Jess sat up, fully clothed, on the edge of the bed and listened to Dr Kennedy. She was excited and desperate to get out of the room, but she knew she had to listen.
Mum was sitting beside her on the bed, fiddling with her handbag strap.
‘Now, Jess,’ Dr Kennedy said, ‘I want you to listen carefully. We’re allowing you to go home because the infection has cleared up and the tests have shown you’re in partial remission. We’ll be going ahead with the bone-marrow transplant to try to get you into complete remission, which is our goal. I think it’s important that you get home for a few weeks’ break before we do the transplant. However,’ he raised his hands, ‘I need you to be very careful to protect yourself from any further infection while you’re at home. This is a list of helpful hints regarding how to avoid it.’
Jess glanced at the list the doctor handed her. It was very long, and the ones that stood out to her were: ‘Tell your doctor or specialist nurse immediately if you get a temperature over 38° centigrade (100° Fahrenheit). Tell your doctor or nurse straight away if you notice any bleeding or bruising. Keep as clean as you can – for instance, wash your hands before preparing food or eating. Keep away from animals to avoid infection, especially cat-litter trays and bird cages. Put pressure on cuts for longer than usual to stop bleeding. Rest when you feel tired.’
She looked up. ‘Can I go horse-riding?’
‘I don’t think it’s advisable this time, but if the transplant goes well, then we’ll have you back on a horse in no time.’
‘Should we wear masks at home?’ her mother asked. ‘Would it help protect her?’
‘Unless someone has a cold or a temperature, you don’t really need masks. Keep visitors to a minimum, and anyone not feeling well is best to stay away for the moment.’
Jess stood up. She’d had enough. Weeks of talking and explaining and tests and drugs and feeling better and feeling worse – she was sick of it all. She just wanted to go home and be normal for a while. They were wasting time talking.
‘Can we go now?’
Her mother put her hand on Jess’s arm. ‘Hold on, Jess, just one more question.’
‘No!’ Jess shouted. ‘No more questions! I’ve had enough! I want to go home.’
Her mother looked shocked. ‘Okay, calm down. We’re going.’
Dr Kennedy took off his glasses and smiled at Jess. ‘You’ve been wonderfully patient and I understand how particularly difficult the last few weeks have been. Go home and have a lovely time.’
Jess felt bad for shouting. ‘Thank you so much.’
Mum picked up her bag and Jess walked slowly, much more slowly than she’d have liked, out of the door and down the corridor. Her energy was non-existent, and she hated being tired all the time.
The nurses waved her off. Aideen, her favourite, hugged her. ‘Have a great time. You deserve it.’
Jess grinned. ‘Thanks, I will.’
She stopped outside Larry’s door and went in to hug him.
‘Whoooooaa! I don’t want your infection!’ he said, grinning.
‘Sod off! I’m clear and you know it.’ Jess laughed.
‘Enjoy your time out, you lucky thing.’
‘I will. Call me anytime, day or night.’
Larry winked. ‘I’ll leave you in peace. You don’t need me moaning down the phone when you finally get out of here for a bit.’
Jess smiled and tried to remain cheerful. Now that she was dressed in ‘normal’ clothes, it was as if she could see Larry from a different perspective. Instead of a fellow cancer victim, she was looking at him as an outsider would and saw how utterly wretched he was. She willed herself to see past his grey, sunken face into his lovely blue eyes. ‘I’m here for you.’
He held her hand in his shrivelled dry one. ‘I know. I promise I’ll try not to die while you’re out. I’ll wait until you come back.’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t, Larry, please.’
His blue eyes gazed into her brown ones. ‘Sorry, can’t help myself. You look good, Jess. Enjoy freedom.’
She squeezed his hand. ‘I will and I’ll send you photos to make you jealous.’
‘Why would I be jealous? I have a kingdom here.’ Larry waved his arm around the hospital room. They laughed.
Just before she left, Jess turned to hug him again. ‘I’ll see you soon. You’re not allowed to die, promise?’
‘Promise.’ He hugged her back.
Jess was glad her mother didn’t talk or ask her any questions as they walked to the car. She was upset at leaving Larry, upset and worried. It was the only fly in the ointment of getting out of hospital. She knew Larry would miss her, just like she’d miss him. They were in it together and made each other’s days so much more bearable.
She vowed to send him funny pics and texts to cheer him up and so that he’d know she hadn’t forgotten him. Hospital days were so endless and any bit of distraction was welcome.
Jess expected the house to be quiet when she got home, because the boys would be in school and Granddad would be working in the café. But when she opened the back door into the kitchen, she heard a cheer. Everyone was there – Luke, Bobby, Granddad, Piper, even Nathalie.
Bobby and Luke were holding up a poster that Bobby had painted. It said, WELCOM BAK JESS. The table was full of all her favourite food, and even though she didn’t feel like eating, she was touched by all the effort that had gone into it.
Jess wanted to laugh and cry. Everything felt normal and weird at the same time. The kitchen seemed so safe and warm and full of love, and she was so happy. She tried really hard not to, but she began to cry. She turned her head and buried it in her mother’s stomach.
‘It’s okay, pet, you’re home now. Safe and sound with all the people who love you,’ Mum whispered into her ear. Jess heard the catch in her voice. ‘We’re so happy.’
Jess took a deep breath and turned. Luke picked her up gently and swung her around. ‘Good to have you back, sis. I never realized how patient you are with Mr Zillion Questions here.’
‘And I never realized how good you are with Mr – Mr Big Hairy Muscles,’ Bobby said.
They all laughed, which broke the tension and made everything more normal.
Granddad came over and hugged her. ‘So glad to have you home, my little pet. You’re the sunshine in this house.’ He turned away to wipe his eyes.
Piper kissed her and Jess felt more tears on her cheeks. She noticed the black circles under Piper’s eyes.
Then Nathalie came over to her. She was wearing a mask over her mouth. ‘I am wearing it in case of the germs. I have the leetle cold.’
‘You don’t have a cold, Nathalie. Nor do you have allergies or sinus or headaches or back problems. You’re just a hypochondriac,’ Granddad muttered.
‘Another problem with the Irish men is they are afraid of the doctor. In France when a man is sick, he goes to the doctor and takes medication. In Ireland the men pretend they are “grand” and then, poof!, they are dead on the road of the attack of the ’eart.’
‘Seriously?’ Luke glared at her.
Nathalie shrugged. ‘It’s true. I ’ope you will not be so stupid and stubborn as the older Irish men, Luke.’
‘For the love of Jesus, Nathalie,’ Granddad snapped, ‘will you stop barking on about death and illness?’
‘I am not afraid to talk about death. It is a fact of life. We are born and we die. Voilà.’
‘Dude, zip it!’ Luke demanded.
Nathalie looked at Jess. ‘Do you want everyone never to say the word “sick” or “dead” in front of you? Does that not make it like pretending? Sticking the ’ead in the sand? Of course we all pray you will be better, but you ’ave cancer, non? It is a fact.’
It annoyed Jess that everyone avoided words like ‘ill’, ‘sick’, ‘death’ and even ‘cancer’. Her family never used it. They said ‘condition’ or ‘leukaemia’ but the word ‘cancer’ was never uttered. Jess knew they were trying to protect her and themselves, but it bugged her.
Mum took charge. ‘Nathalie, I think that’s enough chat about death for now. This is a celebration.’
‘Do you have celebrations in France or do you just sit around reading depressing poetry and staring at your navels?’ Granddad grumbled.
‘We are very good at the celebrations. We know ’ow to ’ave a good time.’
‘Really?’ Luke looked doubtful.
‘When?’ Granddad asked.
Nathalie was affronted. ‘All the time. We don’t need to wear a green ’at and drink ten pints and fall down to ’ave fun. We drink good wine and eat good food and talk and laugh.’
‘Laugh about what?’ Granddad asked.
‘Jeux de lettres.’
‘What?’ they asked.
‘You ’ave the sentence or the word and then you twist them around and make funny phrases. It is very amusing and good for the mental gymnastics.’
Granddad slapped his forehead. ‘Mother of God, save me now. Nathalie, you need to lighten up. Maybe you should try the green hat and the few drinks. You might actually enjoy yourself.’
‘Green does not flatter my skin,’ Nathalie huffed.
Bobby kicked the table. ‘Can we stop talking about boring stuff and eat?’
‘Yes!’ Kate smiled at him.
Nathalie left the room to look after the café.
‘Take your mask off! You’ll scare away the customers,’ Granddad called after her.
Jess and the others sat down. Piper put her coat on.
‘Babe, where are you going?’ Luke asked.
‘It’s your family time, Luke. I’ll call you later. Welcome home, Jess.’ She blew her a kiss and left.
Jess ate little bites of everything, but she really wasn’t hungry. She did manage a small bowl of strawberry shortcake ice cream and saw her mum smiling as she finished the last spoonful.
They chatted about the café, Luke’s upcoming match and Bobby’s Christmas play, which Jess was surprised that Mum didn’t seem to know about.
‘Oh, Bobby, that’s awful, you should be Joseph. Maybe I could talk to Mrs Lorgan.’
Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘It’s way too late, Mummy. Anyway, Maggie already did and she won’t change her mind.’
‘Oh. Well, I’m sorry about that.’
Bobby ate a piece of scone. ‘You never listen to me anyway. It’s only ever about Jess.’
‘Bobby!’ Luke snapped. ‘Mum’s doing her best.’
‘Be nice to your mother,’ Granddad said. ‘She’s got a lot on her plate.’
Jess suddenly felt tired. ‘I think I’ll lie down for a bit. Thanks for the lovely welcome.’ To Bobby, she said, ‘Will you come up with me and tell me some new facts while I’m putting on my pyjamas?’
Bobby’s face lit up. ‘Yes!’ He ran to get the book Maggie had given him.
‘Are you sure about that, Jess?’ Kate asked. ‘You look very tired. Maybe he could read the facts later.’
‘No, it’s fine, Mum. Let him tell me a few. I reckon I’ll be asleep in two minutes anyway.’
Luke brought Jess’s bag upstairs and put it into Kate’s room.
‘What are you doing?’ Jess asked.
‘Mum said you’re to sleep here while you’re at home. She’ll sleep with Bobby.’
‘She doesn’t have to do that.’
Luke put the case on the double bed. ‘She wants to. We all want to help, Jess.’
Jess busied herself unpacking. With her back to Luke, she said, ‘I never thanked you properly for saying you’ll give me your bone marrow.’
‘It’s cool. No big deal.’
Jess put her pyjamas on the bed. ‘It is a big deal and I’m sorry you have to do it, but thank you.’
Luke said quietly, ‘I’d do anything to help you, Jess, you know I would. All we want is for you to get better.’
Jess didn’t trust herself to speak. She was so grateful to Luke. The infection had terrified her, but it was gone now. She had to look forward. She really believed that, with Luke’s strong, healthy bone marrow, she would get better, just like her mum said.
As she lay in bed listening to Bobby spouting facts, Jess tried to visualize Luke’s vital bone marrow knocking down and destroying her cancer cells. It was a nice image: it made her feel strong and hopeful …
‘As well as having unique fingerprints, humans also have unique tongue prints. Isn’t that amazing, Jess? Our tongues are all different. Look at mine and then let me look at yours. Jess … Jess?’
As usual, Bobby found he was talking to himself. Jess had drifted off into the oblivion of sleep.