I opened the door to Alex standing on my doorstep, a bouquet of pink peonies in hand. Michael had always brought me roses, and I didn’t think it was an accident that Alex had brought me something different.
He always knew what I needed.
“You look beautiful.”
I smiled, suddenly a little shy. “Thanks. You look amazing.”
He’d traded his usual uniform of jeans and a nice T-shirt for a pair of dark pants and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled, showcasing his impressive forearms. Seeing how amazing he looked, I was glad I’d gone shopping and bought a dress for tonight.
Alex stepped forward, giving me a hug, his lips brushing against my cheek. I inhaled the scent of his cologne, his aftershave, leaning forward a bit and pressing my body into the curve of his embrace. God, he felt good. Thank God for the other purchase I’d made this afternoon—the lacy pink bra and matching thong I wore under my flowered sundress. We’d agreed to take things slow, but it was hard considering I’d known him for years, he’d loved me forever, and we were expecting a child together. It was as though he’d been somewhere ahead of me all along, but suddenly I’d pressed fast-forward, and now I was caught up to where he was in real time.
I didn’t want my fear to keep holding me back.
I took the flowers from Alex, and he followed me into the house while I found a vase in the kitchen and put them in water. When I’d finished, I looked up at him.
“Ready?”
His gaze bore into me, emotion simmering in his eyes.
“You took your rings off.”
I looked down at my hand, feeling a momentary, instinctive spark of panic that I’d lost my wedding rings after years of seeing them there, and then remembering I’d taken them off. It would take a while to get used to. Change always did.
“I did.”
He reached between us, rubbing his thumb over my bare finger.
“You didn’t have to.”
“I needed to. Maybe I’ll do something with them later, but for now I need to move forward. I wore the rings more for myself than Michael. It was time.”
He leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine, his kiss feather light. The remaining mass of nerves in my stomach dissolved. He pulled back, a smile playing at his mouth.
“Ready?” Alex held his hand out to me.
Yes.
I took his hand, linking our fingers, letting him lead me out the door and into his waiting car.
He drove us to the restaurant, our hands joined, a steady stream of conversation flowing between us. I’d imagined I’d be more nervous than I was, but it felt like two friends hanging out. Well, a friend I wanted to kiss and get naked with. And I thought about that a lot. But there were no awkward questions, no need to share our painful pasts. It was fun, the most fun I’d had since before he left for Afghanistan.
“So what’s your favorite part of being back?” I asked as he drove on the interstate toward Bricktown. He’d made reservations for us at a French restaurant I’d never been to.
“You.”
I smiled. “I can’t be your favorite thing. Come on, getting to drink again? Eating normal food? Sleeping on a nice, comfortable mattress? Having A/C?”
“Still you.”
I shook my head, unable to fight off the blush. “You know how to bring a girl to her knees, don’t you?”
He laughed, the sound husky and low. “I don’t know about that, but I’m not going to complain if that’s the end result.”
My body responded instantly, my mind going wicked, my nipples tightening, a low throb beginning between my legs.
Curiosity got the best of me. “You were holding back before, weren’t you?”
“Maybe. A little. I didn’t know what you wanted, didn’t want to pressure you.”
“And now?”
“Now that I know you want me, I’m making my move.”
Considering how lethal he’d been before, I wasn’t sure I had the willpower to withstand too many of his moves. And I didn’t want to. I wanted it all.
“Good.”
Alex’s attention swiveled from the road for a beat, his gaze connecting with mine, and the desire in his eyes upped the volume on the arousal spreading through my body like wildfire.
His hand released mine as he turned his attention back to the road, and I watched, unable to tear my gaze away, as he settled his palm on the inside of my thigh. He kept it there for the remainder of the drive, as though we were more than two people on a date, the intimacy between us undeniable.
When we got to the restaurant, we parked and he got out of the car, walking over to my side and opening the door for me.
I grinned. “Who would have guessed you’d be such a romantic?”
I swore his cheeks turned pink.
“I want everything to be perfect for you tonight.”
“It is.”
He put his arm around me as we walked into the restaurant, instantly surrounded by soft music, linen tablecloths, white lights, and candlelight.
The hostess led us to a small table in the corner, and Alex held my chair out before sitting down in his own. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting for our date, but somehow I hadn’t counted on how smooth he’d be.
“What?”
I shook my head, a smile playing at my lips. At this rate, I’d be giddy by the time the night was over.
“You’re knocking this date out of the park.”
“Good. I was nervous,” he confessed as a waiter came by and poured water for us.
“Me, too. I made Jordan come over and help me decide what to wear.”
He shot me a wolfish grin. “You guys did a good job. You look phenomenal.”
My heart pounded, and, God, it had been years since I’d flirted, but I couldn’t resist. I wanted him to feel the same sparks exploding inside me.
“You should see what I’m wearing under the dress.”
He froze, the glass of water in his hand halfway between his mouth and the table. He looked surprised, and then a gleam entered his eyes, and my heart fluttered.
“Does this mean I’m going to get to see what you’re wearing under that dress?”
His tone was pure sex, and my body responded instantly.
“Yes.”
“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?”
I nodded, my throat clogged with emotion. I didn’t know if it was that we were already friends, or the attraction I felt for him, but this was right. Solid. There weren’t any unwelcome surprises lurking around the corner—I knew him as well as you could know anyone, and at the same time, this shift in our relationship, the newness of it, at least, filled me with the kind of butterflies I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
Alex’s gaze held mine. “This isn’t casual for me. I want to be up front with you from the start, want you to know that if we’re doing this, my goal is that we’ll end up as a family, my ring on your finger.”
He must have read the look of panic that flashed across my face, because he continued—
“We can go slowly; I’m not saying everything has to happen right away. I want you to be comfortable. I don’t want to push you for more than you’re ready for. This matters to me; you matter to me, and I’m all in here. I’ll wait however long I have to until you’re there, too.”
I blinked back tears, and then I leaned across the table, my lips brushing his.
I didn’t hold back because we were in a fancy restaurant or worry someone might see us. I didn’t care. I kissed him with everything I had, taking him by surprise and giving him all the passion and fire I had inside me until he was kissing me back with enough enthusiasm I was pretty sure the entire restaurant was watching us.
For the first time in over a year, my future looked good from where I was sitting, and I was actually excited for what lay before me. Jordan was right; life could fuck you over in an instant, but when moments like these flew past you, you had to grab hold and savor them, clutching them to you. And when a hot fighter pilot with a heart of gold told you he wanted a future with you—
You didn’t pass it up.
It was the best date of my life, every fantasy I’d ever had of taking Dani out obliterated by the reality.
She was funny, sweet, smart, sexy as hell. She was everything I’d ever wanted, and somehow she wanted me. I spent most of the night wondering how I’d gotten lucky enough to have her interested in me, and the rest of it doing everything I could to show her how much she meant to me.
I’d loved her from afar before, but it was completely different now. I found new things to love—the little noises she made when I kissed her, like she was devouring a favorite pastry each time our lips touched; the way she would squeeze my hand at random points in the evening as though she was trying to reassure herself I was still there; the feel of her in my arms.
“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked as we walked outside of the restaurant. “Or do you want to come over to my place?”
I figured we were both uncomfortable with the idea of being together in the house she’d shared with Joker. It felt disrespectful in a way I wasn’t sure I would ever get over; I’d left some ghosts behind, but there would always be moments when we’d both readjust, times in our relationship when there would be a third person involved.
Dani smiled up at me, leaning forward and pressing her lips to my cheek.
My heart hammered as I waited for her answer, as I hoped she wanted me as badly as I wanted her.
“Let’s go to your place.”
Thank God.
The drive flew by in a string of fantasies of what I’d do to her when we got back to my place, three months without her creating an overwhelming need inside me. By the time we reached the house my cock ached, desperate for release.
We held hands, silent, as we both walked toward my front door, this moment between us a major turning point in our relationship. The first time we’d had sex, it had been a shock, something that had snuck up on me and knocked me on my ass. Now I wanted to savor every single moment, every curve of her body, every inch of skin. I wanted to linger over her until she cried my name.
I released Dani’s hand in order to unlock my front door, my fingers fumbling with the key as nerves set in. I wanted all of her—not only her body, but her heart. I wanted to prove to her that things could be great between us, that she could be happy, safe with me. I wanted the promise of tomorrow with her.
When I saw she’d taken off her wedding rings, I’d felt the first shot of hope that she was ready to give us a chance, that she might be able to move on from Joker, might be able to love me. And now everything was on the line, and I really didn’t want to fuck this up.
I opened the front door and Dani crossed over the threshold, her body brushing against mine with a soft caress. I sucked in a deep breath, the feel of her tits against my arm, her curves grazing my side making my dick twitch.
I closed the door behind us, taking a moment to drink in the sight of her, so beautiful, carrying my child inside her. I stepped forward, but she didn’t move. She stood there staring at me, her breath growing more rapid, a rosy color spreading across her face.
“I love it when you blush,” I murmured, moving forward another step. I reached out and brushed her hair behind her shoulders, exposing the swell of her breasts, swollen and larger than I’d remembered. I cupped them, running my thumbs over the fabric of her dress, her nipples tightening beneath the sweep of my fingers, her teeth sinking down on a lush, pink lip.
Another finger joined my thumb, tugging at those stiff points through the silky material, the motion earning me a moan from Dani that made me desperate to have her naked in my bed.
I leaned forward, picking her up in my arms as she laughed, the sound music to my fucking ears, carrying her into my bedroom between drugging kisses, her lips, teeth, and tongue devouring mine.
I set her down on the edge of the bed, sliding the strap of her dress off her shoulders, leaning forward and kissing the silky skin there, inhaling her scent, my teeth nipping at her flesh. I watched as goose bumps pebbled her skin. I repeated the motion with her other shoulder until both straps hung down her arms, her breasts nearly exposed as the fabric slid lower, lower—
I reached behind Dani and tugged at the zipper running down her spine, opening the fabric to the curve of her ass, stripping the dress from her body. She wriggled her hips, and I lifted the dress over her head until she sat before me in a pink lace bra and underwear, pink heels on her feet.
I groaned. “You look so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.”
I shifted her forward, spreading her legs wide and kneeling down between them, my lips inches away from her glorious tits. I trailed my hands up the insides of her legs, stroking her.
I took my time, my gaze running over her body, the slight swell of her stomach, the way her thighs quivered. And then I couldn’t take my time anymore, my need for her obliterating my ability to go slow. I pressed my lips to her stomach, to the bump, the life growing there, and then I moved up, trailing kisses higher and higher until I reached the front of her bra, until her breasts surrounded me.
I looked up at Dani, her lips parted, amusement in her gaze.
“I know; they’re huge.”
I grinned, reaching out to stroke the top of one breast, fingering the lace on the cup of her bra. “They are.”
“I’ve walked into some male fantasy it’s probably best I don’t understand, haven’t I?”
My smile deepened. “Babe, this is fucking heaven.”
She arched forward as I reached back and found the clasp to her bra, basically pushing her tits into my face and rendering me momentarily dazed and incapable of speech. My fingers did the trick, releasing the hook, letting her bra fall from her body.
I opened my mouth to speak, but there were no words, only want and need churning inside me, pushing me to the brink. I’d always prided myself on making sure a woman enjoyed herself in my bed, had always considered sex an art, a skill to be honed like defensive BFM or strafing an enemy target.
With Dani, everything went out the window. I took my cues from the way her body responded to mine—her hands tugging on my hair, the little moans and sighs escaping from her lips, the way her body arched toward me as though she couldn’t get close enough, as though she desperately wanted more. She’d asked me if I was holding back before and I didn’t want to anymore.
“Take off your thong.”
Her eyes widened at the command in my voice, but she did what I told her to, her fingers hooking under the waistband, stripping the fabric off her body until she sat naked on my bed, her legs spread.
Mine.
My mouth closed over her nipple and her nails dug into my back, legs wrapping around my waist as she rubbed herself over me. She tugged at my clothes, her fingers flying over my shirt buttons, but it was little more than a distant hum as I sucked on her, tugging on her nipple with my teeth, laving it with my tongue until it was a hard, red point, wet from my mouth. I admired my work for a moment, my cock aching, letting Dani push my shirt off my shoulders, helping her lift my undershirt over my head. When she’d finished, I dipped my head, capturing her other nipple at the exact moment when she shuddered against me, and my hand traveled down her torso, lower still, finding her wet and throbbing for me.
“Fuck.”
I slid two fingers inside her, her body clenching down around me as I pumped in and out, as her arousal drenched my hand. Dani clung to me, writhing beneath my hands, rubbing herself over my fingers until I could feel the orgasm inside her building, her moans growing louder, her body hungrier. I increased the pace of my fingers, my thumb rubbing her swollen clit back and forth until she was thisclose to coming. Her nails dug into my shoulders as she shattered, her body bearing down on my hand, surrounding me in her tight, wet heat.
I pulled back in time to watch her riding my hand, her head thrown back, red hair streaming down her shoulders, her eyes at half mast as the orgasm racked her body.
I drank up every moan, every sigh that escaped her lips, until the tremors had subsided and her gaze met mine.
“I need you inside me. Now.”
My hands flew to the button of my pants, tearing the zipper down, pulling my briefs off, my cock standing at attention. My clothes hit the floor, my shoes and socks removed in the fray.
Dani moved back on the bed, her hair spread out on my sheets, her gorgeous body on display. I crawled over her, nudging her legs to open more with my knee, settling myself right where I wanted to be, her wetness seeping onto my cock.
I rubbed the head over her clit, groaning at the delicious friction, at the way her back bowed in response, pressing her tits against my pecs, her nipples tight. I rubbed myself over her, moving slowly, dragging out my arousal and hers, determined to make her come again before the night was out.
Her eyes slammed shut, and she looked utterly gone, lost somewhere between the orgasm she’d just had and the one she craved, her body opening for me more and more, her hips telling me exactly what she wanted.
She moaned. “Alex.”
That did it—the sound of my name falling from her lips wrecked me.
I guided the head of my cock to her entrance, feeding it into her body inch by inch until she covered me, and I surged forward with a groan, my hand fisting in her hair, pulling her head back.
Her eyes slammed open and our gazes instantly connected.
I thrust in and out, sweat pooling on my brow as she clung to me, as my body slammed into hers, tilting my hips, adjusting my position until I found the right spot, the one that had her clawing at my back.
I lost track of time, of everything but her body and mine.
“I’m close,” she whispered, hooking her leg over my back, changing the angle until I was even deeper. She groaned. “So close.”
I increased my tempo, my fingers digging into her hips. She came fast and she came hard, her body bucking beneath mine. My balls tightened, pressure building at the base of my spine, and as she clenched down around my cock, my own orgasm came barreling toward me, my mind going blank as I found my release.
We both collapsed into a tangle of limbs, our bodies slick with sweat. Dani rested her forehead against mine, her lips brushing across my skin. I’d never been more at peace than I was at this moment, never felt more hope at the future than I did with her in my arms, our child between us.
“That was amazing,” Dani murmured.
“It was.” I reached out and pressed my finger over her lips. “You don’t have to say anything; I’m not saying it because I want a response, or expect one, but because I’ve been waiting to say this to you forever—
“I love you.”
I love you.
Alex’s fingers traced the shape of my face, his thumbs rubbing over my lips, his touch achingly gentle.
“I will always love you.”
I heard the vow contained in his words, heard it reverberate throughout his voice. It was the same vow he’d made to me more times than I could count in his actions, the looks he sent me, the touch of his hand, the warmth of his embrace. It was a vow I’d never quite understood, yet had relied on constantly. Little by little, moment by moment, he’d become someone I counted on. Someone I loved.
And suddenly I knew, like a new word I’d learned, a new facet of myself I simply accepted—
“I love you, too.”
I hadn’t planned on saying the words, hadn’t even known I felt them, until they were there, inescapable and undeniable, as much a part of me as my legs or my hands. He was a part of me.
I didn’t know what would happen next, didn’t have all the answers, and I couldn’t deny there was little that could be easy about this, but I wanted it. I wanted him. I wanted more of the friendship he’d given me over the years, the passion I’d found in his arms, the smile he put on my face. I wanted the family, and even as it terrified me, I wanted the shot at happiness. There wasn’t anyone else I could imagine taking the chance with.
I’d been afraid from the beginning that if I let myself love Alex it would somehow diminish my memory of the love I’d shared with Michael. I’d thought of love as something to be weighed and measured, worried there wouldn’t be room for both of them in my heart, that somehow there had to be one who was my all-caps, air-quotes great love.
But the thing about love was that it was infinite; it stretched and molded itself and filled up the empty spots inside. I loved them both, differently, with no regard for measures or guilt. With Michael it had come on strong with a look, a smile at the bar, and then I was hooked, completely and utterly his. With Alex it was a slow burn, something that snuck up on me unexpectedly, until he was there, in my head, in my heart, standing beside me, supporting me, giving me back a piece of myself I’d thought died with Michael. Giving me a future I hadn’t dared hope for.
It was scary—loving someone so utterly and wholly that they became an essential part of you, inextricably bound. It was scary to put yourself out there, to descend into free-fall, especially when you’d already crashed and burned once before.
“Dani. You don’t have to—”
“Shh.” I quieted him with my finger on his lips, my heart pounding as I pushed on, as I took that critical step off the cliff, confident he was somewhere down there to catch me.
“I love you. I’m in love with you.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until his lips found my wet cheeks and he kissed the tears away.
“I want to be a family; I want to give us a shot at having a real relationship.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I’m ready to get married again, not yet, but we want the same things. I’m serious about us, and I want to move toward the same future that you want.”
“Are you sure? Just because we had sex—”
I grinned, feeling like my heart was so full it would burst.
“You’re good, but not even you’re that good. I love you independent of the sex. Well, maybe not independent,” I amended, my voice teasing. “But no, you didn’t just fuck me into love with you. It’s been there for a while, taking root inside of me, spreading throughout. I’ve loved you in so many ways—my friend, my family, my lover.
“I’m still scared; I probably always will be. And it terrifies me to love another fighter pilot, but you’re right—it isn’t about your job. It’s about me. It’s about learning to love and loosen my grasp a bit. And it’s about knowing the moments we will have together are worth more than anything that could come our way.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t want to miss out on this. I don’t want to lose my chance at happiness with you.”
His gaze swam with emotion, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
“You won’t regret it.”
I leaned forward, accepting his promise and giving him one of my own.
“I know.”