Part of her still couldn’t believe it was happening.
Darlene Rice had settled in fairly well at the Living Waters Recovery Center in Tucson. From her vantage point, she felt as if she’d been making progress. The question now was whether the rehab specialist thought so too. Now Darlene was sitting across the desk from a female drug counselor named Margaret. It was her first review after having been at the center for several weeks. All of this still felt foreign to Darlene. One good thing, Darlene thought to herself, was that she really liked Margaret. She was kind but tough. A straight shooter.
Margaret looked up from a report, smiled, and began.
“We’ve finished the assessment. During the days you’ve been here we all think you’ve been very cooperative. In the end, you are the one who will be directing your own recovery. It may look like we’re the ones in charge, but not really. A person has to understand they have an addiction, and then they have to want to get better. From our perspective, it looks to us like you do. That’s a really good thing, Darley. We’re very encouraged. You should be too.”
Darlene smiled back, but she was shaking a little. She wanted to hide her hands, which hadn’t stopped trembling since she’d been taken off her excessive prescription meds. Yet somehow she knew this was a place where it was okay. They would understand. Yes, she would have preferred that Abigail be there to hold her hand. But then, maybe it was for the better. Darlene knew she had to learn how to walk the road to recovery from her addiction on her own.
Margaret continued, “We’ve got a picture now of your situation. I’d like to talk to you about the next steps. First, I noticed that your husband, Fortis—”
“We all call him Fort.”
“Okay. Fort didn’t come during visiting day yesterday. No big deal. People have busy schedules. But I just wanted to ask some more about him.”
“Well, we talked in the interview already about Fort.”
Margaret was nodding softly. But Darlene saw that she wasn’t buying it. She liked Margaret. She had the wonderful knack of getting down to the truth of Darlene’s drug addiction without making it too painful. In other words, she used anesthetic before doing emotional surgery. That was really important to Darlene. She thought, I’ve been using drugs to numb the anxiety and fear about so many things. Seeking comfort from pain whenever I could. After losing Jimmy I needed to escape from anything that hurt me. I know that now. But, what do I tell her about Fort…?
“So your husband…”
Darlene decided it was time to blurt it out, so she said, “Fort hasn’t bought into this whole counseling thing. He’s very traditional. A private man. He’s not convinced I really have an addiction. He doesn’t like the idea of a group program where people tell other people their problems. His attitude is—just stop taking the pills. Plus, there is the other thing…”
“Other thing?”
“The fact that this is a Christian drug rehab center. Oh, my, he really does have a problem with that.” Darlene gave a little chuckle. “Fort says that ‘too many people use God as the front man for all their problems.’”
“But you came here anyway?”
“Yes. My good friend Abby Jordan recommended it. I’m so glad she did. Abby is one of those ‘glow-girl Christians.’ That’s what I call it. You know, they have an inner glow. Like the power light on your curling iron that lets you know it’s hot and ready to go. Anyway, she’s got a power inside that other people don’t have. I’d love to have that.”
“Well, we talked about that in the session last night, right?”
“Yeah, and I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. It’s a little like what Abby used to say to me. Even before she found out about my addiction. Not just solving a problem…but transformation. ”
“And remember how that happens?”
“You said it was through the transforming power of Jesus Christ.”
Margaret said, “Right. I was an addict myself. Jesus changed my life. Completely.”
That is where Margaret stopped talking. She smiled, leaned back. For a moment no one said a word. Then Darlene, whose brow was wrinkled in thought, looked up and spoke.
“You know what? I want that too.”
“You can.”
“I don’t know. I’ve felt so lost since Jimmy died. I don’t even know how to begin.”
“Just like there are steps to recovery, there are steps to getting right with God. First recognize that you—like all of us—are a sinner. Not a popular phrase anymore. Not politically correct. But eternally true. The Bible says, ‘All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.’”
Darlene nodded vigorously. “Oh, I’ve blown it so many times. Sometimes, it feels like I just can’t help myself…”
“Next, you need to understand that God loves you. He hasn’t forsaken you. He’s made a plan that can bring you into His family. His Word says that He loved the world so much that He gave His only begotten Son—Jesus Christ—that whoever believes in Him won’t perish, but will have everlasting life.”
“On the cross. Died for us…”
“Exactly. The only way our sins can be forgiven. Washed clean. Absolutely clean…”
“Cleaner than that extra strong stuff with bleach I use obsessively to clean my bathroom fixtures,” Darlene said, and they both smiled.
“Cleaner than clean. But you have to do it God’s way. Declare that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that He died for your sins, that He rose from the grave three days later, just as the Bible says.”
Darlene took a moment to be sure. She’d been thinking about this for a long while. After she talked to Abby for the first time about the change in her life. And then so many other times after that when they would talk about God and how things had changed for Abby. It was as if a wind had been at her back all of this time, pushing Darlene from behind. Moving her to this point.
“Yes. I believe all that,” Darlene said. “I remember what Abby used to tell me. She used to ask me whether I was willing to invite Jesus Christ into my heart, to forgive my sins, and to change my life forever. I’d change the subject. I wasn’t ready. But now I am. I want Jesus to be my Savior. I mean…personally. Not just some religious figure on a cross or in a picture. But to be real…I want to meet Him in my heart. I don’t want to put this off any longer.”
They both bowed their heads.
Just then, Darlene had the instinct to get down on her knees. So she did. Margaret followed her to the floor, sitting next to her, both of them resting their arms and hands on the couch.
“I am a sinner, God,” Darlene said, with her eyes closed tight, her voice trembling. “No surprise there, right? You always knew that. And I know that. I believe your Son, Jesus, died on the cross for my sins. Then He walked out of the grave because, well, He had to, because He’s the Son of God. Not a problem for God’s Son to get that done. So, God, I want Jesus Christ to come into my heart. Please have Him come, God. I need Him to save me. Clean me up. Not just the pills. But everything…”
Her words were wavering and caught in her throat as she continued, “I want Jesus to be totally in charge. A changed life. Transformation. Please, God, I need this so badly…”
That’s when the tears came and the words stopped.
Margaret put her arm around Darlene, whose shoulders were shuddering.
They sat together, on their knees, for a long time. People walked past the office, talking and laughing, but Darlene didn’t notice.
A few hours later, Darlene was in her room, still thinking about what had happened. A thought occurred to her. She laughed loudly and yelled, “Oh, yes! I’ve got to do it!”
She dialed the number by heart.
She got Abigail Jordan’s voicemail and said, “Guess what, Abby dear! I prayed a prayer today. And anyway…I guess I’ve become a glow girl!”
Darlene clicked off the phone and sat down on her bed. She couldn’t wait to talk to Abigail about it.
But then, an instant later, a thought flashed through her mind.
What in the world do I tell Fort?