Piper watched Poppy and Penny doing their homework while, at the same time, trying to eat Weetabix. A lump of the milky cereal landed on Poppy’s copybook.
‘For God’s sake, Penny! Look what you just did!’
‘It’s not my fault! You nudged my arm.’
Poppy tried to wipe it off, but made the stain worse.
‘Great! Now Mr Keane will think I didn’t bother trying.’
Pauline clicked her tongue. ‘He’d be correct, then, wouldn’t he? Doing your homework over breakfast doesn’t qualify as much of an effort.’
Poppy glared at her eldest sister. ‘Oh, go and qualify yourself, you bore.’
Penny giggled. ‘I bet you always did your homework the night before and never handed anything in late.’
‘Yes, actually, I did, which is why I got in to do medicine.’
Penny snorted. ‘Who wants to do boring medicine and wear a horrible white coat … Zzzzzzzz.’
The twins pretended to fall asleep.
Olivia, who had been concentrating on reading her college notes and not listening to any of them, suddenly looked up. ‘I think you’ll find that studying is extremely important and valuable. Pauline could end up finding the cure for cancer or Parkinson’s.’
Pauline smiled. ‘That’s my plan.’
‘She could end up being an adviser on Grey’s Anatomy,’ Posy said, suddenly joining in the conversation.
‘I have no intention of advising some ridiculous TV show,’ Pauline snapped.
Posy frowned. ‘I was just saying.’
‘Did you know,’ Olivia said, ‘that it was a woman who –’
‘Mum!’ Piper had sensed that their mother was about to launch into one of her long lectures about women.
‘What?’ Olivia said impatiently.
‘Don’t forget you have to help out at the cake sale this morning.’
‘What cake sale?’
‘The one for the St Vincent de Paul. I told you last week.’
Olivia had clearly forgotten all about it. She never forgot about her lectures, Piper thought grumpily, but she did forget about everything else.
‘Well, I can only stay an hour. I have a lecture at half ten. We’re covering transgender this week.’
‘Oh, like Caitlin Jenner,’ Poppy said. ‘OMG! Is he – I mean she – going to be talking?’
‘Duh! Caitlin Jenner is way too busy to come to some crappy college in Ireland,’ Penny said.
‘Is transgender when a man wants to be a woman?’ Posy asked.
Olivia put down her book. ‘It means someone whose gender differs from the one they were given when they were born,’ she explained to her youngest child.
‘Like you,’ Poppy said to Posy. ‘You’re going to have to be a boy because Dad wants a son.’
Posy’s eyes widened. ‘I am not,’ she shouted.
Seamus walked into the chaos. ‘What’s going on? Why is Posy shouting?’
Posy rounded on her father. ‘I don’t care how much you want a son, I’m not going to be it. No way. I’m a girl and that’s it.’ She stormed out to howls of laughter from the twins.
‘Would someone like to explain?’ Seamus asked.
‘I’m going to college. This family is insane.’ Pauline picked up her laptop and left.
‘The twins were winding Posy up,’ Olivia said. Turning to the twins, she added, ‘It’s not nice. You’re always tormenting her. Besides, being transgender is not a joke. It’s a very serious issue.’
Penny put her cereal bowl into the dishwasher. ‘We know, Mum. We’ve watched I Am Cait. God, can no one have a joke around here any more?’ The twins left to get ready for school.
‘Transgender at eight a.m.’ Seamus sat down. ‘You’ve outdone yourself, Olivia.’
Olivia poured herself and Piper another cup of tea. ‘I just said I had a lecture on the subject. Besides, kids need to be informed.’
‘Not at twelve years of age and not before breakfast is even over. Can you please tone it down?’
Olivia bristled. ‘Men telling women to “tone it down” is what got us into this mess in the first place.’
‘What mess is that?’
‘Men thinking they’re superior and putting women down.’
‘When have I ever put you down?’
‘Well, obviously you haven’t, but I’m talking about other men.’
Seamus folded his arms over his chest. ‘What – like Muslim men?’
Olivia nodded. ‘Well, some, and others.’
‘Like who?’
Piper saw her mother waver.
‘Like other men, ones who feel insecure and put women down to make themselves feel better.’
‘In my humble male opinion, women are pretty good at putting each other down.’
Go, Dad! Piper cheered silently.
Olivia put her mug down. ‘You have a point there.’
‘What? Me? A mere man saying something you agree with? My God, Olivia, your equality lecturer might not like that.’
Piper watched as a smile spread across her mother’s face. It was nice to see – she could be a bit serious about her studies.
Seamus spread a thick layer of butter on his toast. ‘So, let me get this straight. Posy thinks I want her to be a boy?’
‘Yes.’
‘Excellent. With her already raging hormones, it’ll make her even more difficult to live with.’ To Piper, he added, ‘Thank God one of my daughters is sensible.’
Olivia reached out and patted Piper’s shoulder. ‘You’re right there.’
Piper smiled. With four loud sisters, it was rare that she got any time alone with her parents. Maybe now was the time to tell them. No, she had to tell Luke first. Oh, God. Her stomach twisted into a tight knot.
The door burst open. Posy stormed in wearing her uniform, her face plastered in make-up, with big hoop earrings and bracelets jangling from her wrists. The twins followed her, laughing.
‘See?’ Posy threw her hands into the air. ‘I’m a girl. Not a girl who wants to be a boy. Not a girl who is a lesbian. Not a girl who doesn’t want to be a girl. Not a girl who wants a willy. Just a bloody girl, okay?’
‘To be honest, with all that make-up on your face, you look like a transvestite,’ Penny said.
They all laughed, even Olivia.
Posy’s face went bright red. ‘What did you say?’
Olivia jumped up and went over to her. ‘Calm down. She’s only joking.’
‘Transvestite!’ she shrieked. ‘One minute I’m a transsexual and now you’re saying I’m a transvestite. I hate this family. I’m going to get a lawyer and divorce you all. Yeah, I saw it on TV. Kids can divorce their families.’
‘On what grounds are you going to divorce us?’ Seamus asked, trying not to laugh.
‘On the grounds of you being mean and calling me names and … What’s that word? Oh, yeah, racists and bigerts.’
‘Bigots?’ Seamus suggested.
‘Yeah, that’s it.’ Posy pointed a finger at her father. ‘You’re all worse than the Nazis.’
‘I’m not sure you can compare genocide to a bit of joking around,’ Seamus said drily.
‘Okay. Well, you’re worse than – than – Paul Potts.’
‘Who?’ Olivia and Seamus looked confused.
Piper couldn’t help it. She burst out laughing. ‘Paul Potts was the singer from Britain’s Got Talent. I think you mean Pol Pot.’
The twins cracked up.
‘Pot, Potts, whatever. You’re all just mean and cruel.’
Olivia laid a hand on Posy’s tense shoulder. ‘Take a deep breath, darling. You’re going to have a heart attack. You must learn to handle teasing.’
‘It’s not teasing, it’s abuse.’ Posy began to cry and her mascara streamed down her face in black lines, reminding Piper of a sad clown, the red lipstick making her mouth seem droopy.
‘Come on. I’ll help you take the make-up off so Mrs Kinsella doesn’t freak when she sees you.’
Piper took her little sister upstairs and used wet wipes to remove the thick layer of foundation. When she’d finished, Posy, who had now calmed down, grunted thanks and went to get her schoolbag.
Piper went into her bedroom and unplugged her phone from the charger. She cursed: it was already five to nine. Posy’s drama meant they were going to be late. She slid the package from under her pillow into her bag. She’d dump it in the bin outside the Spar shop on the way to school. No one would find it there. Her hands shook as she tried to zip up her backpack. She had to tell him today. No more pretending, he had to know. She couldn’t keep it in any longer. The last three days had been hell. She wanted to tell him, to share the news, to have him comfort her. She wanted him to tell her what to do.
Today was the day she would tell Luke that she was pregnant.