Jimmy lay still, his eyes tracing the pale yellow under the edge of the shade as it started to brighten. Almost real dawn. His hand moved gently along the soft curve of Eula’s back, and he felt her stir.
“Jimmy,” she murmured and rolled over to face him. Her hand found his face and pulled it to her. “Jimmy.” Her breath was sweet. Inches apart, they lingered, searching each other’s faces, pleased with what they saw. Without a word she moved into his arms. Jimmy, Jimmy. The dream had scared her, and she was not going to share it. He kissed her. A long kiss and the tip of her tongue aroused him. His hand moved to her breast and he looked at her. She was smiling, and he answered her smile with a shake of his head. “Oh, baby, I want to. I always want to with you. But I can’t. I’ve got to get out of here. It’s almost seven.” She took his hand from her breast and kissed it. “There’s more where that came from,” she whispered. She sat up and reached for her robe.
“You best get out of here before the rooster wakes the Claybournes,” she said. She watched him climb into his jeans and pull the T-shirt over his shoulders. What good shoulders. She grinned and pointed to the door. “Time for my rooster to get out of the hen house.”
He leaned back against the door. She could see his troubled face in the light that began to flood the room. “We didn’t finish what we talked about last night, baby. I want you to be at the organizing meeting at the school on Sunday. It’s really important to me that you come.”
Eula crossed from the bed and stood before him. “You know I can’t, Jimmy. If it wasn’t for Mrs. Claybourne, I would have been thrown off the plantation already, just for registering to vote. If Luke Claybourne found out I was at a union-organizing meeting, I would be out of this job. And Willy Claybourne would back him up.”
“But I need you. I need your support, ” His voice was insistent. “Everybody in the Sanctified Quarter knows we’re a couple. How will it look if my girl doesn’t show up at the most important meeting of the summer?”
“I can’t help it, darling. I need this job. And I’m hoping the Claybournes will help me out with my college expenses if I get into Delta State.”
He put his hands on her arms, his head touching hers. His voice was a supplication. “But can’t you see, baby, that this organizing thing is bigger than that? This is the whole future of the Delta. Maybe even Mississippi. Maybe even the whole South. We have to show solidarity or this won’t work. It’s risky for everybody. But sometimes we have to take risks to make any gains.” When she remained silent, he found himself angrier than he ever thought he could be with this precious woman. “Christ, you knew James Chaney. You knew he was out there somewhere, taking risks. He’s dead, Eula!”
She flinched, and tears filled her eyes. “I pray for James. And I so believe in what you are all trying to do.” Her eyes were beseeching him. “I love you, Jimmy. But I just can’t do it with you.”
Unbidden, the hateful words spilled out from him. “Do you want to be somebody’s house nigger for the rest of your life?”
She closed her eyes as if he had slapped her. “No, of course not. That’s why I want to go to college so that what happened to my mama won’t happen to me.”
“But you going to college just helps one person, honey. You. Organizing is going to help all of us.”
Eula wiped away the tears with an impatient hand. “No. You’re wrong. My going to college is so I can help our people, all of us, which is what I plan to do.”
Jimmy gently wiped away a final tear. How much he loved this woman, and what kind of craziness were they living in? He blinked hard so as not to weep himself. “And what about us? You and me?”
Her voice trembled. “We’ll just have to see.”
He opened the door to leave and then stopped. “You know I love you, Eula May. I have right from the beginning. And one day I want us to be married. I want you to be the mother of my children.”
Through new tears, she struggled to answer. “I love you, too, Jimmy. And I’m very proud of what you’re doing. But I’m not ready.”
“When will you be, Eula?”
Her voice was small and forlorn. “I don’t know. All I know is not now.”