Piper shuffled into the kitchen in her slippers and dressing-gown. She’d slept badly and was tired and hungry.
Her father was sitting at the kitchen table with the twins and Pauline, reading his newspaper and doing his best to ignore them.
‘Morning, Dad,’ Piper said, trying to sound more cheerful than she felt.
‘Morning,’ he said curtly.
‘How are you?’ Piper asked.
‘Fine.’
Piper tried not to let it bother her. Ever since she’d told her parents about the pregnancy, her father had been distant and, frankly, cold. She knew he was disappointed, she knew he was upset, but she’d hoped that after six weeks of knowing, he’d have thawed a little. She missed their conversations. She missed how he’d roll his eyes across the table at her when the twins were being annoying. She missed how his face used to light up when he saw her. Now he avoided eye contact or just looked angry when he saw her.
Her mother said he’d come around, that she needed to give him time. But Piper wondered how much time. She was beginning to think he’d never forgive her for ‘messing her life up’. It really hurt. ‘Would you like a coffee?’ she asked him.
‘No, I’ve had one.’
‘Toast?’
‘No.’
‘Okay, then.’ Piper filled the kettle and busied herself making toast, hiding her disappointment from him.
As her toast popped up, her father stood up and left the room, not addressing a word or even a glance in her direction. Piper buttered her toast and tried not to get upset.
Pauline put her plate into the dishwasher and said quietly, ‘He still loves you. He just can’t show it right now.’
Piper smiled at her sister. ‘Thanks.’
One of the best things about being pregnant was how close she’d got to Pauline. She’d been amazing. So calm and measured and sensible and kind. Piper felt really bad for ever thinking Pauline was selfish. She realized now that her sister had a very big heart and was just a serious, focused person. Olivia said that from the first day Pauline had gone to school in Junior Infants, her goal was to be top of the class and nothing else mattered. She had no interest in sport or playing games or art.
But underneath her ambition and single-mindedness lay a compassionate soul. Piper hoped she could repay her sister’s kindness some day. She’d already decided to ask Pauline to be the baby’s godmother. No one deserved it more.
Pauline left to go to the college library and study in peace. Piper was left with the twins, who were bickering about whether Liam Hemsworth was hotter than his brother, Chris. She sat down and ate her toast.
Penny turned her attention to her older sister. ‘Are you and Luke still having sex?’
Piper almost choked on her toast. ‘What?’
‘Are you having sex?’
‘That is none of your business, you cheeky cow!’
‘If you are, you’d better use protection,’ Poppy warned her.
‘Bit late for that,’ Penny said, and they roared with laughter.
‘Shut up, you freaks,’ Piper hissed.
‘Seriously, though, is it safe to have sex when you have a baby in your stomach?’ Poppy asked.
‘Why wouldn’t it be?’ Penny said.
‘Wouldn’t it poke the baby?’
‘Urgh, gross! I never thought about that.’
Poppy turned to Piper. ‘You need to stop having sex. You’re poking your baby. You could poke it in the eye and blind it.’
‘OMG, could you?’
‘Yes, totally.’
‘Do you think that’s why Janine Oliver has a wonky eye?’ Penny asked.
‘Oh, my God, yes. Her dad’s willy must have poked her.’
‘Grooooss,’ they both squealed.
Piper put her toast down. ‘It never ceases to amaze me what idiots you are.’
‘If you have sex just after getting pregnant, can you have twins?’ Poppy wondered.
‘Duh, of course not,’ Penny said.
‘How do you know?’
‘Because twins are conceived the same day,’ Penny said.
‘I read about this woman who had twins three weeks apart. They obviously weren’t conceived the same day.’
‘Maybe she just had one early and one on time,’ Penny said.
‘Do you think Piper could be having twins? Apparently it’s genetic, and if your mum had twins, you could have twins.’
‘She had a scan and it was just one baby,’ Penny said, talking as if Piper wasn’t in the room.
‘Yeah, but sometimes the twin can be hiding behind the other baby.’
‘It would be so cool if she had twins.’
It would be so not cool if I had twins, Piper thought. Thank God the obstetrician had confirmed only one baby, which was quite enough of a prospect to deal with.
‘Piper, are you sure it’s not twins?’ Penny asked her.
‘Yes, positive, thank God,’ Piper said.
‘No need to be so rude. You’d be lucky to have twins like us.’ Penny was unimpressed.
‘I’d shoot myself if I had twins like you,’ Piper muttered.
‘You’re so narky. You should be careful. If you’re this narky to Luke, he might dump you.’
Piper took a bite of her toast. ‘Thanks, Penny, that’s just what I need to hear.’
‘You should also watch what you eat,’ Poppy said, pointing to the toast. ‘One slice is plenty, Piper. You’re not actually eating for two. Some women stuff their faces the whole way through their pregnancies and are like whales and it takes them ages to lose the baby weight. Some of them never lose it and are just fat for ever.’
Piper stood up and threw the rest of her toast into the bin. ‘Thanks for making me lose my appetite and for the great advice.’ She slammed the door hard on her way out.
Piper lay on her bed and tried to do calming breathing exercises, inhale for five and exhale for five. She shouldn’t let her sisters wind her up, but they were so annoying. They were clueless about life. She rolled onto her side. She was due to meet Luke in an hour for coffee. She’d eat with him – at least he wouldn’t comment on how much she ate. Mind you, maybe she should watch what she was eating. She had been eating way more than usual. She didn’t want to be a big whale. What if she was one of the women who couldn’t lose the weight? Luke would dump her for a fit girl.
*
Piper sat in the café staring out of the window. Luke was late. She was nervous: he had barely been in touch in the last four days. He’d said things with Jess were bad and he’d meet her when he could. Piper had tried not to hound him, but she was desperate for news. Two days ago, she’d even called Maggie, who’d said she’d fill her in when she could but had never called back.
Piper watched Luke walking towards the café and her heart sank. She knew by the way his head was down that something was wrong. She knew Jess had been very slow to recover from the infection and was due more test results. Maybe they weren’t good.
Luke sank into the chair opposite her.
‘What’s going on?’ Piper asked. ‘What did they say?’
Luke began to cry. Oh, God. Piper reached out and held his hands. He pulled one back to wipe his tears with a napkin.
‘It’s bad. Really bad. The cancer is worse. Way worse. The chemo’s not working and it’s the strongest they can give her without killing her.’
‘Oh, Luke.’ Piper bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears.
‘It’s … it’s … over, Piper. She’s not going to make it.’ He covered his face with the napkin and sobbed.
Piper was so shocked that she was numb. Over? How could this happen? They had all believed one hundred per cent that Jess would get better. She had to – she was twelve, for God’s sake. Jess couldn’t die – she just couldn’t. It was crazy to say that could happen.
‘There must be something,’ Piper said desperately. ‘Maybe she needs to go to America. They have more cutting-edge treatments over there. I can research it. We can go with her, we’ll figure it out.’
Luke pulled the napkin from his face. ‘We’ve spent the last three days with Maggie and Hazel and everyone we know looking at options. Hazel offered to charter a plane to fly us to America. Maggie got on to the best paediatric oncologist in the top cancer hospital in Boston. He looked at the test results and said the same thing. So she found the second best one, in Philadelphia, same answer, same with Cincinnati. She got the top guy at Great Ormond Street in London to talk to us. Same answer. She’s dying, Piper. My little sister is dying. How can there be a God? My stupid fucking bone marrow didn’t help her. I can’t deal with this and Mum is … she’s … she’s broken.’
Piper’s body was cold, as if ice was running through her veins. She was shaking. ‘Does Jess know?’
Luke shook his head. ‘She knows the cancer is worse, but they haven’t told her yet how bad it is. But they’ll tell her soon – I’d say she knows anyway. She’s just so sick.’
‘Look, this might not be the right thing to say, but miracles do happen.’
‘Don’t,’ Luke snapped. ‘Don’t do that. I don’t want false hope. Dad keeps banging on about miracles and trying more risky treatment. He read about some dodgy experimental treatment they’re testing in India and he wants to take Jess there. But when Mum mentioned it, the American doctors were, like, “no way”. They said it would be a really bad idea and that she would die in India, away from home and those she loved. They said the best thing to do was to try to keep Jess as comfortable as possible and make the next few months really special.’
‘What did your dad say?’
‘He’s going crazy, shouting at everyone that they’re not trying hard enough, telling them all to think outside the box, telling Mum she’s quitting on her own child, shouting at Maggie to do more, cursing, punching walls and generally having a total fucking meltdown.’
Piper wouldn’t say so to Luke, but she felt really sorry for Nick. Whatever about his failings as a father to Luke and Bobby, he loved Jess madly. He’d spent as much time as he could with her in hospital, playing cards and watching goofy YouTube videos. He could probably have tried to spend more time with her – Kate was the one who was there seventy per cent of the time – but every time he came to see Jess his phone would start ringing, either Jenny or work. Jenny always seemed to need him for some drama or other or else work did … He always seemed stressed. Every time she saw him, and his pale, tight face, Piper worried he might have a heart attack.
Luke rubbed his exhausted eyes. ‘I haven’t slept in four nights. We’ve been up all night researching, calling people and going over and over the options.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘The doctors hold out no hope. They said Jess’s cancer was incredibly aggressive and unlucky and unfortunate, and all those words you just don’t want to hear. They were all very sorry not to be able to give us better news or more hope.’
Piper was lost for words. What do you say to the boy you love when he’s just told you his sister is dying? ‘Sorry’ seems so lame. But she was sorry, desperately sorry, and sad and heartbroken.
She adored Jess. She was an amazing girl. She was so brave and never complained. She’d been through so much in her short life – her parents breaking up, Larry dying, getting cancer … It was just so unfair. Why was life so cruel to her? Jess deserved to grow up and have boyfriends, a husband and a family and happiness and joy. She deserved more time. Lots more time. How come bad people got to live and good people, really, really good people, like Jess, didn’t? It wasn’t right. It was all wrong. Everything was wrong. Piper felt physically sick. She looked at Luke’s devastated face and held his hand.
Over and over again she said one little word, ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry …’