good to hear it, youngsters. We’ll be looking out for you. And enjoy your kelpie.’
‘Awesome.’
Everything was awesome, as far as I could make out. Even awesome was awesome.
‘Hey, man,’ Leo said, as we walked down to the harbour. ‘What brought you dudes – like you and your sister, dude – to the island?’
‘Oh, we were going to City Island to school – but we’re not bothering with that any more. We’re staying here and having ourselves some kelpie from now on? Aren’t we, sis, dude?’
‘You’ve got it, Martin, dude,’ I said. ‘We’re staying here for the kelpie.’
‘Awesome,’ Leo said. ‘Same story here. Small world, huh?’
‘Awesomely small,’ I said.
‘Right on,’ Leo said.
And then we were at the pontoon to our boat.
Peggy saw us coming. She took in Martin’s and Leo’s condition at a glance, and she saw me wink at her, and I knew she’d cottoned on.
‘Hi, Gemma. Everything OK?’
‘Fine, thanks, Peggy. I’ve just brought Martin and his new friend Leo back to the boat for some of that kelpie fish stew and rice you’re cooking.’
‘Oh, it’s in the big pan right now,’ Peggy said. ‘Simmering down in the galley there.’
‘And how’s the old kelpie blancmange coming along, Peggy, dude?’ Martin said.
‘Just setting nicely,’ she said. ‘Why don’t you take Leo below and have a look?’
‘Hey, that would be awesome, dude. Let’s go and inspect the makings. What do you say?’
‘Lead me to the kelpie, man,’ Leo said. ‘Let’s sharpen up the chopsticks and get stuck in.’
‘You go down then, the both of you, and I’ll be right down after,’ Peggy said.
At which point Angelica nearly blew it. She was standing watching, wondering what was going on. Alain had twigged, but Angelica was a little more innocent.
‘I didn’t know we were having kelpie,’ she said. ‘I thought you warned us not to go anywhere near –’
‘I was just kidding, my dear,’ Peggy said. ‘Everyone knows that kelpie’s just the tops. Right, Martin?’
‘It’s awesome, Peg,’ he said. ‘No worries with the kelpie. You get a little kelpie down you and life’s just, well … what is it, Leo?’
‘It’s awesome, man.’
‘That’s the word. Awesome. Let’s go down below ships, man, and get our kelpie levels topped up.’
He led the way down below to the galley and Leo followed him.
The instant they were down, we slammed the hatch shut, and Peggy battened it down tight.
I won’t record the language they used when they realised they’d been had and that there was no kelpie and that the ship was sailing and leaving the Friendly Islands way behind.
No, I won’t tell you the expressions they used, but I can tell you this, the word awesome was not among them, though hell and damnation did figure in there occasionally.
We took off and sailed to meet the sleek boat waiting for us out in the sky. There was still a lot of thumping and banging and shouting coming from below, but it subsided and then there was the sound of snoring.
We tied up alongside and invited Leo’s parents on board.
‘He’s all right, is he?’
‘Looks it,’ Peggy said. ‘Just don’t expect gratitude and you won’t be disappointed. You want to open the hatch, Gemma?’
‘Is it safe?’
‘I can’t see either of them trying to sky-swim it back to the Friendlies from here.’
So we unlocked and opened up the hatch and swung it back.
‘Martin … Martin!’ I yelled.
‘Leo,’ Peggy said. ‘It’s your mother.’
The snoring was replaced by grumbling and mutinous-sounding muttering, and then steps slowly clambered up the ladder, and first one, and then a second, set of bloodshot eyes appeared.
‘Oh, my head –’ Martin said. ‘Something must have hit it.’
‘I was tempted,’ I said.
‘Gemma –’ Peggy said, disapprovingly. So I let it drop.
Leo looked even worse than Martin. His eyes were red with a tinge of yellow to them.
They came up and sat on deck. Peggy gave them water.
‘Enjoy the Friendly Isles then, Martin?’ she asked brightly.
‘I was enjoying them,’ he said. ‘For a while.’
‘Yes, the kelp’s great until you stop eating it.’
‘I think I’m going to be sick,’ Leo said.
‘Well, do be careful, dear,’ his mother told him. But it was more a matter of urgency than caution.
‘How come all the people on the islands aren’t sick, Peggy?’ I asked.
‘They never stop eating the kelp. They start young and keep on going. You don’t get withdrawal if you never stop.’
‘And that’s why they’re so happy and friendly all the time?’
‘Probably helps.’
‘Hmm …’
Peggy looked at me dubiously.
‘But we’d rather live in the real world, wouldn’t we, Gemma?’
‘I guess so,’ I said.
‘That’s right.’
But I wasn’t entirely sure about that, to be honest.
Leo’s parents helped him over to their boat. He fell into a hammock and went straight back to sleep.
‘We’ll see you at City Island, Mrs Piercey,’ his father called.
‘No doubt you will. And we’ll see you too. But you’ll be there a good while before us in that boat, I think.’
‘Well, thanks again for your help. We’re more than grateful.’
‘Our pleasure.’
We untied, waved them goodbye, and the sleek, streamlined boat slipped away and was soon a kilometre or more ahead of us, moving as fast as a shark through the thermals of the sky.
‘Well, let’s hope he didn’t get too strong a taste for it,’ Peggy said.
‘Who?’
‘That Leo boy. It’s OK if you catch it early, but any longer and you’ll be back. The Friendly Isles will be a place you’ll never get away from then.’
I looked at Martin with some concern. But he just grimaced.
‘No,’ he said. ‘I don’t think so. If I’d known that not having a care in the world made you feel like this, I’d never have thought it was such a good idea. Is there any more water there?’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Or how about a kelpie juice?’
He headed for the rail in a hurry.
I didn’t like to watch what happened. But I could certainly hear it.
It wasn’t nice.