Kate listened to her father chatting to the customers. She heard him say in a loud whisper, ‘It was a big adjustment, but I’m used to it now and we’re all getting along well.’
She continued unpacking the wine cases and thanked God for her father and the security of his house.
When she’d married Nick, she’d imagined a life full of happiness and fun and children and love … It had been, for a while.
Nick had begun pulling away after Bobby was born. He was home less often, working more often, distracted, disengaged. Kate knew she was losing him, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She’d been overwhelmed with a third baby and didn’t have the energy to put into their relationship. Nick had checked out, first emotionally and then physically. Jenny was the inevitable final straw. Nick’s mid-life crisis had started at thirty-five and ended up with him shagging a twenty-two-year-old. He was a walking cliché, the estate agent who sleeps with the client.
Kate pulled a bottle of Bordeaux out of the case and wiped it down. She tried to quiet her mind, but it was always turning over the same questions. How was she ever going to afford her own house? Was she going to end up living with her father for ever? Would she be alone for ever? Would the kids be emotionally scarred for life? Would they not believe in marriage, having seen their parents fail at it?
Kate knew that Bobby was the most affected. Luke had had good years with his dad and so had Jess – as the only girl, Nick had doted on her. But Bobby had drawn the short straw. That was why he was angry all the time. He felt let down by the father who wasn’t interested in him. George said she indulged Bobby too much, but Kate felt she had to compensate for Nick’s lack of interest.
Nick and Bobby just grated on each other. Kate had begged Nick to make more of an effort, and when he tried, Bobby ended up driving him crazy. Bobby drove everyone crazy, but he was so sweet underneath it. Kate wished more people could see that. He was a bundle of loveliness underneath his prickly exterior.
Kate sighed. Was she enough for her kids? Everyone said boys needed a strong male presence. Since Jenny had given birth to Jaden five months ago, Nick had barely seen Luke, Jess and Bobby. Kate was glad that her father was in their lives so much now. At least he was a positive male influence, even if he had got a bit impatient in his old age. He was a good granddad and a good man, and she knew Luke and Bobby would benefit from being around him.
‘Kate?’ George called. ‘I need you.’
She moved over from the wine section, in the corner of the café, to the counter.
‘I have an order for two of those green juices you put on the menu.’
Kate smiled. ‘Really? The juices you said no one would want?’
Her father put his hands up. ‘Okay, you were right. I think they look, smell and taste awful, but it seems people like them. Why anyone would want to drink kale and spinach and God knows what else is beyond me.’
Kate began to make up the juices. ‘They’re healthy, Dad. People are into health and nutrition, these days. Even Luke drinks them.’
‘Do you think he’ll get picked for the team?’ George asked. ‘He seems awfully nervous about it.’
Kate was nervous, too. Luke was so wound up about it. When he hadn’t been helping in the café he had spent every spare hour of the summer working out and training – it was almost an obsession. Kate worried about the fallout if he wasn’t picked or got injured or something. After three weeks back in school he seemed even more het-up. Through a series of questions, which Luke answered with grunts, Kate was able to surmise that Harry was playing well and Luke feared his friend would replace him on the team.
‘I hope so. It’d be so good for his confidence and self-esteem.’
Her father raised an eyebrow. ‘That little Piper seems to have done wonders for his self-esteem.’
Kate grinned. ‘She’s nice, isn’t she?’
‘She seems like a grand girl.’
‘I like her. She makes Luke happy and she’s very sweet with Jess.’
‘Sure how could you not be sweet to Jess? She’s a dote,’ George said.
Kate added wheatgrass powder to the juicer. She loved that her father was so fond of Jess. Kate didn’t know what she’d do without her daughter. During the break-up and Nick’s departure, Jess had been so helpful. Kate had found her crying in her bedroom a few times but Jess had never complained about anything. Luke had raged against the world and got into trouble at school. Bobby had gone around kicking everything, including Kate, but Jess had been supportive. She was twelve going on sixty.
‘She has an old soul,’ George had said, when Jess was little, and he was right. Jess did have an old soul, and a very big heart to go with it.
Kate sometimes worried that Jess bottled up her emotions. Over the last year she’d tried to talk to her, but Jess had just said, ‘It’s okay, Mum. I know you and Dad love me. I’m sad because we’re not a family any more, but don’t worry, I’m not going to get drunk or kick things.’
Kate had hugged her and tried not to cry all over her daughter’s hair. Jess didn’t even seem angry with Nick. She’d come home from spending time with him and say, ‘I feel sorry for Daddy. Jenny hates being pregnant. She’s always complaining. He seems very stressed.’
Kate loved hearing how much of a pain in the arse Jenny was and that Nick was stressed. It made her feel considerably better. She wanted him to be miserable. She was thrilled to hear that bouncy, sexy, fit Jenny wasn’t so much fun, after all. Serves the snake right, she thought. I hope their baby never sleeps.
Kate finished the juices and brought them to the table. ‘Enjoy,’ she said, with a smile, then went back to the counter.
‘You look tired, Kate, will I make you a coffee?’
‘Thanks, Dad. That’d be lovely.’
‘Did you sleep badly, pet?’ he asked, and Kate suddenly wanted to weep.
She had been up half the night working out her finances. Back to school had used up all of her wages, and Luke had given her a chunk of his earnings to help with his books. But Nick hadn’t paid his child support again this month. When she’d called him yesterday, he’d said he didn’t have it because, unknown to him, Jenny had spent a fortune on his credit card doing up Jaden’s nursery.
‘Jesus, Nick, I need that money. Your three children need books and uniforms. You know back to school is a really expensive time.’
‘Don’t start, Kate. I’ve had Jenny in my ear all day. Look, I just don’t have it. I’ll get it to you next month.’
‘I need it now!’
‘Ask your father for a loan.’
Kate had felt the blood rushing to her head and thought she might explode. ‘My father is housing your children, feeding your children and helping to raise your children. I will not ask him for any more. Find me the money and send it or I’ll contact my lawyer.’
‘You don’t have to be a bitch about it.’
‘Go to Hell.’ She’d slammed the phone down on him, then stood there, trembling with fury. She hated talking to him – any conversation ended in an argument.
She’d spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out how to pay for Jess’s horse-riding lessons. She’d paid for all of their books, but had nothing left over for riding. It was Jess’s one treat. Piano lessons and dance lessons had had to go as there was simply no money, but horse-riding was Jess’s favourite thing in the world. She adored animals, and was happiest when she was at the stables, riding and grooming. Kate couldn’t bear to tell her she couldn’t go back. She’d called the stables yesterday and they’d agreed to give her a discount, but she still had to come up with two hundred euros to pay for Jess’s lessons.
‘Just my mind working overtime,’ Kate said.
Her father laid his hand on her arm. ‘Is it money?’
Kate was afraid to speak – there was a lump in her throat. This wasn’t fair. She shouldn’t be living on top of her elderly father with three kids, and she shouldn’t be asking him for money. She felt such a failure. ‘Nick didn’t pay this month,’ she muttered, her face bright red with shame.
‘For Christ’s sake,’ George cursed. ‘It’s not your fault. I’ll help you out.’
‘I just need two hundred euros for Jess’s riding. I know it’s expensive, but she loves it and never asks for anything.’
‘Of course we can sort that out. Jess deserves a treat.’ George patted Kate’s hand. He opened the cash register and took out four fifty-euro notes and handed them to her. ‘I’ll never see you short, Katie.’
It was the use of her childhood nickname that set her off. She turned to walk out so her father wouldn’t see her sobbing into her sleeve.
At twenty to three Kate hung up her apron, pulled on her coat and left to walk the short distance to Bobby’s school. She stood alone at the gate, not wanting to engage in small-talk with the other parents. She was still feeling raw after borrowing the money from her father and didn’t think she could fake a good day in front of the others.
As the children poured out, Kate waved at Bobby, who ran straight to her and threw his arms around her. ‘Good day?’ she asked, hustling him along and studiously avoiding eye contact with the teacher.
‘It was okay,’ Bobby said. ‘But guess where the most shark attacks happen?’
‘Mrs Higgins,’ the teacher called. ‘May I have a word?’
Kate froze. Turning, she put on her I’m-not-worried-about-where-this-conversation-is-going face and followed the other woman into the school.
‘Bobby, will you be a good boy and help put those books away?’ Mrs Lorgan asked.
‘In alphabetical order?’ Bobby enquired.
‘Mmm, yes, perfect.’
While Bobby was busy sorting out the little class library, Mrs Lorgan faced Kate. She was a woman in her fifties and had the authority of a teacher who had been around a while and took no nonsense.
‘Mrs Higgins –’
‘Call me Kate, please.’
‘Fine. Kate. Bobby is a very energetic boy with a very keen interest in facts and figures, information he’s always impatient to share with his classmates. While we always try to encourage enthusiasm for learning, with a class of twenty-five I can’t allow him to monopolize the time.’
‘Yes, I understand. He can be a bit relentless with his facts, but it’s his passion and he hasn’t had the easiest of years at home. Learning facts seems to keep him calm.’
‘He mentioned his father’s new baby in Show and Tell. I think some of the children were alarmed to hear him describe him as an evil devil baby.’
‘He’s having some problems adjusting.’ Kate watched Bobby through the classroom window, carefully arranging the books, a frown on his serious little face. She just wanted to go in, put her arms around him, tell him not to worry and hug all his anger out.
‘There was some bad language too, I’m afraid. He described his father’s girlfriend as a tart. Thankfully, the children thought of apple tart rather than … well, the other kind. But I did take Bobby aside and we had a word about it.’
It’s lucky he didn’t say ‘whore’ or ‘slut’, Kate thought, which were names Luke had called Jenny when Nick had told the kids he was leaving them to go and live with her. ‘I’ll talk to him,’ she said, ‘but please don’t be too hard on him in class. I know he can take over a bit with his facts and figures, but he’s very insecure and he needs attention and praise. Honestly, underneath his bluster he’s an anxious little boy.’
Mrs Lorgan nodded. ‘I can see that, and I’ll do my best to work with him and encourage him along.’
‘Thank you.’
Kate called Bobby and they headed home.
‘Mummy?’
‘Yes?’
‘Does Mrs Lorgan not like me?’
Kate stopped and crouched down. ‘Hey, now, she was actually telling me how great you are and how clever, and she wondered where you got all your amazing facts. So I told her about Guinness World Records being your favourite book.’
‘Mummy?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you think Daddy will hate stinky Jaden and come back home and love us again?’
Kate put her arms around her son and drew him in. ‘Oh, Bobby, Daddy loves you, Luke and Jess. No new baby is ever going to change that.’
‘What if he has more babies? He’ll never have time to see us.’
‘I’m not sure he’s going to have any more, but even if he does, he’ll still love you the same. Besides, you have me and Granddad, who love you too.’
Bobby nodded and they started walking again. As they reached the gate, Bobby threw his arms around Kate’s legs. Muttering into her left thigh, he said, ‘If there was a world record for best mummy, you’d win it.’
Kate’s heart lifted. It was moments like these that made all the pain and worry disappear.