After the meeting Nick checked his phone. Two missed calls from Jenny and three from Kate. He knew Jenny was just calling to tell him that something was wrong with Jaden, like she did every day. Her panicking about his health was getting worse. If he had a runny nose, she thought it was pneumonia. He’d have to make an appointment with the GP and take her there himself. She needed pills. She was freaking out over every little thing and crying all the time. He couldn’t cope with much more of it.
Sometimes at night he lay awake, wondering if he’d made a huge mistake. But it was too late now. He was stuck. Stuck with a new baby and a depressed girlfriend. What a bloody mess he’d made of things.
He knew Kate was calling about money. She was probably going to shout at him for not giving her enough last month. Thank God that house sale had gone through yesterday – at least he’d be able to pay her next month. He hated not being able to support his family properly, but with the debts and the rent on his apartment with Jenny, everything was just going out faster than it was coming in. He felt bad about Kate, but he had been honest when he’d told her he just didn’t have it to spare.
He’d call them both later, he decided. Give himself a breather before facing the music. But then he saw a text from Kate: Call me. Urgent, it’s Jess.
Nick’s heart sank. Unlike Jenny, Kate did not panic about the kids unless it was serious. Damn, what was wrong? Nick’s hand shook as he dialled.
‘Kate?’
‘Nick … oh, God, Nick …’ Kate was sobbing so much he couldn’t understand what she was saying.
‘What? Jesus, Kate, what is it?’
‘Jess has … They think it’s leukaemia.’
What the fuck? Nick’s heart stopped. ‘Kate, did you say leukaemia?’
‘Yes, the blood tests came back, and … It’s bad, Nick. Oh, God, Jess, our beautiful Jess …’
Nick fell against the wall of his office. Blood was rushing to his ears. He couldn’t hear. He couldn’t think. When he could finally speak, his voice was faint. ‘But how … I mean, what the hell? They must be mistaken. She’s fine. I know she wasn’t feeling great but it was no big deal. It’s a mistake, Kate. It has to be. There is no way she has cancer. No fucking way.’ He was shouting now, fists clenched, body tight.
‘They think it is.’ Kate was bawling. ‘I don’t understand either, Nick. I’m freaking out here. Come to the hospital. I need you – Jess needs you.’
‘I’m on my way. I’ll sort this out.’ Nick hung up but his legs wouldn’t move. He was frozen. His mouth felt dry and his head too heavy for his body. He dragged one leg forward, then the other.
As he was stumbling through the office a colleague approached him. ‘Are you okay, mate? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
‘Fine. Just have to pop out – problem with my kid,’ Nick rasped. He didn’t want to get into it. He didn’t want everyone talking about Jess. And, anyway, it was a mistake. It had to be. This was bullshit. Kate must have misunderstood. There was no way his daughter had cancer. No way.
Nick didn’t remember driving to the hospital. The journey was a blur. He threw his car into a wheelchair-user’s parking spot, then sprinted through the door and up the stairs. Level three, Haematology and Oncology, Kate had texted.
He burst through the doors and saw Kate on the phone, crying. He strode straight over to her.
‘I know, Maggie, thanks. I haven’t said anything to Dad or the boys yet. I want to find out more first. I’ll call you as soon as I know more.’ She hung up, turned to rest her head on Nick’s shoulder and sobbed into it.
‘Where’s Jess?’ he asked.
‘She just went to the toilet,’ Kate said.
‘Who’s in charge here?’
‘I don’t know. There are lots of people involved. I’ve spoken to a Dr Kennedy.’
Nick went over to the nurses’ station. ‘I want to speak to Dr Kennedy now. Right now.’
‘I’m afraid he’s with a patient.’
‘I don’t give a fuck if he’s with the president, I want to speak to him now.’
The nurse recoiled.
Kate grabbed Nick’s arm. ‘Stop it. Don’t shout at everyone.’
He shook off her hand. ‘GET HIM!’ he roared at the nurse. He could feel the veins in his neck bulging.
A door opened and a well-dressed man came towards him. ‘Is there a problem here?’
‘I’m sorry, Doctor. This is Jess’s father – he’s just arrived,’ Kate said.
‘Don’t apologize for me,’ Nick snapped. ‘Are you Kennedy?’
‘Yes.’
‘I want to know what the hell is going on. You’ve clearly misdiagnosed my daughter.’
Dr Kennedy nodded. ‘I’m very sorry, Mr …’
‘Higgins.’
‘Mr Higgins, I understand this has come as a shock to you. I can assure you that we’re going to run every test we can to get an accurate diagnosis of your daughter’s condition. From the initial test results, she does appear to have leukaemia. We need to narrow down which type she has so we can treat it accordingly.’
‘She can’t have it,’ Nick snarled. ‘She’s perfectly healthy.’
‘I’m afraid it looks as though she does, but please be reassured, the rates of success with the correct treatment are extremely high.’
‘She’s only twelve.’ Nick felt his throat closing. ‘How can she …’
Kate reached over and held his hand.
‘I’m very sorry,’ Dr Kennedy said again, ‘and I know it must be a terrible shock but please don’t be disheartened. As I said, the recovery rates are very high. I’ll be back to you later with some updates.’
Dr Kennedy went to leave, but Nick grabbed his arm. ‘I want results now. Why the hell do we have to wait? I want my daughter seen to first. She’s your priority. No one else. Jess is number one, okay?’
‘I’ll speak to you later.’ Dr Kennedy firmly removed his arm from Nick’s grip and walked down the corridor.
‘Stop it, Nick. You’re going to alienate the staff,’ Kate said.
‘I want answers. I’m not going to sit around being patient. I’m going to rattle the bloody cage and make sure these people know they’re not dealing with doormats. I want the best for Jess.’
‘So do I, but shouting at everyone isn’t helping, you moron. Stop behaving like a bloody caveman. You’re upsetting everyone, and if Jess hears you, you’ll upset her too.’
Nick frowned. ‘I’d never upset Jess.’
‘Well, you will if you carry on like that.’
He looked away. ‘Why the hell is this happening? Jess is … she’s … Why, Kate? Leukaemia? I just don’t …’ He brushed away the tears that were welling in his eyes.
‘I know,’ Kate said. ‘I don’t understand it either. But we have to be strong for Jess and show a united front. I need you to calm down and help me figure this out. We have to listen to what the doctors say and help them make Jess better.’
Nick nodded. ‘You’re right, I just … I can’t sit around doing nothing.’
‘I feel the same. Here she is now. Be strong.’
Nick took a deep breath and turned to see Jess walking towards him. She was in a hospital gown. She looked so young and pale. His little girl, his only daughter, his favourite child. He knew it was wrong to have a favourite, but Jess had always been so easy to love. He’d always thought he’d bond more with his sons, but the minute he’d set eyes on Jess, he’d fallen head over heels in love. He pulled her in to his chest and held her tight.
‘Ouch, Dad! You’re crushing me,’ she said.
‘Oh, God, I’m sorry.’ He let go. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Well, I’m a bit freaked out, but Dr Kennedy said not to worry, that I was in the best place and they’d all help make me better.’
Nick could see Jess was trying not to cry. His little girl was being so strong. He felt physically sick. He had to protect her. That was his job. He’d shout the place down, if it helped get her the best care or to the top of a queue. Whatever it took. He wasn’t going to sit around doing nothing. He knew how the health system worked: you had to demand to be seen and heard. You had to make sure they knew you weren’t going to wait patiently for results and treatment. It was the squeaky hinge that got oiled, and Nick wasn’t going to take this lying down. He was going to save Jess, no matter what it took.
He hugged her again. ‘I love you, Jess, and you’re going to be fine, okay? I promise. I’m going to fix this. It’s just a little blip. They’ll give you some medicine and we’ll all go home.’
‘Well, she’s going to have to stay here overnight for tests, but then hopefully we’ll go home,’ Kate said.
Nick frowned. He didn’t want Jess in here. What if she got one of those hospital bugs? This wasn’t good. He’d have to talk to that doctor and get her out of here. She could come in for tests – surely she didn’t need to stay the night. Kate was way too weak: she had obviously said yes to everything. Well, Nick wasn’t going to. He would question everything and make damn sure that his daughter didn’t get misdiagnosed or pick up some crappy bug. Those consultants thought they knew everything – well, they weren’t going to push him around. He was going to research leukaemia and tell them what to do.
He felt himself beginning to calm down. He’d take charge and it would be okay. He looked around to see if he could spot Dr Kennedy, and as he did so, a boy hooked up to a drip wheeled himself out of a room. He had no hair and his eyes seemed huge in his small head.
‘Welcome, newbie. I’m Larry,’ he said to Jess.
Nick grabbed Jess and pulled her away from him. He didn’t want her near sick kids. Jesus Christ, they didn’t need to see that – bald head, emaciated body. Nick felt fear rising in his throat. That was not going to happen to Jess. No way. Not while he had breath in his body.