How’s your week going?
I hit “Send” on the text, staring at the screen, waiting for Dani to respond, my gaze glued to the little message box on my phone.
Dani had left at some point in the middle of the night, after we’d fallen asleep together, and I’d woken up the next morning, my body stiff and my heart sore. The truth was, us falling asleep together hadn’t exactly been accidental. I’d watched her eyelids flutter, had heard the heavy sound of her breathing as she slept on, and instead of waking her and moving her, I’d been all too happy to lay there with her in my arms, indulging in a fantasy I’d had for years, only to fall asleep myself and wake to an emptiness I couldn’t erase.
That was four days ago. I hadn’t heard from her since.
Did we take things too far? Had I freaked her out? It had felt so good to have her in my arms, and I’d thought she needed it, wanted it, but now I worried we’d crossed an invisible line she regretted.
My phone pinged. I stared at the words across the screen, my heartbeat picking up as I offered a silent prayer of gratitude to the heavens.
Good. You?
It wasn’t much, but it was everything. My fingers shook a bit as I typed my reply.
Busy with work. Getting ready for the deployment. Flying my ass off.
I waited a beat, and then sent another text.
Thor was talking about going boating this weekend. Becca will be there. Want to come?
It was one of my last weekends before we left for the deployment, and I wanted to spend it with Dani.
Sounds fun. I’m in.
Thank God. My fingers flew over the keys as my heart raced, my lips curving into a broad smile.
I can pick you up Saturday at eight in the morning.
She texted back.
Sounds good. See you then.
* * *
The week flew by in a blur of briefs as we geared up for the squadron to head to Afghanistan. The work kept me busy, and more importantly, kept me from obsessing about Dani. I drove to her house Saturday morning, two cups of coffee sitting in the console next to me, a carton of donuts on the passenger seat. I had a cooler full of beer in the trunk, gorgeous weather, and I was spending the day on the lake with some of my favorite people—and my favorite girl. I couldn’t have asked for a better deployment send-off.
I pulled into her driveway, and before I could kill the engine, she bounded out of the house, dressed in a pair of white denim cutoffs and a sheer white long-sleeved top that flowed around her in the breeze. Her hair was back in a long braid, a pair of gold aviators on her face.
I didn’t bother fighting the smile that took over my face as I got out of the car and grabbed the canvas bags from her hands. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She smelled like suntan lotion and her usual perfume.
“Morning.”
“Morning,” she echoed with a smile.
“Why do you always smell like apples?” I asked.
She tilted her head. “Apples?”
“Yeah. You always make me think of pie.”
She grinned, her cheeks going a little pink, her lopsided smile tugging at my heart. “I use apple-scented body wash and shampoo. I’m surprised you noticed.”
She had a freckle below her right knee, was allergic to pears, and she was right-handed, but held her fork in her left hand.
I’d noticed.
Whatever worries I’d had that things would be uncomfortable between us fell away. The day was too beautiful for things to be awkward, and she seemed to be looking forward to it as much as I was. I walked to the backseat and dropped off her bags while she slid into the passenger side, grabbing the donuts. I joined her, putting the car in reverse and backing out of the driveway.
“Did you get—”
“Iced with sprinkles,” I answered with a smile.
She grinned. “You’re the best.”
It was seriously adorable that her donut of choice was a favorite among the under-twelve set. I’d gone one step further and bought pink frosted donuts with little heart-shaped sprinkles. I’d probably abdicated my balls somewhere along the way, but I honestly didn’t give a fuck.
Dani was happy; I was happy.
She opened the box, a hum of pleasure escaping her lips. I might have abdicated my balls, but my dick still grew hard at the thought of hearing a sound like that while I thrust into her, her nails digging into my skin, legs hooked around my waist . . .
Fuck.
“I got coffee, too. Hazelnut,” I added, my voice strangled as I adjusted in my seat.
“Seriously. How do you always know all my favorite things?”
I shrugged, more than a little embarrassed and still more than a little aroused. “I pay attention.”
She reached out and squeezed my hand, her palm cool against mine, her skin like silk.
I shifted in my seat.
“It’s really sweet. And I appreciate it. More than you’ll ever know.”
I could actually feel my cheeks heating. The guys would totally give me shit if they saw this. And yet . . .
I snuck a peek at her face.
Yeah, still no fucks to give.
I turned the radio up as we pulled out of her neighborhood, switching to a classic rock station. “Jack & Diane” came on over the speakers, the loud beat hitting us, the lyrics putting another smile on my face.
Perfect.
The sun shone bright in the sky, the air still breezy and cool. Perfect fucking day.
“Windows down okay?” I asked her.
She nodded.
I opened the windows and sunroof, grinning when she turned her face to the open air, her braid blowing crazily in the wind. She looked a decade younger, the sadness that cloaked her cast off for the moment.
As much as I’d wanted today, she’d needed it. She’d always had so much responsibility on her shoulders as Joker’s wife—the need to navigate the world of Air Force politics as his wife, to be there for everyone in the squadron when they required it, to weather the ups and downs and daily stresses of being a military spouse. The past year had been hell in an entirely different way. It was good to see her taking care of herself and enjoying life. She looked so happy, and it was the best feeling in the world to play some small role in that.
It was a trek to the lake, but the time flew by as we drove with the radio blaring, singing along to the classic rock songs that came on. I was a terrible singer, Dani only marginally better, but neither one of us cared. We joked around, mixing up the lyrics and singing off-key with gusto. The more time I spent with her, the more the nerves disappeared, the more tension gave way to the comfort that had always existed between us, despite whatever feelings got in the way.
We met up with Thor and Becca at a gas station a few miles away from the lake and caravanned over in a line of vehicles. The group had grown when people heard about our plan to go boating, and there were eight of us total in two boats. Thor brought his, pulling it behind his truck, and Merlin brought his—a flashy boat that looked wicked fast to ski off of.
We made it to the lake a few minutes later, parking the cars and loading all the food and beer on the two boats in preparation to launch them. When I turned back to the parking spot—
Holy fucking hell.
Dani was deep in conversation with Becca, dressed in a bright blue bikini that showed more of Dani than I’d ever seen before . . . and there was a lot of good stuff to see. I told myself to look away, honestly I did, but my eyes didn’t get the memo. My gaze drifted from the curve of her tits—the perfect size to fit in the palm of my hand—to her tiny waist, down past her hips, to her long, slim legs and the freckle near her knee that I could barely make out from here.
I was instantly hard, fantasizing about reaching out and tugging on those ties, letting the triangle top fall, cupping her tits in my hands, rubbing my thumbs across her pretty nipples, bending down, taking one into my mouth, running my tongue over her . . .
Fuck.
I prayed my swim trunks were baggy enough to hide my erection, that my tongue wasn’t hanging out of my mouth, that I didn’t look like a horny virgin, even if I felt like one.
Becca had an amused smile on her face, and Thor was outright fucking smirking, so I doubted I’d fooled anyone.
“Dude.”
“Not a fucking word,” I muttered to Thor.
He shook his head, that same stupid smirk playing at his lips.
I left him there, heading toward Becca and Dani. I made a concerted effort to look at anything but Dani.
“Do you have everything you need?” I asked her.
“Yep.”
“Sunscreen?”
She grinned. “Yes, Mom. I’m all lathered up.”
Jesus.
There were so many places my mind could go with that one, but I fought the good fight. Mostly.
“Do you have a hat?”
“No hat. I meant to bring one, but I left it on the counter.”
I took my baseball cap off and reached over, setting it on her head, tugging the bill down so it covered her brow.
Fuck, she was cute.
Dani tipped her head up at me, a smile playing on her pink, glossy lips. “What about you? Now you’ll burn.”
I put my arm next to hers, my skin a golden tan against her pale coloring.
She grinned. “Point taken, Malibu Barbie.”
I laughed. “I think you mean Malibu Ken.”
“Touché.”
God, she was adorable when she gave me shit. I couldn’t resist. I pulled her into my arms, reaching out and tugging on the cap, enfolding her in a quick hug. She leaned into me, her breasts brushing against my side, her body warm from the sun, her skin smooth.
Thor and Becca were watching us, but I didn’t have it in me to care.
“Ready?” I asked, my throat tight.
Dani smiled up at me. “Yep.”
“Okay, I’m going to go help them launch the other boat. Are you sure you don’t need anything else?”
“I’m good, but thanks.”
I left her there to go chat with the guys in the other boat, and then I helped Thor get us launched.
Dani and I ended up with Thor and Becca. The girls sat in the back of the boat chatting while Thor drove. I relaxed in the seat next to him, a bottle of beer dangling between my fingers and the Eagles playing over the boat’s stereo speakers.
Thor glanced back at Becca and Dani deep in conversation, and then turned to me, his voice low.
“Okay, give. What’s going on between the two of you?”
I took a long pull of the beer, wishing I could avoid this conversation. For all we were badasses in the sky, we gossiped like nobody’s business. Then again, when you lived in a world as small as ours, privacy and boundaries didn’t really exist. It was a tight, incestuous community and little was off-limits.
“We’re friends.”
“Bullshit.”
“Good friends,” I amended.
The hum of the motor mixed with the song streaming from the stereo, filling the silence between us.
I lifted the bottle of beer to my mouth—
“She’s different with you now.”
My hand froze in midair. My heart thumped. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“She looks at you,” Thor answered.
Suddenly, my throat felt really fucking dry.
“She watches you,” he continued. “That shit with the hat? Be careful with her.”
I barely heard his words over the hammering in my heart. I tried to formulate a response, but I couldn’t make my lips move, so instead I sat there like an idiot, trying to fight the hope his words inspired. I’d always been good with women, could read when a woman wanted me, but I might as well have been robbed of all my senses when it came to Dani. I had no clue what she thought, what she wanted. We were close, she enjoyed being around me, but she’d always felt that way, and she’d definitely never seen me as anything other than a friend when she was married.
I couldn’t feel the shift Thor described, unless you counted that we were spending more time together now. And the thing was, there was absolutely no way I could make a move. She still wore her wedding rings, still grieved, and the last thing I wanted to do was take advantage of her when she was vulnerable. Besides, if she wasn’t interested in me, if she really did see me as a brother, as one of her husband’s closest friends—Jesus—then there was no way I was going to risk our friendship by hitting on her. I didn’t want to lose her, and I’d rather have this, even when it was fucking torture, than have nothing at all.
I sat next to Becca in the back of the boat, nursing a beer, admiring the view. And not the one provided by the blue water or the clear sky.
Maybe it was the cool beer sliding through me, or the sheer perfection of the day around me, but I didn’t even have it in me to feel guilty, because there was no fucking way any woman could have the view before Becca and me and not appreciate the man candy.
Thor looked like Prince Harry with more muscles, and Easy . . .
Easy looked like he should be in an underwear ad.
He wore a pair of navy swim trunks slung low on his hips, a pair of aviators, and a smile. Hell, if I had a body like that, I’d walk around without a shirt all the time. He’d put on suntan lotion before we got on the boat, his body golden and gleaming, muscles rippling . . . Dear God, I was overheating and I couldn’t even blame it on the sun.
Becca snuck a glance at me and grinned. “No one should be allowed to actually be that hot. I mean, really? Does he have any flaws? Any body fat?”
Not from where I sat.
I laughed, taking another sip of my drink. “He definitely won the gene lottery; plus he’s actually a really good guy. Some people have all the luck.”
I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t have a girlfriend, why he wasn’t married with three little Easy kids running around. I’d seen him with Noah’s daughter, the ginormous bear he’d bought for her—pink and fluffy—and I’d been on the receiving end of Easy’s kindness—he’d be an amazing dad someday.
I’d always told Michael that I wanted to set Easy up with someone, but I’d never come up with anyone who was good enough for him. I was protective of Easy, much more so than anyone else. He was special and he deserved someone equally special in his life.
“Hey, Easy?” Becca called out.
He got up and walked toward us, and I lost myself a little in the V framing his magnificent abs. I was just tipsy enough to not bother hiding my admiration.
“Do you have any brothers?” Becca asked, a smile on her face.
He gave her a wolfish grin that I’d seen him share with countless girls, but never with me. It was too smooth, too practiced, too easy, and it was another piece of the facade rather than genuine, but my knees still felt a tinge weaker. Yeah, that smile was a deadly tool in his arsenal.
For a moment, my mind drifted and I wondered what it would be like to be the object of Easy’s interest. Hot. And fun. From what I’d seen of his relationships, he didn’t stick around for long, but I didn’t doubt the women had the time of their lives for as long as it lasted.
“Sorry to disappoint. It’s just me.” He jerked his head toward where Thor stood driving the boat. “You ready to get rid of this guy and run away with me?” he teased.
“We’re getting married in six months,” Thor complained, a mock-frown on his face as he turned back to face us.
He leaned forward and jabbed an elbow into Easy’s pecs. Nary a ripple.
Becca laughed. “Sorry, but he needs me.”
“That’s right, I do. Don’t be fooled by princess over here.”
I snorted. The guys were forever coming up with nicknames for Easy and it was pretty much a miracle that he hadn’t ended up with a less flattering call sign. I had a feeling he’d had many nights drinking off bad call signs at namings.
“Actually, I thought he looked more like Malibu Barbie,” I confessed.
Thor cracked up and I felt a slight twinge of guilt at the gleam in his eye.
Easy groaned. “Fuck me. You know better than to give them ammunition. Do you know how much shit I’m going to get at the next naming?”
I grinned at the boyish expression on his face. “I do. I’m sorry. You know we’re just jealous, right?” I gestured in the general direction of his abs. “That’s a pretty impressive arsenal you have going on.”
He laughed, the sound warm and full, and slightly smug. “True.”
I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his waist and giving him a quick hug, my lips brushing the top of his pecs. He stiffened for a moment and then his whole body relaxed, his arm hooking around my side, leaning into the embrace.
“Sorry in advance for the next naming,” I murmured.
“Mmm hmm.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my—his—hat and released me. “You’re forgiven, although I might call on you for hangover food if I have to drink off Malibu Barbie.”
I grinned. “Deal.”
The sound of hoots and catcalls filled the air, and I turned in time to see Merlin and some of the newer—and younger—members of the squadron—guys who’d recently graduated from the F-16 Basic course and were going through their first Viper assignment, gearing up for their first deployment—speed by in their boat. They’d picked up some girls along the way, and by the shit-eating grins on their faces, I could tell they were in the mood to push it up.
Thor and Easy exchanged looks I knew all too well, proving it didn’t matter how long you’d been flying or how old you were—being a fighter pilot meant living on the edge constantly and loving it. They shouted for us to hold on, and then we were tearing across the lake after them.
I grabbed the hat, my braid flapping around me, my body jerking as we hit the waves with a series of hard bumps. Easy turned and glanced back at me, shooting me a thumbs-up sign, and I had no doubt that if I didn’t return it, he’d tell Thor to slow down.
But I didn’t want to slow down.
I’d spent so much of my life playing it safe, not taking risks, and right now I wanted to recapture being young and free, to not worry about anything and let go.
I sent him a thumbs-up back, and he gave me a gorgeous smile before turning toward the front and yelling something to Thor.
“Are they always like this?” Becca shouted over the loud roar of the engine.
She and Thor had only been back together a few months, and since she lived in South Carolina, she didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out with the squadron. I remembered what it had been like in the beginning, how intimidated and overwhelmed I’d been when Michael had first brought me around the guys. Oh, how times had changed . . .
“Honestly? This is tame.” I made a face, my gaze settling on the other boat, wincing as one of the guys appeared to be seriously contemplating doing a flip off the edge of the boat while it was moving. “I hope no one gets injured today. Or arrested. Especially with the deployment coming up.”
“Seriously?”
The lawyer in her sounded vaguely appalled.
I couldn’t resist. “Hey, Easy,” I called out, my voice playful. “Becca can’t believe anyone in the squadron has ever been arrested. Would you have anything to add to that?”
“Not funny,” he grumbled, walking to the back of the boat and sitting down next to me, unfolding his long legs until he slouched in the seat. “If anything, it was all Noah’s fault. I just got roped into it. And for the record, I still have no idea where the pig came from.”
I laughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s his line, except the roles were reversed.”
“What happened?” Becca asked.
I grinned, reaching out and rumpling Easy’s hair while he made a face next to me. “Public intoxication in Florida. There might have been a loose farm animal involved. Michael had to go pick them up from jail.”
“Was he pissed?” Becca asked, her voice scandalized.
Easy shook his head. “Nah. He was more relieved he didn’t get arrested, too. It was that kind of night.”
I laughed. “Somehow he left that out.”
Michael had always been good about hanging with his guys, wanting to make sure they saw him as part of the squadron, as someone they could trust, someone who had their best interests at heart. He’d had enough leaders in his career who he’d seen walk all over their subordinates to get ahead, and I’d always respected how much he cared about being a good commander.
Easy nudged me, mock-hurt in his eyes. “Why you gotta hate on me and bring that up?”
I grinned. “Poor baby.”
He made a face, this new playful side of Easy tugging at my heartstrings.
“I am a poor baby,” he teased.
He sprawled out on the bench of seats next to me, laying his head in my lap, his hair brushing against my skin, his lips close to my raised knees. I could feel Becca’s gaze on us, a funny sensation rolling around in my stomach, but I ignored it, concentrating on Easy.
He reached up, sliding my sunglasses off my face, his fingers grazing my temples, his touch warm and soothing. He stayed there, looking up at me, his gaze obscured by his dark-tinted aviators. But even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I still felt the heat of his stare on me. I wanted to look away, wondered how I looked through his eyes, worried what he saw was somehow cracked and tarnished. He was so bright, so full of life, even now, even after everything he’d been through, and I was faded and pale in comparison.
“What?” I asked.
He shook his head, a smile playing at his lips. I stared down at his mouth, fighting the ridiculous urge to reach out and trace the curves with my fingers.
You can look, but you can’t touch.
“It’s good to see you like this,” Easy answered. “You seem happy.” He leaned up and tugged on the edge of my braid, running my hair through his fingers and then releasing me. A shiver slid down my spine.
I swallowed, surprised by my answer and the strange sensation in my body. “I am.”
His smile deepened, and then I had to look away, because something about that gesture sent my insides tumbling around, my heart bouncing and jerking in my chest like a Ping-Pong ball. A familiar pull settled low in my belly.
I looked out over the water, at the boats beyond. What was happening to me? In my periphery, I watched Becca get up and go sit next to Thor, leaving Easy and me in the back.
Was it weird that we were sprawled out together? Was it wrong for this to feel as good as it did? Were Becca and Thor judging us? Had we made them uncomfortable? Should I be uncomfortable? And if so, why wasn’t I? I didn’t know where the lines were, what was appropriate and what wasn’t. I wasn’t married anymore and we were close friends, but if I were married, if Michael were still alive, I definitely wouldn’t have been this affectionate with Easy. Did that make it wrong? I considered not saying anything, but it was Easy, so I found myself telling him anyway. I didn’t know how to hold back with him.
“This is okay, right?” I asked.
His body tensed. “What?”
My cheeks heated, the curse of pale skin and freckles.
“How physically affectionate we are with each other. It’s just . . .” I struggled for the right words, a difficult task when I didn’t even know how I felt. “I’m really comfortable with you, and we’re close, and I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.”
And I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, either. At the same time, he’d come back here and laid down in my lap, so I figured he was as comfortable with it as I was, but I still worried.
He tensed beneath me. “It’s fine.”
Was it, really? Did he say that to make me comfortable or did he really think it?
“Shh,” he whispered, raising a finger to my lips before letting his hand fall back to his side.
I sucked in a breath. “I didn’t say anything.”
He smiled. “You were worrying. I can hear you worrying all the way down here. We’re friends. Don’t overthink it.”
It was silly, but hearing him say it deflated the tension in my chest.
“Yeah?”
His answer was a husky whisper. “Yeah.”
My fingers found their way to his forehead, stroking the skin there, gliding through the strands of hair. He let out a happy sigh, and a few minutes later I heard the softest snore, watching as his chest rose and fell.
There was something about him sleeping in my lap, something that made me want to protect him, something that sent a sharp barb of terror to my heart when I remembered where he’d be in a few weeks, that we wouldn’t see each other for months, the danger he’d face.
The possibility he wouldn’t come home.